Time passed, and it started getting dark a little later. So slightly later that sometimes it felt like I was imagining it.
The snowy days didn't end, but in rare moments the white flakes gave way to pouring rain.
It was a rather strange phenomenon. I had never seen rain in winter before. And it was dangerous too.
The warmth coming from my father's body could easily melt snow, but it seemed to have no effect on ice. He fell right on the porch. And so dramatically, as if he were trying to score an overhead goal.
For a moment I even got worried. But he quickly got back on his feet, as if nothing had happened. And… slipped again. Less spectacularly this time.
I wasn't sure what the reason was. Maybe he was saving his energy for his performances, or maybe he just didn't feel well, but Dad even threw on a cloak. Which wasn't like him at all.
In the end he had to move around imitating the movements of a crab. It was a ridiculous and funny sight. However, I didn't feel like laughing.
I don't even know why.
Something was changing. Hard to say whether inside or outside. Probably both.
Since the day Luisa gave me that sweater, I never wore it again. Not because I didn't want to at all, or because I was afraid of mockery. She simply took it back and started wearing it herself.
As always, it was hard for me to understand the way her mind worked. It surprised me that she hadn't yet taken the chocolate out of my mouth. She probably knew it was salty.
Suspiciously selective.
But that's not what this is about right now.
Luisa — got sick.
There had never been much air in the room anyway, but now it felt especially stuffy. It seemed like Luisa smelled the same as usual. But if you got too close — your nose started to tickle. As if you were about to sneeze at any second.
In fact, this was the first time in my memory that someone got sick near me. I wasn't entirely sure what I was supposed to do.
It was the first time I had seen Luisa like this… I don't know what word to pick. Vulnerable, perhaps.
Her hands convulsively clutched the edge of the blanket — pulling it up, then pushing it down. As if she couldn't decide whether she was cold or hot. Her face had never stayed so red for so long, as if someone had splashed paint on it.
And her breathing — heavy and hot, as if she had been tirelessly running circles around the room.
Well, yes. Nothing unusual about that.
"Will she… get better?"
I don't know why I even thought she might not. But somewhere deep inside I felt anxiety. Why? If you see someone sick for the first time in three years, it's easy to decide that illnesses don't exist.
Unfortunately, that assumption turned out to be wrong.
"Of course. Just a common cold."
There wasn't a trace of doubt in his voice — and that was somewhat reassuring.
Euriel pulled the blanket down from Luisa's neck to her stomach and placed his hand on her chest.
Covered in sweat — her skin glistened. Her chest rose so rapidly, as if she were trying to inhale more air than her lungs could hold.
The light drew my attention a little higher. Euriel's palm began to glow. Bright rays seemed to flow together from the air, forming something like a glove.
I instinctively squinted as the light grew brighter. It was as if someone had suddenly turned on a lamp in a dark room. Right after that, a cough burst out of Luisa — long and loud. As if the magic wasn't healing her, but pulling everything out.
She was shaking. Her hands grabbed at anything nearby. Her fingers clenched around my pajamas — I nearly fell when she pulled me toward her.
If I hadn't managed to brace myself against the edge of the bed, I probably would have collapsed right onto her stomach. I doubt that would have helped her recovery.
The coughing stopped, her grip loosened, and Luisa exhaled.
As Euriel's palm slowly slid upward toward her forehead, Luisa gradually relaxed. Her breathing returned to normal. But the color of her skin stayed the same.
When he removed his hand, the light slowly faded, like a dying firefly. I looked at him, silently asking: "Is she okay?" He answered with a short nod.
I exhaled and reached out to brush the hair from Luisa's forehead. My fingers brushed against the hair clip — it glinted in the light.
I wanted to take it off so it wouldn't bother her, but Luisa mumbled something and jerked her head, as if protesting. Because of that, my hand ended up resting on her forehead.
Hot.
The heat transferring to the back of my hand didn't promise anything good.
"She's still hot."
Euriel made some strange sound under his breath. What could that have been? I had no idea.
At the same time, he looked calm enough, which meant there was nothing to worry about. Probably. At least that's what I wanted to believe.
"Of course. Now she needs rest," he nodded.
"Didn't you just heal her?"
Euriel huffed, tilting his head to the side and rubbing his chin. Seeing him with a beard was unusual, but strangely enough, without one also felt unfamiliar.
"Did you think she would immediately jump up and start running around?"
Actually, that was more or less what I had thought. Isn't that how magic worked?
"No?"
Judging by his reaction, he had expected a different answer from me.
For a while he looked from me to the room and back, as if searching for the right words. Apparently having found some thought, he nodded again.
"When you get a paper cut, at first it doesn't even hurt. Then your brain decides it's dangerous — and the finger starts throbbing." He extended his index finger as if to demonstrate. "The body has to put in effort to close the wound."
I blinked several times, looking from his face to his finger. My hand was still resting on Luisa's forehead. The heat radiating from her made it hard to concentrate. Probably why I didn't immediately catch what he was getting at.
"Uh-huh…"
"You didn't get it, did you?" He sighed and scratched the back of his head. "Magic closes the wound. But the memory of the pain remains."
He pointed at Luisa and continued:
"It's the same here. Luisa is already healthy. But her body is exhausted from fighting."
It was a little unexpected to hear that magic wasn't all-powerful. On the other hand, there was no real reason to think otherwise.
Adults, it seemed, had to carry illnesses on their feet. That's why I never noticed. But Luisa was just a child. Even if she tried to act older.
I guess I had gotten too used to thinking of Luisa as strong. I never expected an ordinary cold to knock down this natural disaster.
In the end, Luisa was healthy. That was the most important thing. It wasn't so bad if she stayed quiet for a little while.
"Now let's check you too," Euriel said, bringing his hand to my forehead.
"Why? I feel the same as always."
I instinctively pulled back. I knew the light from his palm was bright enough to blind even through closed eyelids.
"You've been right next to a sick person the whole time."
