Friday Afternoon — Student Council Room
The door opened.
A boy entered—short black hair, harmless expression, the kind of face that would blend into any crowd without leaving a trace. Tanuma Tsubasa was, by all measurable metrics, an ordinary person. Decent-looking. Gentle demeanor. The human equivalent of white bread.
Sakurai Saki and Shirogane Miyuki had known him since the previous year. He was, this year, in the same class as Shijo Maki and Kashiwagi Nagisa—two girls with whom the Student Council members had precisely zero meaningful interaction.
"Shirogane! Sakurai! Save me!"
The sincerity in his voice could have powered a small city.
Both coffee-drinking council members turned simultaneously.
"Tanuma." Saki's eyebrow rose a millimeter. "What brings you here?"
"I'm being bullied!" Tanuma's voice cracked with emotion. "By girls!"
Shirogane's hand tightened on his coffee cup.
Girls? Bullying? This cannot stand.
"Girls are bullying you?" Saki's voice took on an edge. "Then hit them back. One punch, and I guarantee they'll stop."
"—Sakurai." Shirogane's voice was pained. "That's… extreme. Let's hear the specifics first."
Tanuma glanced around theatrically, then lowered himself onto the sofa with the gravity of a man about to share state secrets.
"You must not repeat what I'm about to tell you."
"We are the Student Council." Saki's tone implied this was self-evidently sufficient. "We are tight-lipped."
Tanuma swallowed.
"Yesterday. Several girls approached me. They mocked me. They asked if I had a girlfriend."
Shirogane leaned forward. "And your response?"
"I said no."
"And then?"
"They laughed at me." Tanuma's voice quivered with remembered humiliation. "Especially Shijo. She laughed the hardest."
Shirogane's expression darkened. His impression of Shijo Maki—already minimal—plummeted.
"Wait."
Saki's voice cut through the indignation.
"Shirogane. Consider something." He rubbed his temples, the gears of his mind audibly turning. "What if those girls weren't mocking him? What if they were… testing him?"
"Testing?"
"A love test." Saki's tone was clinical. "A method to determine romantic availability through indirect questioning. Direct approaches risk rejection. Subtle inquiry allows for information gathering without emotional exposure."
Shirogane's eyes widened. "You mean—"
"I mean those girls might have been assessing whether Tanuma was single."
Tanuma blinked.
Then, slowly, his expression shifted.
"Actually…" He paused, as if weighing a great truth. "I do have feelings for one of them."
Shirogane and Saki exchanged glances.
"I've been considering when to confess." Tanuma straightened, newfound confidence blooming. "Shirogane, as Student Council President, you must have wisdom to share. Romance strategies. Confession techniques."
Shirogane stroked his chin thoughtfully. "A casual confession risks rejection. One must prepare carefully."
"Which one?" Saki asked.
Tanuma blinked. "Hmm?"
"Which girl do you like?"
"Oh. Kashiwagi."
Saki nodded slowly. "The fifth-ranked student?"
"You know her?"
"I saw the rankings." Saki sipped his coffee. "And I've encountered her at club federation meetings."
A pause.
"Tanuma." Saki's voice was thoughtful. "Consider this: among those girls, the one who laughed hardest at your single status—Shijo—might actually be the most interested."
"Why?"
"Because your lack of a girlfriend made her happy. Not mockingly happy. Relieved happy."
Tanuma's brow furrowed.
Then, slowly, his expression transformed into something else entirely.
"Ah." He sighed, the sound heavy with imaginary burden. "Suddenly, five girls like me. How will I ever choose? This is so difficult."
Saki opened his mouth—
"Sakurai." Shirogane's hand shot out. "Don't. Let him think."
He doesn't need encouragement toward harem fantasies, Shirogane's eyes screamed. He's already halfway there on his own.
Tanuma pondered for approximately three seconds.
"I think… I'll still choose Kashiwagi." He nodded, satisfied with his decision. "She's gentle. Easier to be around than Shijo. Dating Shijo would mean enduring her sharp tongue forever. That sounds exhausting."
Outside the Student Council Room
Iino Miko stood frozen, documents clutched to her chest, her expression a study in existential crisis.
The voices from within carried clearly through the door.
"Suddenly, five girls like me."
"How will I ever choose?"
"I'll still choose Kashiwagi."
"Dating Shijo would mean enduring her sharp tongue."
…
…This cannot be real.
In Shuchi'in Academy—this institution of academic excellence and moral uprightness—there exists such a *scumbag? *
He speaks of choosing as if success is guaranteed. As if any of them would have him. As if—
UNACCEPTABLE.
