"Ayumi, wake up! AYUMI!"
The sleepy girl opened her eyes startled, screaming an unfamiliar name.
"Who are you calling?"
It was not the sound Ayumi was expecting, the sound of her grandmother awakening her per usual to go to school. In fact, although she was in her own bedroom, Ayumi found it strange to be there. Was she there last night?
"Oh my… are you alright?"
Her grandmother's gentle hand reached out to her, wiping the cold sweat drops collecting at the back of her neck. Her cheeks were flushed and her breathing was fast and relentless. She put her hand gently on her forehead, but there was no fever.
"Why am I here?"
Ayumi asked still in a daze, earning a worried frown from her grandmother.
"What do you mean? Oh god, are you having another nightmare? Dear, I am here with you!"
Her grandmother held her hands tightly to reassure her. Ayumi understood what the old woman was afraid of; after her parents' death, she kept having nightmares about the incident although she was not there for almost two years until her memory and longing decided to give her a break. Her grandmother would always rush to her room and reassure her, spending the night with her with promises of never leaving her alone for now. And while she could promise her that she's here now, for how long she could not promise and as the girl grew up she understood why and stopped asking her to promise her to be by her side forever.
"I think I was having a nightmare but a different one… although I don't recall what it was about…"
"This is better, you don't need to occupy your mind with scary things. After all, today you have an exam…"
Ayumi's eyes widened in surprise, her shocked internal scream was enough to clear her head of the tempting remnants of sleep.
"An Exam!!!"
In a second, Ayumi was dressed, fed, and on her way to school. She usually did not go with her friends on exams or tests days, her own nervousness a capable source of making everyone else nervous. As she arrived at her class, the students were in chaotic positions, discussing the subject of the test loudly. Ayumi was finally able to spot her two friends sitting together hunched over a book. Yuki waved as usual at her while Chisato was staring at her silently. Ayumi felt a tightness in her chest, did they have a fight? Did something happen between them that she could not remember? But then Chisato blurted out her good morning, and started mocking Ayumi's nervousness over getting a full mark in her usual funny way. Ayumi did not like that. She never liked that and yet a never stated this dislike and asked the curly haired girl to stop. Today, she wished to tell her friend so but she cowered as usual, dismissing her jokes with a smile.
Every day.
The exam passed like a flash of memory. Ayumi was writing down the answers as if in a haze, without reading the questions. Or was she reading them but she did not notice because she had memorized the subject perfectly? The test ended, the school time ended, the next day came, and the marks were hung up on the wall. A full mark as usual but she did not feel happy. It was expected, even Chisato's teasing was getting boring but she did not bother answering to it.
Many days rolled the same. Ayumi was going through them like a spectator, or an automated machine. Nothing brought her joy or left an impact. It was a strange feeling, like she was operating from outside herself, as if her consciousness was floating and seeing things go by from a distance.
"Of course, this is how life goes on… what can possibly be exciting about it? It is all the same."
Ayumi reasoned with her bored self. She thought of something exciting to do, but she had already tried everything she thought she liked or had previously brought her joy; video games, reading books, hanging out more with her friends yet nothing left a taste as it was all repeated and worn out from trials.
One statement resonated strongly with her but she found no answer to it. This statement was coming from Chisato of all persons and she did not understand what she meant by it.
"Why are you doing this?'
What did she mean? Ignoring her harmless teasing? She was already sick of it but kept this to herself.
"Why are you doing this?"
"If you have something to say, say it to our faces!"
Yuki joined in this time. It was strange.
"I am just bored."
"Are you not always bored?"
Ayumi thought about the answer although she knew it very well. Yes, everything was so boring, especially this masquerade they were playing. Ayumi was certain they had some sort of fight they were all ignoring, or was it her imagination? She felt her chest bubbling with answers but none she dared to speak, as if they were to upset the natural balance.
Occasionally on her way home, she would witness fights on the street, an increasing amount of them that were not a typical occurrence. Yet she hesitated to try and stop them or interfere or even call for help, as she felt it was none of her concern. In other occasions, however, she never hesitated to break a fight between smaller kids, or help someone who fell off his bike, or an old person with heavy baggage. You know, the typical kindness and help expected of a youth like herself, but nothing too serious or grave, beyond her safety boundaries.
And so the days rolled until her two friends came up to her in the recess.
"Listen, Ayumi…"
Yuki started with obvious hesitancy, looking back at Chisato as if asking for a push.
"What is it?"
"You see… I really cannot do this anymore!"
"Do what?"
Ayumi asked, somehow expecting the answer, and she was correct.
"This façade… you clearly don't care for me enough… everywhere we go, you don't engage with us… you seem to be hanging around us out of obligation… I feel as if I am taken for granted… I have other students who share my interests and are willing to join me…"
"Sorry, I never meant to make you feel less important than Chisato. Please do as you please."
Ayumi answered with a sigh. The reply came out like a relief, much to poor honest Yuki's shock.
"That's it? Our friendship… it means that little to you?"
"What am I supposed to say?"
Ayumi wondered for real, she was not the best person at communication, and she did not wish to force her company on anyone, god knows she wasn't the most interesting or funniest person to be around.
"I cannot believe this!"
Chisato said in disdain, but Ayumi shook her head in admittance to her shortcomings. She added, addressing Chisato:
"Next, you will tell me you cannot stand me and think I am a selfish piece of work who only cares for herself, and you are tired of pretending to be someone else with me. Well, you don't have to do that anymore!"
