DECEMBER 24TH. The first day of winter break.
In the morning, I woke up with a strange feeling.
"… I had a weird dream."
Murmuring, I slowly stood up. It seemed that I had broken into a slight sweat while sleeping.
Usually, I don't pay much attention to my dreams.
Whether it's good or bad, in the end, dreams aren't reality. And humans, by nature, tend to forget them.
Even if exceptions existed in the world, I was also one of those who forget.
It was something you could remember immediately after waking up, but the memory slips away in a blink of an eye.
"—The homeroom teacher was a bunny girl, or something like that…"Despite my resistance to try to remember, it was basically a futile effort.
To a third party, that might sound like a perplexing statement.
No, I don't think the main point of the dream was about the bunny girl.
Even if I tried to dig up more about my dream, my effort would likely go to waste.
So I quickly gave up trying to recall my dream.
Since there were no classes, I took my time getting ready for the day as the morning hours slowly passed by.
Matching toothbrushes and cups of different colors were placed on the bathroom counter.
Since distancing myself from Kei, who I always did things with, I had been returning to my usual life.
But that wasn't to say our relationship was over.
It was more like a temporary break between lovers due to my purposefully caused misunderstandings.
There has been exactly no change in my emotional state due to those events.
Of course, it's no other than because I'm the one who led the situation to this stalemate, but if this was an unexpected turn of events, would I have been able to feel a bit shaken?
"…I wonder."
In the end, emotional changes were based on the premise that the other person was indispensable to you. If that wasn't the case, emotions wouldn't be affected.
Even when it came to matters of personal significance, there was no need to hesitate in tormenting or cutting off a lover if necessary. Naturally, this applies to both sides.
However, I believed that feelings are a separate obligation to have as a lover.
As long as you are sharing time together, it is only natural to avoid making that time feel uncomfortable.
Moreover, since we gave each other precious time, it was better to bring joy rather than misery.
Of course, this line of thinking was based on human morals and ethics. Keeping Kei involved in my experiments and constantly causing her mental stress and strain wasn't a good idea.
I didn't plunge into this cold war without a plan—I did have one.
Going shopping for the Christmas present that we had promised before our relationship worsened.
The fact that this was still on the agenda kept us engaged in conversation.
Originally, I was supposed to have a morning date with Kei.
Unfortunately, it was rainy, and the bad weather had continued since winter break. While it was a little disappointing, the forecast already predicted rain all day on Christmas, so no one hoped for clear skies.
I had no control over the weather, so there was no helping it. But there was something unexpected that happened.
I glanced at the calendar on my desk in my room. The December calendar, with a heart drawn in pink ink enclosing the dates 24th and 25th… but…It happened last night, after the end of the second term.
I tried to contact Kei directly on the 24th, but the call didn't go through.
I waited for a while, sending messages, and waiting for a response, but they remained unread.
After about an hour of hesitation, I finally got a call back.
The first word I heard from Kei, who was coughing weakly but intensely, was "Influenza."
Seasonal influenza was a common flu that infected people regardless of age.
Cases usually increased significantly from late November to December, so it wasn't unusual for this time of year.
Unfortunately, it seemed that Kei had fallen ill and was suddenly bedridden.
Despite feeling weak, Kei probably wanted to fulfill the promise on the 24th, even if it meant crawling.
However, influenza spread through droplets in the air. If Kei were to go to Keyaki Mall under these circumstances, it would be selfish and would risk infecting others.
Kei apologized for not being able to manage her condition, which had been apparent just before being diagnosed.
Of course, I couldn't blame Kei for contracting the flu and instead urged her to prioritize rest and recovery.
On the other hand, I made sure to convey that our promise was still in effect and decided to reschedule our meeting.
If Kei were to tell me to cancel the promise in the meantime, there would be a possibility of it falling through, but as of now, that seemed unlikely.
If there were any changes to Kei's feelings, it would be due to interference from a third party's suggestion, but someone as dependent as Kei wouldn't entertain such ideas.
If there was any hope of repairing our relationship, I couldn't imagine abandoning the option as a way out.
It was unclear how quickly it would take for her to recover, but for now, we decided to wrap up our conversation in the shortest time possible before the end of the year.
Both of us had various things we wanted to confirm about our relationship and current situation, but considering Kei's high fever and battered state, it wasn't possible to have a proper conversation.
I told Kei to prioritize rest first and ended the call.
Afterward, I confirmed that a friend had bought everything Kei needed while bedridden, so she wasn't in any trouble. Arrangements were made to respond in case of an emergency at night, which was helpful, considering the curfew.
This happened last night, on the 23rd.
This morning, I learned that there were confirmed cases of influenza among several students, regardless of their year.
For second years, it was fortunate that they managed to get through the special exams unscathed.
There might have been those who struggled in their exams with poor health without anyone knowing.
