Kaelen Void-Scale was 87% certain he wasn't cut out for interdimensional espionage.
This certainty crystallized as he dangled from the underbelly of a **Dragon Warbringer's siege engine**, hurtling through the void at approximately "oh gods why" speeds. Above him, **Vorgath's revenge fleet** blotted out the stars—warships shaped like jagged teeth, their hulls crawling with fire-breathing draconic shock troops. Below him, the **Star-Eater Turtle's** energy shields shimmered like a soap bubble about to pop.
***"Remind me,"*** Kaelen hissed to the void-koala clinging to his hair, ***"why I couldn't just fake a stomach flu?"***
Blight adjusted his tiny shadowy top hat (a recent, inexplicable fashion choice). ***"Because your dragon mom said 'Burn them!' and your elf dad said 'Infilitrate them!' and you, being a catastrophic people-pleaser, muttered 'I'll do both' before thinking it through."***
**Goreclaw (internal, thrilled):** *THIS IS THE BEST DAY! LET'S PUNCH THE SIEGE ENGINE'S ENGINE!*
**Ice Prince (internal, sobbing):** *I miss Earth. I miss trucks. Trucks were predictable.*
Kaelen's **Soulforged Blade**—strapped to his back—vibrated eagerly. The Karma Shop interface flickered in his peripheral vision:
```
[WARZONE SPECIAL!]
- 100 Tokens: "Tactical Invisibility" (Lasts 30 sec. Side effect: Uncontrollable yodeling)
- 500 Tokens: "Dragonfireproof Underwear" (Chafing risk: High)
- 1,000 Tokens: "Summon Titan-Beast Cavalry" (Warning: May eat allies)
```
*"We have 120 Tokens,"* Kaelen thought desperately. *"Can we bribe someone?"*
***"With what? Your dignity?"*** Blight snorted. ***"You spent that tripping into a scorpion."***
A roar echoed—**Vorgath himself** streaked toward the turtle's shell on wings of nuclear fire, his left nostril still bandaged from the "incident."
**"KAELEN VOID-SCALE!"** the Warbringer bellowed, voice cracking continents. **"I'LL BATHE IN YOUR SPINE-SOUP!"**
*Goreclaw:* *FINALLY! A WORTHY OPPONENT!*
*Ice Prince:* *I DON'T WANT TO BE SOUP!*
Kaelen's left eye (father's spyware) flashed:
<
His heart (mother's tracker) burned:
<
***"Option C,"*** Blight whispered. ***"The yodeling."***
Kaelen slapped **"Purchase"** on the Tactical Invisibility upgrade.
**EFFECT:**
- His body flickered into transparency.
- His vocal cords independently launched into a **Tyrolean war yodel** so piercing, three dragon troopers clutched their ears and plummeted into the void.
***"WHAT IN THE SEVEN HELLS IS THAT NOISE?!"*** Vorgath howled, swerving mid-flight.
Kaelen, now invisible and musically compromised, scrambled along the siege engine's hull—still yodeling—as Blight cackled.
***"This is the greatest espionage tactic in history! They'll never suspect the guy announcing his presence with FOLK MUSIC!"***
---
**Meanwhile, aboard the Star-Eater Turtle:**
High Sentinel Lysandra observed the chaos via holo-screen. The Dragon fleet was in disarray, their formations crumbling as an unseen force (and very audible yodeling) wreaked havoc.
**"The Prince's plan is… unconventional,"** she admitted.
Emperor Silversong's voice crackled through her earpiece: **"Genius. The yodel disrupts draconic sonar. My son weaponized *culture*."**
A second hologram flared—Empress Ignis, her snout smoking. **"HE'S HUMILIATING THEM! I LOVE IT! TELL HIM TO ADD FIRE!"**
Lysandra sighed. **"Prince Kaelen? Your mother requests… more pyrotechnics."**
Kaelen's response—transmitted between yodeling crescendos—was a despairing: ***"I'M BUSY NOT DYING!"***
---
**Back in the Warzone:**
Kaelen reached the siege engine's control node, still invisible, still yodeling. Blight gnawed through the power conduits.
***"Done! Now, Phase 2: DRAMATIC EXIT!"***
*Goreclaw:* *JUMP ONTO VORGATH'S BACK! RIDE HIM LIKE A SCALY PONY!*
*Ice Prince:* *ABSOLUTELY NOT!*
The engine sputtered. Kaelen's invisibility timed out mid-yodel. Twenty dragon troopers turned.
**Awkward silence.**
**Dragon Trooper #1:** *"…Is that the Prince?"*
**Trooper #2:** *"Why is he holding a cheese knife?"* (Kaelen had grabbed the wrong blade.)
***"PHASE 3!"*** Blight screamed. ***"PANIC!"***
Kaelen's **Nebula-Wyrm 0.5 form** erupted in a burst of silver scales—half-transformed, he belly-flopped onto a passing comet-beast and clung for dear life as it veered toward the turtle's shields.
Vorgath gave up on chasing, then with rage in his voice " NEXT TIME I'LL FEED YOUR YODELING THROAT TO MY HATCHLINGS!"
---
The Aftermath
Kaelen crash-landed in the palace gardens, comet-beast saliva dripping from his hair. Lysandra approached, hands clasped.
"The Dragon fleet retreated in confusion. Emperor Silversong is… impressed."
A hologram of his father appeared. "Your 'sonic destabilization gambit' was inspired. Report for debrief at dawn."
Empress Ignis's hologram shouldered it aside. "NEXT TIME, MORE FIRE! LESS SINGING!"
Kaelen groaned into the grass. Blight patted his head with a tiny shadow paw.
"Look on the bright side! You've got 200 Tokens now. The Karma Shop's selling Selective Memory Loss."
*Goreclaw: "BUY THE TITAN-BEAST CAVALRY!"
*Ice Prince: "…Can we buy a time machine?"