Yamamoto Midori's POV:
When I first got here, I felt assured of my entry into the alchemist tournament, but I now see that was too naïve of me. After the conquest of the Dark Empire, a lot of great sects and empires were left in ruins, but it also left any number of great experts without a backer, so of course there would be more unaffiliated experts to enter this year's preliminaries. This tournament would be the quickest way back to the top, but without any support, they will have to go through the preliminaries first if they want to enter. Hence, why there turned out to be several master alchemists other than me here.
Fortunately, thanks to my preparation, I made it through the first three rounds, unlike my peers. Even though they were masters like me, that doesn't mean they know how to make every unique grade pill out there. Becoming a master alchemist means being capable of reliably make at least one type of unique grade pill, but there are countless different recipes that require different processes and experiences to make. One of the greatest challenges of the preliminary is that you don't know what pills you are to make next, hence many qualified individuals fail because they are unfamiliar with the recipe and make a mistake on their first attempt. I, however, have gained an informant as part of my preparations for this competition, hence I already know what to do and how to do it before the round even begins.
Unfortunately, there is a big problem that I had not accounted for.
"Hello there citizen! How would you like to join me in the fight against evil?"
It's that cheating bitch Su. I had at first thought she was just a shameless youngster using some unknown method to cheat her way past the first round, which was why I thought a simple threat would be enough to scare this prankster away, but I was wrong. Not only was she a shameless cheat, but she was also a weird loon who doesn't seem to know the meaning of fear. She nearly got disqualified for interrupting the second round for her silly sideshow. However, the weird play she put on made one thing apparent to me, she is not a normal individual. Those weirdly strong golems, high-quality pills, and unknown methods that cannot be detected by anyone here, those aren't things just anybody would have. If I had to guess, she is likely one of the many experts who lost their backers to the dark empire. I was going to let it go, I thought she wouldn't be able to cheat her way through the third round with just what she had in hand, but I was mistaken. Through shear dumb luck it seems she had pills for all three rounds prepared. It was then that I realized she probably bribed the staff for information on the preliminaries just like me.
I now have no choice but to kill her.
*Slap*
"You shameless girl! You brought this upon yourself!" I said as I slapped the cheating loon.
In the fourth round we need to make a legendary grade pill, something only a grand alchemist is capable of. I will naturally fail, which will assure her victory, even if she does as well. In a case of a draw, the victory will be decided by the results of the previous rounds. Even an apprentice can tell her pills are of a higher quality than mine, hence why I need to get rid of this loon before the start of the next round.
The 2nd round made it clear she won't back down, so I have no choice but to have her killed. So, I bribed the staff to distract the guards as I led her to a secluded place where me and my disciples could ambush her without being discovered.
"Oh no! The forces of evil must have corrupted you and your friends! This can only be the work of pa-!"
*Slap*
I slapped her one last time before gesturing for my newly recruited disciple to kill her.
"M-Master Midori, is this really necessary? Can't we just let her off with a warning?" He stuttered out, looking hesitant to kill the loon.
"Are you questioning your sect leader's decision?" I said, in an annoyed tone.
"N-No!" He stuttered out, as he shakily raised his blade to carve out her dantien.
"Hmph! I'll leave it to you then!" I said as I left the room as the 4th round was about to start.
Once her cultivation core is gone, they will grant her some mercy and chop off her head to not make her suffer. Then her body will be chopped into pieces to make it easier to smuggle out of the building for disposal. Su will disappear, and I will win the preliminaries by default. If her death is discovered, I can just pin the blame on one of my new underlings while bribing the guild staff to help corroborate my alibi.
"HAS ANYONE SEEN CANDIDATE SU?!"
"What a shame! It seems my opponent has run away!" I chimed in as I waited for them to declare my victory.
However, right after I said that the lights went out. Then suddenly, the center of the stage lit back up, revealing two cloaked figures.
"What the?!"
I got this ominous feeling of déjà vu coming over me as I confusedly watched the two hooded figures pull out a microphone as loud cheerful music started blasting my eardrums. I then watched the two people throw off their hoods to reveal the cheating loon that should have been dead and, …
"Is that Grand elder Ono?!"
"DRUGS MIGHT BE COOL, BUT DON'T BE A FOOL!♪"
The greatest alchemist in this region, grand elder Ono, was standing out there in a short frilly orange skirt that showed way too much of his legs, as he danced and sang awkwardly alongside the loon. I don't know what's more upsetting, the fact that she is still alive or seeing those wrinkled old legs hop around to the sound of his terrible singing.
"YOUR PANTS HAVE A STAIN, YOUR BOWELS IN PAIN!♪"
The staff and guards seemed to be unsure whether or not to intervene due to the presence of the grand alchemist. The judges seemed to be arguing with each other over whether or not to stop this, except for the man in the green hanfu, who was staring dazedly at the two's performance without a word.
"SAY NO TO COOL, OR THIS COULD BE YOU!♪"
Their performance finally ended, with four brown pillars of fire shooting up in the background to the sound of the loud farting that suddenly replaced the music.
"Thank you! Thank you! That was 'Say No To Cool'! Now clap your hands if you want an encore?!" The loon said only to be met with an awkward silence.
"Can we stop this now? I feel stupid!" The grand alchemist asked the loon.
"We can't stop now! Just listen to all our fans as they cheer us on!"
"WHAT CHEERING?! WHAT FANS?! NOW TELL ME YOUR SECRET"
*Clap**Clap**Clap*
Just then, the green robed judge snapped out of his daze and started applauding them, while encouraging the others to do the same.
"See! They loved it and want to see more! It's our responsibility as magical girls to carry the hopes and dreams of our fans! We can't let them down! Now, let's sing 'Send you to rehab'!"
"AKIRA! YOU BASTARD!!!" The grand alchemist shouted in anger towards the judge.
I had to sit through two more songs of that loon as I watched the grand alchemist grow progressively redder in the face as he stared daggers at the overly enthusiastic judge.