Since I hadn't been in close contact with Kei these past few days, my condition remained unchanged.
The real question now was how to spend the day.
The plans for today and tomorrow's Christmas were completely wiped clean.
[Good morning, Ayanokōji-kun. I heard that Karuizawa-san has the flu. Are you okay?]
Ichinose sent a message to my phone, followed by more messages.
[It seems like a few others are feeling unwell too. Are you alright, Ayanokōji-kun?]
As expected, Ichinose had a wide information network and was quick to hear things. She also seemed to grasp the situation regarding Kei's condition.
[Unfortunately, I think she'll be bedridden for some time.]
[Is that so… I'm worried. If you need help, just let me know.][Thank you.]
After some exchanges back and forth, she asked me what my plans were for the day.
Originally, I had saved this day for Kei, but... I still had to go to Keyaki Mall to pick something up, so I was still intending to go out.
[I think I'll go to the gym.]
I replied, assuming that was the plan and not feeling like joining anyone else.
[Oh, really? What time will you be going?]
[I have nothing to do, so maybe around noon.]
[I see. I was planning to go to the gym around lunchtime too, but should I cancel my plans?]
[Why?]
[Because it may seem like we're meeting up. Of course, it's just a coincidence!]
We both happened to plan on going to the gym, so it was a coincidence.
There was no point in worrying about that.
It might have been a consideration for my girlfriend, Kei, but it was excessive.
On the contrary, it might have been more perverse if she tried to adjust the schedule here.
[Don't worry about it. I'll just go as planned. If we happen to meet at the gym, I'll count on you then.]
After sending that message, a read-receipt appeared immediately, and a mascot-like character holding an "OK" sign was sent back.
Well then, I'll leave preparations like changing clothes and hair setting for going out until later.
The time had just passed 9 a.m.
I decided to spend my morning leisurely by doing chores like laundry and cleaning.
1
Inside the Keyaki Mall, just before noon, the atmosphere was imbued with the spirit of Christmas Eve. Even flashier decorations filled the mall than the previous day.
There seemed to be a higher ratio of couples among the crowd of people who came to enjoy themselves.
As I had previously informed Ichinose, I decided to drop by the gym which I had recently joined.
Although I was still a new member, I wanted to go as much as possible since I paid the monthly fees.
Maybe there won't be anyone there?
With that in mind, I proceeded to check in at the reception.
Contrary to my wishes, when I changed into my gym attire and stepped into the training room, it wasn't empty.
Several male and female students could be seen, as well as some adults.
What particularly caught my eye was a person who was about to start bench pressing.
It was Mashima-sensei, the teacher in charge of class 2-A.
He had a large, muscular build and wore gym attire that complimented his appearance.
"Good morning, Mashima-sensei."
"Hm? Ayanokōji? Are you a gym member too?"
While he was about to lie down sideways, he replied, looking a little surprised.
"I joined just a little while ago."
"I see, I see. That's a really good thing. Welcome!" For some reason, Mashima-sensei nodded happily, as if his child had just passed an entrance exam.
His reaction was a bit exaggerated for just a single student joining the gym.
"Is there any specific reason you joined?"
"I realized that my physical strength had weakened compared to my past self, so I wanted to get it back."
"Your reasoning isn't very student-like."
"I'm not sure if I'll stick with it for a long time."
"It's fine. I also decided to start training with some reservations, but now I've become a regular. It isn't bad to work up a sweat alongside fellow students in the same environment."
Mashima-sensei seemed to be more energetic than usual and looked welcoming.
"Furthermore, I commend your dedication to go to the gym on the first day of winter break."
"Do you have any plans for Christmas Eve, Sensei?"
"Hmm? No, I'm planning to sweat at the gym all day, unfortunately."
He answered without hesitation. However, it seemed like he was thinking about something…
"Probably."
Probably. He murmured that to himself, but why?
"Is something wrong?"
"No, it's nothing. Since it's your first time here, it's normal to feel a bit disoriented."
"Well, yeah."
I knew how to use and handle the equipment, but I kept that to myself thinking it would sound excessive to say it. I thought it would be easier to assume that I knew nothing, as a newcomer.
Anyway, it was about time for me to start doing something—"Alright."
"Alright?"
"Since you're here, why don't you see what my training looks like?"
"Huh? Oh, sure..."
I was about to start something myself, but Mashima-sensei stopped me. He laid down on the bench and began to align the bar with his line of sight. Without exerting himself, he lifted the bar a few times to adjust it. Then, he raised the safety bars on both sides higher than his chest.
"When doing bench presses, never forget these safety bars. In case of a collapse, they'll support you."
"I'll keep that in mind."
I couldn't tell him that I already knew that, so all I could do was watch him.
However, not answering at all might create an awkward atmosphere, so I decided to ask a typical question.
