Lucien's POV
I was still up thinking about the opinion she had of me and truth be told, I couldn't blame her either too, had the roles been reversed I probably wouldn't feel so comfortable being around me either but of course this wasn't going to deter me in any form or in any way, heck it only made me want her more than I already did.
I could tell that she was already asleep, I wondered what she looked like asleep, maybe I should open the door and get close enough to stare at her face until I had gotten enough of her but what if she wakes up and gets scared or thinks I'm a creep?
So many thoughts man, I have a lot to do and yet I can't concentrate on anything it's becoming draining. She was so soft and yet so tough at the same time, I had never seen such a combo before and something about it made me yearn for her even more.
I just had to have her, it didn't matter whatever her defenses were, I was going to break through each and every one of them. I rubbed my temples and let out a frustrated sigh. Looking down on my hands, I could still feel how wet and ready she was back there; I wonder why and how she was still a virgin.
I mean it's not a so far fetched prospect, it's just I assumed with her condition, she'd be willing to do anything for the money at least to keep her mom alive and fend for herself. Which leads me to wonder if she was going to agree to my offer.
It's true that I wanted every inch of her body but maybe, just maybe I wanted her soul too, I wanted everything she had to give. It was selfish and gross to think about it this way.
I genuinely want to help her but I have no idea how to go about it. Being expressive has never been my thing, never got the luxury of understanding people or their emotions and so I could only react in ways that I was familiar with and most people usually interpret it to be cold, emotionless and heartless.
All my life I had to toughen up and move ahead no matter what the current situation was and now that I've come so far in my career and business I wonder if it's something I should still continue but the downside is I've indeed tried to unlearn and be better in any way that I could, even gone for therapy and still it's still there. The good side however is that it's earned me a feared persona in the business world.
I've handled and gotten this far in business because of my cold demeanor but now that I want to have her, I truly wonder if it would be a problem for her. What happens when she sees me in my raw, unfiltered version and energy? Is she going to run away like Alexa did or would she stay with me? What am I doing right now? Already thinking of her staying with me when I'm not even sure she would give me a chance to begin with in the first place. For the first time I was scared to lose a deal. She was the one deal I didn't know if it would be a good idea to sacrifice.
I stared at the clock waiting and counting the seconds until it was fully morning and I could step out and see her face. Damn it! Standing up, I headed for the door and contemplated if it would be a good idea to open the door and check up on her. Of course I wasn't going to check up on her, I wanted to stare at her for as long as I could to know how she slept, how her face looked when she wasn't worrying about hospital bills and her mother. But on second thoughts, I should leave her to sleep, if I was going to stare at her face, I would want to do it when she's finally mine, without restraints, without fear of her waking up and feeling like she's with a creep. Maybe I'll just peek and go back, maybe not, these thoughts kept going in and out of my mind. I was slowly losing it.
I think I should get some rest now. I walked to the sofa and laid down, closed my eyes and prayed that I would dream of her tonight and not another nightmare of him.
Suddenly my mood went stale at the thought of that part of my life that nobody knew about, the secret I was carrying around, a secret that under no circumstances should Lana ever be aware of. I hated remembering it. It was a bittersweet feeling, not complete hatred but anger, anger that he left me all alone this whole time to figure things out by myself without a single thought about how I was doing.
How everyone thought I was him, how everyone saw him in me. Fuck! I got up and went to my drawer and pulled out the sleeping pills my doctor prescribed for me for nights like this. I swallowed and drowned it with water, and then moved to the sofa and laid down, waiting for the effects of the pills to kick in. After a while, the dizziness kicked in and I relaxed, enjoying the feeling of not having to think for at least a few minutes before I close my eyes. My eyes got heavier and heavier and by the time I opened them again, it was already morning.
It was 9:00 am when I woke up and I badly needed to stretch. I got up and did some push ups before opening the door to at least say good morning to her. I opened the door and there she stood ready to dash out to I'm guessing one of her many jobs because from what I gathered, she worked at the Three Pigeons only during her night shifts. She was wearing that old shabby looking outfit again.
"I thought I made it clear that I am now the new owner of the Three Pigeons Inn. What part of I am your new boss do you not understand, Miss Lana Hart?"
I said hoping she'd get the point of why I wanted her to stay and work only at the Three Pigeons Inn but from the immediate look on her face I could tell that it wasn't successful at all. Maybe I need to work on how to communicate.
"Regardless of the newest changes, I still have to appear at my post and be efficient so customers are not left hanging," from her reply I could tell that she was lying. She tried to rush out of the room and I grabbed her before she had the chance.
"We both know you're lying Lana, you're not rushing off to attend to the customers in the Three Pigeons Inn you want to go home, change and rush to your other job where you have your morning shift am I right?"
She seemed taken aback and I could tell a lot of thoughts were running through her mind, I had a feeling that this was going to be a very long morning.