Deirdre and I stuck even closer together after that. I was head over heels for this woman. But the morning after I had shared that first kiss with her guilt washed over me. I had broken The Facade. The one thing Rangers were supposed to protect and I had tossed it aside for a woman. I had to tell Dusty. I told Deirdre that she would have to drive the first half of that morning and that I was going to ride scout with Dusty. She was mildly confused but agreed. So, I saddled Rosie and set out riding side-by-side with my teacher. For a while we just rode in silence then he just looked at me, obviously annoyed.
"Dash it all, Dodger. Spit it out." He barked at me. "Say whatever dreadful or dour thing is on your mind so that we can go right back to insulting each other."
I looked at him. "This ain't no laughin matter, Dusty." I had to force my next words through my teeth. "I told Deirdre the truth."
He whipped his head at me, hazel eyes blazing. "What?! How could you do such a thing?! Are you an idiot?"
Dusty's thoughts didn't taste angry but what did I know about that? His face spoke volumes. I sagged lower in my saddle. "Maybe I am. But she was starting to piece it together. She thought I was sick. She noticed the bottles and the way I hide from the sun. She knew something was wrong with my eye and she saw me before I could wash after having one of my nightmares." I thumped a fist on my saddle angry at myself. "I just couldn't... I mean I didn't want to..." I growled in frustration trying to find the right words but Dusty stunned me by suddenly bursting into laughter.
"You could not bring yourself to lie to her." He finished for me. He shook his head, a merry smile playing across his lips. "My lad, you are so dramatic. Do you not think that this ever happened? That Rangers never break the Facade?"
I was confused. "But you said it is our duty to protect the secret world from the mortal world. It's a line we aren't supposed to cross." I adjusted my reigns. "I don't understand."
Dusty looked at me seriously. "Sometimes, the best thing to do to maintain our ruse is to abandon it. You are still a person. Your life need not be all solemnity and solitude. Sometimes those we care for must be told the truth. It wouldn't be fair to them otherwise. Also to lie would cause them to dig and ask too many questions. Sometimes to the wrong people. Doctors, voodoo men and so on." He smiled. It was a wistful sort of smile, a remembering. "Did I ever tell you that I was married?"
"Wait what?! You're married?!" I shouted. Shocked was not the word for it. "But you spend more time in cathouses than the cats do!"
He humphed. "I do not. That is a salacious lie. And you need not shout, boy. I am 5 feet from you." He said to me in an indignant huff. For you folks, let me tell you. It most certainly was not a lie. Anyway, he continued. "Anyway I said I *was* married. It was nearly one hundred years ago. Best 15 years of my life."
I blinked. I knew Dusty was old. I didn't know he was that old. But there was a more pressing question my mind. "What happened to her?" I asked, doing my best to be ginger with the question.
He sighed deeply. "Consumption. She took ill at 40 and the illness had her inside a year." He looked at me. "But let us not dwell there. My point was that I told Helena the truth of things when we were courting. I had to. It would not have been right otherwise. It was a type of dishonesty that I found abhorrent." He shrugged. "You have to tell the people you love."
With that we finished out our scouting and returned to the stage to find it had stopped. The patch I'd made to the reins had broken. Well, despite all of our digging around, Dusty and I didn't have a bit of leather to spare between us. So, it was decided that we would just camp there because it was getting on Dusk anyhow. Admittedly, Dusty and I probably could have pushed hard and made Little Rock by nightfall or early the next morning but I was on the "camp for the night" bandwagon.
I knew I didn't have much longer with Deirdre. A week, maybe two at most then she or Dusty and I would go. So, I wanted to spend as much time as I could with this wonderful woman. But, as had become my lot in life, I was to have rotten luck. Dusty's blood mixture was spoiled. The cap hadn't sealed properly and the alchemy had worn thin, the blood congealing in the bottle. Worse we had only prepped enough to get me from this sleepy little town we had been in to Little Rock, where there would be plenty of livestock for us to buy to make more.
In short, I was going to get thirsty and fast. I told Dusty that I could stave it off for a night or two, so long as there wasn't any real excitement but just in case I asked him to keep an eye on me. He offered to give me a drink if I needed it but the idea of just getting that up close and personal with a man, at least in cold blood (pun intended) gave me the willywockers. Kinda disturbed me. So He agreed to keep a close watch and step in if it looked like the animal was getting close to the surface. Then the mood swings started. I would go from depressed to angry to joyous then sad again. Every piece of conversation seemed to take some sort of great emotional toll.