"Sensei, how much can you lift?"
"Well… I'll go up to 80 kg this time, but it's possible to reach 100 kg. They say only one in a hundred people can lift 100 kg."
He wasn't boasting, but he seemed to brim with confidence in himself. He intentionally showed off his strength.
I had never heard of such a statistic before, but who knows if that was true.
It sounded like a cheap quote from somewhere.
"But if you push yourself too hard, you can injure your body. It's not like a TV show where you lift it once and it's over. You train your pectoral muscles by doing several sets."
Did he study and practice this method from watching TV or something? While watching him pant and sweat, I began to wonder what I was still doing there.
I came all the way to the gym early in the morning, only to end up attending an observation course. After watching him for a while and seeing him finish three sets, Mashima-sensei got up.
"Phew. Well, that's about it."
"That was really informative."
"Good to hear. During winter break, I plan to come six days a week, except for Thursdays. Even during the third term, I'll be coming at night, so if you need help with anything, feel free to reach out to me."
That was really specific. Was there something happening on Thursdays?
"If you need help, I don't mind teaching you—"
"No, that's fine. Sorry for bothering you Mashima-sensei; for the time being, I'll prioritize attendance and light weight training." I quickly cut him off and made it a priority to wrap this conversation up.
"I see. If you have any problems, feel free to ask. I'll be at the gym as much as possible during winter break."
After receiving those generous words from Mashima-sensei, I decided to work out on my own.
For the next 30 minutes, I continued training at the gym. At some point, the atmosphere inside the gym changed momentarily.
Some students who were facing the equipment suddenly turned their eyes in unison.
Wondering what they were looking at, I followed their gaze and saw a familiar figure from my class, Kōenji. He was attracting attention, but he didn't seem to care and started his training.
I thought people watched him because of his eccentric behavior, but that didn't seem to be the case.
I could faintly hear the voices of some male students from other years nearby.
"Kōenji really is amazing, isn't he?"
"Yeah, it's not normal for a high school student to be able to do that..."
His extraordinary physical abilities, far beyond those of a normal high school student, were evident even in his workout, and he seemed to be drawing attention as an athletically impressive student.
Indeed, one could immediately sense his physical prowess from his refined muscles and flexibility.
His movements were efficient, and a serious demeanor unlike his usual eccentricity was present.
Upon reflection, Kōenji seemed to be tirelessly devoted to training his body in various ways.
Considering this, it wasn't strange that he was going to the gym; rather, one could argue he was the most suitable candidate for it.
Even Mashima-sensei seemed to respect Kōenji, stopping his own workout to watch him.
Looking at it objectively, it could be said that Kōenji was far beyond the realm of a typical student.
Blessed with natural physical abilities and unrelenting daily training for maintaining his physique, I realized once again that Kōenji was dedicated to the pursuit of physical excellence, regardless of time and place, throughout his school life.
Compared to the beginner-level workout Mashima-sensei had demonstrated, Kōenji's training was truly captivating.
Moreover, it goes without saying that he was the type to excel even when in the spotlight, rather than feeling nervous, anxious, or irritated.
"Kōenji-kun is always very popular."
I heard someone say this, confirming that the attention on him was not just for today.
"Good morning, Ayanokōji-kun," she greeted me again.
"Hey," I replied.
"It's raining heavily today too, isn't it? By the way, how long ago did you arrive?"
"About 30 minutes ago, I guess."
"I see. Actually, I was supposed to arrive around that time too, but I got caught up talking with a friend and arrived late."
Ichinose replied, standing next to me and looking at me from a close distance.
"It's a shame that Christmas Eve is today."
"Well, it's fine. There's no need to obsess over it."
"Girls might not feel the same way, you know?"
"I see... I can't deny that."
As men, we couldn't know how attached women are to special days.
After having a light chat, Ichinose asked me to join her on the treadmill, and we stood side by side on two machines.
Then we spent 30 minutes in our individually paced settings without talking to each other.
"Phew, working out with someone really makes a difference in motivation, huh?"
"That might be true. In that sense, starting with Amikura was the right choice."
Ichinose smiled and wiped the sweat from her forehead with a towel.
Following that, I spent another enjoyable hour or so at the gym with Ichinose.
Later, when Amikura showed up at the gym, I told her I was leaving. Ichinose said she would chat with Amikura for a while, so we went our separate ways.
"Are you leaving already?"
Mashima-sensei, who noticed that I was about to leave the training room, stopped his training and called out to me.
Although he said "already," I had been in the gym for about two hours—a substantial amount of time.
"Yeah, well, I'm pretty tired. Do you realize it's been two hours, Sensei?""Two hours? Hmm, is that so? I didn't realize it's been that long."He was so absorbed in his training that he didn't notice the time at all.
