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The smoke that filled the TARDIS immediately began to choke the pair and Danni helped the Doctor walk up to the console as she coughed against the cloud invading her lungs.
"Old Girl!" She cried, "Do you mind?" There was a whirring noise as the TARDIS turned on it's extractor fans and she sighed in relief, "Oh, thanks sweetie." She placed the Doctor against the console so he could lean on it instead of her, "What do we do now?"
"You need to tell me what is really going on." He told her, spinning around with a groan so he was looking out into the TARDIS, "What did she do to you?" Danni's eyes narrowed.
"She married you, moron!" She snapped, "We don't have time for this, you're dying! Let's fix that first, eh?"
"No, no, no." He pointed at her, "She's turned you against me. She's obviously jealous, but why would she want that?"
"She didn't turn me against you." She insisted, "You did that all on your own. Now, please, can you just fix yourself?" He waved her off.
"I know, I know. 'I married River.'" He dismissed, "That's not it, well, that's not what could have happened."
"Oh, I was there." She snarled, "Don't you dare try and place it on me!"
"Well, the memory must have been placed in your head." He reasoned, "Mels must have told you, convinced you it happened."
"No, she didn't! She's wanted to kill River since she found out what happened! Why do you keep denying it?"
"Because I promised!" He exclaimed angrily before spasming, dropping to the floor. She yelped and helped him lean against the railing, "I'm shutting down." He groaned, feeling his organs start to fail.
"Look, I know you want to hash this out. God knows I do, and I'm the angry one." Danni explained calmly, cupping his face so he would look at her, "But no matter how angry I am, I don't want you to die. Please, please fix this first then we can talk."
"I know she's done something." He told her, before shifting in his position, "I need... Going to need an interface. Voice interface. Come on, emergency." A grainy version of himself appeared in front of them, standing in his military coat and staring at them with indifference.
"Voice interface enabled." It stated and the Doctor shook his head.
"Oh, no, no, no, no! Give me someone I like." The image switched to Rose with a shimmer and he groaned, "Oh, thanks! Give me guilt!" It shimmered again and Martha appeared, "Also guilt!" It changed to Donna and Danni smiled even though he winced, "More guilt." He spasmed, grabbing his chest as his hearts felt like they were exploding, "Come on, there must be someone left in the universe I haven't screwed up yet." The image flickered once more, bringing up a the image of a little Amelia Pond, holding hands with a ginger Danni. Danni blinked in surprise as the Doctor's face relaxed into a smile.
"Voice interface enabled." Amelia stated.
"Oh! Oh, Amelia Pond before I got it all wrong." He sighed, "My sweet little Amelia, with her Danni-Girl."
"I am not Amelia Pond." Amelia stated.
"I am not Danni-Girl." Danni-Girl stated.
"I am a voice interface." They stated together.
"Hey, let's run away and have adventures. Come along, Pond." He groaned, "You, me and Danni-Girl, sounds fun."
"I am not Amelia Pond." Amelia stated.
"I am not Danni-Girl." Danni-Girl stated.
"I am a voice interface." They stated together.
"You are so... ginger." He settled on, "How am I doing?"
"Your system has been contaminated by the poison of the Judas tree. You will be dead in 32 minutes." Amelia explained.
"OK, so, basically better regenerate, that's what you're saying?" He asked and Danni shook her head.
"No, you can't." She explained, "We need to find another solution."
"Regeneration disabled." Danni-Girl agreed, "You will be dead in 32 minutes."
"So, I need a cure then?" He asked Danni.
"There is no cure." Amelia told them, "You will be dead in 32 minutes."
"Why do you keep saying that?" The Doctor exclaimed.
"Because you will be dead in 32 minutes." Danni-Girl replied.
"You see, there you go again. Basically skipping 31 whole minutes when I'm absolutely fine." He turned to Danni, smiling through his pain at her, "Red-heads, that's all I'm saying."
"We need to find another way." She replied, stroking his hair gently despite herself.
"You will be fine for 31 minutes. You will be dead in 32 minutes." Amelia corrected.
"Scotland's never conquered anywhere. Not even a Shetland." He remarked, "I can't die, I need to save Danni. I have to stop it happening." He tried to sit up but flailed slightly. She held him in place.
"You will not die now. You will die in 32 minutes." Danni-Girl told him.