That night I found a little comfort as I walked in the dark with Dierdre. It felt good to be able to walk with somebody without having to wear an eyepatch. We didn't talk about anything important. She did tell me somethin about electric lights and somethin called a "watercloset" out east. I laughed and told her the lights was hogwash. Lightning couldn't be contained in glass. Besides, candles and oil lamps provided enough light and were probably cheaper besides. Everybody knew that. Though the watercloset thing Made sense. Just a pump and some water runnin through it. Wouldn't it be nifty if everyone had something like that. No more digging a jakes to do your necessary.
But during the course of our walk she suddenly stopped me. "Dodger, what's wrong?" She asked, her face full of concern. She thumped my chest playfully. "And don't say nothing because something has your voice all scratchy and you keep rubbing your neck."
"Ah hell, it ain't nothin. All this talkin just has my throat a bit dry." I told her waving my hand dismissively. I didn't want her to worry.
"Right. That's what I mean." She said, crossing her arms. I had come to learn she did that when she was about to balk like a mule. "You've already drank your canteen dry. You've been sipping like a man dying of thirst."
I blinked. Had I been taking water like that? I didn't remember doing it. I reached down and shook my canteen. Sure enough. Thing was dry as a powder keg. This wasn't good. I only started doing that when things were about to get hard on me. "Ah, well like I said my whistle just needs wetting. Let's head on back and I'll refill it from the water barrel. Then we can..." I cut off. Wasn't no point in goin on.
She just looked at me, her mouth quirked to one side and pouty. "No good." She said.
I sighed. "Look, I'm out of... well I'm out of the stuff I need to keep goin. I'm kinda in a bad way. If we don't get to Little Rock soon, well I might be in trouble."
"You mean you need blood." She said. Her arms uncrossed and she wrapped her arms around me. "It'll be ok. We can think of something. What about taking it from the horses?"
I shook my head and returned the gesture puttin my hands on her hips. "If I take it from animals, it's like they come down with some sort of sleeping sickness. Wouldn't be able to get them to move for a couple days. And frankly I've never stuck around to see the aftermath more than a day. I could end up drinking from a horse and then day after tomorrow it keels over dead." I sighed and grimaced. "Then I'd be in an even worse mess. Animals only sustain me for a day. Guess I'm gonna have to grit my teeth and take Dusty up on his offer." I spat. "Gettin that intimate with another fella. God above..."
"It doesn't have to be him, does it?" She asked, turning her face away from me. "Could you take it from anybody?" She was blushing to her roots. "I mean if you have to get intimate with somebody, I want it to be me."
I pushed her back a bit and just gawked. I know my eyes had to be the size of a saucer. "Woman! You're crazy! You have no idea what you're sayin!" The idea of biting into any part of Deirdre horrified me. Hurt her like that? Not if God himself offered me the keys to heaven. Course I couldn't help imagining it. Putting my fangs into that beautiful vein, right there in her neck. Seeing, more than anyone else on earth ever would, what the taste of her was like. I knew she was going to kiss other men, hell she probably already had. But that part of her would be mine and mine alone.
She kept those big brown eyes away from me. "Yes I do. I am asking you to let me help. Yes, I know that it will hurt." Then she looked up at me and her eyes were blazing. I realized that she was angry and embarrassed, not sad or bashful. "And I know this thirst drives you to feed! You've told me that when it gets bad you have durn near had to be chained! Can you tell me that you won't kill me or my Grandma Gerty, if this hunger gets deep enough?" She crossed her arms and stamped her foot. "Can you honestly say that you would rather feed from Dusty?"
"But..." I started to object then sighed. She was right! Damn it all! She was right! Hell's bells! If I didn't feed, I easily went from Creature to monster. She had me trapped. "If you are one hundred percent certain, I'll take a drop or two. Just you can cut your..."
"Horse biscuits." She said. Her eyes had me by the soul. "A drop or two won't do it. You need at least a mouthful. Dusty told me."
I was suddenly extremely irritated. Dusty! That old snake! When had he had a conversation about this with her? Why? "He had no right to tell you those things!" I snapped.
"Yes he did!" She snapped back. "You are in bad shape and you are getting worse. Even now, I can see the specks of red in your eyes." I opened my mouth to tell her that it was just my left but she cut me off. "It's not just your left either. It's your right. Nobody would notice if they weren't as close as I am right now but it is happening! Now, you can be angry at me but right now you don't have many options. Me, Dusty or one of the other girls. I want it. So let me help!"