"I think you should take a break, Mashima-sensei. You've been training for almost three hours without any breaks. Accumulated fatigue can lead to injuries, so it's important to get some rest every now and then."
I braced myself for a potentially angry response as I offered this advice, but instead, Mashima-sensei seemed surprised and crossed his arms.
"...You might be right. I've been trying to put my all into becoming a better teacher, but maybe I'm pushing myself too hard."
Perhaps no one around him had ever given him such advice before.
He was clearly desperate for results and a stronger body, but his passion had blinded him to his own exhaustion."Alright, I'll call it quits for today."He graciously accepted my advice.
"See you later."
I bowed my head slightly, planning to leave the scene, but Mashima-sensei came after me.
"Can we talk for a minute?"
"Huh? Sure."
I thought it might be related to the gym, but he led me to the break room instead. "Did I do something wrong that upset you, Sensei?"
I asked, unable to grasp the reason for his invitation. "No, don't worry about that. You've been doing just fine in the gym."
He seemed to have been observing my activities closely, but...
Seeing my doubtful eyes, Mashima-sensei lowered his gaze.
"...The truth is, I was so engrossed in my training that I wasn't paying any attention to my surroundings. I'll admit that."
He looked apologetic as he made his confession.
His sincere response somehow made me feel guilty. It was winter break for the teachers, and they were free to enjoy themselves on the premises, with no obligation to supervise the students.
I felt as if I had extracted an apology from him by using his responsibilities as an adult against him.
"So, the reason you want to talk to me is—"
Before I could finish my sentence, Mashima-sensei looked around to make sure no one else was around.
"Actually, I have a favor to ask of you."
"What is it?"
Just as he was about to explain, we were interrupted by a visitor—a beautiful woman with long, wavy hair.
She was one of the employees who worked at this gym, and upon noticing us, she smiled and walked toward us.
"Mashima-san, you overworked yourself again today, didn't you?"
"No, not really."
Mashima-sensei answered with a casual greeting.
As expected, she seemed to remember the names of those who frequented the gym more than I did.
"And the boy over there is..."
"His name is Ayanokōji. Although he's not in my class, he's an excellent student from Class B."
Mashima-sensei strongly tapped my back as if to prompt me to greet her as well.
It was probably meant to be lighter, but the slap from his well-trained body was quite powerful...
"I'm Ayanokōji."
"We've met a few times at the reception. You were with Ichinose-chan."
As expected of the staff. Even I, who had only recently started coming, had left an impression on them.
"Oh, sorry. I just came to get something I needed during the break, so excuse me."
The staff member spoke with a soft tone, bowed gently, and took out several towels from the employee shelf.
She held them to her chest as she returned to the reception area.
Mashima-sensei seemed to be waiting for her to leave, not even sparing a glance in my direction.
Once the staff member left, Mashima-sensei didn't move at all.
"Sensei?"
"Ah, what is it, Ayanokōji?"
"Well, didn't you want to talk to me about something?"
"Yeah, I did, but let's do that some other time."
"Huh? Well, if that's the case, please excuse me."
"Hold on."
As I turned my back, he suddenly grabbed both of my shoulders from behind.
"...What is it now?"
For some reason, Mashima-sensei seemed a bit off today.
His usual calm and collected demeanor as a teacher appeared to be compromised.
"I think this is fate, so I will confess."
"It seems like you've tried to confess quite a few times today, huh?"But, he was finally getting to the point, so that was a relief.
"The staff member who was here earlier—her name is Akiyama-san."
"I wasn't really paying attention, but she did have a name tag. What about her?"
"...I want you to investigate her. As carefully and discreetly as possible.""Huh?"
I attempted to turn around, but he firmly gripped my shoulders, preventing me from moving.
"I've never had any issues with the opposite sex at school before. However, ever since I started coming to the gym, things have changed. I believe you can grasp what I'm implying without going into too much detail."
"Well, I can already guess what you're trying to say. You have feelings for that woman named Akiyama-san, right?"
"...You could say that."
Well, then there was no other way to describe it.
"Despite having a somewhat child-like face, she's a beautiful, mature woman."
"Ah..."
Certainly, she was a beautiful, mature woman, but something about that statement struck me as odd.
"Wouldn't the same apply to Hoshinomiya-sensei and Chabashira-sensei?
There's no rule forbidding romantic relationships between staff members, right?"
"Actually, it is against the rules."
"Oh, really? But I bet there are teachers who secretly date."
"I won't deny that it happens. But regarding Chabashira and Hoshinomiya, even if dating wasn't forbidden, I wouldn't date either of them."He stated this decisively and firmly.
"May I ask the reason?"
"I'm sorry, but I have no intention of discussing it further. We're teacher and student, after all. It's not a conversation we need to have."
"Then I'll go home. The conversation we're having right now seems pretty pointless too."
