The Stormrider Supreme Express IV rumbled across the soft path that marked the boundary between the Dwargo region's stone ridges and the lush green borderlands of Etheria. Morning sunlight filtered through the gaps in the treetop canopy, painting patches of gold on the forest road. Birds chirped lazily as if heralding the party's return home.
In the cabin of the magical carriage, Fahleena bounced in place, twin pink tails bobbing as she sang in her archaic, dramatic Old English:
"Behold mine path of verdant light, where destinies collide in fates unshaken~!"
Yuuna scribbled silently in her leather-bound book, her wand resting across the pages as she wrote with quiet focus. Next to her, Sakura chomped on crunchy potato chips she pulled endlessly from one of her two magic bags. Crumbs decorated her white robes like medals. The rest of the girls, Jessica, Orchid, Gabyola, dozed peacefully, lulled to sleep by Fahleena's warbling.
Fuhiken, ever composed, steered from the driver's seat with his usual noble posture. Yetsan, armored head to toe, occupied the co-driver seat, trying to pretend dirt didn't exist. In the rear wagon, Kyle hung upside down from a support beam while Adiw, Sinryo, and Gigih played rock-paper-scissors with magical sparks.
A sudden, high-pitched scream shattered the calm.
"GYYYYYYAAAHHH!"
The girls jolted awake, Jessica instinctively reaching for her katana. Fuhiken slammed the brakes. The carriage screeched to a halt, wheels skidding just slightly.
Yetsan jumped off first. "...There's something on the wheel."
It was a small, green, stiff-limbed creature, roughly the size of a toddler, impaled against the outer rim of the wheel like a bizarre ornament. Its tiny cactus arms were frozen mid-flail, and its beady black eyes stared into nothingness, mouth perpetually locked in a dramatic "O" of surprise. A few of its needle-spines were still vibrating from the impact, giving it an oddly pitiful look.
"A cactuar?" Kyle said, squinting. "Hey Sinryo, I think we committed roadkill."
"Murdered him in cold tread," Sinryo nodded solemnly.
Adiw lifted the limp thing with the tip of his greatsword. "Out of the way." He launched it into the trees like a soggy javelin.
That's when the bushes exploded in a flurry of leaves, twigs, and dirt. Fifteen more cactuars erupted from the underbrush with synchronized chaos, their stubby legs pumping furiously. Arms flailed wildly like wind-up toys gone rogue, and without warning, they began unleashing volleys of glowing green needles in every direction. The air was instantly filled with high-pitched zipping sounds and the sharp sting of incoming fire, as if a battalion of angry, miniature war machines had declared war.
"AMBUSH!" Fuhiken shouted. "Positions!"
The party fanned out with swift precision, each member instinctively taking their usual roles in the heat of chaos. Fuhiken moved to the front, shield raised high like a living wall. Orchid dashed to his left, sword drawn with reckless enthusiasm. Yetsan clanked to the right, muttering complaints about the dust. The ranged fighters took their positions, Gabyola climbing onto the roof of the carriage, Kyle ducking behind cover, and Yuuna calmly stepping back to survey the battlefield. Even Fahleena, still humming her theme song, twirled her keyblade and grinned.
Fuhiken raised his shield and activated Shield Blessing I, a shimmer enveloping his form. "Block the needles! Hold the line!"
Orchid charged to the left flank, sword gleaming. "For glory and, Oh no, I stepped in mud!"
Yetsan grunted, bracing on the right flank. "Don't get dirt on me."
Gabyola sprang atop the carriage, activating Hawk Eye. She fired a single Wind Arrow I, and one cactuar exploded in a puff of plant goo.
Kyle crouched behind Yetsan. "Thanks for the shield, buddy."
"I'm not your cover."
Kyle smirked, activated Sharp Shooter I, and with a mechanical chk-chk, fired. The mana bullet pierced another cactuar cleanly.
A nearby cactuar dashed forward on stumpy feet, skidding to its knees beside its fallen comrade. With tiny, trembling arms, it scooped up the limp cactus body, cradling it as though in a tragic romance. The wind caught its green spikes just right, flaring them dramatically as it raised the corpse skyward, one knee planted in a perfect theatrical pose.
"Grraak-tiiiik sha laaaaan grooooh!" it wailed in a shrill, alien language, voice vibrating with exaggerated grief. The high-pitched notes trembled with heartache, as if mourning not just a comrade, but the fall of a generation.
The party froze.
"...Is it singing?" Gabyola asked, brow furrowed.
Jessica blinked. "It's... it's doing an opera."
Sinryo tilted his head. "Wow. I think it just hit a high C."
The cactuar continued its lament, eyes glistening with imaginary tears, then gently laid the fallen one down and raised both arms to the heavens in an impassioned plea.
"Gloo rah! Glah-kaaaah! Zhi'miiiii!"
A single leaf drifted down, landing on its forehead as if cued by fate. The party stared in dumbfounded silence, unsure whether to attack or applaud.