I broke away from her gaze. It was spreading? That hadn't happened before... was I worse than I thought? I looked into myself. It struck me like I had been pistol whipped. She was right. I was in danger. I hadn't noticed because I was so wrapped up in the thought of inevitability losing her and trying to enjoy what time I had her, but she was right. My heart had slowed. My mouth had been constantly hurting. My headaches were worse that day, and on top of it all I had drank nearly four gallons of water and a bottle of whiskey. I *was* in bad shape. It had been more than a day since I had fed and I was looking down the face of a very high bluff.
"Ok." I relented. I was fighting tears. I didn't want to do this. But she was right. Now that I think about it, it is kind of frightening. She knew me so well. "Ok. Give me your arm." I said holding out my hand. I didn't look up until she didn't reply.
She balked and I heard her swallow hard. "Ummm... does it have to be my arm? I don't know that I can watch you just cut me like that." Her voice was shaky but determined. "Can you take it from anywhere else?"
I licked my extended canine. If I could have blushed I would have. "I could... take it from your neck. But I haven't done that before. Leastwise without the intent to kill." I didn't know how to feel. I wanted it so bad But I had to get her to agree. If she didn't, I was marching straight to Dusty. But oddly she brightened.
"Yea. That'll work. I don't have to watch like that." She turned her head to the side, embracing me.
I hugged her back. The angle was bad. I cleared my throat. "Umm, can you tilt your head back for me, just a bit. I, uh, want to make it a clean shot. I want it to hurt as little as possible." She nodded then made the adjustment.
"Like this?" She asked. Then she swallowed, and closed her eyes and I could taste her sweet nervousness. I didn't answer. In the moonlight, both of my eyes uncovered and seeing her wholly waiting for what was to come, Deirdre was absolutely beautiful. She had her lips slightly parted and the perfect curve of her neck exposed, her eyes closed. When I hesitated she opened her eyes and looked at me. "What's wrong? Do I need to adjust again?"
I shook my head. "No. That was perfect. It's just that you are so beautiful I can't believe that I'm going to hurt you." I did start crying then, the rivers of red running down my cheeks. I couldn't help it. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I need this."
"It's ok, my heart." She said smiling. "I promise I don't mind." She reached up and took the back of my head and guided it to her neck. "I want you to be ok. Any way I can."
My lips touched her neck abd I kissed it softly before I opened my mouth and slowly pushed my teeth into her throat, my fangs receding once they broke the skin, the sweet copper tang flowing into my mouth. Then the strangest thing happened. Deirdre pulled me into her and I felt a wave of sensation rush through her. Not pain, but unreserved pleasure. She moaned and fell into me, a swoon that made her knees weak. I pulled back, licking the wound to close it. I was beyond shocked. "Deirdre?"
She blinked and looked up at me in wonder, a smile broad on her lips. "Oh, God. Dodger, why did you stop?" She was panting as if she had just run a footrace. "That was the most amazing thing I have ever felt in my life!"
"It didn't hurt you at all?" I asked. I was stupified. "Not even a little?"
She shook her head enthusiastically. "No! Well, I mean when you first bit me it did but after that it was just... amazing. Like my whole body was tingling!" She tilted her head again, her eyes bright and inviting in the moonlight. "Please, do it again."
I shook my head in disbelief. "I don't believe it. Are you sure?"
She nodded and it was almost a whine. "Please! Please do that again... please. I want it." How could I deny that? I embraced her again and bit into her neck, then I licked one of the holes I had made, I didn't want to take too much and I wanted it to last as long as it could for her. As I drank, her body shook and trembled. When I had felt that I was getting close to taking too much (I was no where near taking too much, I had only taken roughly half a pint) I stopped, sealing the wound again. She was shaking hard and was wide eyed, smiling like she was three sheets full of gin. "Oh God, Dodger. I could let you have it all... I wouldn't mind a bit." She shook her head to clear it then her smile changed to her natural one. "Are you alright? You look... different."
Other than that evil bastard Calico Tom, I had never fed off of a human. I could feel power sizzling through me. I looked down and flexed my fists. This was crazy. We were over 300 yards from camp but I could clearly hear Dusty and the other women breathing, deeply asleep, their heartbeats distant wardrums. The crickets sounded like I was front row at an orchestra. Every sight was clearer than it had ever been. I reached over and grabbed a rock, it was at least 200 pounds. I tossed it in one hand. Then I reared back and hucked it as far as I could. It went as far from us as we were from camp. It hit with a thud like a catapult. I looked at my hands again. "You made me strong." Was all I could manage to say. I looked at her. "Thank you."
"Well then." She said her smile broad and happy. "It was worth it."