We continued to kissing. Swapping our tongues as if it was a sacred dance. We grew closer and I wanted to be closer to him. I never felt this feeling to just keep going without thought without hesitation. I looked up to his eyes that were fixated on me, they only got slightly relaxed. He still looked at me with hungry eyes. His face seemed to be turning red. Could it be from the heat or his possible thoughts. I found it amusing to watch him in this state. In just one night I have gain a closeness to him. His hands moved down my thigh, I felt more of an urge to jump. I pulled back and crossed my legs together.
"Ratuk, we should-" I began but was interrupted.
"Princess Aza?" I heard a soldier ask.
After a few rustles behind some bushes, the soldiers appeared.
"It is time to head inside." I gathered the strength to stand and I walked towards the soldiers to leave.
I felt sweat between my thighs, or actually a stickiness. I turned back to look at Ratuk who had his back to me looking to the sky as he played in his hair.
"Good night, Ratuk." I said.
With a turn of just his head and a naughty grin.
"Good Night, Aza." I was sad that the night had to end.
Even if we wouldn't have started the touching, I felt his words as alluring just as much as him. What's happening to me? Was any of this right Or normal? How could I go to sleep? I combed through my hair and stride slowly across my room. I feel like even with everything going on, that I completely ignored the other suitors. It's not fair to them. Yes I feel this pull to Ratuk, but It doesn't make it fair or right. Maybe I should pull myself away from him to think and concentrate. Then it's settled. Ignore Ratuk and start to actually focus. If I can settle my heart and learn what actual love is like he said, then I'll be able to know myself better.
The next morning was pretty quiet. When I found my mother and Hotep who were talking casual by a pond outside, I felt a little at ease. I walked up to them.
"Mother?" I called to her.
They both stopped and looked at me.
"Aza, how are you feeling my dove?"
"Ok…I guess." I answered.
"What's wrong dear?" I felt awkward.
"Mother, what is love?" I asked.
At this age I feel I should at least know that much. She and Hotep were looking at each other questionable.
"Aza, are you in love?" Hotep gabbed her face and had a look of hope in her eyes. They were shining extra bright.
"Love? Well, what do you think it is?" She asked me back.
"When you would do anything for that person, that's what you tell me, Nezhii, and Ahkmad." She chuckled.
"That is my love for you. Aza love is different for everyone. Sometimes love makes you act completely different from how you are, sometimes love makes you feel like your body is actually going through changes, some people even think they're sick." She and Hotep laughed.
"How will I ever know how love will affect me?" I asked.
"You'll know in time, It is only something you know. We all have fell for love in different ways, isn't that right Hotep?" I turned to her.
"Of course, I too was in love with a wonderful man." I sat next to her.
"What happened?" I asked.
"The world had another plan for him. He was called to defend our home, and the lands needed his courageous heart for it to grow." She said.
Her love seemed to end out sad, leaving her all alone. Is that a love I too can experience, If that is what the world or the ancestors want? It seems so pointless to love what can be taken away just because of another's wish. I thought Hotep was a woman stuck in the cycle of royalty and duty. Not knowing that she is also a victim of love. That puts her on equal grounds with my mother. I guess love does present different for different people.
"Is it possible to fall in love with one of these guys?" I asked hopeless like.
"Of course." Hotep answered.
"You should visit the library, and read of the different ways love affects us." My mother said.
With that advise, I did as she said. I wasted my day away reading. I read one short story of love. One of 2 different people from two different worlds who fell in love against all odds. These guys here all come from royalty and money much like me. How would I know if it will work or not.
"What are you doing here?" I turned to Nezhii behind me.
"Nezhii, I'm sorry I didn't see you." She leaned over to see the book.
"Aza, I didn't take you for the lover type." I felt a little embarrassed.
"I'm just curious is all."
"which one is it?" She asked
"I don't know! It's driving me insane! Who should it be? Shahadi seems like a coward, but fairly known even across the world. Ombte is beautiful and gentle, and Ratuk…..well." I didn't know how to finish.
What do I say about him? He always says something that leaves me questioning everything, even every word he says. Before I knew Nezhii was standing directly in front of me.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I just-"
"So him huh?"
"Well, not really? I don't know what to think or how to feel, it's all new, maybe it's nothing at all." I closed the book and put it back.
As I walked to the door, she didn't stop me.
"Don't run from how you feel Aza." Nezhii who was younger than me even had that sort of advice for me.
I continued to walk and think. I feel like love shouldn't be this complicated right? I walked toward the throne to look for Ahkmad, maybe some advice from his point of view will clear the many clouds in my head. As I passed the throne, just a little out of sight, I saw Shahadi's father with Mr. Fredrick. What were they doing? I hid, but I don't understand why. This was my kingdom, I shouldn't have to hide like a rat. The more I stopped moving and stayed quiet the more I was able to hear what sounded more like arguing.
"You said you would have it to me before the courtship was done!" I heard a stern tone from Mr. Fredrick.
"And as promised you will get your device." Shahadi's father sounded submissive.
"The courtship ends in 2 days. 2 days before Princess Aza picks a suitor, If I don't have my device by then, I will have no choice but to-" He paused due to the laughing of servants nearby.
They laid eyes on my and all stopped and bowed.
"Princess Aza." They said.
I waved my hands back and forth to stopped them from initially addressing me. As I address them back, I felt a presence behind me. I twisted around quick.
"Princess, Fancy meeting you here." Adam said.
Where did he come from. He always somehow ends somewhere you don't expect him to be. His sharp eyes stared through me as if he had me all figured out.
"Same." I said in an awkward tone.
"You seem startled, what were you sneaking around?" He asked.
So straightforward, as if he thrives in making his victim shake. I stepped away from him.
"You can't sneak around a place you own, if anything the only beings that sneak around here are the guest." I said without thinking.
He looked at me with surprise and excitement.
"Are you insisting I'm sneaking?" He said moving closer.
"I'm insisting you're a guest." He waved his hands up as if he realized the line he crossed.
"I thought you and I were on good grounding."
"Are we?" I asked.
A part of me felt he knew what I was asking, another part of me hoped he was humbled enough not to ask for clarification.
"Princess Aza, you will not find an enemy in me, I only hope to be a friend, or more if you will. Things may seem scary with people like me around, but we are only explorers with a hunger for knowledge, I could show you life beyond the sands if you wish, I see a baby bird waiting to fly." He said as he got close.
"You like birds?" I asked.
"I like watching and talking to them." He said.
"Well, I guess this bird has got to fly." I turned away and started to walk off.