Location: The OverOffice – Interdimensional Editorial Board HQ
Time: 67:01:00 until Multiversal Collapse
Peter never imagined the inside of multiversal editorial control would look like a cross between a DMV, a cathedral, and a WeWork.
But here it was.
Endless desks. Blinking fluorescent lights. Paperwork floating in zero gravity. A giant motivational poster that read:
"Kill Your Darlings. And Also That One Supporting Character From 2004."
Miguel turned toward Peter. "This is where it happens. The retcons. The resurrections. The forced reboots. The 'bold new directions.'"
Deadpool threw on a fake mustache. "I'll blend in as a freelance creative consultant-slash-assassin."
Peter rolled his eyes. "Let's just find the chief editor and stop the next canon wipe before it starts."
Billy tried to eat a memo.
Inside the OverOffice, Floor 616-A:
They walked past halls of framed covers that never happened:
Spider-Man: Lawyer By Day
Web of Spies
Gwenpool Marries The Watcher
Then they saw it:
A gold-plated door with thick ink leaking from the edges.
It read:
"CHIEF NARRATIVE ARCHITECT – DO NOT DISTURB (or resurrect)"
They opened it anyway.
What they found inside was... him.
Introducing:
Rage Redacted
Once a beloved character.
Killed off in a shocking twist.
Resurrected 47 times.
Now self-aware.
And very, very bitter.
He sat at the desk in a tattered costume, sipping from a mug that said "#1 Plot Hole."
"Spider-Man," he growled. "Back again. What's the reboot count now, seven?"
Peter stepped forward. "We need to stop Reboot Prime. You have the authority to lock canon threads."
Rage Redacted smiled—grim and sharp.
"Oh, I could. But why would I? You think you're the only hero who got left behind? I was popular. I was merchandised. And now I'm punchline fodder."
Deadpool whispered to Billy: "He's got big canceled-by-committee energy."
Peter tried again. "You can't let Reboot Prime overwrite everyone. There'll be nothing left but algorithms and buzzwords."
Rage stood.
"You want me to save them? The same editors who killed me off for sales spikes? The same fans who forgot I existed?"
Peter sighed. "No. I want you to save the stories."
Cue Flashback Showdown
Suddenly, Peter's surroundings warped.
Ink bled from the walls.
They were standing inside a flashback.
Rage Redacted was showing Peter his death issue.
Page by page.
How he died.
How no one came to the funeral.
How his resurrection was announced with a footnote and forgotten by Wednesday.
"You call this a legacy?" Rage roared.
Peter didn't flinch.
"No. I call it a failure to finish. That's why we're here. Not to erase you. To write you back in."
Rage paused.
Then punched Peter across the page margin.
Meanwhile, Deadpool and Miguel:
They broke into the Editorial Database.
Dodging floating memos.
Fighting typo-goblins.
Deadpool got caught reading his own redacted wiki page.
"HEY! Why is my birth year listed as 'Depends on franchise direction'?!"
Miguel opened the narrative firewall.
Found it.
Reboot Prime's pitch deck.
Target: Peter Parker (Legacy Core)
Objective: Streamline. Standardize. Replace.
Execution: Canon Lock + Marketing Refresh
Miguel swore. "They want to lock the mainline Peter before the collapse. Keep him permanent."
Deadpool: "They're trying to Disney Vault him."
Back in the Editor's Room:
Peter was bruised. Bleeding ink. Holding the Hyperquill.
Rage Redacted towered over him.
"You don't get to fix this. You had your run."
Peter pushed himself up.
"Maybe. But so did you. And it's not too late to take the pen back."
He offered Rage the Hyperquill.
"You don't have to burn the page. Just turn it."
Rage hesitated.
And for the first time in years…
He took it.
CRITICAL UPDATE: Canon Unlocked
Suddenly the room exploded in story energy.
New arcs spiraled into existence.
Deleted side characters began to flicker back into footnotes.
And Rage Redacted's face softened—not with peace, but purpose.
"I'll hold off Reboot Prime's canon locks. You go. Tell the next chapter."
Peter nodded.
As they left, Rage shouted after them:
"Tell them I want royalties this time!"
Later, on the elevator to the Roof:
Deadpool looked at Peter.
"You offered the angry continuity zombie your only meta-weapon. That's either dumb… or very dumb."
Peter smiled. "It's a story. It's supposed to be shared."
Miguel checked his timer.
66:55:23
"Clock's still ticking."
Peter looked up.
Into a sky full of timelines.
"Then let's give it something worth fighting for."