"I'm going out in the first round. Ringing any bells?" He yelled in pain, falling forward into Danni's arms, "OK, need something for the pain now. Come on, Amelia. It's me. Please." He begged.
"I am not Amelia Pond. I am a voice interface." Amelia stated and he looked at the ginger holding her hand.
"Danni-Girl, my Dann-Girl, listen to me... I can be brave for you but you have got to tell me how."
"I am not Danni-Girl. I am a voice interface." Danni-Girl stated and he slumped over, gripping onto Danni as he closed his eyes, burying his face into her shoulder.
"Danni... Danni, please..." He whispered and Danni sniffed, holding him just as tightly. There he went again, making her want to help somehow.
"She's not your Danni-Girl, but I am." She whispered into his ear, "And I'm not going anywhere. You better get up, Spaceman. We've 32 minutes to save your life." He looked up, looking eyes with her as she tried desperately not to cry.
"Really?" She nodded, "Please, tell me..."
"I love you." She interrupted, "Of course I bloody do, otherwise I wouldn't be so hurt. You can break my heart because I love you, I've already told you..." She shook her head, remembering he hadn't been to Two Streams yet, "No, wait, I am going to tell you that. Sorry, tenses again. They're very difficult sometimes." He laughed joyfully and pressed his forehead against hers for a moment. He then used her to slowly and very unsteadily stand up.
"Ha!" He laughed, falling against the console, "She still loves me! You hear that River?" He flipped a switch and set the TARDIS in motion, "I've still got her!" He used his grip on the TARDIS to turn around, "31 minutes." He stated and she frowned, nodding as she climbed off the floor, stumbling slightly as the TARDIS spun. He pushed himself off the console and into her, grabbing her tightly and pulling her into a kiss, "We can get a lot done in 31 minutes." He explained suggestively and she smacked his arm.
"You are dying, and I'm still pissed." She scolded and he shrugged, capturing her lips again. She let him coax her into responding, her lips moving in time with his as he held her firmly in place.
"You know," He panted as they broke apart, a particularly vicious spasm shooting through him, "I haven't done anything, he does it." He pointed out,his hand snaking down her back, "So, you could stay angry at him, and not with me?" She rolled her eyes.
"Focus." She scolded, "You've got, I don't know, 29, 28 minutes to live. You're missing the important issue here." His lips were dancing across her neck, suckling and nipping there.
"What's that?" He asked against her skin, hoping to be able to coax her into his way of thinking. She placed both hands on his chest and pushed him away and he groaned lightly at the loss of contact.
"You are entirely under dressed." He glanced down at himself before laughing loudly, grabbing her hand and pulling her into the TARDIS with him
~0~0~0~
Amy approached Mels slowly and purposefully, her gaze cold and hard as she stood just to the side of her. The room was deserted apart from them, Mels having scared the patrons away from their food and their clothes.
"You killed the Doctor on the orders of the movement known as the Silence and Academy of the Question. You accept and know this to be true?" She asked the woman, who shrugged, continuing to check her new image in the full-length mirror.
"Quite honestly, I don't really remember. It was all a bit of jumble." She replied. Amy shoved the mirror out of the way, her mouth falling open and a bright, light blue beam shot out, enveloping Mels and causing her to fall back in terror.
"No! No! Get off me!" She screamed, fighting against the light imprisoning her.
"Sorry, did you say she killed the Doctor?" The imposter Amy closed her mouth, releasing Mels and the pair turned to stare at the Doctor, who was leaning against the TARDIS at the other end of the room. He was dressed in a full tuxedo and had a top hat on and a cane, "The Doctor? Doctor who?"
"You're dying and you stopped to change?" Mels asked in disbelief and he nodded, spinning on the spot, grabbing Danni's hand as he pulled her with him.
"Oh, you should always waste time when you don't have any. Time is not the boss of you - Rule 408." Mels face hardened as she noticed that Danni was there. She stormed over, grabbing Danni by the hand and yanking her out of the Doctor's weak grasp.
"Are you okay?" She asked worriedly, looking her over for any damage, "Did he do anything? I knew I should have taken you with me." Danni brushed her off.
"I'm fine." She promised, "You're the one who was shot." As angry as she was with River, she'd had a brilliant time with Mels really and was starting to feel slightly guilty for shooting her. Only slightly, because she was going to get shot anyway, but still...
