SUNDAY NOON -AFTER SERVICE - 2:00PM
After church there was a choir practice which amaka always attended. During the rehearsals she couldnt help but wonder
All her seven years of being in the choir she had never noticed that boy before. And from gossips amongst the female choristers he attends her school and his name is Tobi but she had never seen him at school, not in her class, not on the field, not in the corridors of King's High. But today a mere sunday?
Throughout the rehearsal she couldn't unsee him.
Outside the church, he was leaning against the wall in black trousers hanging low on his waist, tie loose, shirt unbuttoned halfway like church rules didn't apply. He had one AirPod in.
She was supposed to be looking for the tambourine but instead here she was looking at him...admiring his build.
Just then his head titled in her direction, she quickly looked away. Her heart racing gbe-gbe-gbe inside her chest as she scurried back in.
He walked by later after rehearsal and their eyes met...he didn't smile at her or nothing he only just said, "Hi, Amaka."
But this was a huge deal, he knew her name, he sees her
She fumbled her book. "H-hi."with a shaky throat
His voice was deep and its not like the average teenage boy she knew but like a man. So smooth and unbothered
Later at home while having her lunch in her room, she caught herself writing his name inside her notebook.
Tobi.
She stared at it and smiled but instantly something in her told her she was committing a sin of lust so she scratched it out like it was sin.
The rest of her evening, he kept showing up... in her brain, her mind, her thoughts even her mouth started calling his name.
That night? Oh she did the most unholy thing...
She touched herself for the first time ever. Her fingers were trembling, thinking of his voice, of his lips. She felt like she was going to explode.
She couldn't make herself orgasm so she doesn't sin deeply so she edged herself and stopped
She stood by her mirror stared at her reflection and cried asking God for forgiveness of sin again and again.
Because Amaka...oh she wasn't just falling...she was freefalling into the kind of fire her parents never prepared her for.
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SUNDAY NIGHT – 11:48 PM
Dear Diary,
I don't even know what I'm writing. My hands are shaking and my body… it feels strange...i feel strange...like I'm no longer the same girl I was this morning.
He touched me today. Not physically lol. But with his eyes, with his voice, with just one look, my whole chest felt clogged, my thighs clamped really tight and my pussy pulsated real hard. I wanted to scream and cry and kiss him all at once.
Tobi.
I didn't even know his name before today, but now I feel like I've known him forever.
He's not like other boys. He looks at me like I'm not just some Christian good girl. Like I'm… real...Desired. He doesn't even see my flaws, he thinks I'm beautiful
But what if he's just playing me? What if I'm the one fooling myself? Amaka don't conclude just yet give it time you can't possibly just fall in love in just one day
Silly right lol
Also,i dod somethingreally dirty, I touched myself tonight.
And now I feel dirty. But I also feel… free. I don't want to be this way like I don't want to think of him, of his voice, of his lips.
But I know I will because tomorrow, I'll see him again at school. Did you know we go to same school?
Oh God help me… I can't wait but don't let me fall, don't let me sin again
— loves Amaka N.