Before I could wave him off, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me toward him like some unsociable pet. Luisa groaned when my hand slipped from her forehead and grabbed my wrist.
I was honestly surprised by her impulse. When I looked at Euriel, I realized I wasn't the only one.
Her hand was still hot. It wouldn't be a lie to say that the warmth of her palm was soothing. Not that I was nervous, of course.
"Looks like you're the best medicine for a cold," he laughed, making me shake in his arms.
"I'm not a pill, you know?"
"What pill?" He froze for a moment, staring at me. I just shrugged. "Well, let's not keep Luisa waiting."
I immediately squeezed my eyes shut. Perhaps understanding that I didn't like looking at the light, he turned me around with my back to him. At that moment I really felt like an object — being turned however he pleased.
However, it was only because Luisa was holding on to me that Euriel didn't flip me around like a sack. I couldn't help but feel grateful to her for that.
I didn't see the light. I only felt something invisible touch the back of my neck — not painful, but noticeable. The pressure slowly slid down my spine, as if I were being carefully tested for strength.
For a moment everything went quiet in my ears. Then a faint hum appeared, as if the air had become denser.
"Hmmm," he drawled. "You're fine. I don't even remember you ever being sick."
Euriel set me down on the floor like a cat after a vaccination. Except unlike an injection, there were no unpleasant sensations left. Just a lightness throughout my body. As if pebbles that had been hindering my muscles had been removed.
I opened my eyes and exhaled. I hadn't even noticed how tense I had become.
Now the heat from Luisa's palm on my wrist felt more distinct. It seemed she really had felt terrible.
"Being sick is too much trouble."
Even though I had never gone through it myself, one look at Luisa was enough to understand that. I put my hand back on her forehead — she relaxed. Her grip on my wrist loosened.
Was my palm really so cold that just touching it made her feel better?
"I've never heard of illnesses being afraid of lazy people."
"They're not afraid. They get inside and become lazy too."
I was perfectly aware that the explanation sounded ridiculous. At the same time, I had no other one. I would have liked to say I just had strong health, but the concept of "strong" was hard to connect with me.
Euriel just nodded several times, as if that answer actually satisfied him.
"I heard you lost your memory."
I frowned, looking at him. I didn't quite understand how we had suddenly jumped to that topic.
Actually, I had already forgotten about it. Forgotten that I had forgotten something. Ironic.
"I remembered while examining you," he added, as if justifying himself.
"And?.."
"Do you want it back?"
The moment he raised his hand, I immediately stepped back. There was no reason — my legs moved on their own.
Euriel didn't insist. His palm stayed hanging in the air, as if leaving the choice to me.
Returning my memories would have been the rational decision. Maybe it would help me figure out what omurice was. Why the cat I imagined didn't match reality. Why my parents acted so strangely — not for longer than a day, but still. And… why I had forgotten only Luisa.
No one wanted to give me answers. In the end, it stopped mattering.
Now there was a chance, but for some reason I wasn't in a hurry to find out everything. Stupid to deny — I was scared.
"I… Um…"
I couldn't string the words together. The only sound that left my lips was almost scorching air passing through my throat.
I reached for my head — it felt like it was itching. I ran my fingers through my hair. I tried to smile — not sure if it worked. The muscles around my mouth tensed — that was all I understood.
Somewhere I had heard that important memories are the foundation of our personality. Events lead to changes. Had I changed? Hard to say.
And yet, what I didn't remember could be like the space under the bed. No matter how much you shine a light, there's always a dark corner left.
It would be simpler if it only affected me, but… Changes in a person affect how they see the world too.
I sighed. At the same time, I noticed my lips were trembling a little.
"M-m…" Luisa mumbled again, rubbing her forehead against my palm.
I no longer had any doubts that Luisa was a Vesperia. For her, anxiety was just another reason to nuzzle and purr. Strangely enough, it really helped.
The thoughts that had filled my head just a moment ago burst like a balloon. The white light that seemed to shine from all sides gradually dissipated.
Almost as if thanking her, I ran my palm over her hair. Soft and slightly damp. The wavy locks curled around my fingers on their own, like vines.
A natural disaster was also a natural phenomenon. It seemed Luisa was the only one who combined destruction and… tenderness? I wasn't sure.
"No. I'm fine as it is."
And that was the truth. So much had happened since then that there wasn't a single reason to go back.
Suddenly I became curious about what people saw when they looked into the past.
A once happy life? An innocent version of themselves? Traumas that would have been better forgotten?
I could see all of that too. In a way.
It wasn't about the past at all — my own consciousness was wrapped in thorns. The moment you tried to touch it, you always pricked yourself on your still immature personality.
It felt like if I tried to pull it toward me — even with outside help — I would tear my palms to shreds.
I wanted to believe that what I had forgotten didn't hide anything bad. But in the present, I was no longer alone — that was enough.
"Sometimes ignorance is the best choice," he nodded and lowered his palm.
Getting up from the chair, Euriel arched his back, cracking his vertebrae. It felt like he was an office worker who had been sitting all day.
But… and that was it? Seriously? So simple?
"Besides, there was no guarantee it would work."
He stated it without batting an eye, as if it had just been part of some experiment. I would have liked to know what would have happened if it failed. Would I have lost my memory completely?
Instead of words, I just spread my arms as if asking: "What?"
In response he laughed and pulled some kind of snack package from his pocket. He opened the pack and tossed something into his mouth. I didn't even manage to see what it was.
"You don't have to see me out. Take care of Luisa," he winked and tossed another snack into his mouth. "Well… as best you can, of course."
I was going to anyway — I wanted to say. But I still hadn't quite figured out what a sick person needed. And Euriel just left without giving any instructions.
What did "as best you can" even mean? Weirdo. I wished I could be as carefree as him.
No, wait. Whatever.
"He left?"
I nearly jumped when Luisa suddenly spoke. No, I knew she could talk. But had she heard everything?