"Hoshinomiya is too lighthearted. Chabashira is too serious. That's all."Mashima-sensei offered a concise and clear answer that was easy to grasp.
Assuming that both were equally attractive, Hoshinomiya-sensei appeared to be the flirtatious type who might continue to engage with others even in a committed relationship.
On the other hand, Chabashira-sensei seemed like someone who hadn't had a single lover, because she had been holding onto a love from her student days.
If she were to fall in love with another man, it would likely be an intense, emotional affair.
"But you can't say for sure that Akiyama-san, a staff member, isn't like them."
It was something that couldn't be determined from the surface, but as you got to know each other—
"That's absolutely impossible."
Though there was no basis for it, he dismissed the idea with nothing but the strength of his assumptions.
"I've known both of them since we were students, and I've never considered either as a potential romantic partner.
Not even once.
Besides, picking between my two closest friends and rivals would have a significant impact on my school life."
Mashima-sensei asserted that he wouldn't let that happen.
"Well, that's true."
"That's why I'm asking you."
"Why me?"
"Do you think I can ask any of the other teachers?"
"Well, you're right, but..."
"You're the only one who goes to the gym, remains discreet, and seems trustworthy."
"Don't tell me, Sensei, when you first found me, were you happy because...""Of course, it's because I gained a gym buddy."No, that was definitely a lie.
This was clearly the expression of someone who found a student they could rely on for this task.
Now, I could say with confidence that it was.
"You understand what I want to know, right?"
"I can guess—if she has a boyfriend, her type, and her hobbies and interests."
"Right on. Chabashira is truly fortunate to have a student like you." Is this really the Mashima-sensei I've always known?
Although I understand there is a difference between one's professional and personal life, this side of him took me by surprise.
Nonetheless, his voice remained calm and his expression composed.
"I don't expect you to act right away. Akiyama-san saw us together today, so there's no rush. Whether it's after winter break or later, just take your time to get closer and find out what you can."
Methodically and discreetly, exactly how Mashima-sensei wanted.
"I'll give it a try, but please don't expect too much."
"I understand."
"Akiyama-san is working today, though—"
"Except for Thursdays, she works six days a week, correct?"
"...Yes. How did you know?"
It wasn't that I knew, but Mashima-sensei had mentioned he would go to the gym every day except Thursday.
While his initial goal for joining the gym was likely to train his body, it seemed his primary focus had shifted to Akiyama-san... Yet, there was no room to criticize his dedication to training.
Finally freed from Mashima-sensei's grip, I hurriedly left the scene.
2
After leaving the gym, I contemplated my plans for the rest of the day. I had decided in advance to pick up some items at a shop and then explore Keyaki Mall before returning home.
In line with Mashima-sensei's advice, I intended to take my time and carefully handle his request. As I pondered on the best approach, I hoped that they would resolve the matter by themselves in the meantime.
It's still early in the afternoon. Heading home now would leave me with an excess of idle time in my room.
I took out my phone and scrolled through my contacts.
It wouldn't be a bad idea to call up a male friend and hang out.
"...No one comes to mind."
I skimmed through the list and quietly turned off my phone screen.
Without thinking about it too much, I realized I had almost no experience of spontaneously calling up a friend of the same gender to hang out.
"Are you free? Why don't we hang out for a while?"
The thought of saying that and being rejected with a simple "I'm busy" was disheartening.
Yōsuke might've understood my feelings and accepted my invitation, but I didn't want him to feel obligated to do so.
In other words, inviting someone to hang out could be quite challenging and demanding.
Ultimately, it was better for me to remain alone rather than inconveniencing others.
"What even is a friend, I wonder?"
As I progressed through the second half of my second year, I once again recognized my struggle with the social aspect of life.
I descended to the first floor on the escalator.
It was still daytime, and the number of students there had increased considerably.
If initiating a conversation was difficult, could there be an alternate approach? For example, a chance encounter?
It would be great to be unexpectedly discovered and invited to hang out. I looked around, but at times like these, my classmates were nowhere to be found.
No students from my year were in sight either.
If I continued searching around for someone, I might come across as suspicious.
For that reason, I abandoned the idea of meeting someone and chose to enjoy my solo time instead.
I stopped in front of one of the floor maps placed throughout the mall.
Although I had an understanding of the shops and their locations, I decided to check if anything new had opened.
No major changes were apparent, and I didn't find anything new. However, one store did pique my interest.
Should I give it a try? I wondered.
It was a rental shop – a place I rarely visit. This shop offered an array of DVDs and BDs featuring movies and anime, both old and new. They also had music CDs.
But the demand for such a shop wasn't very high, since we could watch video content anytime and anywhere through a monthly online streaming service if we got permission from the school.
Only those seeking to watch specific titles visited the shop, resulting in a limited customer base.
