Karakura High's second period drags on, with Koro-sensei darting around the room giving impromptu life lessons about ghostly appendages. Ichigo slumps at his desk, trying to stay awake while mentally arguing with himself.
Maybe if I just ignore this ghost-hunting gig, everything'll fix itself… yeah. Classic Gintoki solution. Sleep through your problems.
Unfortunately, fate (and a tiny third-person-speaking gremlin) has other plans.
"Oi, Ichigo," Misaka says — no, correction, Rukia Kuchiki disguised as Misaka says — appearing beside his desk with a sly grin and a textbook she's not even pretending to read.
"Hollows sighted in West Karakura, Misaka informs cheerfully. Duty calls, substitute Soul Reaper."
"Would you shut up?!" Ichigo hisses, glancing around. To his horror, none of the other students — Kujo Chad, Aqua Orihime, Nendou Keigo, or even bloodthirsty Mikasa Tatsuki — react. It's like they don't hear her at all.
"I… what the hell?!" Ichigo flails.
Rukia taps the side of her head.
"Special gigai, Misaka explains. Normal humans won't sense Misaka's spiritual energy or ghostly chatter unless Misaka wants them to."
"I want one of those for when Zura won't stop calling me for odd jobs."
Before he can even properly wallow in this new injustice, a sharp beep interrupts him. A tiny pager strapped to Ichigo's belt lights up and starts blaring.
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP!
A little cartoon ghost dances across the screen.
[INCOMING HOLLOW - WEST KARAKURA]
Ichigo stares at it like it's cursed.
"Don't tell me that's my phone bill notification…"
"Nope. Hollow alarm, Misaka corrects."
Before he can protest, Rukia grabs him by the wrist and yanks him out of his seat. The sudden movement knocks over Nendou's pencil case and sends Aqua shrieking about ghosts stealing her lunch.
"Oi! I just remembered I left my dignity in my locker! Let go!" Ichigo protests, dragged through the hallway.
Outside, Karakura Town's skies have turned overcast, as if the world itself sensed nonsense brewing. The pager continues to beep furiously.
Ichigo grips his head.
"Why me? I should be home reading Jump with strawberry milk by now."
They follow the signal to a narrow alley where the spiritual atmosphere turns thick and oppressive. And there it is.
A hulking, grotesque figure — a massive Titan from Attack on Titan, skinless, muscles glistening, white mask crudely stretched over its face, squatting in front of a trembling spirit boy.
And — horrifyingly — the damn thing speaks.
"Well, well, if it isn't the silver-haired brat with the discount Hero Complex," the Titan sneers. "You're late, Soul Reaper."
Ichigo recoils.
"Oi oi oi — since when can titans talk?! And what's with the discount Kamen Rider mask?!"
Rukia, still deadpan:
"Some high-class Hollows develop awareness, Misaka clarifies. This one's… unusually chatty."
The spirit child lets out a whimper, the Titan looming closer.
Ichigo gulps and looks at the gigantic zanpakutō materializing in his hand.
"Okay… you've done this once before, no big deal. Just chop the big meathead like last time. Easy."
His hands tremble.
The Titan grins.
"Go ahead, wise guy. I'll enjoy pulling your arms off like noodles."
Rukia watches him carefully, her expression softening just a fraction.
"This is what a Soul Reaper does, Misaka reminds. Protect the living, guide the dead. You fight not because it's easy — but because someone has to."
Ichigo tightens his grip. His mind flashes to Yuzu, Karin, Isshin's flying kicks, and even Nendou's dumb pompadour.
"Tch… dammit."
He charges, zanpakutō gleaming.
"Yorozuya's job's never done, huh?!"
The Hollow-Titan swipes, but Ichigo ducks low — Gintoki instincts kicking in — and with one reckless, awkward, but absurdly powerful upward swing, cleaves through the mask in a spray of spiritual light.
The Hollow lets out a last laugh before disintegrating.
"Silver-haired dumbasses… always the worst…"
The spirit boy vanishes in a shimmer of blue, peace finally granted.
Ichigo drops to a crouch, panting.
Rukia approaches, visibly impressed though she hides it under Misaka's deadpan tone.
"Mission complete. Well done, Misaka admits."
Ichigo groans, dragging himself upright.
"This better come with hazard pay."
[System Notification: 'First Solo Hollow Hunt' completed. +7,500 Yen sent to Yorozuya account.]
"…and that better not go to Kagura's snack fund."