"You're not sleeping anymore?"
"Who said I was sleeping?"
She tried to smile, but it was clear it took effort.
The moment I removed my hand from her forehead, Luisa immediately puffed out her cheeks. It seemed puffing cheeks was easier than lifting the corners of her lips. I didn't understand how that worked.
"Put it back."
It sounded almost like an order. I couldn't help huffing.
"Why? You're not sleeping anymore," I shrugged.
"So what? You promised to take care of me."
"I didn't promise anything."
She tried to say something else, but instead of words she just exhaled. It seemed she really was tired.
"You should be kinder to sick people."
Luisa tried to turn away, but nothing came of it. She couldn't even turn her head fully. How capricious could she be?
And yet standing there holding my hand on her head wasn't something I liked at all. I wasn't sure how long I could have kept it up. Probably by the next day we would have switched places with Luisa.
I sighed and climbed onto the bed. Luisa kept sulking. Not as obviously, but it was still noticeable. When I lay down beside her, she tried to turn away again.
So much trouble.
I placed my hand on her stomach and my head on her shoulder. The warmth from her body was soothing. Unconsciously I pressed closer, closing my eyes.
"My turn to lie on you."
"It's hot."
"Doesn't matter. You'll recover faster."
As it turned out, moments of silence with Luisa didn't last long. One night was enough for the old Luisa to return.
I distinctly remembered falling asleep lying on her. How did it happen that I woke up underneath? Magic, no doubt.
This impudent creature — with the most innocent expression — was looking at me like a crocodile. Why exactly like that? I could only see her eyes. It felt like her teeth could snap shut on my stomach at any moment.
"Yori."
As expected, in her understanding, talking with fabric in her mouth was perfectly normal. And despite that, I clearly heard my name. Also — her breathing. It seeped even through the pajamas.
"It's me."
"Snow."
Luisa still hadn't lifted her head, which meant the danger remained. I knew this girl too well to let my guard down.
"What about 'snow'?"
I already guessed. But I asked anyway.
"Let's go play."
How obvious could she be? Or reckless? Probably both.
"You were just lying with a cold yesterday."
I placed my palm on her forehead as if checking whether the fever remained. Even though I knew it was gone.
"So what? Today I'm full of energy."
Luisa suddenly rose, placing her knees on either side of me. It looked dangerous.
Out of nowhere she bent her arms, tensing her muscles. I didn't know what that was supposed to mean, but she looked like a robot that had forgotten to be oiled.
"Doesn't matter. I'm tired."
It seemed Luisa wasn't satisfied with that answer. Right after, she lowered her arms, and they ended up on my shoulders. As if she were trying to prevent my escape.
Not that I was trying to escape anywhere.
"You're always tired. That doesn't stop you from being a target."
"What? You little…" I wanted to push her away, but didn't dare. "Today I'll win."
I said it before I thought. Too late I realized I had fallen for the usual provocation.
"He-he-he."
.
Coming out of the kitchen, I immediately flopped onto the sofa in the living room.
Honestly, I was a little offended. Though I deserved to be kicked out. Cooking is a real headache when I get tired just from carrying a tablespoon of salt.
But how am I supposed to learn anything if they don't even let me try?
Whatever.
I turned my gaze to the window. The sky on the other side was gray, completely hidden behind clouds. I wonder when that happened? I remember when I first woke up…
My head felt warm — so warm that I wondered if it was really winter right now. And my ears itched in the exact same way.
Luisa, who usually preferred my stomach to a pillow, had decided to use me completely today. Unconsciously, probably. I really didn't understand why, with our height difference, she considered me more comfortable than a bed.
It wasn't unusual for her hair to end up on my tongue. But this time it was on my tongue, on my face, and even in my nose. And her breath rushed straight into my ear, as if she were trying to oxygenate my brain.
Heavy…
I sighed. It came out harder than usual. It felt like something was pressing on my chest… Ah, no. It wasn't just a feeling. There really was pressure on my chest.
From the weight, my arms felt boneless, like the limbs of a gummy bear. I didn't particularly like the sensation. But I couldn't do anything about it either.
I sighed again. I noticed that with every breath, tiny specks of dust rose from the cushion. Watching them flutter in the rays of the rising sun, my gaze drifted to the window. Because of Luisa's hair, it looked like my eyelashes had grown moss.
I blew out air, trying to puff her hair away from my eyes to get at least some view.
The sky was painted red, though my skin was even redder.
I could have lifted my head, but my back refused to move and stayed powerless. How long would I be forced to lie like this? Time after time I tried my hardest to find another answer. But it always remained the same — until Luisa decided to wake up. Whether I ended up weak or just spineless didn't matter.
Still, I boldly lifted my head and discovered that… it didn't really change anything. Except that my face nearly bumped into hers.
Too close. Her breath — which just a moment ago had been directed into my ear — now filled my nostrils.
It was hard to tell from her face what she was dreaming about. Maybe nothing. How can you even tell if someone is dreaming?
While I kept looking at her, a smile appeared on Luisa's face. That came as a real shock to me.
"What are you doing?"
She asked without opening her eyes and yawned widely. It felt like she was trying to suck the air out of me just to blow it back into my face. How did she even know I was looking at her?
"Well, um… trying to get up?"
Honestly, I wasn't even sure what I was trying to do. Maybe stretch my bones? That sounded reasonable.
"Of course."
Right after that her arms slipped under my back and locked together. I suddenly understood what a bear hug was. Something clicked in my neck, and my legs involuntarily lifted, only to drop back down.
It didn't really change anything, but now my arms and legs were free. At least I could pretend to be a starfish.
"Maybe you could start using a regular pillow?"
"Oh, so you're jealous?"
With those words, Luisa's hand slid into the space between the cushion and my neck.
Hm?
It took me a moment for her words to sink in. But the warmth from her hand quickly made it clear what was happening.
"Now you have an arm-pillow. Fair's fair."
