The sensation I felt just before dying was one of indescribable agony throughout my body. The cold was so intense that it caused cramps before freezing my nervous system, hence the pain. Fortunately, it didn't last long, as my body shut down and turned into a meat lollipop.
For a brief moment I was afraid I would disappear forever, but that fear turned to relief when I felt my body again and the sunlight shining on the city filled me with warmth.
"That was... death. I... died."
I let out a long sigh as I checked my bag of junk food was back in my hands. I thought I'd react worse after experiencing my own death, but surprisingly, it affected me less than I expected. Perhaps my relief at being back in life was greater.
However, that relief didn't last long. Having this power meant that somehow Satella had chosen me over Subaru, meaning I was replacing him, right?
"I'm back... I'm back from the dead. I don't know how good that is, if I'm really in this world."
The pain of being frozen was so intense that my body continued to tremble with a residual sensation of cold that somehow persisted beyond death.
"Puck, that shitty cat... He doesn't look anything like mine."
In my world, I had a kitten less than a year old, whom I named Giovanni. He was very cute, but also very mischievous. Still, the worst thing Giovanni could do was bite me, and this bastard froze me to death without having anything personal against me.
At least it wasn't as gruesome a death as it could have been. Elsa would have made it much more traumatic, even the three thieves.
Yes, there were many ways to die in this world, and I didn't want to experience them all. I prefer to avoid suffering whenever possible, and I don't care if it makes me look bad, because I think heroism is bullshit.
So, after some thought, I decided to take an alternative route. It might not have been the best option if I wanted to use my knowledge of the story's future, since I'd be changing things, but I definitely didn't want to repeat Subaru's path, because it was filled with pain and death.
Also, most of the what ifs didn't end very well, or Subaru didn't get very far in them, and if he did, like in Rem IF, he'd end up returning to the past when he died. This is because Satella apparently had her own plans for the protagonist (which involved meeting Emilia).
I wasn't going to stray too far from canon, but I also wasn't going to do things to the letter imitating Mr. Lolimancer: I preferred to avoid some things like Elsa's knives and Wolgarm's teeth.
So I took a few minutes to think about a good plan of action to complete the first arc. I'd do some things differently and some things that were canon.
"Well, let's get to work."
I headed toward the main street, this time going in the opposite direction from the first. I found Mr. Save Point Guy store and approached him, smiling. The man looked at me with a raised eyebrow, since he didn't know me.
"Good afternoon, sir. I don't have any money right now, but when I do, I'll buy you something."
"What?" Mr. Save Point Guy was confused by my sudden dialogue.
"Do me a favor. If a silver-haired half-elf comes asking for that thief named Felt, don't tell her how to find her; tell her I'll retrieve her insignia and bring it here before midnight."
"What?!" Mr. Save Point Guy was extremely confused.
"It's very important that she doesn't go to the loot house or meet Felt! Her life depends on it! I'm counting on your help, sir!" I waved at him, leaving him stunned.
I continued through the back streets until I reached the Three Stooges' alley. They stared at me with their insufferable idiot faces, not moving from their spots, waiting for me to get close so they could ambush me.
Before they could open their mouths and say their line, I took a deep breath and shouted as loud as I could:
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP MEEEEEEEEEE! GUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!"
"Hey! What are you doing?!"
"S-Stop screaming!"
"It's just a prank, bro!"
My voice echoed, and I'm sure the people outside the alley heard me. But no one came.
"So far everything is going as it should."
The trio approached me intimidatingly, their faces looking angry and embarrassed. I was nervous, but confident that everything would turn out well.
"That was scary. For a moment I thought that would work."
"You gave us a hard time, buddy."
"You better be prepared for what's next."
I took a few steps back and prepared to shout for help again. However, a familiar voice echoed in the alley, speaking in an authoritative tone.
"That's enough."
Reinhard Van Astrea made an appearance. He looked deceptively ordinary, aside from his handsomeness, which made me doubt my heterosexuality.
—Oh no, it's Reinhard!
The trio of useless people turned into smoke and were carried away by the wind.
"Wow, this daddy looks so good" I looked at the redhead, completely mesmerized by his presence.
If Reinhard were a woman, I would fall in love with her instantly.
"Um." He coughed, uncomfortable with my piercing gaze. "Are you okay?"
"I'm great!" I responded enthusiastically. "Thanks for saving me, Reinhard."
Smiling, I extended my hand for a shake, which he accepted. At that moment, I decided I could trust him. Even if we were strangers, Reinhard would naturally be willing to help me.
