Some wounds don't bleed.
Some breakages happen in silence.
But the moment your heart shatters—you hear it. You feel it.
And even if the world around you keeps moving,
your world stops right there.
That day, mine did.
---
The lecture hall was still buzzing. Laughter. Phones. Chairs scraping the floor.
But in my head, it was all silent. I couldn't hear anything except the one sentence I had just read.
"I think we should stop seeing each other, Ren."
Ayaka's message stared back at me from my phone screen.
No warning. No fight before it. Just that line. Cold, clean, detached.
I reread it. Once. Twice. Ten times.
My hands shook. My lips were dry. My heart?
It felt like it had just missed a beat… and refused to find the next.
No... this isn't real.
This has to be a mistake.
But even as I tried to deny it, I knew.
Something was already broken—long before this message arrived.
And I had been too blind to see it.
---
I rushed out of the class.
Didn't tell anyone. Didn't care what the professor was saying.
I just needed to see her. I needed to understand.
My feet moved on autopilot toward the courtyard. That's where she always waited after her lectures.
But today, she wasn't alone.
There she was.
Ayaka.
My Ayaka.
And beside her—laughing, smiling, holding her hand—was Reiji.
My best friend.
---
My body froze. I couldn't hear anything anymore.
The world around me blurred like fogged glass.
Then Ayaka turned.
She saw me. Her smile vanished.
And then came the look that broke me even deeper than the message.
Pity.
She didn't look guilty. She didn't look afraid.
Just… sorry.
Not sorry she hurt me.
Sorry she got caught.
---
"Ren," she called softly, walking a step forward.
Reiji said nothing. He just looked away.
"How long?" I asked, my voice barely louder than a whisper.
"Since… around the middle of last semester," she said.
That long?
And you smiled at me every day?
And you kissed me while lying through your teeth?
I clenched my fists.
Not because I wanted to hit someone.
But because I needed to hold onto something—anything—to keep from falling apart in front of them.
"Why him?"
She looked down. "I didn't plan it. It just happened."
That's always the excuse, isn't it?
---
I turned to Reiji.
"You knew how I felt about her. You promised—"
"I didn't mean to, man. I—" he paused. "It just… went too far."
And just like that, everything I believed in shattered.
I walked away. I didn't trust my voice anymore.
If I stayed a second longer, I might scream. Cry. Break.
Or worse—beg.
---
That night, I didn't go back to the dorm.
I wandered through the city aimlessly.
No umbrella. No destination. Just walking under the drizzle, as if the rain could wash away the pain inside.
But it didn't.
It only soaked me until my clothes clung to my skin like regret.
---
Around midnight, I climbed to the rooftop of the old faculty building.
I'd been there once before, back when Ayaka and I skipped class and talked about dreams.
Now I stood at that same spot, and all I could think about was how empty it all felt.
Like every memory was mocking me.
My phone buzzed again.
> "I'm sorry, Ren. I didn't mean to hurt you." —Ayaka
"Let's talk soon, okay?"
"Please take care of yourself."<
I don't want your care now.
I wanted it when it mattered.
I turned off my phone.
Then I stood at the edge.
One step forward. That's all it would take.
---
Would anyone even care?
My parents would grieve. Maybe my classmates would whisper for a week.
And then?
Life would go on.
Like I was never even here.
Why do I always try to be strong for people who don't even notice when I fall?
---
I looked up at the sky.
Still gray. Still raining.
And I whispered the first and only prayer I had ever meant in my life.
> If there's anything left of me worth saving...
then please...
give me a reason to try again. <
And in that moment—just like in the prologue—
the world stopped.
---
But that's a story you already know.
What you don't know,
is that when I opened my eyes again—
I wasn't standing on the rooftop anymore.
I wasn't in the rain.
I wasn't even twenty years old.
---
I was fourteen.
Back in my childhood bedroom.
Staring at a calendar that marked the first week of summer break…
the year I was about to enter high school.
And everything I had just lived through—
Ayaka, Reiji, the betrayal, the rooftop, the pain—
It was all still inside me.
> The memories are still here.
The emotions. The pain. The regret.
I'm not dreaming.
I've... gone back. <
---
[END OF CHAPTER 1]
---