Miko's hand closed around the door handle.
She would denounce this behavior. Loudly. Publicly. The Student Council would hear her—
She pushed the door open.
And froze.
Shirogane Miyuki had Tanuma Tsubasa cornered against the wall.
Their faces were inches apart.
The positioning was… intimate.
"Student Council President SHIROGANE!" Miko's voice reached octaves previously unknown to humanity. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
Shirogane turned, still close to Tanuma, still in what could only be described as a compromising posture.
"Iino?" He blinked, utterly unselfconscious. "I'm demonstrating my 85% success rate confession technique."
Miko's brain briefly stopped functioning.
85% success rate.
Confession technique.
Against the wall.
Faces close together.
…
…I have walked into something I do not understand and may never recover from.
Student Council Room — Moments Later
"The suspension bridge effect." Shirogane's voice carried the weight of genuine pedagogical enthusiasm. "By suddenly closing the distance, you create artificial nervousness—the kind people misinterpret as romantic attraction. Then, at the optimal moment, you confess!"
He leaned closer to Tanuma for emphasis.
"If the target already harbors feelings, the success rate approaches 85%."
Both men turned toward the door simultaneously.
Their expressions shifted from instructional confidence to awkward realization in perfect synchrony.
Oh no, Shirogane thought.
This looks bad, Tanuma thought.
"SHAMELESS!"
Miko's voice could have shattered glass.
"I thought discussing which girl to choose was bad enough!" She stormed forward, documents forgotten, moral outrage propelling each step. "But to conduct such activities in the SACRED Student Council Room—"
She wedged herself between them, arms extended like a chaperone at a Victorian dance.
"SEPARATE! IMMEDIATELY! Impure same-sex relationships are FORBIDDEN at Shuchi'in!"
Shirogane opened his mouth.
Nothing came out.
Tanuma opened his mouth.
Also nothing.
Miko's verbal assault continued at a pace that would exhaust a seasoned auctioneer.
"—and the lack of propriety—the complete disregard for—the very IDEA that you would—"
Minutes passed. Possibly hours. Time lost all meaning in the face of Iino Miko's righteous indignation.
Finally, broken by the onslaught, both men bent at the waist in perfect unison.
"SORRY!"
"Hmph." Miko crossed her arms, satisfied. "See that it doesn't happen again."
She turned.
Her gaze landed on Sakurai Saki.
Saki, who had been watching the entire scene with the serene detachment of someone observing nature documentaries, met her eyes.
A beat of silence.
…Why is she looking at me?
Another beat.
…With that expression?
"First in your grade." Miko's voice softened to something almost shy. "That's incredible. Congratulations!"
Her face lit up with pure, uncomplicated joy.
Shirogane and Tanuma, still recovering from their verbal evisceration, stared.
She's… happy.
Genuinely happy.
For *him. *
While we just got SCREAMED AT.
This is—
This is—
UNFAIR.
Shirogane's internal monologue reached unprecedented levels of grievance.
"They were practicing confession techniques." Saki's voice was calm, explanatory, and approximately seven minutes too late. "And the 'choosing girls' comment was a joke."
You could have mentioned that earlier, Shirogane's glare communicated. You absolute gremlin.
"Even as a joke, it's unacceptable!" Miko's moral compass remained unwavering. "If everything can be excused as 'just joking,' society would collapse!"
"I'm sorry." Tanuma, having learned his lesson, bowed again preemptively. "I won't do it again."
"See that you don't."
Miko sighed, the fire of justice temporarily banked.
"If everyone could be like Sakurai-senpai…" Her voice took on a wistful quality. "He wasn't angry even when he was stood up for a confession last time. He's gentle with everyone."
Gentle.
Shirogane's brain briefly short-circuited.
Gentle.
This man—this same man sitting before us—is currently preparing to two-time two women while tutoring five more.
He has achieved harem protagonist density without breaking a sweat.
And Iino Miko is calling him *gentle. *
"He even asked about my exam results immediately!" Miko continued, oblivious. "He's so thoughtful!"
Tanuma nodded along, accepting this characterization without question. Sakurai Saki's public facade was, after all, immaculate.
Shirogane alone bore the terrible weight of truth.
Iino. Please. I'm begging you. Open your eyes.
The man you're praising is—
He looked at Saki.
Saki looked back, expression utterly neutral, giving absolutely nothing away.
You're enjoying this, Shirogane realized. You absolute monster. You're enjoying being praised while I suffer.
"—and his teaching style is so patient with the Nakano sisters—"
I can't do this.
I physically cannot continue existing in this room.
Someone save me.
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