This made me decide to pay the shop a visit during the winter break.
With ample time on my hands, it was good to have such an experience every once in a while.
I felt like I was making excuses, but I wasn't lonely at all.
Just to be sure, I mentally repeated this to myself.
After gathering a few items at the shop, I headed to the rental place.
It was a small, somewhat cramped space, and its walls were lined with an extensive selection of discs. While discs were typically stored in boxes or cases, this shop placed them in black and transparent OPP protective bags with printed papers showing what seemed to be the back of each package. This made it easy to identify the kind of films at a glance.
When using a computer or tablet, I typically judge whether a title looks interesting or not based on its thumbnail.
However, being in an environment where I could physically pick up each item led me to consider options I might typically overlook.
So, I found myself reading the plot summaries carefully.
Though countless works are easily accessible nowadays, it was also easy to miss some hidden gems.
That was why I thought it wasn't a bad idea to search for them like this occasionally.
I might even start visiting rental shops more often. Still, the problem remained—even if I found something interesting, there was no need to rent it here.
I could watch it for free and without a return deadline back at the dorm.
I figured that running such rental shops would become increasingly difficult in the future. The same went for electronics retail stores.
I'd heard that people frequently visit stores to inspect items in person, only to purchase them at lower prices online.
After enjoying the video section for a while, I moved on to the music corner.
I don't usually listen to music on my own.
I may have heard the latest hits or famous songs on TV, but that's about it.
I'd never bought an album myself, and I wasn't particularly keen on doing so now.
That was why I decided to explore the music section, hoping to discover something new.
I had initially thought there was no one else in the rental shop, but it turned out there was another customer.
A petite student, with their back towards me, was wearing headphones.
They didn't notice my presence due to the background music playing in the shop. At first, I didn't know who it was, but I recognized them as I got closer.
It was Shiranami Chihiro from Ichinose's class. Although we hadn't interacted much, we attended a few unusual events together in the past.
Recently, we were close by during the uninhabited island test and on the ship afterward.
I wondered what she was listening to.
My knowledge of Japanese music was limited, so I was curious. But since Shiranami was engrossed in the music, she wouldn't have noticed me if I spoke softly. And if I abruptly entered her line of sight, it would most likely startle her.
I could have waited for the song to end, but it wouldn't have been easy to strike up a conversation afterward. So, I decided to go closer and eavesdrop on her music.
To avoid looking suspicious, I casually pretended to browse the items on display.
"Ah...⁈"
Oh, no. Did I startle her? I might have gotten too close out of curiosity about the music.
The girl quickly took off her headphones.
"Ah, Ayanokōji-kun⁈"
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."
With the headphones removed from her ears, the music was clearly audible.
Along with a somewhat melancholic guitar tone, the female singer's voice and lyrics reached my ears: 'A broken heart can only be healed by time. That person is now with someone else...'
It seemed to be a heartbreak song. As the lyrics played, she quickly pressed the stop button, and the song came to an abrupt halt.
"W-w-what do you want?!"
The girl, still quite surprised, asked nervously.
"Well... I don't need anything. I was just wondering what you were listening to. That's all." Even though I answered honestly, it remained to be seen whether she would believe me or not.
She was from another class, and we didn't have a particularly close relationship.
We wouldn't talk unless there was a reason, let alone by mere coincidence. Additionally, given the differences between boys and girls, my behavior might be considered suspicious.
"Sorry for bothering you. I'll leave now."
I realized that staying any longer by Shiranami's side would only cause her discomfort.
Withdrawing as quickly as possible seemed like my only course of action.
"Um... well..."
Shiranami seemed to want to say something.
At the very least, she wasn't the type to engage in conversation with someone she wasn't close to.
If I tried to prompt her to speak more quickly, she might've ended up swallowing her words.
So, I didn't look directly into Shiranami's eyes and instead averted my gaze elsewhere.
I tried to create the least intimidating atmosphere I could and waited for her to speak.
"Um... do you have a little time... right now...?"
Unexpectedly, Shiranami asked if we could spend more time together.
"If you think this isn't a good place to chat, do you want to go somewhere else?"
Although the rental shop wasn't crowded, it wasn't an ideal spot for off-topic conversations, especially if we had no intention of making a purchase.
"Yeah... let's go somewhere else. I don't think it'll take too long."
"Well, then—"
"Ah, but... I'd prefer it if it wasn't a place that stands out too much. I don't want people to get the wrong idea."
I was going to suggest a random café, but she quickly expressed her concerns.
"What should we do, then? I'm open to whatever you feel comfortable with."
"...I'll leave it up to you, Ayanokōji-kun."
She left the decision to me, albeit with certain restrictions.
It seemed a bit unfair, but as the one who started this conversation, it was my responsibility to find a suitable location.
I had to think of a place that met all her requirements.
