I heard someone say once that battlefields have their own unique sound. The howl of the wind. The roar of thunder. The distant battle cries of warriors. These sounds strike tension into the hearts of fighters, forcing them to confront their own mortality.
And now, right here, there was another sound of battle altogether—
BA-BA-BA-BAM! BA-BA-BA-BAM! DURURU~ DURURU~ DURURU~ DURURU~ DURURURU-DURURURU~
"Why the hell is the Rocky theme playing NOW of all times?!"
I threw my head back toward the heavens and screamed with every fiber of my being!
Old Man Maurice had handed me a secret tool—a device I thought was meant to help us break through this absolute crisis. But no, it was a freaking music player! And to top it off, it was blasting the theme from Rocky!
Are you kidding me?! Is this a joke to you?! This is the final battle, isn't it?!
The old man spoke up.
"Doesn't hearing this song get your blood pumping, though? Gets you all fired up, right?"
"Yeah, it gets me fired up! It makes me feel like I can do anything just by listening to it! If we were in literally any other situation!"
"Right now, it's just completely butchering the mood! Why did you show up just to ruin the tension we've been building up to this point?! We had a really good, serious tone going! We were having a battle for the fate of the world, a clash of pure wills! And now Rocky just burned it all to the ground!"
Yaegaki-san yelled out.
"Can I turn it off?! May I please turn it off?! It's just making me furious!"
"Aww..."
"What's with that disappointed look?! Do you really hate the idea of turning it off that much?!"
Look at that—even Yaegaki-san was finally forced into playing the straight man. She looked ready to pull out a paper fan and whack the old man upside the head.
This is bad. What are we gonna do about this? How are we supposed to handle this?
Wait, hang on... the lyrics playing right now are—
Pheee-nix Mon-jaaa~ Pheee-nix Mon-jaaa~
"What the hell is a 'Phenix'?! Wait, this isn't even Rocky! It's a cheap knockoff!"
I thought the melody sounded a bit off earlier, and I was right! What even is "Phenix Monja"?! Instead of getting me hyped for battle, it's draining every ounce of my energy!
I'm suddenly overcome with a urge to smash this music player into the ground. I can, right? I'd be totally justified here!
The old man chimed in.
"Ah, right. Yeah, Azazel mentioned someone borrowed his original CD and never gave it back, so..."
"Teacher Azazel made this thing?!"
So that old man was the root of all evil! What on earth was he thinking?! Wait—Teacher Azazel, someone stole your CD? Tough luck, man!
"Well, I was the one who asked him to make it, though."
"I didn't ask! So you're the root of all evil after all!"
"Calling me the root of all evil is a bit harsh. It was originally built as a music player for karaoke practice, you know."
"No, no, no! That just raises the question of why you brought it here in the first place! And since when do you go to karaoke?!"
"The other day, after drinking with Azazel and the guys."
This old man is out here enjoying his life in this world to the absolute maximum... I won't say that's a bad thing, but please don't bring it into the middle of a battle! Please, I'm begging you, stop killing the serious mood!
As my shoulders slumped in utter defeat, Grandpa Strada began to—
"Pheee-nix Mon-jaaa~..."
"HEY! What are you humming?!"
"The melody from earlier got stuck in my head. I simply cannot get it out."
T-This is the absolute worst... Grandpa Strada has been infected by "Phenix Monja"! Give me a break! Don't come over to this side, Gramps! You're supposed to be on the serious side! At least just watch over us with a gentle, wholesome smile!
Yaegaki-san dropped to her knees, looking as if she couldn't accept reality.
"How could this happen... even His Holiness Strada?! There aren't enough straight men in the world to call out all this nonsense...!"
Right?! There really aren't enough! I can't believe it either! Why did Grandpa Strada have to join the funny side too?!
Just then, Asem's roaring laughter reached my ears.
"Pfft—AHAHAHAHA! Ggh, wheeze... I'm laughing so hard my stomach... cough, cough, cough... gag!"
"Don't you start joining in too! We already have more than enough goofiness going on here! We've reached maximum nonsense saturation! Don't make us react to any more of this!"
"Man, you say that, but... yeah, you really are a dragon that attracts comedy. I've been thinking about this for a while, but next time, instead of shouting Balance Breaker, why don't you try shouting Serious Breaker?"
"What is that?!"
What kind of crazy phrase are you trying to make me say instead of my Balance Breaker?!
Ddraig asked, reacting to Asem's words.
『Partner, what would happen if you were to shout that...?』
"Hmm... something like Red Dragon Emperor and his Hilarious Friends: Boosted Gear Serial World? Pretty great, right? You get a Subspecies Balance Breaker! Ah, wait, not a Balance Breaker—a Serious Breaker."
『I see...』
Ddraig's voice was laced with deep resignation.
H-Hey, Ddraig? Isn't your tone a little too low? Where's your snappy comeback?!
『No, it just struck me that my partner might actually do it. In fact, I began to worry it might already be active. A passive, constantly active Serious Breaker... there would be no saving us. Thinking of it that way, I can finally accept it... sigh』
Don't accept it! Please don't give up on me!
"I hate this! Why has the mood descended into total chaos?!"
I looked up at the sky and screamed from the bottom of my heart.
The serious atmosphere... the serious atmosphere is completely gone. How did it come to this?
Then, Asem flashed a fearless smirk and spoke up.
"I will simply destroy it. This serious world...!"
"It's already destroyed! The serious mood has been smashed to smithereens! What else is there left to break?! Besides, I've definitely heard that line somewhere before! Also, when did you put on an eyepatch?! You didn't have those bandages a moment ago! You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?!"
"May the serious mood rest in peace..."
"SERIOUUUUS! COME BAAAAAACK!"
No matter how much I wished, no matter how loudly I screamed, my wish would not be granted. No matter how many times I called out the absurdity, more nonsense kept appearing one after another. Standing before the shattered remains of our serious atmosphere, I could only—
"ADRIAAAAN!"
—scream out that name. By the way, there was no actual meaning behind what I shouted.
"Now then, now that we've got our energy up... how should we tackle this guy?"
Old Man Maurice said, cracking his neck.
Our energy isn't up at all. You just ruined the mood for no reason...
"I'll be blunt. With the way you are right now, the old man and I don't have enough hands on deck to stop you."
Grandpa Strada chimed in as well.
"Indeed. As time passes, you adapt further to Trihexa, growing stronger. In contrast, our stamina is only draining away. Furthermore, the effects of the secret medicine I consumed will wear off shortly. Once that happens, the outcome is clear."
So that potion Teacher Azazel made really does have a time limit. No matter how incredible Gramps is, once he reverts to his original form, his body won't be able to keep up, and he'll be overwhelmed. Judging by his words, they don't have much time left to fight.
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