Lianshui's decision broke me. Not because it was sudden, or selfless, but because it was hers—and I realized how little I had ever given her in return. Why did she have to give up her life? Why her, when I was the one who barged into this world, into her body, her future? Sweet Lianshui, who watched from the background as I lived for over a year—laughed, cried, stumbled through her life like it was mine.
She never blamed me. Never fought me. Never asked for it back. She let me speak. She let me exist. And now she was willing to give it all away, quietly, with that same gentle grace. She was kind in ways I never deserved. Better than I ever was. And the truth hit me like a stone in the chest—if someone had to go, it should be me. I was the mistake. The glitch. The trespasser. But fairness was never part of the story. And still, she chose to give me her life.
"Miss Mei Lin, are you not going to talk to me anymore?" Lianshui asked gently.
She was sitting cross-legged on Yuling's daybed, in her quarters, trying for the third time that morning to coax me into speaking.
I stayed quiet.
Sulking.
Brooding.
Ever since she'd announced her decision to let go, I hadn't said a word. Not one. I just curled myself deeper inside and refused to come out.
Lianshui sighed and glanced at Yuling helplessly.
"She's not talking to me," she said.
Yuling blinked, halfway through pouring tea, and gave her a slow, measured look like she was debating whether to offer comfort or a sedative.
"She's always like that," Yuling said, casually sipping her tea. "Last time she went through multiple stages of grief when Ming Yu left. Including shattering five teacups. Very dramatic. Now she's in your head. Which means, unfortunately, she can't throw things."
Lianshui giggled, the sound soft and nostalgic. "Yeah… I remember the little fort she built under the table in the infirmary. She cried so much I was genuinely worried she'd dehydrate."
"She's very stubborn," Yuling said, pouring herself another cup of tea like she was commenting on the weather.
"Too stubborn for her own good."
She took a sip, then added casually, "She still hasn't admitted she has some sort of feelings for Shen Kexian, has she?"
No I don't, I snapped from deep inside Lianshui's mind.
Lianshui smiled. That infuriating, knowing smile.
"Yes you do, Miss Mei Lin," she said sweetly. "And you're talking again."
Yuling barked a laugh. "There she is."
"She's back," Lianshui nodded, thoroughly pleased with herself.
I groaned internally.
Yuling leaned back, eyes sharp with amusement and affection. "Mei Lin, it's time to face reality and help Lianshui fulfill her wish. You owe her that much."
Ugh.
She was right.
Of course she was right.
I hate that she's always right.
Alright, I said quietly.
There was a long pause, then I added, Lianshui, I don't like your decision. Not even a little. But I respect it. And I'll help you in any way I can.
Is there anything you want to do before you go?
Inside, I felt her spirit lift like sunlight breaking through clouds.
"Yes," she said aloud, eyes shining. "Yes! There are a few things I want to do!"
Yuling straightened in her seat, already intrigued. "A few things? That sounds suspicious."
Lianshui turned toward the window, a soft smile blooming on her face. "Well, if I'm going to move on… I want to experience life a little first."
I sighed.
Alright then. It's time to fill your bucket list.
The next day, we started crossing things off Lianshui's list.
She said she wanted to eat a cake that I made—so we baked one together. Since Lianshui was the one controlling our body, I guided her through each step from within. And when it cooled, we sliced it clean and brought it to the courtyard where they were all waiting. Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian. Shen Kexian. Ming Yu. And Yuling, arms crossed like she wasn't already preparing to judge the texture with the sharpness of a palace examiner.
We ate under the eaves, passing plates, sipping warm tea, pretending that time wasn't ticking louder in the background. Lianshui smiled through every bite. She said it was the best thing she'd ever tasted, and I didn't correct her.
Later, Shen Kexian took us to visit her old house. The place was quiet, worn around the edges, but still full of echoes. She moved through the rooms with a hush in her heart, touching the wooden beams, the corners where dust had settled, the old carvings on the doorframe. Nothing was said, but I felt her thank it. Her past. Her home.
The second day, we went to a waterfall not far from the capital. Yuling and Xiaohua came too. We brought kimbap and sticky rice wrapped in lotus leaves, shared under the canopy of trees. The sun danced on the water. We took turns jumping into the deep, clear pool, clothes soaked, hair dripping, laughter rising into the trees. Yuling stayed at the edge. She said she still hadn't forgiven the last time she fell in.
That afternoon, she said she wanted to talk to Ming Yu.
So we found him in the training yard, his hair damp with sweat, sleeves rolled up, wrist guard half-fastened. He looked up as we approached, that usual calm flickering into a frown the moment he noticed something was different.
Lianshui greeted him with her usual graceful calm.
"Advisor Liu," she said softly. "Would it be alright if I spent the night with Lord Shen?"
What?!
I shrieked inside her skull.
Lianshui, what are you doing?! Are you trying to get him killed? Or have Ming Yu spontaneously implode from sheer suppressed emotion?!
Ming Yu froze.
His expression didn't shift right away, but his grip on his sword tightened. Then his eyes narrowed.
"Why are you asking me?" he said, voice careful, quiet.
"Because," Lianshui replied gently, "even though I'm the one in control… after I'm gone, Miss Mei Lin will be the one left with your reaction."
She gave him a serene smile.
"I'm being considerate."
He stared at us for a long, excruciating pause.
Please don't explode, I begged silently. Please don't duel Shen Kexian at dawn.
Finally, Ming Yu exhaled. He asked flatly, "Is she screaming inside right now?"
Lianshui didn't miss a beat.
"Yes," she said. "She's very loud."
Lianshui! I wailed. Why would you confirm that?!
Ming Yu let out a quiet breath—maybe a sigh, maybe a laugh—and shook his head once.
"I thought so."
Then he turned around and walked away before either of us could say another word.
"He took that well," she murmured.
Wait—hold on a second, I said, barely able to form the words. I know you love Shen Kexian. I do. I get that. But… do you really have to spend the night with him?
Lianshui exhaled very slowly. Like she had been expecting this.
"Miss Mei Lin," she said gently, "at one point in my life… I wanted to marry Kexian. I was saving myself for him"
Then she added, almost too softly, "But then you took it. And gave it to Advisor Liu. On your fake wedding day."
"And again," she said. "And again. I was there, you know. The whole time."
I was so embarrassed I wanted to curl up into a void and quietly cease to exist.
I'd rather you slapped me, I whispered. Honestly. Just slap me. Slap me with a hairbrush. With a fish. With anything. I know. I'm sorry. Okay? I… I have no words.
She hummed, clearly satisfied.
"Right, then it's my turn this time," she said with a laugh.
That night, she dressed in pale blue and silver, her hair half-down, soft and simple. She didn't ask for permission. She didn't need to.
She walked to Shen Kexian's quarters without a word.