3
After considering a few options, I started moving with Shiranami. The school grounds were off-limits during winter break, and the rainy weather made it difficult to stay outdoors.
On the other hand, many students were scattered throughout the indoor areas.
The only saving grace was that Shiranami seemed determined to avoid drawing attention to us.
In cases like this, even if we weren't close, we'd typically walk next to each other with a group-like vibe, or maintain a one or two-step distance.
However, there was a considerable gap between me in front and Shiranami following behind. From a side view, one would likely assume we weren't together.
Therefore, even though it was Christmas Eve, there was no need to worry about being mistaken for a couple or anything similar.
"...What?"
"Nothing."
If I focused too much on the distance between us, Shiranami seemed more likely to fall further behind.
It wasn't my idea to extend the invitation, but it was still troublesome.
Regardless, I had initiated the conversation and established a connection, so I supposed it was inevitable.
After aimlessly wandering around for a bit, we eventually reached a rest area.
Several vending machines were lined up, and there were a couple of wooden benches without backrests.
Surprisingly, only a few students frequented this spot, and today was no exception as there was no one in sight.
"Do you want something to drink—"
"No, thanks."
"Shall we sit on the bench—"
"I don't need to."
After being declined twice, I decided not to push my luck any further.
"Shall we talk?"
Shiranami stood facing me, maintaining a considerable distance between us as she rubbed her hands together.
It seemed she had some difficulty speaking her mind, but she mustered up the courage to ask me.
"What is your relationship with Honami-chan, Ayanokōji-kun?"
"What do you mean by 'relationship'?"
"Are you just classmates? Or friends? Or are you something more than that?"
Each word was spoken meekly, but her question clearly conveyed what she wanted to know. My response seemed to be of great importance to Shiranami.
Of course, I understood why.
Her curiosity stemmed from the time I was forming a relationship with Ichinose.
During the previous year, when we were still first-year students, Shiranami gathered the courage to confess her feelings to Ichinose, who stood right before her.
It went beyond mere friendship; instead, it was a romantic attraction to someone of the same gender.
No, that description wasn't quite accurate.
In this day and age, gender made no difference whatsoever. Shiranami, as an individual, simply felt a deep affection for Ichinose.
That was all there was to it.
And she didn't like the notion of Ichinose having feelings for me. The situation was straightforward and easy to comprehend without needing further explanation.
"How should I put it? I'm a little hesitant—"
"Don't hesitate and just answer me."
"I'm not hesitating. It's just difficult for me to judge if I qualify to call her a friend."
"...What do you mean by that?"
Shiranami looked puzzled, her eyebrows furrowing as she struggled to understand what I meant.
"I only have a few friends. I don't even know the boundaries of what constitutes a friend. Is someone you merely talk to not a friend? Where do you draw the line between an acquaintance and a friend?"
"That's… Uh, I'm not sure where the line is..."
"Like you, I'm also not certain. If I were to base it on my perspective, I would say we're friends."
"That's a bit ambiguous, isn't it...? Are you trying to dodge the question?"I had no intention of dodging the question; I meant to answer quite seriously.
"So you're just friends, right? Neither of you have any romantic feelings toward each other, correct?"
I didn't directly ask Shiranami, but I couldn't imagine her being unaware of Ichinose's feelings.
Shiranami said it was mutual, but what she probably wanted to ascertain were my feelings toward her.
"You're sure that it's like this, right? Because you're dating Karuizawasan."
Unable to wait for my response, Shiranami added her assumption.
"Whether I have a girlfriend or not shouldn't matter, right? The question is about my feelings toward Ichinose."
"Of course it matters. That's because one can only be in love with a single person at a time."
Shiranami replied with a romantic, or rather a pure-hearted girl's perspective.
It didn't seem like she doubted me; instead, she genuinely believed it.
"Isn't it possible to view multiple people as romantic interests simultaneously?"
It was a case that could be considered regardless of men or women.
"No, it's not!"
However, Shiranami strongly rejected it.
Judging from her tightly clenched small hands, she appeared to be angry.
"My apologies. That topic was unrelated to our discussion. Currently, there's no relationship between Ichinose and me like the one you're worried about."
"...Currently?"
As expected, Shiranami picked up on the caveat I added just in case, becoming sensitive to every word I said.
"No one knows what the future holds."
"Even so, if it was a normal relationship, you wouldn't add 'currently,' I think..."
Shiranami might have a point.
If this conversation wasn't about Ichinose, but rather about a close female friend like Amikura, I might not have added 'currently.'
I could have clearly stated that we were just friends, nothing more and nothing less.
"Even if Honami-chan had feelings for you, as long as you don't feel the same way, I think you wouldn't have said 'currently.' And yet, you did... You wouldn't have said that if you weren't thinking of breaking up with Karuizawa-san and dating Honami-chan."