"I was getting bored of that body anyway." Mels explained and Danni frowned at how she could forgive her so easily, "I know you are angry, that's okay. We'll find this River and we'll make it right together." Danni shook her head.
"It's not River's fault." She explained, "I've been blaming her, but she's done nothing wrong. She just married the man she loves. I hope she forgives me." Whilst the Doctor had been choosing what to get changed into, he'd tried so hard to convince her that Mels had turned her against him, but he was wrong. In fact, Mels had barely talked about the Doctor, refused to discuss him at all, because it had made Danni sad to talk about him. She'd spent her entire life being conditioned to hate him, but she broke that by falling in love with him. She couldn't blame her for circumstance, as much as she wanted to.
"Who wouldn't?" Mels asked, stroking her face and the Doctor frowned, not liking the interaction between the two. River had always been so touchy-feely with Danni, he didn't realise how much it had actually bothered him until now.
"Amelia Pond," He stated loudly, pulling them both back into the room as he strode over to the unmoving Pond, "judgement death machine. Why am I not surprised?" He held up his cane, pressing a button and the silver ball on the top opened, revealing a green tip, "Sonic cane!" He crowed proudly and Danni giggled slightly at how happy he was. Mels eyes narrowed angrily, she had to stop him bewitching her friend again. If she decided to forgive him, then she would resent the fact she killed him and probably wouldn't stay with her. Humans were so fickle like that, and with such a short lifespan she couldn't risk it.
"Are you serious?" Mels snapped and the Doctor backed up, scanning Amy with the wide sweeps of the cane.
"Never knowingly. Never knowingly be serious." He explained, slotting himself in between the two, glancing at River, "Rule 27. You might want to write these down." He checked the readings, "Oh, it's a robot!" He read and Mels rolled her eyes.
"Obviously." She retorted, "How did Danni put up with you for so long? My Lord, you're so slow." The Doctor frowned.
"Hey!" He exclaimed angrily, "I think you'll find I'm quite clever."
"Waving that cane around like you're such a big deal?" Mels mocked, "I doubt it very much. You couldn't even see me and I was right in front of your face."
"You've got to admit that it's slightly strange for you to be with your parents!" He fought back.
"Danni saw it." Mels snapped, "She's too clever to be taken in by you."
"The robot?" Danni interrupted the argument, the pair glaring each other like children. She rolled her eyes at them as they both huffed, turning away from each other pointedly.
"Right, sorry." The Doctor apologised, looking at his sonic cane again, "As I was saying, a robot with With 423 life signs inside." His eyebrows raised as his excitement returned, "A robot worked by tiny people. Love it! But how do you all get in there, though? Bigger on the inside?" He checked the cane again, "No, basic miniaturization sustained by a compression field. You were right," He told Danni, "Tiny people inside a robot. Oh, how wonderful."
"Not in a justice-delivering robot." She muttered and he nodded.
"Right." He agreed, "Amy, if you and Rory are OK, signal me." He held up his cane and a moment later it began flashing, picking up the signal from the original screwdriver, "Thanking you." He told them before he fell to the floor, crying out in pain. Mels tried to grab Danni's hand, but was a moment too late as she dove to him, catching him before he hurt himself.
"Are you okay?" She asked and he nodded
"Oops, sorry, leg went to sleep. Just had a quick left leg power nap, I forgot I had one scheduled. Actually, better sit down, I think I heard the right one yawning." She helped him sit down on the steps leading up to the TARDIS, sitting next to him as he clung to her hand. Mels frowned, she couldn't get her away from him whilst he had such a tight grip on him. She had to get away just long enough for him to dye, then she and Danni run off in the TARDIS. She assumed the other blonde-haired woman knew how to pilot the thing. She spun on her heels and ran for the door, but Robot-Amy opened her mouth and captured her again in a beam of light.
"Let her go!" Danni screamed angrily as the Doctor pointed his cane at the robot.
"Don't you touch her! Do not harm her in any way." The duplicate closed it's mouth, but the field stayed around Melody, keeping her suspended.
"Why would you care? She is the women who kills you." The Teselecta-Amy asked. The Doctor took his hat off,placing it on the other side of him before waving his hands, presenting himself to the robot.
"I'm not dead." He stated.
"You're dying." It pointed out and he growled in frustration.
