Chapter 96: Trouble at Work
"Exactly! That's what I've been saying. Can you guys move this time machine out of the way? I'm gonna be late for work!"
Leonard turned around—just in time to see his dream girl, Penny, standing at the foot of the stairs. She leaned against the wall with a hint of sass and waved.
"Hi, Penny~"
But it wasn't the time for flirting, not today. Even Penny, who usually brushed off Leonard's awkward charm with a laugh, was in no mood for games.
"This is a time machine, right? Whatever—it doesn't matter what it is. Can you hurry it up? I'm seriously late."
"Just give me a few more minutes," Leonard stammered, trying to buy time. "I swear I'm almost done."
"The problem is—I don't have a few more minutes," Penny snapped, glancing nervously at her watch. "I'm already running behind."
"I have a simple solution," Sheldon chimed in, activating his 'genius' mode. "You could go up to the roof, then jump across to the next building. The gap isn't far. Just don't look down if you're afraid of heights."
"You've gotta be kidding me." Penny stared at him like he'd just asked her to grow wings and fly. If it weren't for his PhD, she might've already dialed a psychiatric hospital.
But Sheldon was as serious as ever.
"I never joke about acrophobia-related topics."
"Ugh…" Penny groaned. With time running out, she gritted her teeth. "Fine. I'll at least look from the rooftop."
From below, Ron shot Leonard a look that screamed:
Dude. Perfect chance to impress her. Move your ass!
Leonard caught the hint instantly and flashed Ron a grateful look. What a bro. He'd totally help Ron move apartments again—even if it meant hauling another fridge up five flights of stairs.
Rubbing his sore, bruised hands from moving the time machine earlier, Leonard called out,
"Hey! If you wait just a second, I can finish moving the time machine and use it to send you back to this exact time—"
Penny glared at him so fiercely that Leonard shut up mid-joke. Her look said it all:
You think that's funny, nerd?
"Time travel—ha ha—just a joke," Leonard mumbled. "Don't mind me."
Penny and Ron both shook their heads in unison. Nerds and romance—hopeless.
But Ron wasn't about to let his buddy go down like that. Not without one last attempt.
"Hold up," he said, stepping back to the bottom of the staircase.
Then, without warning, Ron launched himself upward. In just two or three explosive steps, he sprinted up seven steps and landed right in front of the time machine.
"Careful!" Sheldon shrieked. "That cost us $800 on eBay!"
But before anyone could stop him, Ron bent low and lifted the time machine with both arms, bracing one foot against the wall. His body turned sideways, parallel to the wall, and he began running up the side of the stairwell—like gravity didn't exist.
The four nerds were speechless. Mouths wide open, jaws slack, drool forming. They'd only ever seen something like this in superhero comics.
Now it was happening in real life.
Ron ran two quick steps on the wall, then kicked off hard. He spun mid-air and landed cleanly at the top of the stairs, like it was nothing.
Penny's eyes sparkled like cartoon hearts. Ron was pretty sure that if he invited her to spend the night right now, she'd cancel work, throw her phone in the trash, and give it everything she had to keep him home.
But Ron wasn't in the mood.
He just wanted some damn sleep.
"It's just an $800 toy," he said coolly, brushing past a furious Sheldon. With $80 million in tax refunds sitting in his account, Ron couldn't be bothered to care about Sheldon's budget eBay purchases.
He ripped the seal off the elevator door.
"I think I'll take the elevator. Much faster."
Leonard jumped in with a warning:
"Wait, wait! The elevator's been broken for ages. Nobody's fixed it. If you're thinking of sliding down the shaft, we'd need proper tools, and that door's reinforced—it's not easy to open—"
Just as Leonard was listing all the tools they'd need to pry the elevator open, Ron casually walked up, wedged his fingers into the narrow gap between the elevator doors—and forced them open with brute strength.
He turned around and smirked.
"You were saying we needed what again? Sorry, I was thinking about something. Didn't quite catch that."
Leonard, who had just taken a step forward, immediately stepped back, lips sealed.
"Uh... nothing. Never mind."
"But what happens once we're down there?" Sheldon pressed on, undeterred. "Do you really think Penny has the upper body strength to pull those doors open from the other side?"
"She doesn't need strength. She needs tools."
Ron pulled a crowbar from behind his apartment door and casually handed it to Penny.
"Biggest difference between humans and animals? We use tools. Bet you didn't see that coming, monkey-boy."
Years of suffering Sheldon's smug superiority had finally paid off—Ron was glowing with satisfaction.
"If you need help," he added mockingly, "I can start teaching you how to rub two sticks together for fire. Who knows, maybe in a few years you'll evolve to smashing rocks into tools. Baby steps."
Sheldon, who had never taken an L this hard in his life, glared at Ron with fiery eyes.
Ron, in contrast, basked in the rage like it was a warm summer breeze. Best day ever.
"You good?" he asked Penny, tying a simple knot and securing her to the elevator's steel cable—just in time, too, because her hands were definitely starting to roam a little.
With a gentle push, he sent her sliding down.
"Ahhh~!" Penny yelped—somewhere between thrill and terror—as she zipped into the darkness below.
"See?" Ron said, brushing his hands. "Something that simple, and you guys turn it into a research paper. Honestly, sometimes I wonder who's really smarter here."
The four nerds continued to stare, slack-jawed.
Sheldon, still smarting from the "monkey" insult, was silently working overtime—his genius-level IQ searching for the perfect comeback.
But Leonard, the emotional tactician of the group, had a different idea. His eyes lit up with inspiration.
"Hey, Ron, my man! Wanna help us carry the time machine up to the roof? If you do, we'll let you play with it."
Ron just shook his head, grinning.
"No thanks. Honestly, watching you four wrestle with that hunk of junk is more entertaining than using it. Besides… have any of you ever considered just hiring a homeless guy downstairs to help carry it?"
The four scientists froze.
Why didn't we think of that?
A heavy silence fell, as each of them began questioning their own supposedly superior intelligence.
"Trust me," Ron continued. "Ten bucks and they'll fight each other for the job."
He savored their dumbfounded faces, drinking it in like fine wine. Honestly, this was even more satisfying than blowing someone's head off with a high-caliber pistol.
And given Ron's usual line of work, that was saying something.
"Just one block over," Ron added casually as he opened his apartment door again, "there's a whole crowd of the type I'm talking about. Total degenerates. I've heard some of them are so shameless that for an extra $50 tip, you can even mess with their—well, you get the idea. Might be worth a try~"
With that final parting shot, Ron slipped back into his apartment and shut the door behind him.