The conversation with Sylus was easy, too easy. We chatted about mutual friends, shared stories of high school, and discussed little things that connected us. For a while, it almost felt normal. Almost. Then my phone rang, I smiled slightly and turned away to answer. [Aunt?] Why was she calling me? I picked up the call, but her words broke me to pieces.[Ella. Coco died ... this afternoon.]
That was all it took. The voice on the other end hit me like a blade. My smile froze and then fell. My hand shook just enough for the fork to slip, clattering loudly against the plate. What the fuck does she mean died-.
[Aunt- what are you saying-], before I could finish, she continued [We have just gotten back from the cremation. I forgot to tell you earlier. I am sorr-]
I ended the call right there. I could feel my mouth go dry, the fork clatter against the plate, the anxiety kicking in fast. Sylus's gaze was on me. I could feel it, heavy and searching, but I couldn't look back. My throat closed up, and my chest tightened until breathing hurt.
I reached for my wine and drank the entire glass in one desperate pull. It burned down my throat, but the ache inside me remained. The second glass followed, faster and harder. Maybe if I drank enough, the words I just heard would dissolve, vanish, all the heaviness and dryness would disappear, and I would drown in red. But it didn't. They replayed over and over, like a cruel echo. My fingers shook around the stem of the glass, and I knew my expression had cracked. Unreadable, aching, fragile, I hated how exposed I felt. This was supposed to be a normal dinner; how could it come to this?
The fifth glass went down quicker than the last, burning, numbing, except it didn't. Nothing numbed those feelings, those memories. My vision blurred, the room felt unstable, and the music faded into a dull hum. I set the glass down harder than I meant to, letting out a weak laugh as I pushed the chair back. "I should go." My words tangled, but I forced them out. Standing made my knees waver, but pride kept me upright. Just barely.
I didn't dare meet his eyes. Not when I felt so fragile. Not when I was falling apart.
Sylus POV~
She stood up, unsteady, and something inside me snapped. Before she could stumble further, I caught her wrist. Holding it firmly enough to anchor her but gently enough not to frighten her. "Ella," I muttered, standing beside her. Her skin was warm under my hand, and her pulse raced.
She tried to pull away, mumbling about leaving, but I wouldn't let her slip away into the night like this. Not when she was breaking in front of me. I pulled out my wallet with my free hand and dropped some money onto the counter without looking. The waiter's protests turned into background noise.
My focus was solely on her. Her delicate fingers curled around mine without her thinking as I led her out of the restaurant. Her steps were unsteady, and her body swayed dangerously close to me. The cold night air hit us, but I didn't let go. Not once.
The night hit us like a blade, cold and sharp, cutting through her flushed cheeks. She leaned into the wind, hoping it could steady her, but then.
"Ella!"
She tripped, twisting her ankle on the uneven pavement. Her small gasp hit me hard. I caught her before she could fall, wrapping my arms around her instinctively. The warmth of her trembling body pressed against me. Arms sanking around her waist as I pulled her back against my chest, her back hit my chest. "Damn it," I muttered as I scanned her. She wince, her lips parted in pain.
"You can't even walk right now." My voice came out lower and harsher. It was a mix of fear and frustration. Before she could argue, I bent down and scooped her up with ease.e Her body curled against mine as if it had always belonged there. She clung to the front of my partly undone shirt, her breath warm against my throat. Her perfume filled the air with the scent of vanilla and roses, both addictive and maddening.
Every step I took with her in my arms felt heavier. It wasn't her weight that made it hard, but the way she looked at me with those blurred, tearful eyes, like I was the only thing keeping her from breaking. I settled her in the passenger seat. The car ride was too quiet, only her uneven breaths filling the space. Fresh glow of city light passed over her face, catching the sheen of fresh tears she tried to hide by turning her head.
"What happened?" My voice broke the silence, low but firm. Her hands shook in her lap. "He… he left me too." Her voice cracked, and the rest drowned in a choked sob. She pressed her face against the window, as if even I wasn't allowed to see her break.
