Col Mustard, more clues than Nickelodeon's Blues 💙—so get some common sense before I pick a room and a weapon! Welcome to Kids Say the Darndest Things!
Introduction
Col Mustard, more clues than Nickelodeon's Blues 💙—so get some common sense before I pick a room and a weapon!
Welcome to Kids Say the Darndest Things: Common Sense Condiment with Colonel Mustard, where the only thing sharper than my wit is the wisdom that spills out of kids' mouths. If you've ever wondered why adults make things complicated or why the simplest answer is usually the truest, you're in the right place.
Here, we crack open the mysteries of everyday life—one clue, one laugh, and one honest kid comment at a time. Each chapter serves up a healthy helping of common sense, a dash of humor, and a side of real talk from the world's most unfiltered detectives: children. You'll find out why sometimes the littlest things are the scariest, why grown-ups can't always find their own logic, and why a good comeback is worth its weight in gold.
Every page is inspired by the hilarious and insightful kids from Kids Say the Darndest Things hosted by Tiffany Haddish. Their knack for cutting through nonsense is the secret sauce behind this book.
So grab your magnifying glass and your favorite condiment—because in this house, we solve life's mysteries with laughter, logic, and a little bit of mustard.
Let the clue hunt begin!
Book Outline: Kids vs. Grown-Ups: Who Wins?
Chapter 1: The Mystery of Bedtime
Where kids explain why monsters only come out after parents say goodnight
Chapter 2: The Case of the Missing Socks
Children's theories on where all those missing pairs really go
Chapter 3: The Vegetable Conspiracy
Why broccoli looks like tiny trees but doesn't taste like adventure
Chapter 4: The Great Screen Time Debate
Kids explain why they need "just five more minutes" with scientific precision
Chapter 5: The Homework Paradox
Why school work feels different when it comes home
Chapter 6: The Truth About Santa's Logistics
Children solve the impossible mathematics of Christmas Eve
Chapter 7: Money Doesn't Grow on Trees (But Why Not?)
Kids' economic theories that might actually work better than ours
Chapter 8: The Bathroom Emergency Timeline
Why kids only need to go when you're in the checkout line
Chapter 9: The Sibling Justice System
"He started it" and other perfect legal defenses
Chapter 10: Why Grown-Ups Need Naps But Fight Them
Kids' observations on adult crankiness and denial
Chapter 11: The Dinner Table Negotiations
Advanced strategies for avoiding foods that touch each other
Chapter 12: The Playground Politics
How kids create and solve conflicts faster than the United Nations
Conclusion: The Verdict Is In
Why sometimes the most obvious answer is the right one, and why we should all think more like kids sometimes
Inspired by the hilarious and insightful kids from Kids Say the Darndest Things hosted by Tiffany Haddish.
www.tiffanyhaddish.com