Chris had spent the morning after his chore-fueled stat grind in a state of quiet contemplation. He was, in a tangible, measurable way, a better version of himself. The new Chris. The XP he'd earned had pushed his level bar tantalizingly close to the next milestone. He had a new skill point to spend. He opened the [Reality Architect] skill tree, the beautiful, glowing star chart of his potential no longer a source of terror, but a map of possibilities.
He knew what he had to do. The [WORLD QUEST] still loomed, and its objectives required more than just a basic understanding of scripting. He needed more tools. He navigated to the blue-glowing [Scripting & Logic] branch, the path of the path of study, of learning. He found the skill that looked like it might be useful with the [WORLD QUEST], so he took it.
[New Skill Unlocked: [Function: Analyze Contractual Integrity]]
He spent the skill point. The node flared with a permanent, brilliant blue light. He had it. The EP cost to use it was hefty, a significant drain on his resources, but it had potential. Unlocking the skill also met the prerequisite for several new, previously grayed-out functions in his [System Functions Library]. He made a mental note to browse the new "spells" in his spellbook later.
He was just about to start exploring his new capabilities when a soft knock came at his bedroom door. It was Misty.
"Chris?" she said, poking her head in. "I made way too much lasagna last night. I was going to take a container over to Mrs. Gable. Would you mind running it over for me? My knees are acting up today."
Chris's mind immediately made a connection. Mrs. Gable. Lasagna. A perfect excuse to acquire more of the [Legendary Consumable] cookies.
"Sure thing, Mom," he said, an eagerness in his voice.
He arrived at Mrs. Gable's home a few minutes later, a heavy container of lasagna in his hands. He found her in her beautiful garden, but the usual, serene expression on her face was gone, replaced by one of distress.
"Christopher, thank you, dear," she said, taking the lasagna. "But I'm afraid I'm in no mood for comfort food. I'm in a state of war."
She pointed a gloved finger at her prize-winning rose bushes. A thick, ugly vine with dark, serrated leaves was wrapping itself around the delicate rose stems, its tendrils choking the life out of the beautiful, blooming flowers.
"This... this green menace," Mrs. Gable said full of gardeners' fury. "It's everywhere."
Chris used his [INSPECT] ability on the offending plant.
[Invasive Species: "Devil's Kudzu"]
[Status: Aggressive, Rapidly Spreading]
[Weakness: None]
As he read the diagnosis, a new quest notification appeared in his HUD.
[Quest: The Green Menace]
[Objective: Eliminate the "Devil's Kudzu" infestation in Mrs. Gable's garden.]
[Reward: 200 XP, +10 Community Standing]
"I've tried pulling it," Mrs. Gable continued, her frustration evident. "But for every one I pull, it seems like two more spring up in its place. It's all over town this year, from what I hear. It's a plague."
Chris looked at the thick, resilient-looking vine. He recognized immediately that this was a problem that could not be solved with simple, manual labor. This was a perfect test for his developing [Reality Architect] skillset.
He returned to his bedroom a few minutes later, a container of legendary cookies in one hand and a new, urgent mission in his mind. He sat down in his gaming chair, opened the [Command Console], and prepared to go to war.
His first, most direct idea was a simple, destructive command, a powerful, area-of-effect spell designed to wipe the slate clean. He began to type, his confidence high.
get_objects_by_type("Devil's Kudzu").destroy()
It was a clean, elegant, and utterly brutal solution. Find all instances of the weed and delete them from existence. He mentally hit [EXECUTE].
The console immediately returned a stern, red error message.
[COMMAND FAILED: Unauthorized mass-extinction event. Requires [Arborist (LVL 5)] prerequisite or [Ecological Manipulation Permit (Class A)].]
Before he could even process the insult of being told he wasn't a high enough level arborist to commit herbicide, a new, different pop-up window materialized in his vision. It was the sterile, corporate white of his bureaucratic nemesis. The header read [SYSTEM STABILITY UNIT 734], and the small, pixelated hourglass icon spun with a smug, judgmental rhythm.
[CITATION: User "Christopher Day" has been flagged for a Tier-4 Violation (Attempting an unauthorized, wide-scale, targeted mass-extinction event). This action constitutes a breach of the Reality Kernel Fair Use Policy, Section 18, Subsection 3a ("Thou Shalt Not Casually Delete Entire Species, No Matter How Annoying They Are").]
Chris stared at the citation, a feeling of deep, personal offense washing over him. A Tier-4 Violation? He was a repeat offender.
[ENFORCEMENT: A 30-minute suspension of all active User abilities ([INSPECT], [Minor Probability Manipulation], etc.) has been issued as a second warning in accordance with Protocol 777-0002. Please consult the 7,414-page User Agreement for more information on proper System etiquette. Have a stable day.]
"You have got to be kidding me," he said to the empty room. He had been grounded. Again. The ModBot had put him in a cosmic time-out for trying to weed a garden. He tried to close the window, but it was locked, a permanent, bureaucratic block on his vision for the next thirty minutes.
Frustrated, but learning, he sat and stewed in his own impotence. The System had safeguards against casual ecological destruction. He couldn't just delete things. He had to be more creative. He had to think like a gamer. He couldn't one-shot the entire mob of weeds, but maybe... maybe he could apply a powerful, damage-over-time debuff.
The thirty-minute suspension felt like an eternity. He spent it pacing his room, eating Mrs. Gable's legendary cookies, and plotting his revenge on both the Devil's Kudzu and the ModBot.
Finally, the white window vanished. His powers were restored. He sat back down and brought up the command console, a new, more roundabout plan in his mind. He began to type, the code flowing from him with the confidence of a player who has just figured out the boss's weakness.
var weeds = get_objects_by_type("Devil's Kudzu")
weeds.apply_debuff("Rapid Decay", duration:24_hours)
It was a beautiful, two-line poem of passive-aggressive destruction. He wasn't killing the weeds. He was just applying a status effect that would cause them to experience a full, natural life cycle in the span of a single day. It was a subtle, elegant, and he hoped, completely legal loophole.
He mentally hit [EXECUTE], a smug "Suck on that, ModBot," echoing in his mind.
The next morning, his phone rang. It was Mrs. Gable, her voice filled with an ecstatic disbelief.
"Christopher! You won't believe it! The weeds... they're all gone! They've withered away into nothing! My roses are safe!"
The quest notification flashed in his vision, a sweet, satisfying confirmation of his victory.
[Quest Completed! 200 XP Awarded!]
[+10 Community Standing]
[-10 Approval (SYSTEM STABILITY UNIT 734)]
He had done it. He had saved the roses. He had earned the XP. And he had, once again, pissed off one of the universe's most powerful paper-pushers. It was a good day.
He was still basking in the warm glow of his success when his phone buzzed with a new message. It was from Monika.
[Monika Moller]: "Hey! Random question, would you like to hang out with me at the farmer's market tomorrow? My family has a stall where we sell produce and it will be my turn to tend it. You wanna hang?"
Chris stared at the message, a slow smile spreading across his face. The old Chris would have panicked, would have spent the next three hours drafting and deleting a non-committal reply. He was the new Chris, the vanquisher of weeds, the devourer of cookies. He felt a surge of quiet confidence.
He typed back a simple, easy reply.
"Sure, sounds fun."
The decision marked another major step in his social evolution. He had a date. Or, at least, date-adjacent. And it was all thanks to a little bit of cosmic power and a whole lot of gardening.