The words ignite something inside me. Who had the right to make her sound so defeated?
I gripped the wheel tighter, my jaw clenched, knuckles white. When we reached her apartment, she hadn't stopped crying silently, broken, her fingers digging into her coat as if it was the only thing holding her up, flushed cheeks, red eyes holding back tears.
I didn't let her fumble with the keys. She handed the keys from her bag, I supported her weight with one arm, and unlocked the door with one hand. She felt light in my arms, fragile, yet the way she clung to me made my chest ache with something heavy and unshakable.
I carried her inside and kicked the door shut. She buried her face in my chest, as if the world outside could disappear if she pressed close enough. Her sobs soaked through my shirt.
I gently settled her down on the bed. The sheets rustled beneath her trembling body. Kneeling in front of her, I lifted her face in my hands, warm and soft as a petal, using my thumbs to wipe the tears from her cheeks.
"Ella…" My voice was low, almost pleading. "Tell me. What happened?" Her lips quivered. The answer struggled to emerge from her throat before her strength faded. "He… he died." Her voice broke, and more tears flowed. "Who?" My chest tightened, bracing for news I didn't want to hear.
"Coo… Coco-," she choked out, shaking her head as if saying it made it true. "My dog. He died. They… they burned him before I could even say goodbye." Her words were lost in sobs, her hands clutching her chest as if trying to keep her heart from breaking. My gut twisted. I had no idea how to ease that kind of pain, but seeing her like this felt unbearable.
She suddenly tried to stand, pushing weakly against my chest. "You should… leave-" Her words faded into a pained gasp as her ankle buckled beneath her.
"You!" I caught her before she could fall, helplessness rising in me at her pain, at her fragility, at my own powerlessness. Without thinking, I lifted her onto my lap, cradling her like she weighed nothing. Her tears soaked my shirt again as her trembling body nestled against mine. I held her steady with one hand, my palm pressed against her back, fingers spread wide as if I could hold her together. With my other hand, I gently rubbed her ankle, moving slowly and carefully to ease her discomfort.
She gasped softly but didn't pull away. Instead, she pressed closer, hiding her face in my chest, gripping me as if she would vanish if she let go. I held her. I didn't know how to comfort her, didn't know how to heal her, but I knew one thing with a chilling clarity I'd burn the whole world before I let her face that pain alone again.
Her sobs filled the room, raw and desperate, shaking against me until it felt like she was breaking in my arms. "Why, God… why?" Her voice cracked on my chest, her words muffled by sorrow. "Why do you always take the ones I love- the ones I care about?"
Her cheek pressed against the open part of my shirt, skin brushing warmth. Her eyes squeezed shut, hot tears seeping into the fabric as her fingers curled tighter, knuckles white against me like I was the only thing keeping her from drowning.
I lowered my head, my lips brushing the top of her hair. A soft kiss, filled with longing, a silent promise. "Shhh… I'm here, okay? I'm not going anywhere." Her body shook harder, her sobs muffled against me. "You don't understand… I can't- I can't lose anyone else. It's like every time I start to care… they're torn away."
I swallowed, my own throat tightening. "I may not understand everything, Ella… but I know this-" I gently tilted her face up, my thumbs wiping her tear-streaked cheeks, forcing her eyes to meet mine through the haze of pain. "You're not alone. Not now. Not while I'm here."
Her lower lip trembled, another sob escaping as she tried to push out her words. "You should leave me to." The words pierced me, but I held her face firmly, my voice steady even as my chest hurt. "I won't. Not me. How could I?"
Her breath caught, fresh tears flowed, and she collapsed back against me, hiding her face in my neck. I tightened my arms, one hand on her back, the other gently holding her ankle.
"Cry," I whispered into her hair, pressing another kiss there. "Break if you need to. I'll be here to hold the pieces." Her sobs grew stronger, her body curled into mine, and all I could do was keep kissing the top of her head, murmuring with each breath, "I've got you… I've got you… I swear."