To the previous question was added another, no less confusing statement. Maybe she was talking in her sleep? If so — after something like that, I didn't want to know what she usually dreamed about.
"That's not what I meant."
Luisa lifted her head and, frowning, stared at me. It seemed I had managed to make her open her eyes. Though the position remained the same.
"Stop grumbling."
I tensed when her head began to lower toward mine. Considering all of Luisa's previous antics — she was capable of anything. But she wouldn't, right?
I swallowed.
Without stopping, her head passed right by mine. I felt her chin press against my shoulder. Seems like, as usual, I was filling my head with nonsense.
I could hear her quiet breathing, as if she had fallen asleep again. Among all those sighs, something slipped from her lips and reached my ears. Maybe I imagined it, but it really sounded like: "Just a dream."
I don't know what that could have meant, but I didn't ask for clarification. So I pretended I hadn't heard anything.
The silence between us lasted several moments. I really started to believe she had fallen asleep again. And yet right now everything wasn't so bad. As if the pit had become a little wider — now I could move my limbs. Or at least part of them.
The weight of her head and the numbness in my shoulder blended together, creating a strange sensation. As if my skin was slowly absorbing Luisa's face.
"Booo," Luisa mumbled, sending vibrations through my body. "Now it's uncomfortable for me."
She immediately pulled her arm out from under my neck and started to sit up. Surprisingly, in this situation it was Luisa who was complaining.
It would have been stupid to assume Luisa would just climb off me right away. Completely unbothered by my confusion, she simply sat astride me, stretching like a cat. Maybe for her I was just a folding chair?
I no longer had any questions about how impudent she could be. There was no doubt left — the word itself had been invented solely to describe Luisa.
And yet, no matter how much I wanted to leave the bed, I needed to get up. And for that, Luisa had to get off me. Judging by how she folded her hands into paws and rubbed her eyes — she had no intention of doing so.
I decided to squirm a little to let her know what I wanted. That made Luisa hunch over, dropping her hands onto my stomach. At the same time her cheeks seemed to flush. I wondered if it was because her skin tone made changes on her face so easy to notice?
I also noticed that while she had been lying on me — the weight had been distributed more or less evenly. Though even then she had felt heavy. But when she sat up, I realized — Luisa had gained weight.
It seemed secret snacking with Dad wasn't doing her any good. What was even stranger was that it was hurting me more than her.
"You know, you should eat a little less."
I tried to hint as subtly as possible. If I said it straight out, I probably wouldn't even have time for a prayer.
Luisa looked puzzled as she stared at me. The way her lashes innocently blinked created the impression that she was silently asking: "Why?" In response I lowered my gaze to her stomach.
Truthfully, her stomach worried me the least. But I couldn't exactly say that her… ahem… was big.
Following my gaze, Luisa looked down. Her fingers clenched as her hands settled on her sides. For a second she looked like she was preparing for a full-scale defense. But instead she huffed and placed her hands back on my stomach.
I remembered that while lying on it, she had called me soft more than once. Was this her way of saying "No, you" or something like that?
Using me as support, she quickly lifted herself up. My legs throbbed as if blood was rushing back into them. The tingling wasn't pleasant. But it meant I would soon be able to move.
Luisa, however, had her own opinion on the matter. With an expression of complete calm, she sat back down on me. It felt like I had served as landing gear for an airplane. The air rushed out so fast it was as if I had spat it.
"Hey! What are you…" I wiped my lips before I could finish.
Luisa just crossed her arms over her chest and lifted her nose in the air.
"Then I'll eat even more."
She often lacked common sense, but this was something new. Of course I had always loved my bed, but I had never noticed a desire to turn into a mattress.
"What?"
"Don't 'what' me. It's your own fault."
Even after Luisa stood up, it took me time to regain the ability to move. It felt like she had sat on some nerve, depriving me of the chance to get up. In other words — I was too lazy to get up and Luisa had nothing to do with it.
Fortunately, she spent a long time twirling in front of the mirror. Watching her, I regretted once again that I had even brought up the topic of weight.
When I said "twirling" — it wasn't an exaggeration. She literally examined herself from every angle. She even undressed to feel herself. The way her hair spun created the impression that she was preparing for some ball.
In reality, visually there was no difference at all. Luisa looked exactly the same as always. And by touch, well… I wasn't in a hurry to check. I left that to her.
"I get it."
I looked in the mirror to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me. With a proud expression on her face, Luisa stood in front of it, looking at me in the reflection. Her hands lingered on her sides as if she were striking a victory pose. But in reality she was still feeling herself.
"What?"
"It's not that I gained weight — it's that you got weaker."
Honestly, her conclusion wasn't entirely senseless. I really did feel sluggish. But I didn't want to hear it from a girl who had spent a long time staring at herself in the mirror while standing in just her underwear.
"Oh, really."
"Yes. Exactly."
"As you say."
When this exchange of courtesies ended, I turned my back to her. After everything that had happened, anyone else in my place would probably have tried to disprove her words. Do some exercises, for example. Start the day productively. I hope that someone will definitely do it instead of me.
I closed my eyes, hoping to sleep a little more. Actually, I should have thought about this earlier — while Luisa was examining herself. I don't even know why I watched. And at the same time, for some reason I couldn't tear my eyes away. What a mystery.
"I'll just say it."
The voice in my ear came so suddenly that I didn't even notice how she had approached. Only now did I feel my body tilt slightly toward the edge of the bed.
My eyes opened on their own, but I didn't hurry to turn my head toward her. I knew her face was dangerously close to mine. Her breath was distinctly felt on my skin when she spoke.
I didn't understand why she was always so close. Maybe it was time for her to start wearing glasses?
In the end I sighed and turned toward her. Luisa immediately pulled her head back. At the same moment she grabbed my shoulders, pressing me to the bed as if otherwise I wouldn't notice her. It seemed she simply didn't know how to complain to someone who wasn't listening.
"Well?"
"Well what?"
