"When the sect sends you to die, bring a script and an audience." – Wu Feng
##
Dawn broke like a cracked egg over the Broken Root Sect. Pale golden rays spilled over the cliffs, the moss-covered rooftops, and the ceremonial Trial Plaza, where fate was usually decided with extreme favoritism.
Today, fate had a sense of humor.
Wu Feng stood at the edge of the Rogue Trial Grounds, wearing a faded outer sect robe patched together with cheap talisman stickers that read "Good Luck" and "Not Worth Looting."
A crowd had gathered. Outer disciples hoping for blood. Inner disciples looking bored. Elders with the hungry eyes of people who loved watching others fail "for tradition."
At the center of the plaza, Elder Xuan Lei stood like a sour statue, arms crossed behind his back, voice booming with fake solemnity.
"Wu Feng, Orphan #98, spirit-rootless and uninitiated, shall face his sect trial against a rogue beast imprisoned by our ancestors. If he dies, it is destiny. If he lives…" He snorted. "Well, he won't."
The disciples laughed.
Wu Feng raised a hand. "Question."
Elder Lei narrowed his eyes. "Speak, trash."
Wu Feng smiled. "If I survive, can I call myself 'Elder-Slapper in Training'?"
Gasps.
Snickers.
Li Qingyu, watching from the inner sect balcony, sipped spirit tea with perfect indifference.
Elder Lei didn't answer. He just waved a hand, and a massive stone gate began to rumble open.
The Rogue Trial Grounds were less a battlefield and more a sad dungeon with broken formations and moss growing in places that definitely violated spiritual building code. The only light came from the glow of ancient talismans—most half-dead.
A growl echoed.
Then: the beast emerged.
Razor-Maw Ironback Boar— Cultivation: Late Foundation— Rage Level: High— IQ: Low— Appetite: Constant
It was eight feet tall, tusks like cursed halberds, eyes like unpaid debt collectors.
Wu Feng raised a hand again. "Follow-up question."
Elder Lei didn't respond, but the boar pawed the ground.
"I'm unarmed. Can I use my fists? Or words? Or both?"
[DING!]Optional Quest Triggered: "Beat the Beast With Style"
Objective: Defeat Razor-Maw with zero spiritual tools. Bonus if it dies embarrassed.
Reward: Trolling Combat Art Upgrade + Petty System Feature Unlocked
He grinned.
Time to go to work.
The boar charged with the enthusiasm of a debt collector spotting a bad credit score.
Wu Feng waited. Calm. Almost relaxed.
When the beast was ten feet away, he spoke—not with fear, but with complete theatrical projection.
"You know," he said, "for a beast feared by generations, you run like a toddler with constipation."
[DING!]+10 PPStyle Rating: 2/5 – Simple, but timely.
The boar hesitated. Just slightly.
Wu rolled forward beneath its tusks, slapped one rear hoof, and landed beside it in a kneeling pose—arms spread like a stage actor.
"The mighty Ironback… outmaneuvered by a rootless orphan? Your ancestors just resigned."
+15 PP
Beast Emotion Status: CONFUSED / OFFENDED
New Passive Activated: Crowd Baiter – Lv. 1 (Nearby spectators are more likely to focus on you instead of your actual opponent)
Outside the gate, the outer disciples were murmuring.
"…Is he fighting with monologue?"
"…He slapped its hoof. With intent."
Wu turned back to the boar, whose rage meter was now visibly flickering like a broken UI bar.
"C'mon, bacon boy," Wu said. "You gonna charge again or just stare at me like Elder Lei when someone asks about his first marriage?"
+20 PP
Style Rating: 3/5 – Bonus for Elder Burn
TCA Unlocked: Echo Vein Disruption – Lv. 1
He activated it.
The boar shuddered. For a second, its Qi flow scrambled like a scrambled transmission. It stumbled, tusks dragging, vision dazed.
Wu Feng darted in—not to kill, but to climb the beast's back. He stood atop it like a circus performer.
"Behold!" he shouted to the crowd. "The Sect has sent me to die, but I have tamed their ancient trial beast with nothing but words and wit! Is this tradition? Or is this just tragic?"
Gasps.
[DING!]Major Quest Completed: "Slap Tradition With Irony"
+100 PP
New System Feature Unlocked: Petty Shop (Tier 1)
New Upgrade: Misunderstood Master Aura – Lv. 2 (Disrespect perceived as deep wisdom in 20% of viewers)
A disciple in the crowd clapped involuntarily. "He... He's doing sect poetry, isn't he?"
Elder Lei turned purple.
Li Qingyu raised an eyebrow. Just slightly.
Wu Feng cupped his hands and bowed—while still standing on top of the stunned boar.
"I thank the sect for this opportunity to rise. Literally."
Beast Status: Demoralized
New Title Acquired: Rogue Tamer of Trash Trials
Later that day, in the outer sect courtyard, the rumor storm was a hurricane.
"I heard he used no weapons."
"He didn't kill the beast. He roasted it into submission."
"They say he unlocked a divine path by disrespecting the Trial Grounds themselves!"
Wu Feng, meanwhile, sat on a mossy bench, flipping through the Petty Shop UI in his mind.
[PETTY SHOP – Tier 1]Available Items:
Fake Elder Robes (Disguise, +50% authority confusion) – 80 PP
Slap Echo Scroll (Amplifies sound of slap x10) – 60 PP
Narrative Disruption Talisman (Randomly changes the trope of a scene) – 100 PP
Basic Trolling Combat Art Script Pack (Vol. 1) – 50 PP
He smirked. "Shopping with shame. Love it."
He bought the Slap Echo Scroll and Script Pack Vol. 1.
Items Added to Inventory
Ready to deploy in next social chaos event.
Behind him, a shadow loomed.
Li Qingyu stood, arms crossed, eyes cold.
"I was told you humiliated a sacred beast and implied Elder Lei was divorced."
Wu Feng looked up, deadpan. "That was chapter one. Want to stick around for chapter two?"
She stared at him for a long moment.
Then turned and walked away.
Wu's system pinged again.
Chaos Flirtation Progress: 3/100 - Progressing… slowly.
That night, a celestial crack echoed across the Mortal Dust Realm. A minor tectonic shift in fate.
And somewhere deep in the heavens, a very old jester spirit laughed for the first time in eons.
Wu Feng was on the move.
Next stop?
Wherever face could be slapped the loudest.