Shiranami uttered those words with difficulty, as if she disliked saying them.
While she was most likely looking at the tip of my nose as she spoke, avoiding eye contact, it took courage to say that.
"I think Honami-chan is free to like whoever she wants... but I can't just stand by and watch her date someone who's insincere..."
"Is someone considered insincere just because they've broken up with someone else before?"
"Well... not exactly like that..."
As Ichinose's classmate, Shiranami couldn't discuss her condition. I thought she might've already noticed a change, but there was no evidence of that.
Ichinose's recently changed demeanor. The heart of the matter was that I didn't want to inadvertently influence anyone until I could assess how it would affect her.
That was why, even if it casted a shadow over Shiranami's heart, all I could do was add 'currently' and be vague.
"I didn't mean to trouble you. It's just that, given the situation, I knew there was a chance my words would not be taken lightly, so I had no choice but to word it in a way that includes some insurance."
Even if it might've been a bit harsh, it was better to express it firmly.
Although she showed a face as if that wasn't the case for a moment, it seemed that she realized that her intensity had risen more than she had imagined.
"...I'm sorry. It seems like I've said too much..."
She was so desperate that she temporarily lost track of the extent of her statement. It was that serious.
"You're worried about Ichinose, aren't you?"
It was natural to be concerned about a best friend—even more so for someone she had feelings for.
"Ah, um... I'm really sorry!"
As she calmed down, she began to take her own misstep heavily and seriously.
"Lately, I've been hearing a lot of stories about you and Honami-chan..."
"Rumors are just rumors."
"Right... Like about how you started going to the gym together to be alone, ignoring your studies, and you calling her to your room even though you have a girlfriend... I accepted such baseless rumors so easily..." Hmm... Huh?
"What's wrong? You've been calm all this time, but now you suddenly have a strange expression on your face."
"I was just thinking about how such baseless rumors, or perhaps even facts that aren't a big deal, ended up getting spread around with such detail."
"That's an odd way of putting it. Rumors and facts are unrelated, aren't they?"
"Of course, there are many cases where they are unrelated."
"...Huh?"
"Huh?"
"You two didn't go to the gym alone, right?"
"No, we didn't. I just started going to the gym. But it isn't impossible to run into Ichinose there, right?"
That was exactly what happened today.
I had received a message, but it wasn't like we promised to meet at the gym.
"Well, that might be true. Mako-chan also goes to the gym. Oh, but the rumor about calling Ichinose to your room is definitely baseless, right?"
"That's true. I haven't invited Ichinose into my room."
There were three similar occurrences with Ichinose, but the first one happened while our class was undergoing the special vote exam as freshmen. The second time was on a rainy day at the end of the school year. The third time happened very recently, but it was just Ichinose who voluntarily waited in front of my room.
It was likely during the third instance, when Ichinose was waiting, that someone saw her.
"...I believe you."
Though hesitant, Shiranami conceded, showing her most positive expression of the day.
However, depending on how Shiranami interpreted things from now on, she might've ended up feeling betrayed.
Should I add a disclaimer just in case?
However, if I said something that sounded like a lame excuse here, it would cast a shadow on her heart once again.
"Can I add one more thing?"
"U-uh, what is it?"
"Whether Ichinose falls in love with someone, or is already in love, it doesn't mean that your value, Shiranami, diminishes. However, if you do things that Ichinose doesn't approve of, it might have an adverse effect. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"...Yeah."
Not being able to be with the person someone loved—that was what made it so unbearable, and as a result, people tried interfering with their happiness.
It was only natural that the person they loved wouldn't be pleased when they saw such behavior.
"I'm kind of an unpleasant girl, huh?"
As Shiranami calmed down, she seemed to start reflecting on the things she had said today.
"I'm just complaining and venting my frustration on you..."
She had felt that way since she requested that we change locations to talk.
However, even without considering the fact that she was the one who had invited me to talk, I had no intention of blaming Shiranami from the get-go.
"Even during the uninhabited island exam in the summer, you helped me when I was lost..."
Since her admission, she had always harbored special feelings for Ichinose. Now, as she suppressed her emotions, she continued to support Ichinose as an important friend with her presence.
It wasn't unreasonable for her to feel resentment toward someone like me and be subconsciously hostile.
"Don't worry about it. If anything, I'm the one who got in the way and made things worse by lecturing you—"
"I'm really sorry!"
Before I could finish, I was interrupted by an apology from Shiranami.
"Um, um, it's not that I don't like you... It's really not like that..."
I already understood everything, but Shiranami didn't seem to realize that, so she started to explain herself. Even if I tried stopping her, she wouldn't be convinced, so maybe I should just listen for a while.
After that, Shiranami continued to ask for my forgiveness, scattering the conversation in all directions with 80% apologies and 20% explanations.