Even though she had started it herself, Luisa's lips twisted in dissatisfaction. As my eyes wandered over her body trying to understand why she still hadn't dressed — my gaze caught on a reddish mark on her forearm. Like an engraved outline of a flower on her skin. It was the pattern from the pillow on which Luisa's arm had supported my head.
From that point of view, I was heavy too, right? Or maybe we were both just too weak. Not that it mattered.
In any case, no matter how uncomfortable it was for her, she was trying.
"You're right. You haven't changed."
"And what's that supposed to mean?"
Unsatisfied with my answer, Luisa frowned. Everything about her radiated tension. Not just her face, but also her hands gripping my shoulders tightly. It actually hurt a little.
"You're the same as you always were."
"What? Fat?"
My vague comment only made things worse. Did that really sound like I had always considered her fat? Honestly, I had no idea.
But the way Luisa's face puffed up made me panic and try to fix it.
"No, you… Well, I mean…"
My useless attempts sounded more like talking underwater. Even if — hypothetically — bubbles could store individual sounds — they wouldn't reach ears.
I really didn't know what I was supposed to say in a situation like this. If I said Luisa had always been thin — that dry answer wouldn't satisfy her. To say she was cu… Well no, I couldn't. Besides, that had nothing to do with extra weight.
Then what? What was I supposed to say?
As if noticing my confusion, Luisa sighed. Her grip on my shoulders loosened.
"Sometimes you're unbearable."
Technically those were my words, but we'll skip that.
"Good thing it's only sometimes."
"O-oh, you found a quick comeback for that one."
Luisa shook her head in disappointment. What exactly had she expected to hear from me? I didn't say I disliked it. Well, actually, I didn't say the opposite either.
But there was nothing surprising about Luisa being heavier than me. After all, she's taller and older. It's like comparing a baby elephant to an adult one.
Um, no. Bad example. Taking my words back.
Instead of getting dressed, Luisa flopped face-first onto my chest. It seemed today she was using me as a trampoline. At least her head was less problematic than… her butt.
"You do realize this changes nothing," Luisa declared, turning to face me.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm going to keep sleeping the same way as always."
In the current situation, that was the least of my problems. If she kept falling on me, sooner or later my body would become even flatter.
"I never doubted it."
Following Luisa, we headed to the kitchen. I don't know what time it was, but it seemed like the first time I had come down and the food wasn't ready yet.
Mom was standing by the table, tapping her finger against her chin as if mentally sorting through what to cook today. Her messy hair gave the impression she had only recently woken up. It looked like Dad going on tour for a couple of days had given Mom the chance to be a little lazy.
Looking at her disheveled appearance, for the first time I felt such a strong connection between us. Turns out if I put in as much effort as she did to maintain my appearance — I could look cute too. Of course I wouldn't do it, but it was nice to know such a possibility existed.
"Good morning."
It wasn't a rehearsed line, but as if reading my mind, Luisa and I greeted Mom in unison.
"Oh, girls, you're already up?"
"Looks like you weren't expecting us?" I nodded toward the table.
One glance was enough to see — Mom had hoped we would sleep until lunch. I would have liked that too. But it's pretty hard to sleep when someone is trying to flatten you into the mattress.
"Who said I ever wait for you at all?"
Mom said it so seriously that for a second my shoulders tensed. Our eyes met, making me feel slightly awkward. But the smile that appeared right after quickly relieved the tension.
Seriously, how cruel do you have to be to say something like that to your daughter? Even as a joke.
"Just kidding," Mom declared cheerfully, patting me on the shoulder.
Luisa, on the other hand, seemed to have no idea what was going on. She was already standing by the table, examining the ingredients.
As expected. Luisa was the type of person you don't have to wait for — she shows up anyway.
"I can't wait," declared the girl who looked more like a dog waiting for a treat.
Of course I had heard that hunger turns people into animals, but I think this was the first time I'd actually seen it. I was overcome with deep regret that Luisa wasn't wearing her velour pajamas today. I would have loved to see her tail wag in that moment.
"Then maybe you can help me?"
"Really?"
Hearing Mom's offer, I stared at her. That made Mom turn to me and give a thumbs-up. What was she trying to say? I had no idea.
But… Luisa helping? I couldn't allow that. I wouldn't be surprised if the food ended up with pepper or something similar.
Though she would only be helping, Luisa always needed constant supervision.
"I'll help too."
After my declaration, it became even harder to interpret Mom's expression. Was she wincing, confused, or both at once?
"Girls are better at cooking," Mom pursed her lips, patting me on the head.
Wait… Stop. What?
"I'm a girl too, actually."
"Really?"
Mom acted so convincingly surprised that for a moment I even doubted my own statement. But as soon as she laughed, I relaxed a little.
"Kidding, kidding. You're the cutest girl in the world. But leave the cooking to us."
I had no doubt she said that just to get rid of me. The way she tactfully pushed me out of the kitchen made it obvious.
"And grumpy like an old man," Luisa added to my back.
"Old woman."
Even though it changed nothing, I decided to correct her anyway. In any case I wasn't either.
"No-no, definitely old man."
"Shut up."
I don't know if Luisa heard me, but the door was already closed. And I was left outside.
Well, whatever.
So, what was I talking about?
It seemed even sinking into memories didn't help me remember when the sky turned gray. Not that it really mattered.
I wonder how much time had passed since those two started cooking? I sniffed, but no smell came through. Maybe because of the closed door.
"Don't worry. It should be ready soon."
"Huh?"
The voice came so unexpectedly that I even jumped. Turning toward the source, I felt my face twitch slightly.
"Where… How long have you been here?"
"Hm?" Euriel looked out the window, furrowing his brows as if trying to see clock hands there. "Long enough to watch you grimace with an empty stare."
That wasn't the best way to tell time. But more surprisingly, I realized — he had been here for a while. How had I managed not to notice him?
"Okay. Why are you here?"
"Could I miss an event like this? I'm curious too what Luisa will manage to make."
