The group had developed a schedule around keeping watch on the barricades.
When the sun set, Charm began lighting candles. I heard her speaking with Reason, her voice raspy. Perhaps she had been crying. "It's scarier when it's dark." She explained. Reason had returned to his composed self, analyzing everyone and everything around him. He had suggested to Sir James who to put on watch together to maximize defense and spread out manpower. "Are we going to be okay?" I heard the younger girl whisper. Here, away from the glamour of her clean dresses, with her up do tangled into a mess on her head, she looked younger than usual.
I watched passively as Reason rested a hand on her shoulder, "We'll be okay, Tam."
Ah, I thought. I felt a glimmer of satisfaction in my bones. As I had thought, they knew each other outside of camp. They knew each others real names. Perhaps it was a coincidence, but I had never believed in such a thing. It only reinforced what I had suspected. There had always been more to this camp than anyone could have imagined. It added a hint of color to the grayscale of my interactions with Reason from before. There was more to all the waywards here.
Across the room I met eyes with Tact, the boy who also watched everyone else. That's the only distinction among people here. Those who notice. And those who don't. I wanted to tell him he was watching the wrong person. There was no reason to look at me with those wondering eyes.
But In the end, it didn't matter. I was sure they'd all die. And I would leave here. Alone.
Just as the thought crossed my mind, Sir James made his way over to me. His sword was still drawn, but he had it dragging behind him, never pointed. I felt my eyes roll preemptively, sure that his graying eyes and smile would make an appearance just to annoy me. But they never did. He sat beside me, I looked over at him. He had set the sword down, the clunk of metal quieter than the airless wheezes of those things at the doors. Sir James was a large man, more fat than muscle, but with strength nonetheless. For the first time I noticed the callouses on his hands.
"Miss Reginald," the mention of my family name startled me, and my eyes snapped up from the floor to meet his. He was the only person who knew everyone's identity. Sir James was the one who had suggested we keep our names and titles hidden. He had said to me that without something like title in the way, we all might become friends. I had given him a hard stare, the notion of treating my summer at this camp like a vacation when it was punishment, unpleasant.
My voice was clipped when I answered, "What?"
He smiled tiredly and rubbed at his eyes. "Have you made any friends?"
The answer was obvious to everyone. Still, I racked my brain despite myself. I had no clue what it meant to have friendships. Virtue was always ambling towards me during dinner, complimenting my flimsy dresses that I had tried to salvage on my own, saying hello despite my refusal to acknowledge or answer her. Charm and I, who had been assigned roommates in the girl's cabin, were always at odds with one another. She had confused me for a servant during our first meeting.
The only persons who I respected at camp were Miss Lidia, our dorm mistress who overlooked all of us, and Miss Jenna, the governess who taught us history and etiquette. But Miss Lidia was still unlikable, especially when she punished us for being unladylike, and Miss Jenna was too demure, too soft, too weak. I did not want friends.
"What do you think?" Is what I said after a moment. I saw the world through a crystal clear glass. It was never stained, murky or fragile. No matter who came knocking at it, it would never break. Only the sound of knocks on the glass were what disturbed me.
Sir James sighed before he grabbed his sword and offered the hilt to me. I looked at the worn leather of it, heavy from use. The metal of the sword shone in the moonlight that appeared after the setting sun. "Then I want you to take this."
Silence descended upon us. I turned away from it and clutched at the knife I had scrambled for earlier. "I already have a weapon." I wondered why he would give his only means of protection to me. "And I don't know how to use that." I didn't say that I didn't want the burden that came with it. I wasn't sure what it was, but I was sure it didn't fit with what I wanted for myself. It was in better hands with him. I had no use for a sword, once I got out of here, a knife would be enough.
He didn't offer to teach me how to use it, he didn't insist either. His wrinkled face simply fell into another smile. "Are you still trying to do everything on your own?"
I scoffed. He was talking about the night I attempted to escape from the camp. He had caught me before I could step foot past the latrines.
"These things, you can't handle them alone, Delrose," I felt my gaze harden. Who was he to tell me what I could and couldn't do?
"You underestimate me. I don't need to fight them to live." I looked at the others in the dining hall. "Enough idiots will try. And that's why I'll live." I felt my long waves fall in front of my shoulder as I shifted in my seat and then promptly stood up. I looked down at the graying knight. Then I looked at the sword at his side. I felt my resolve harden, I turned away with a glare. My feet felt as if weighed down by stones as I walked away from him.
The wheezing only seemed to pierce the air louder as I settled into another spot by myself.