"Well, at least I'm not a time-travelling shape-shifting robot operated by miniaturized cross people," He snapped before turning to Danni, "which, I have got to admit, I didn't see coming."
"I did." She teased and he bopped her on the nose, causing her to go cross-eyed. He placed a kiss on her lips before pointing his cane at Mels.
"What do you want with her?"
"She's Melody Pond." Fake-Amy explained, "According to records, the woman who kills the Doctor."
"And I'm the Doctor," He retorted, "what's it to you?"
"Throughout history, many criminals have gone unpunished in their lifetimes. Time travel has... responsibilities." The robot explained and the Doctor laughed in disbelief.
"What? You got yourselves time travel, so you decided to punish dead people?" He asked, anyone could mistake him for being amused by the way he was smiling at the robot, but his hand had closed tightly around Danni's.
"We don't kill them. We extract them near the end of their established timelines." The robot continued.
"And then what?" He asked lowly.
"Give them hell." The smile fell from his face as he regarded the robot, suddenly rather angry.
"I'd ask you who you think you are, But I think the answer is pretty obvious." He told them calmly, "So, who do you think I am?" He pointed his cane back at Melody again, "She may not be my favourite person at the moment, she's tried to kill me and turned the woman I love against me, but 'The woman who killed the Doctor'?" He laughed harshly, "It sounds like you've got my biography in there. I'd love a peek."
"Our records office is sealed to the public. Foreknowledge is dangerous." The Teselecta explained.
"Yes, well, I'll be dead in three minutes. There isn't much foreknowledge left." He pointed out.
"Sorry, can't do that." The Doctor sighed and Danni squeezed his hand.
"Amy." She called, "You can access the records. She's your daughter, ask them to release the records." She nudged the Doctor, "See? Foreknowledge, I've just sped this up by a couple of minutes, so it can be quite dangerous." He placed a kiss on her forehead.
"Records available." The Teselecta declared and he turned away from staring at her to the robot.
"Question. I'm dying... who wants me dead?" He asked.
"The Silence." Amy replied.
"What is the Silence? Why is it called that? What does it mean?" He pressed.
"The Silence is not a species. It is a religious order, or movement. Their core belief is that silence will fall when the question is asked." The robot explained.
"What question?"
"The first question. The oldest question in the universe, hidden in plain sight."
"Yes, but what is the question?"
"Unknown." Danni mouthed along with the answer and the Doctor rolled his eyes.
"Well, fat lot of use that is, you big ginge! Call yourself a Records... Argh!" He screamed, spasming again and Danni gasped, wanting to help but knowing there was only one person who could,
"Kidneys are always the first to quit. I've had better, you know." He told Danni, hoping to cheer her up. She shot him a weak smile, but it wasn't very convincing, "Hey, I'll be okay." He whispered, stroking her cheek.
"You won't, and it's all my fault." she whispered, sobbing lightly and he frowned.
"How is any of this your fault?" He asked.
"Because I turned the one person who could help you even more against you." He opened his mouth to question her further but suddenly Melody began screaming, twitching in what was now deep red light as the Teselecta acted out it's punishment.
"Melody!" Danni shouted, torn between helping her and staying with the Doctor.
"Amy! Rory! Amy, can you hear me?" The Doctor asked the robot.
"What do we do? This is me. This is me actually talking. What do we do?" Amy's voice pleaded, sounding much more emotional than it had before.
"Just stop them. She's your daughter, just stop them." He told them.
"How, how?" He spasmed again, something else shutting down on him as he continued to die.
"Just do it!" He screamed as Mels fought against the bonds slowly burning her up from the inside. Suddenly she gasped, falling to the floor and blinking, still hurting all over.
"Please, now we have to save your parents. Don't run. Now, I know you're scared, but never run when you're scared. Rule 7. Please." He begged but Mels looked unconvinced. She stood up, walking over to Danni.
"We can go now." She insisted, "You and me, til the end of time, remember?" She held her hand out to her new best friend but Danni shook her head.
"Please, save them Mels." She begged, "They're your parents, and they're my family too. You can take the TARDIS." Mels, looking slightly more convinced, glanced uncertainly at the blue box behind them.
"I... I don't know how to fly that thing." She offered weakly.