Suddenly, the wailing intensified, rising into an ear-splitting crescendo that vibrated through the trees and rattled the very air. The cactuar's tiny chest puffed out as it unleashed a sonic screech so high-pitched and distorted, it warped reality around it. Birds fled the canopy in a flurry, and leaves trembled as if in fear. The ground itself seemed to hum in disharmony.
"KRYAAAAAAH!"
A shimmering wave of sound burst outward, distorting their vision like heatwaves on scorched stone. Blurred outlines, ringing ears, and a sudden sensation of vertigo overtook them. Even Yuuna wobbled slightly.
"A… shriek-curse?" Fuhiken growled, bracing himself.
Jessica staggered. "I think I tasted colors…"
"It's weaponized drama," Sinryo coughed, clutching his head. "Make it stop!"
Sakura shook her snack crumbs off and shouted, "Omnicure!" A soft light bathed the party, dispelling the status debuff.
"Nice timing," said Adiw, cracking his knuckles. "Enough drama."
He activated Earthbreaker I, striking down with earth-shaking force. The ground rippled, scattering the cactuar mob. Several tumbled away, spines flying.
Then chaos truly began. The battlefield erupted into a flurry of motion, cactuars zigzagging erratically, needles slicing through the air like a metallic rainstorm, the ground littered with plant debris and magical residue. Amid the frenzy, one particularly sneaky cactuar broke formation. With surprising stealth for something so stubby, it crawled low beneath the cover of smoke and carriage shadow, creeping around the rear axle with a predator's patience.
Its small, prickly frame blended with the underbrush and debris. Slowly, it ascended the rear step of the carriage, limbs twitching in anticipation. It paused, peeking up behind Jessica like a mischievous goblin emerging from a trapdoor, its black beady eyes locked on its unsuspecting target. The tiny green fiend raised one arm in perfect silence, the needle on its fingertip beginning to glow ominously with concentrated mana.
ZING!
A needle shot directly into Jessica's rear.
"EEP!" Jessica yelped, eyes wide, clutching her butt. "I-IT STUNG ME!"
Sakura leapt over. "Cure I! Butt healing initiated!"
Jessica trembled. Her sword glinted. "You little...!"
Angered, she take attack pose. Quick Step I. She moved faster than the eye could track, one moment standing rigid with rage, the next vanishing in a blur of motion. Her katana flashed like a streak of silver lightning, slicing through the air with deadly precision. The offending cactuar had just enough time to blink before it was struck by a flurry of impossibly fast slashes. Thin green lines appeared across its body, suspended in time for a heartbeat, then it disintegrated into a cloud of fine green dust, scattered like confetti in the wind. The only thing left behind was a single cactus spine, gently drifting to the ground.
Gigih, eyes narrowed behind his spellbook, muttered, "Enough." He summoned Fire II, a roaring fireball descending like a meteor. Cactuar screeches turned into crispy silence. The blast scorched part of the forest.
"Oh no!" Gabyola gasped. "The trees!"
Yuuna, calm as ever, stepped forward and cast Water I, a gentle wave extinguishing the flames.
"Balance restored," she murmured.
Fahleena ascended a moss-covered stump with theatrical grace, the remnants of battle swirling around her like a stage set. Ash danced on the wind, casting a soft haze across the clearing as her twintails fluttered in slow, sweeping arcs, petals of defiant pink against the grey. She raised her keyblade high, its metal gleaming beneath fractured sunlight, as if calling upon ancient powers known only to her delusional grandeur. With one foot forward and her cloak catching the breeze just right, she struck a pose so dramatic it could halt time, a living portrait of heroic absurdity.
"And lo, from the sacred fire emerged he, the punisher of all cactus-kind! Thus I proclaim thy name, Gigih, The Cactuar Executioner of Eternal Fire!"
Gigih sighed. "Please don't."
"Too late. It's on the record!" Fahleena winked.
With the cactuar threat neutralized and trees no longer burning, the party began regrouping. Yuuna cast her Compression Spell, shrinking the magic carriage into a convenient cube.
"Storage complete," she said, tossing it into her bag.
They continued on foot beneath the tall emerald trees of Etheria. The air was thick with nostalgia and the sound of rustling leaves.
"It's bigger than I remember," Fuhiken muttered, stepping over roots.
"Denser too," Gabyola said, looking up at the canopy.
"I smell pudding," Jessica whispered, paranoid.
---
Far behind, hidden in a darker grove, three surviving cactuars peeked from a bush.
"Grurgruuu," one said, narrowing its little black eyes.
"Grahhahah," said another, flexing its spine.
The third, smallest cactuar clenched its stubby fists, trembling with silent fury. It stepped atop a fallen log, raised one arm toward the heavens, and shook its tiny fist as if vowing vengeance to the forest gods themselves. A lone leaf drifted past its face. Dramatic wind blew its tiny cactus spikes backward. Somewhere, thunder rumbled, though the sky was clear.
Cactuar revenge was nigh.
---