No, no, that made sense. What interested me more was — how did he even know about it?
Though maybe we just hadn't noticed him when we came down, and he had been sitting here the whole time? Then it wouldn't have been hard for him to hear the entire conversation.
Did that explanation satisfy me? Quite.
"I hope this time it turns out better."
"Hm?"
His voice sounded quiet and dry, as if dried by the winter wind. And he grimaced, placing a hand on his stomach. What was that supposed to tell me?
I really wished people would stop speaking to me in riddles.
Before I could ask anything else, Euriel got up from the sofa. Brushing off his cloak as if he had sat here so long he was already covered in dust — he headed toward the stairs to the second floor.
"I'll be right back."
I hadn't asked. Still, I nodded after him.
Part of me was curious where he had suddenly gone, but… I really didn't want to figure it out. At the same time, I caught myself still following him with my eyes. More precisely, I had to almost spin in place to do it.
"Something wrong?" he asked, stopping on the stairs.
"Nothing. Just practicing a secret technique."
I wanted to joke, but from Euriel's expression it started to seem like he was seriously thinking about it.
"A technique?"
"Yeah. Continuously staring at someone's back until they turn around."
I answered the first thing that came to mind. I had no reason to watch him. Maybe I was just surprised at how comfortable he felt in our house. Though honestly, I should have gotten used to it by now.
"It really works," he nodded and continued upstairs.
Hm? Did it actually?
I never expected him to take my words literally. Probably adults are supposed to do that — take children's nonsense at face value so as not to shatter their dreams. I have to admit — it's not easy work.
Once Euriel disappeared on the second floor, I immediately returned to my original position. Of course I had never been energetic, but I didn't think that the moment I was left alone I would already be half-asleep. My eyelids grew heavier and heavier as I stared out the window.
It seemed I was starting to understand why Luisa called me an old man. Somewhere I had heard that grandfathers often like to fall asleep sitting. Though I couldn't agree that it was comfortable. Lying down was still much better.
While I was busy thinking about such things, Luisa appeared in front of my eyes. When? How?
I even panicked a little when I saw her right there. At first I thought I was dreaming. But she didn't disappear even after I rubbed my eyes with my hands.
I don't know if Euriel taught her sudden appearances, but that trait had undoubtedly come from him.
"You always look at the sky. And yet you find a million reasons not to go outside."
And how were those two things connected? To be fair, people who love paintings almost never paint them. Well, whatever.
"Where else am I supposed to look?"
"At me."
She didn't even blink when she answered. I looked at Luisa in panic, and she just laughed.
"Oh, I… Um…"
"You're so cute when you get flustered."
What is even happening? Am I really asleep?
Almost all my senses shut down for a moment. And at the same time I clearly felt my entire face turning red. I was so stunned that I froze in place.
While I was in a daze, Luisa grabbed my head and pulled me into her arms.
Seriously… what could I have missed that led us… to this?
Her warmth and scent seeped into me, making me sweat a little. If I was already so hot in just a T-shirt, the question arose: what was I supposed to wear now?
As if cherishing a pet, her palm ran through my hair while her fingers played with individual strands. How could she say something like that so casually? How simple and at the same time mysterious could she be?
That fact made me blush even more than being called cute. Seriously.
While I remained in her arms, while she played with my hair, it started to feel like I understood Luisa just a tiny bit better. She had always been more honest than me. She didn't need to come up with hundreds of excuses or reasons to do something. She just did it. Another difference between us.
Maybe that's why I always lost. My motives often weren't as sincere.
"Looks like you really like me."
I put as much sarcasm as possible into my voice, hoping to throw her off balance too.
"Yeah."
Huh?
How can someone just say that?
Even if we both knew it wasn't that kind of "like" — at least pretend to be embarrassed.
By the way, they made pancakes with fruit filling. To my surprise, they turned out tasty.
It wasn't hard to guess who made which pancake. Some were slightly sweet. Others… too sweet.
I don't know if Luisa had problems with taste buds or if she was just afraid there wouldn't be enough sugar. But it was still far better than salty chocolate.
Euriel seemed satisfied too. He ate so much that by the time Dad returned, nothing was left.
Hm.
Maybe that was his goal all along?
.
"Oh, isn't that the same sweater you gave to Yori?"
Judging by the way Luisa flinched, Euriel's question caught her completely off guard.
Should I mention once again that I was a little shocked by his appearance too? Like Dad, he could stand to learn to knock before entering a room with two girls. Who knows what we might have been doing in here.
Though we were just reading a book. Nothing more, nothing less. The same one as always. Luisa wasn't particularly picky about that.
But that's not what this is about right now.
Honestly, I was curious about that detail too, but I was too indecisive to ask directly. Besides, I had heard somewhere that people who constantly ask questions grow up into adults who can't think for themselves.
I also only just noticed that Luisa changed clothes quite often. Because of that, it was hard to keep track of when she was wearing this sweater. So, from that perspective, it wasn't strange that I simply forgot, right?
In any case, I was grateful that Euriel took my concern upon himself.
"Ho-ho-ho."
For some unknown reason, she crossed her arms with a very proud look. At the same time, she avoided meeting his eyes.
"Yori suggested we become co-owners," Luisa declared, still acting all important.
"Really?" Euriel asked, glancing at me thoughtfully.
What? No such thing happened.
I even involuntarily tilted my head to the side, as if trying to refute her words with one movement.
"Exactly."
She said it so seriously that it was hard to tell whether she was joking or not. Luisa immediately turned to face me and stared from very close range. For a moment I felt like something was stuck in my throat and blocking my breathing.
It was quite… creepy.
"Right?" she asked, leaning even closer.
I immediately started nodding without a second's hesitation. After all, there was always the possibility that my consciousness had simply erased that memory.
Though her expression looked the same, it's worth noting that her chin lifted just slightly. It was reasonable to assume my answer had satisfied her.