Her sobs slowed, each one softer than the last, until they turned into hiccupped breaths against my chest. Her fingers were still tightly grasping the fabric of my shirt, her knuckles pressed hard, as if she feared I would disappear if she let go. I felt her heavy lashes brush against my skin, her body growing limp in my arms. "Ella…" I whispered, gently moving her damp hair away from her face, my thumb resting on her temple. No response. Just a faint sigh, her breath warm against my collarbone.
She had finally fallen asleep, yet even in sleep, she clung to me. Her fingers remained curled tightly, her cheek pressed against me as if I were her only support in the world. I didn't move. I couldn't. I stayed there, holding her carefully on my lap, the rise and fall of her chest matching mine. My lips planted one last kiss on her hair. A silent but strong promise. I'm not leaving. Not you. What's mine is mine. Night engulfed me into sleep, the most peaceful and calming sleep I had had in days.
Ella POV~
The first thing I felt was warmth. Solid, steady, wrapping around me like a shield. My lashes fluttered open slowly, the dim morning light slipping past the curtains, painting shadows across the room. For a moment, I didn't move my head, slightly hurting to. My cheek was pressed against his chest, his shirt still rumpled beneath my skin. His heartbeat thudded in a slow, steady rhythm against my ear, grounding me in a way I hadn't known I needed.
And then it all came rushing back. The wine. The phone call. My shaking voice. My sobs. Coco. The heaviness slammed into my chest all over again. A lump rose in my throat, thick and burning, but this time the tears refused to fall. I couldn't cry anymore, not after I had spent them all on Coco last night. I tilted my head slightly, my gaze traveling upward. His face was calm in sleep, sharp features softened by the faint morning light. One arm was still wrapped securely around me, as though even unconscious, he refused to let me go & the other was tangled in my hair.
Why did that make my heart ache worse? I should have felt embarrassed. Ashamed, even, for breaking down like that in front of him. For clinging to him as though he were the only thing keeping me from falling apart completely. But instead, all I felt was this strange… heaviness. Like my chest was hollow and full at the same time.
I shifted carefully, not wanting to wake him, but his hold only tightened slightly in his sleep, pulling slightly closer. The smallest hitch made me aware of the proximity held by him, so secure it anchored me.... sitting on his lap, He made it seem like I belonged to him in his arms to him?
"Why do you feel so safe?" I whispered into the quiet, my voice raw, more to myself than to him. The silence that followed pressed down harder, and for a heartbeat, I wanted to burrow closer, to lose myself in the warmth of his arms again. My face was still pressed against him, close enough to feel his chest rise and fall. The faint scent of his skin, mixed with what was left of last night's cologne, was intoxicating. His shirt had opened slightly, revealing the contours of his chest and the slight dip where muscle met his ribs.
I shouldn't be noticing this. I shouldn't be staring. Yet, my eyes took in every detail as if I were trying to memorize him, the dark lashes brushing his cheek, the shape of his nose, the faint line between his brows, even in sleep. He looked… vulnerable. Softer than I'd ever seen him.
My fingers twitched against the fabric of his shirt. Before I could stop myself, they slipped higher, grazing the edge of his collarbone, dangerously close to his warm skin. My gaze fell to his lips, slightly parted as he breathed.
Something inside me shifted. I swallowed hard, my fingertip hovering in the air, blinking hesitantly, trembling so close I could almost feel the warmth of his mouth against me. One small movement, and I'd touch him. One small movement I could feel it- And still, I couldn't look away.
My fingertip shook in the air before I recklessly closed the distance. The lightest touch of my skin against his bottom lip felt soft, warm, and intoxicating. It sent a shiver through me.
My breath caught. What was I doing? Before guilt could take hold, his lashes fluttered.
Those dark eyes opened, heavy with sleep but sharp as soon as they found me. His lips curved just slightly under my touch, as if he had been waiting for this moment.
I was caught. I stayed frozen, my hand still against his mouth. His gaze held me in place, unreadable and intense. I knew there was no excuse I could offer for this moment.
"...Ella," he murmured, his voice rough with sleep, and that deep edge made me gulp.
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