Naruto universe
(Street smart Naruto)
The trees in the Forest of Death didn't just loom—they pressed. Thick trunks leaned in like eavesdropping shoulders, and every canopy branch cast shadows that shifted just a little too independently for comfort.
"Ugh," Naruto grunted, hacking through a web with a kunai. "Why does this place smell like feet and dead squirrels?"
"Because it's a forest," Sasuke muttered, not looking back. He moved with the same overconfident precision he did in every team exercise: perfectly balanced footsteps, arms at his sides, eyes constantly scanning—except, Naruto noted, never up. Sasuke never looked up. Too cool to check for birds or snakes or, say, death from above.
Sakura sighed. "It smells like decomposing organic matter. That's what forests do. It's called nature."
"I know what nature smells like. This is weird nature."
They were two hours into the second stage of the Chūnin Exams, and morale was fraying faster than Naruto's last shirt sleeve. Scroll-hunting in a cursed forest full of ninja death traps was bad enough, but add Sasuke's edgelord silence and Sakura's labored patience, and Naruto was about one pebble away from going full feral.
"Guys," Sakura said, voice dropping, "we're being followed."
That shut him up. Even Sasuke froze mid-step. His hand was already on a kunai before Naruto could blink.
"How long?" Sasuke asked.
"Since the stream we cross. Maybe even longer."
Naruto's eyes darted around the foliage. Nothing. No sound but their breathing and the whisper of wind between the leaves.
But something was off.
Every ninja they'd seen so far had been loud, flashy, overly eager to make their presence known—classic exam tryhards. But this? This was different. Cold. Focused.
"I'm gonna make a clone and send it back," Naruto whispered.
"No," Sasuke snapped. "You'll tip them off."
"Yeah? And what if they're waiting for you to get distracted so they can turn me into a flesh pretzel?"
Sasuke ignored him. Instead, he pointed toward a fork in the forest path. "There. Dead end with a clearing. Funnel them."
"You wanna spring an ambush on the ambusher?" Naruto asked, blinking. "Bold."
"Smart," Sasuke corrected.
"Stupid," Naruto muttered, but followed him anyway.
They reached the clearing in under a minute, kunai drawn, backs to each other in a rough triangle. Sakura's hands were already weaving signs. Sasuke scanned the treetops. Naruto crouched low, eyes darting, ears straining.
Then—rustling. Something slithered through the underbrush. Then silence. Then—
A person dropped down from the canopy like a falling curtain of silk and shadow.
They wore another genin's forehead protector, but the air around them was all wrong. Heavy. Smiling too much. Skin too pale. Their eyes gleamed too long.
"Hello, children," the stranger purred. "My, my. Aren't you three just ripe with potential?"
Naruto's spine stiffened.
"Who the hell are you?" he demanded, kunai up.
The figure smiled, head tilting slightly.
"Oh, just another participant. Don't mind me—I simply couldn't resist saying hello. So rare to find such… promising little flowers blooming in the muck."
"Flowers?" Naruto snorted. "Buddy, I'm a weed. Unkillable."
The figure chuckled. "I see that. And yet, weeds are so easily burned."
Something about the way they said it made Sakura twitch.
Then the stranger's skin rippled.
Literally rippled.
Eyes shifted. Teeth sharpened. Their smile widened into something that had no business fitting on a human face. And then—just like that—the disguise melted away.
Pale skin. Yellow eyes. That serpentine voice.
Sasuke staggered back half a step. "Orochimaru."
Naruto blinked. "Wait—that's Orochimaru? I thought he'd be cooler looking ."
Orochimaru ignored him, gaze fixed on Sasuke like a cat eyeing a hatchling.
"Uchiha Sasuke," he said, voice velvet-wrapped venom. "So much potential… so much rage. I've been watching you."
Naruto scowled. "Creepy."
Sasuke didn't answer. He stood frozen, teeth gritted, kunai forgotten in his hand.
Sakura moved slightly in front of him. "What do you want?"
Orochimaru's tongue flicked out, impossibly long. "Merely a conversation. A moment to appreciate what the Leaf Village takes for granted. Your bloodline, dear Sasuke… it's wasted on teachers who can't even touch their own legacy."
Sasuke flinched.
Naruto, however, just tilted his head.
Something smelled off—and it wasn't just the swamp breath.
The guy was doing a bit. A full-on villain routine. Like a drama club dropout with a snake fetish.
Naruto's fingers tightened around his kunai.
Something told him this was about to get very stupid, very fast.
Orochimaru unfurled his arms like curtains.
"You see, Sasuke… your blood is more than history. It is legacy. A vessel of rage, born of betrayal. The perfect soil for greatness to take root. Why waste it in this village—chained by nostalgia and mediocrity?"
Naruto stared. "Is this guy quoting his own recruiting speech ?"
Orochimaru circled, summoning a massive serpent from the ground with a wave of his hand. It hissed and towered behind him.
"You're a flower in a desert, Sasuke. You deserve to bloom where the sun is forbidden."
"I swear to God," Naruto growled under his breath, "if he says 'you' one more time…"
"Power is not inherited. It is taken—"
Naruto stood up straight.
"Okay," he said loudly, "why are we just letting this guy talk?"
Everyone froze.
Even Orochimaru blinked. "…Excuse me?"
"You summoned a giant snake, made the ground bleed, and now you're giving a TED Talk. We're three ninja with weapons and you're just standing there."
"I was establishing atmosphere."
"Oh, I got the vibe," Naruto snapped. "But you're monologuing in range. What, do you think we're gonna sit through the director's cut of your trauma?"
"I am not monologuing. This is art—"
Naruto threw the kunai at full speed.It hit Orochimaru squarely in the left eye.
Time froze. Orochimaru let out a guttural scream, clawing at his face. Green ichor spilled from his eye socket as he staggered back, chakra flaring like a gas leak.
"You little rat!" he hissed, ripping the kunai free along with that eye.
Naruto didn't wait. "You monologue like a theater kid with a god complex!"
He charged. Clones flanked him. One punched the snake. One hit Orochimaru in the chest. The real Naruto grabbed him by the collar and slammed him against a tree.
"You wanna wear Sasuke like a hoodie? What is WRONG with you?"
Orochimaru wheezed. "You can't comprehend my—"
Naruto picked up a rock and shoved it into the Orochimaru's neck stopping him shedding his skin.
"HHHRRKGG—!"
He fell to one knee, retching and cursing.
Sasuke stared. "Is he winning… with rocks?"
Sakura was pale. "He's winning with common sense."
Naruto kicked Orochimaru in the knee. "You summon snakes like it's your only move!"
"I am rebirth incarnate!" Orochimaru howled, staggering back, face a mess of blood and smoke.
"Yeah?" Naruto snapped. "Well I'm done listening."
Orochimaru hissed at them very menacingly , then he turn and ran deeper into the forest.
"WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR MONOLOGUE ?!" Naruto shouted after him.
Three days later, Iruka approached Naruto outside the tower.
"Hey! I heard you guys made it through. You doing okay?"
Naruto shrugged. "Yeah. Beat up a creep. Got a scroll. Oh—here."
He pulled out a jar from his pocket.
Floating inside: A eyeball
With a name tape reading: Orochimaru's eye.
Iruka recoiled. "WHY—what—is that real?!"
Naruto nodded. "Thought the old man should know he was here."
Later, in the Hokage's office:
Sarutobi held up the jar and frowned. "How exactly did you get this?"
Naruto, deadpan tired of repeating himself , answered:
"Common sense."