I'm alone.
Sort of.
Today was awful.
I feel like crying but I'm too angry.
I want to leave.
I hate this place and these people.
I told JYP what was happening and there isn't really anything they can do.
People spying on me and pretending to be idols.
To try to get me to do things.
I hope they burn in hell.
I went out because I was going to buy dinner. I didn't feel like cooking. I just wanted someone to cook for me.
I'm pretty sure there are people in Kentucky right now watching me.
I can't talk about this without being called crazy.
They're watching and testing to see if they can control me.
They don't care about me at all.
It's all for the DOD.
Running drills.
They have seen me starve, get raped, and assaulted and they did nothing because they are spying on me illegally.
They keep trying to find the access codes to implants that are totally disabled.
It's disgusting.
I try to imagine that I'm alone. Completely alone, and no one is watching me.
The machines aren't permitted to cause harm so it's impossible for me to lie to myself.
I get so confused and angry.
I went to hobby lobby its just full of trash/
Future trash.
And peoples wives.
Women who shouldn't know a thing about me because they just exploit it.
Some of the people that watch me have quantum computing implants.
They use them to make maps just like the military does.
The maps show me how to find food or water or clothing I can afford.
These crones will listen in on the line and whisper to me that I should go somewhere else so that they can stay on the allowance their husband gives them and tell me I should get a job if I want something for myself and stop spending the government's money, which is hilarious because half of these bitches are milso.
I called them out today at ross before having an anxiety attack and leaving.
I went to world market and bought hot sauce because I'm afraid and in pain.
I hope this happens to you. I hope your father dies and your family abandons you and you have to beg for money. And when you get it, I hope dumb bitches like you do this to you. I really do.
I told them they should try shutting the fuck up because there is a reason a lot of chips and semi conductors and cell phones come from Asia.
And there's a reason I didn't stay there after I was kidnapped from a lab and didn't die.
They took me around Asia after I was implanted in the 90's. A volcano erupted and a lot of us got taken out of that lab in Manila, but we were all messed up. I was like a walkie talkie.
Bad people got ahold of me.
I went to North Korea and ended up getting raped. Becvause the implant had only been tested on sex workers and the line was all messed up. They would abduct a prostitute no one would me who was already high and do the surgery, if you could call it that.
If it rejected no one would care. They would blame the drugs.
In Japan I had Yakuza take me for a while. They said he would have to rape me for it to work. They told a lot of people that. Because it was like -plugging in devices. That's why these traffickers rape kids half the time even though they aren't pedophiles. He wouldn't do it though, so he just held me down on his lap. And you know. Then threw me out of the car and got his laptop out to see if it worked.
It did.
And now if they get on that line they have to be silent or I can hear what they say even if it's in Japanese.
I wish everyone would shut the fuck up.
I went to the thrift store after and I bought a bag and a t shirt.
Someone planned that. They will watch the workers and then tell their friend where to go.
It's all rigged.
I tried picking up dinner but my phone has anything to do with Kentucky blocked so the KFC app would not work.
So I went to Winco and got on Tik Tok live.
I bought a lot of food and there was a big fat man and his big fat ugly family following me.
One of those people who play with ham radios thinking that even if they get caught they aren't doing anything wrong.
That's why I try to stay on Korean lines.
Those are supposed to be protected and if you get on those lines knowingly and get busted it's treason.
That's why I keep buying products from Korea.
And I'm sorry to say that it's affected people I wish I could care about.
People like Jin who spied on me and got sick from what he saw but was helpless to intervene, truly.
Comparably.
Every time I see him live now he looks miserable.
I don't think these people are gonna rescue me.
But idk what else to do.
So I bought a lot of food and I ate so much until I felt sick. Then I drank some wine and tried to watch a movie but it's like I can't even do that now. It makes me think of people watching my life intentionally and playing god.
One of those people was Tim Henson.
And he wrote that whole album while he was doing that to me for pay.
His wife doesn't like it and she harasses me regularly.
Who would want to watch a movie like this.
Idk.
So I was trying to write a series about it and kind of gave up because I'm just going to make content so I can try to get medical care.
I'm pretty sure if I don't some doctor is gonna try to say I have cancer so they can dig around and try to find the implant.
They brought me up here because there are so many people off grid trying to get away from this shit.
But I'm afraid of them because of the people who raised me and extorted the government.
Felix is watching this all in horror and wondering if his family is who they say they are.
I hope he can keep it together. The last time I tried to watch him live he got in a car accident and I think it was really partially my fault.
That's why the game is so secretive. If you log into a system and try to control someone else's body it can go pretty badly.
So a lot of these people just don't care at all about their avatars.
When I live in Missoula I was told that I was in a simulator of the quantum chip that Felix has because he really wanted to meet me but wanted to make sure it was safe.
Because when he had the seizure he was logged in and trying to show me the crowd.
I have a teleprompter but it isn't always accurate.
Like imagine a deaf or mute person being able to have captions but someone hacks it.
Traffickers do it to me a lot. They will tell a man I am a whore that will sleep with them for money. It's all done electronically, over a private network. The man shows up and if I refuse he gets angry. Sometimes rapes me.
They can tie up the police if that happens. The police these days are especially easy to control because of the vests and cameras.
I get frustrated with idol culture because of this. They take young kids that just wanna make art and weaponize it. It makes me sick.
And sad.
And I don't know what I can do about it.
So I was gonna try to learn Korean and see if I'm wrong about all of this.
But if I'm not I'll come back here and think about what I should do next.
Today was just awful though.
I don't wanna go out again.
But I'm so lonely and sad.
I can't even get a pet.
I wish I could just disappear. A lot of people do. But it's dangerous and risky and doesn't always work.
I think about my life before as Cleo and I just don't see the point.
I just don't see the point of anything anymore.