"You look better in person." I commented, to which he laughed and looked to the side shyly.
"I guess I'm glad I met your expectations."
"You actually passed them." I said, and then realized the conversation had taken a strange turn. "Wait, I almost forgot to introduce myself." I remembered, and laughed at my lack of naturalness. Did I already mention I'm bad at socializing?
I gave a simple bow and tried to sound as credible as I could. I was about to do something very dangerous, considering he could identify lies with one of his blessings.
"My name is Leandro Lagostena. I come from a very faraway place and I'm completely penniless. I'm looking for opportunities and have decided to try my luck in the royal capital."
"I see, it's a pleasure to meet you. May I ask what your impression of the kingdom is so far?"
"Honestly? It's fucked up. Thieves roaming the streets freely, an entire district full of poor people, the plants with changed names... But at least they have pretty girls."
"Hahaha." He let out an awkward laugh. "Well, I'm sure you can still discover many good things in Lugunica."
"Yeah... Well, since you're here, can you do me a favor?"
"If it's within my power, I'll help you."
"It's very simple." I took out my smartphone and put the camera in selfie mode. "Stand next to me and smile while you look at this lens here."
A little confused, Reinhard did as I asked and I showed him the result: a photograph of the two of us.
"What was that?"
"Photography. It's a function of my Smart- I mean 'Metia', or at least that's how you call it in this part of the world."
"Can you capture a moment as a still image and save it to that device?"
"Yes, you understood it perfectly, you are very perceptive."
Reinhard scratched his cheek and asked me timidly.
"Why keep an image with me?"
"You never know when you might need a picture with a handsome, powerful guy." I grimaced. "Sorry, it's not like I'm trying to take advantage of your kindness, but I'm not very strong, so I'm trying to defend myself the best I can. Those thieves recognized you, so you must be popular around here." I clasped my hands and exclaimed solemnly. "I promise not to use this picture for any evil or selfish purposes! At most, I could boast that I'm friends with Reinhard."
"Friends?"
"I guess it's too soon for that, but maybe it will happen. How about I treat you to lunch later? We can meet at the loot house in the slum, since I have a business there."
"I... I guess I can accept that, I'm not on duty today."
I nodded as I thought of something, finally hitting my hand with a fist as if I had remembered something.
"That's right! You're a knight, aren't you? I think you have something important to know."
The sword saint's eyebrows arched.
"What's this about?" His expression turned serious and analytical.
"I saw the Bowel Hunter, Elsa Granhiert. She's wandering around the slums. I think she's planning something."
Reinhard became completely serious and his posture became firm.
"That's no good. I need to deal with that threat immediately." He prepared to move, but before doing so, he gave me a nod of approval. "Thanks for the information, Leandro. I'll see you later."
With a burst of speed, Reinhard zoomed away and disappeared from my sight.
"That concludes the first part of my plan." I murmured. "Now the negotiation begins."
I already knew how to get to the loot house, so I had no major problems finding my way. Before entering, I reviewed the details of my plan to minimize the chances of failure.
Once satisfied, I braced myself and knocked on the door. A young girl's voice sounded from inside the building, and I soon heard footsteps approaching.
The door opened, revealing a familiar figure. Short blond hair, red eyes, a black bun, and a scarf stood out from her overall appearance.
"Who are you? Did you lose something?"
"Hi Felt, I'm here to do business. May I come in?"
***
"Wow! This food is really good!"
Rom was enjoying my bag of chips, while I drank a glass filled to the brim with liquor. I needed to relax a little after being chased and then frozen to death.
"So, you want me to steal something for you?" Felt sounded impatient, her legs swinging in the air and her fingers tapping on the wood of the bar. She was eager to hand the insignia to Elsa and get her payment of ten holy coins. However, that wasn't going to happen in any way.
"No." I said, pausing to take another sip of liquor. "I want you to give me the insignia you stole from the silver-haired half-elf."
My words created a silent tension in the air. Suddenly, Felt pulled out her knife and held it against my throat while Rom grabbed his club.
"I'm sorry, but I'm not going to negotiate with you anymore." She said threateningly. "If you value your life, you'd better answer all my questions."
"I think you misunderstood." I remained calm despite the seemingly dangerous situation. "I'm not coming from the owner of the insignia."
"Explain yourself." The knife never stopped pressing against my skin.
"The insignia you stole is very valuable, but you won't get paid for it."
"What are you talking about?"