"You're a Child of the TARDIS." The Doctor insisted, "She'll show you how. Now, please, hurry!" Mels looked to Danni for encouragement and she nodded, smiling brightly.
"Go on, Little Melody." She told her and Mels gasped slightly at the nickname Danni had used when saving her from the Astronaut. She nodded and rushed into the TARDIS, the machine dematerializing moments later, "And that's how she became a better pilot than you." Danni joked and he gasped.
"I can fly the TARDIS just fine, thank you very much." He defended, faking offence and she looked confused.
"Oh? Why don't you show me sometime?" She giggled as he pulled her in for a kiss.
"Less than five minutes." He muttered against her lips, "Care to dance, Danni-Girl?"
"Your legs aren't in the right state for dancing." She pointed out, moaning slightly as his hands began tracing her figure.
"Oh, you'd be surprised." They sat their in each others embrace until Danni pulled away, smiling apologetically at him.
"They'll be back any minute." She told him gently and he groaned.
"I just can't catch a break today!" He moaned and she giggled, snuggling into his side. He wrapped an arm around her, "What did you mean before? About turning someone against me?"
"Oh, don't act like you don't know." She retorted, "Melody can save you, can't she? I know she can, so do you, but she won't now because of me."
"How can she save me?" He asked and she looked up at him, an eyebrow raised in knowing disbelief.
"By giving you her remaining regenerations?" She replied before looking away, "I know you know that. But she won't because she wants me to herself and the only way of making me leave you is to get rid of you permanently." She sighed, "I always thought it would be me leaving you, not the other way around. You're supposed to outlive me, Spaceman, so I never had to be alone." His face fell into a thoughtful frown as he placed a kiss on the side of her head.
"I told you, Danni-Girl. I'm not going anywhere." And now he had a way to do it.
~0~0~0~
Mels did save her parents, just like Danni knew she would. The Doctor had quickly deteriorated and Amy was now holding his hand as he laid on the steps, barely able to keep his eyes open. Danni sat on the other side, in floods of tears as her heart broke. This wasn't fair, this wasn't how it was supposed to happen. He couldn't leave her. She let out a quiet sob and he weakly squeezed her hand, reassuring her it was all okay.
"You can't die now." Amy told him with a secret smile, "I know you don't die now."
"Oh, Pond! You've got a schedule for everything." He breathed out with a slight chuckle. Amy frowned, looking back at her husband who was sat right behind her, then back to the Doctor.
"But it doesn't make any sense." She stated. The Doctor died in Utah, how could he die then and now?
"Doctor, what do we do? Come on. How do we help you?" Rory insisted and the Doctor shook his head.
"No, sorry, Rory. You can't. Nobody can." He whispered, "Ponds, listen to me, I need to talk to your daughter." Both Rory and Amy looked appropriately confused, but realising he was serious Amy's hung her head, trying to squash back her own tears before squeezing his hand once more. They stood up and walked over to Mels, who was watching the scene with her own sense of heartbreak and confusion. They loved him so much, but why? She slowly walked over, kneeling down next to him and shooting him a small smile. He smiled back.
"Find her." He told her, "Find River Song and tell her something from me." She shook her head, glancing at Danni.
"No." She replied, "Not after what she does to Danni."
"Mels, just stop it." Danni snapped, "He's dying, for God's sake. Just..." She took a shuddering breath, "Just please do as he says." Mels stared at her, trying to understand why she was so sad.
"Why? I thought you were angry."
"You thought I wanted him dead?" Danni laughed, "No, that was you. That was always you, Melody. I don't want to lose him before I have to. Every second, every moment I'm going to treasure because if he wants River, he can have her."
"Why would you say that?" She asked, "You love him, don't you? Why would you give him up?"
"Because that's what people do." She snapped, "There's no reason for it, and I don't bloody like it, but that's what will happen. That's what should happen. This..." she let out another sob, "This shouldn't happen. Just do as he says." Mels nodded, leaning down closer so she could hear his breathless tone.
"Tell her what?" The Doctor used the last of his strength to press himself up, whispering something in her ear before falling back down. Mels smiled, tears in her eyes and she nodded, "Well, I'm sure she knows." She pulled away and Danni let out a heart wrenching cry as he laid there, eyes closed and motionless. Across the room, Rory held his wife tighter as they realised what was happening. Danni laid on his chest, listening to his hearts slowing down and she clung to his jacket.