A faint — or rather crooked — smile appeared on my face. I could feel the corners of my mouth trembling while she kept staring.
"You'll grow up to be a terrifying woman, Luisa. I don't envy Yori."
Huh? What do I have to do with it?
After those words, Luisa's brows furrowed and her lips pouted in offense. But Euriel closed the door behind him before Luisa could throw a pillow in his direction.
I wonder what the pillow did wrong?
Euriel clearly wasn't convinced by Luisa's lie. I even felt a little sorry for her. So much effort, all for nothing.
Nevertheless, after thinking about the situation a bit more, I came to the conclusion that I didn't mind becoming co-owners with Luisa. Why? It took some of the responsibility off me.
I even wanted to thank her. But deciding she would think I was weird, I said nothing.
"What are you staring at?" Luisa snapped, turning her gaze back to me.
"Huh?"
"Shut up and read." Luisa jabbed her finger at the page in the book, as if ordering me to read.
I didn't quite understand what I had done wrong, but decided not to argue.
Shut up and read, right? Did she want me to read silently? I should have clarified, but I lacked the courage. So I just started reading in my head.
Less than a minute passed before Luisa reminded me of herself again. She nudged me with her shoulder. As if trying to express something that couldn't be put into words.
"I can't hear you."
Luisa crossed her arms over her chest again. But this time she looked more angry than proud. It seemed Euriel had really hurt her pride.
Personally, I didn't care what Luisa would become in the future. Whether her appearance, personality, scent, or voice changed — to me she would always just be Luisa.
That didn't change the fact that today she was being extremely problematic.
"How am I supposed to read silently so you can hear me?"
"How should I know?"
Luisa huffed and grabbed my head. My body immediately tensed, as if bracing for impact. But none came. She simply pressed me to her chest like an offended child hugging a soft toy.
I know it sounds selfish coming from me, but in moments like this it would be great if Luisa were a little more considerate of those around her. The position I ended up in was — to put it mildly — uncomfortable. My right side was stretched and painfully tense. And I'm not a fan of gymnastics.
I set the book aside on the bed and carefully took hold of her wrists for support. Her arms trembled just slightly. I didn't quite understand why. Was she afraid I would try to pull away?
I turned my head to look at her face. Even though I wasn't in the best position for such maneuvers. It seemed to me that Luisa looked a little upset.
Maybe it wasn't about pride at all? Maybe Luisa just didn't like the idea of someone thinking badly of her?
Sometimes I really wished I could understand people a little better.
"You know, that sweater suits you more than it does me."
I doubt that was a successful way to change the subject, but I still tried. Not that there had even been a real conversation between us, but whatever.
And these were my sincere thoughts. Even though pink and green didn't really go together — I really believed it. Mostly because of the color of her face. Her cheeks often flushed, and it looked very harmonious.
A little bewildered, Luisa lifted her head and blinked several times. It seemed to take her a moment to figure out why I had even said that. I couldn't blame her.
Right after, she rubbed her cheek against my head, as if trying to wipe away tears. Except her eyes were dry. Then why?
"It suits you too."
I couldn't agree with her observation at all. Even now, without the sweater on, one glance at the mirror out of the corner of my eye — and I immediately remembered how ridiculous I looked in it. As if the mirror itself remembered my ugliness and shoved it right in my face.
It seemed Luisa really did have some vision problems. Strange. Euriel had examined her more than once — hadn't he noticed?
"Thanks. But it really does suit you more. So I don't mind being co-owners."
Luisa suddenly laughed, burying her face in my hair. It was a rather strange sensation. Like a hair clipper just buzzing and vibrating without actually doing anything.
But thanks to that, I realized something.
Even if other people's thoughts remained unreachable to me, I could easily feel emotions through my skin.
Was this the right moment to finally tell her it was uncomfortable?
Mmm, no. Probably not.
.
Spring was approaching, but the evenings were still almost like night. It was even darker than midnight in summer, making everything around invisible. Though a handful of streetlamps were scattered here and there — very typical for rural areas — the path to the shopping square seemed endless and resembled the arched back of a snake.
Even though I called it rural, we still lived in a city. I don't know why, but something about the houses being so far apart felt unfamiliar to me. The first thing that comes to mind when imagining a city is an anthill. However, that didn't quite match reality.
It was as if only the center was truly a city, while everything else felt closer to a village. A somewhat strange combination.
For the first time in a long while, this evening had no precipitation. And it seemed like the first time I had looked at the evening sky not through the glass of my own home. I have to say, there weren't many differences.
I had always hated the idea of going for a walk at this time of year. So much so that I sometimes wondered what kind of fool decided most holidays should be in winter? But Luisa disagreed with me.
Hands behind her back, she gazed at the sky. The wind puffed out the loose strands from under her hat, forcing her to brush them from her face and tuck them back in. Occasionally exhaling gray clouds of steam, she rocked from heels to toes, making the snow crunch lightly.
For some reason, this image fit perfectly into winter for me. Simultaneously cold and very lonely. But there was something else. Something that stood out from all of it. Something… warm.
A strong gust of wind whipped across my skin, instantly cooling it. I instinctively closed my eyes, hiding my face behind the collar of my coat. At that moment I was glad it was several sizes too big.
"You were born in winter. How can you be so cold?"
"And how is that related?"
I immediately regretted answering with my head raised. The cold air rushed into my lungs, sending a shiver through me.
And why hadn't I agreed to go outside with a mug of hot tea like Mom?
Right… I knew I wouldn't be able to hold it for long.
By the way, I suddenly became curious — when was Luisa's birthday? Probably in summer. Everything about her pointed to that. But instead of guessing, the most reasonable thing was to ask.
Of course we hadn't known each other long, but it felt wrong that I didn't even know basic information about her.
"When is your birthday?"
Even though I usually didn't stop making the same mistakes over and over, this time I acted wiser. I hoped Luisa could hear my question through the fabric.