"That woman who hired you was going to kill you when she was sure you finished the job. Luckily for you, she's not coming. My friend Reinhard is taking care of her."
Felt raised an eyebrow in surprise. Rom held his breath.
"Reinhard, the sword saint?" The giant's voice held fear and resentment.
"Yes, I contacted him this afternoon." I confirmed. "So you two can breathe easy."
"Tch! As if I'd believe you! There's no proof of what you're saying!" Felt didn't trust my words, which reflected the kind of life she'd had up until now.
"Yes, there is, look at my Metia."
"Your what?"
"The device is in my pocket. Handle it carefully; it's valued at over twenty holy coins."
Upon hearing the words 'twenty' and 'holy coins', the little thief and the old giant nearly pounced on me. Felt managed to maintain a calm appearance as she felt around my legs, and within seconds, she found a hard, rectangular lump. Gently, she extracted the smartphone and held it up, looking at it with shining eyes.
"I-Is this worth t-twenty holy coins?" She asked.
"Yes, I just said it. Press that button and you'll see I'm not lying to you."
I instructed her to tap the camera icon. That took her to the photo gallery. The last saved image immediately appeared: Reinhard and me.
"That sword! No doubt about it, he's the sword saint, the strongest knight." Rom said, nodding nervously.
"What does this mean? How can there be an image of you and that guy frozen in time and somehow stored in this thing?" Felt was very confused by the novelty of the photograph.
"It's a special feature of this Metia. It can capture moments in time and store them." I explained with a proud smile. "And that's just one of its functions. If you let me—"
I was going to approach her to show her how to use it, but the knife flew back towards my neck and stopped just before piercing or cutting.
"There are some things I don't understand. How did you know where to find me, and how well do you know the person who hired me to know their intentions?"
"I asked around town for you, and it wasn't too hard to figure out what she wanted. As for her, her name is Elsa Granhiert; they call her the Bowel Hunter. I'm surprised you didn't realize how dangerous it would be to work with her. I suppose you really need the money."
Felt exchanged a glance with Rom. I assumed they communicated using the typical nonverbal language that only works between very close people.
"And what do you offer for the insignia?"
"Your freedom and the old man's." I said coldly.
Before either of them could react to what I said, an explosion occurred, followed by a tremor that shook the place to its foundations.
"What was that?!" Felt asked, holding onto the bar as the tremor passed.
"That was Reinhard doing his job." I replied. "He'll be here soon. You still have time to hand in the insignia, but if you don't, I'll have to rat you out."
Felt glared at me with hatred and fear. She realized she'd been cornered with no chance of escape. Rom muttered a few insults under his breath as he gripped his club and walked toward the entrance, ready to give Reinhard a warm welcome.
"Wait, Grandpa Rom!" Felt yelled at him. "This isn't worth it."
She had resigned herself. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the insignia, its red jewel emitting a constant glow. She extended it toward me, offering it.
"Come on, take it at once!"
"I'm sorry." I said, looking toward the door that opened at that moment.
Reinhard entered the loot house with a worried look that turned to relief when he saw me.
"Elsa was watching this place, did you know-?"
Reinhard's mouth immediately closed upon seeing the royal candidate's insignia in Felt's hand, more specifically, the jewel shining when held by someone qualified. He tried to move forward, but a giant shadow loomed over him.
"Astrea!" Rom practically spat out the word, his face twisting with anger, and he swung his club at the red-haired knight. He was standing to the side of the door, very close to Reinhard.
Despite the unexpected sneak attack, Reinhard easily dodged. The ground erupted, spewing dust and splinters. Rom grunted and raised his club again, but failed to use it.
A precise kick to his sternum brought him to his knees, dropping his weapon as he lost all his strength. Reinhard placed a hand on his head and finished him off.
"Grandpa Rom!" Felt threw herself at Reinhard to protect her only family, but her resistance was completely useless. The sword saint rendered her unconscious with a single move.
I watched the whole scene with a pleasant feeling because everything had gone as I'd planned. But when I realized how cold-heartedly I'd extorted Felt and separated her from Rom (even if only temporarily), I felt a pang of guilt.
"What was your business here, Leandro?" Reinhard picked up Emilia's insignia and looked at me suspiciously. "Is this why you came here?"
"As perceptive as ever." I commented with a wry smile.
"Who are you really? What is your purpose?"
Reinhard advanced in my direction. At that moment, I was a potential threat. If he decided to arrest me, there was nothing I could do to stop him.