"Please." She whispered, "Please don't leave me now, Theta." River watched her friend crumble, surprised at how much pain she was feeling. All because of what she had done. The girl had saved her, become her friend, and... okay, well she had shot her but that was nothing in the grand scheme of things. She stood up, backing away slowly from what was quickly beginning to feel like an intrusion and up to her parents.
"Who's River Song?" She asked them quietly and Amy's eyes narrowed angrily. She turned to her duplicate, stood motionless and emotionless across from them.
"Are you still working because I'm still a relative?" The robot didn't reply, "Access files on River Song."
"Records available." The Teselecta stated.
"Show me her. Show me River Song." Slowly the machine transformed, turning from Amy to a replica of Melody, different in clothing only, who's eyes widened in shock. She turned to Danni.
"You knew." She stated out loud, "You knew it was me." Danni looked up, looking broken and nodded.
"I knew before I was even brought here. Melody Pond, the woman who marries the Doctor." She replied.
"But you..."
"I may say things when I am angry." She started, "But never once have I ever actually blamed you. I wanted to. I've tried so hard to be angry at you, but I can't. You've never done anything wrong." She turned to the Doctor, stroking his face, "Now, wake up you moron. Please." Mels looked down, feeling slightly ashamed even though she hadn't actually hurt her yet. She was so forgiving, and all she had done is try and hurt her further. She straightened slightly, an idea popping to mind. If the Doctor is what made her happy, she would make sure that he was always there for her. Danni promised to protect her always, but now it was her turn.
"Melody, what did he say? The Doctor gave you a message for River Song. What was it?" Amy asked but she didn't say anything as her hands started glowing, a strange hum in the air that made her parents step back in trepidation, "What's happening? What are you doing?" Danni looked up and Mels smiled, crying happily as she saw Danni visibly perk up, seeing what she was about to do and she laughed.
"Just tell me." She said to Danni, "The Doctor, is he worth it?" She nodded, scrambling out of the way.
"More than anyone you will ever know." Mels shook her head, kneeling down by him.
"No, that's you." The Doctor's eyes fluttered open and he faked a look of surprise. It had worked, she's realised how she could help. It was the least she could do for making his Danni-Girl cry, and from now on he could ensure he would never have to leave her again.
"River? No! What are you doing?" He croaked. Of course, Danni could never know that. If she knew this side of him... Well, he had to fake surprise.
"Hello, sweetie." Mels whispered, leaning down and pressing her hands against his chest, blinding them all with an orange glow.
~0~0~0~
Melody Pond slowly came to in a blue hospital room, with vague images of Danni and Amy hovering over her. Danni had been tearful with happiness, telling her how proud she was and how much she owed her, but really it was the least she could do for marrying her man in the future. There had to be a reason for it, she had already decided that was what she would work towards. History, legends, eye-witness accounts. Maybe she should try and get into a university, study history?
She looked to her side, double-taking at the small TARDIS-shaped book lying on the bedside table. She sat herself up and picked it up, quickly flipping through it. The pages were blank, so it was a notebook. Why was it left here? She opened the first page and saw what appeared to be a letter written on the cover.
Dear Melody.
Well, you'll probably be River now, won't you? Either way, this is your new notebook. In it you will write all your adventures with the Doctor and me, all the places we will see, to keep track because you can take it from me, it's not easy to work out where you've been.
My writing is a bit messy because I'm rushing, I don't want the Doctor to see this, so keep it to yourself, okay? Okay, I just wanted to tell you thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for saving him and even though we still have a lot to work through, my life would be pointless without him.
The past Danni's will treat you oddly, they may not be the most welcoming or friendly but know that I will always be there for you, just like you promised me. Or will promise me. Oh, there's another thing, brush up on your tenses. They're bloody hard.
Oh, and never wear that dress if you can help it.
Be good to yourself,
Love Danni.
Melody – now River Song – closed the book with a smirk. She still had a chance.
~0~0~0~
In a dark library in the middle of the Luna University, an old professor sat in front of a bushy-haired woman.
"So, then, tell me..." He asked her, placing her application on the table between them, "why do you want to study archaeology?"
"Well, to be perfectly honest, Professor," River leant forward, clutching the TARDIS diary in her hands. She smirked the smile of someone with an inside joke, "I'm looking for a good woman."