Luisa turned to me with wide-open eyes. A short puff of steam escaped her slightly parted lips, as if signaling her surprise. But then she narrowed her eyes, and her lower lip curled slightly, as if she were pouting.
I don't understand. Did I ask something wrong?
"Rude."
"Huh?"
Frowning, I scratched my head. I could barely feel my hair because my fingers had gone numb from standing in the cold.
No, that's not it.
I had heard somewhere that it was rude to ask girls their age, but the question wasn't about that. I already knew how old she was. I don't understand.
"Why?"
"You're only asking now. What if it had already passed?"
I doubted that even with all my absentmindedness I could have missed something like that. I wouldn't even be surprised if Luisa had openly announced it herself.
Wait. Maybe she had said it, but because I forgot — we didn't celebrate?
The thought seemed amusing, but I immediately dismissed it. Fortunately, the world didn't revolve around one single person.
"I would have noticed."
Luisa just shrugged. Did she really think I was that unreliable? It was unexpectedly painful to see someone important doubt you.
I could have argued, but in the end all my objections would have been baseless. Luisa knew far more about me than I did about her. Largely thanks to her strange experiments. But that didn't cancel it out — it only emphasized her involvement.
From that perspective, I really was a bad companion. It was foolish to expect someone to just come and lay out all the necessary information about themselves like in an interview.
"I'm sor—"
She immediately shook her head and poked her finger into my collar, as if interrupting me. And I froze with my palm on my neck, looking bewildered at her hand.
A moment later, I lowered my hand. It was cold, and it felt like tiny ice particles were piercing under the skin.
"You always apologize when you don't need to."
With a light rustle, her finger slid upward and she flicked my nose. The flick wasn't strong, but because of the suddenness, my head jerked up. The warm skin hidden behind the fabric was immediately hit with unpleasant chill.
Before I could say anything, the tip of Luisa's finger pressed against my lips. With her thumb raised, her hand looked like a gun.
Probably for that reason, my heart was beating a little harder than usual.
"Before the end of spring break."
Spring break? What was she talking about?
I even tilted my head to the side, thinking. Because of that, Luisa's hand followed me, as if still forbidding me to speak. So she wasn't finished?
Looking each other in the face, we both tensed. I didn't quite understand how an ordinary conversation about a birthday had led us to this. It felt like even the air between us had become stale and thick. Or maybe winter was always like that. It was hard for me to say.
"We'll… celebrate it together, right? Before I go to school."
The last part came out almost as a whisper, but even the noise of the wind didn't stop me from hearing her. Her finger slid off my lips, but I remained standing silently.
It was the first time I had heard that Luisa was going to school. Of course it made sense, but…
When did you decide? Didn't your father object? Are you really ready? Do you actually need to?
I should have asked her these questions, but I couldn't say a word. I was stuck, able only to stare straight ahead.
When, by my count, hours had passed, Luisa stretched her neck as if to make sure I was still breathing. I know in reality it was no more than a few dozen seconds, but it felt like it.
All I could do was smile. And even then I wasn't completely sure it worked. Because of the cold, it felt like the muscles in my face had gone numb.
What should I even answer her?..
For some reason, almost no one likes insects. But that doesn't stop people from resembling moths painfully closely.
Light will never be kind to them, but they still keep flying toward it. And the moment their wings get singed, they're no longer distinguishable from worms. But even ugly creatures, when they burn, give off a faint light.
If that was the whole point, then…
People have been given the ability to see the world. And they use it to peek into other people's windows. There's nothing shameful about following someone else's tracks. The problem arises when you mistake them for your own.
And if you don't follow them? You stray from the path — and end up where even the brightest light goes unnoticed.
Maybe I'm exaggerating too much — it's just going to school. And yet, for some reason I'm nervous. Though there are no objective reasons to dissuade her.
Most likely, the reason wasn't school at all, but the fact that I'm an ordinary person. I can't see what isn't happening right in front of my eyes. And I can't touch what isn't there. What if Luisa gets involved in something where there's no place for me? And I won't even know about it.
At the same time, I didn't want — and couldn't — go with her.
Then… what did I want?
Probably — as selfish as it sounds — for Luisa to always stay by my side. Of course I understood that was impossible. Even people living under the same roof had their own lives outside the home. And we… were just Yori and Luisa. Nothing more, nothing less.
But that wasn't what this was about…
"Of course."
Satisfied with my answer, Luisa nodded. It seemed to me that she lifted her foot toward me, about to close the distance. But instead Luisa stepped back.
So she wanted to show that the matter was settled, and my function at this stage was fulfilled? It was a little sad to realize that my role had been so insignificant.
I hid my face behind the collar of my coat again, trying to warm my frozen skin with my own breath.
I never learned the exact date. But I no longer worried about it. It seemed that no matter how fragile promises were — they were strong enough to instill at least a grain of hope. Even if next year she…
Well, who cares.
Shouldn't we head back already?
My shoulders ached, and my head felt heavy. It was almost like after the gym — when you use muscles you haven't used in a long time. Except instead of muscles, the part of my brain responsible for all kinds of anxiety hurt. If such a part even existed.
"I'm already tired of waiting for you."
Right after Mom's complaint, I felt her chin rest on top of my head. Her elbows settled on my shoulders, making them hurt even more. But more importantly…
Heavy.
"Then why didn't you call?"
Though her weight in no way helped my condition, I noticed that I instinctively pressed my back against her. It wasn't hard to guess why — Mom was very warm.
"I was waiting. My butt already hurts from the cold step."
"Mom!"
Unbearable. That seemed like the only right word to describe the situation.
I wouldn't have been surprised if Dad had said it. But I never expected Mom to bring up butts in conversation.
On the other hand, something had to happen. Otherwise that oppressive atmosphere between us would have remained.
It seemed Mom's superpower had kicked in just in time again.
"What?"
She drew out the sound so pitifully that I almost laughed. But a light touch of wind immediately reminded me — better not.
"Nothing."