"How did you know… this is not important! If you knew I was pretending all this time, why did not you say something earlier?"
Chisato demanded, to which Ayumi reflected a little before answering:
"I don't know…"
"Because you truly only care about your own convenience!"
"How is this to my convenience?!"
Ayumi wondered for real again, Chisato's face was red with anger. Why would she be angry, while it is she, Ayumi, who should be?
"There were times when I thought I could really care for you and wish you all the happiness and success in the world. There were times when I really enjoyed your company, but I see it was a mutual act!"
Ayumi remained silent, thinking how she should reply. Getting no quick defense or elaboration, Chisato's voice went a darker level as she closed the argument.
"You truly don't care… for anyone… then why are you doing this?"
"Doing what?!"
Ayumi asked in irritation but got no answer as her two friends left her alone at the yard.
For a moment, Ayumi had a sense that this whole scene did not actually transpire. In fact, she felt that these past days were a spectacle she was watching through a looking glass. They left no impact, people's words left no echo.
Except for that question.
"Why are you doing this?"
Doing what? In that regard, she was doing nothing. Just carrying on with her life, or more truthfully, being carried by life. She was doing her best, focusing on what a girl her age should focus on, and nothing else. It left a horrible emptiness, a disconnection from all those around her. And the two threads of friendship she was weaving with all her effort were cut so easily, but the scariest part was that even as the knot she worked too hard to maintain and solidify raveled with few words, without shades of pain or regret and the explanation to that was as easy as it was scary.
Because it was not real. This did not make her happy, only made her feel less sad. Were all relationships like that? Probably, it is how the world functions. But she vaguely felt there were someone or ones with whom she could connect for real. Knowing them was abrupt, took not a long time, yet some bond was established, a solid one in her remembrance.
She would feel safe with them and need not pretend a thing.
Why was it so easy to be herself with them?
"Because these creatures don't actually exist!"
The voice came of nowhere, and suddenly Ayumi found herself on her way home. Has school ended already? Was she heading home already? She could not recall. Like most things these past few days. She turned around looking for the one speaking, and found a mother holding her child's fairy tale book, lecturing her about her attachment to the magical figures and her insistence on their existence.
"A child is never too old to believe in something sweet…"
Another woman commented to her companion in disagreement with the mother's statement.
"When is it too old to imagine? If my life remains this empty, I find no harm in imagining… No! I have more tests tomorrow… there is no time for this!"
Ayumi asked and answered, more like silenced, her own thoughts. These tests seemed to go on forever. Even the path to her home seemed to stretch forever, and she was already so tired. Yet another familiar scene came to her sight. Another fight, this time it was a child being bullied by some teenager. Ayumi watched for few seconds… the child was crying for some reason, oh… upon collecting the dots; the bigger boy had broken his bike and was taunting him. Ayumi did not feel enraged, it was not an uncommon occurrence but since she could do something about it, and no one seemed to notice, or pretended not to notice more likely, she decided to stop this bullying.
"Young girl, why are you doing this?"
"What?"
Ayumi turned her head, and to her side, stood a tall woman whom Ayumi was certain was not in the street minutes ago. She had long hair, very long for this modern time, raveling beneath the sunset, absorbing its color and radiating it back. Her long lucks hid her face, her words were softly spoken like the gentle whisper of a loving mother. No accusations or demands, just curiosity.
"What do you mean? Do not you see what is happening?"
"But you did not interfere in the other fights. Why this one?'
"Because it is something I can handle!"
"Still, should you do it?"
"Of course, if I can…"
"You still should have interfered in the other fights, at least you should have called for help but you refrained."
"Well…"
This option had totally skipped Ayumi's mind, and why was she conversing with this strange woman anyway? But her presence was so captivating she could not escape it.
"Was it because there was no one to protect you? They will not be always around to protect you. And if you don't protect them back… then what kind of bond is this?"
"They?" Who was that woman speaking about?
"You know, people these days have lost faith in many things, believing in something fantastical is out of fashion now, they believe in practicality. Fantastical things are an escape route that can easily blend with reality, a misty one perhaps for the weak tired mind. If you want a true bond, there should be an equal footing."
"I never look down on anyone!!"
Ayumi defended herself furiously, and the woman's intention was not to insult or accuse, as she went on with the same eteheral tone:
"Indeed, but you do nothing as well."
"Well I was about to do something before you came!"
Ayumi diverted the conversation direction, not wishing to dwell on the matter of her relationships, having ended two close ones this morning.
"You will go stop this fight now only because it is safe. But, if I were to tell you this is not a safe fight, you could lose your life in it, would you still go?"
"Why would I lose my life to a teenager?"
"Because they are not here to protect you. You are still dwelling on the border of disbelief and taking things lightly. This not how things are for them… this fight has been their entire lives… the meaning of their existence, the toll of it... It is an oath to a blood shed unjustly."
The words left a strange echo inside Ayumi's heart, it resonated with her muffled feelings, as if giving them a reflection to look at, a light to seek.
"This is not a fight you can certainly survive, you will get hurt."
The woman spoke, not delivering a warning but stating a fact. The girl turned back at the teenager bullying the little kid and stepped forward.
"You know... you have nothing to prove to me, or to anyone…"
"Except yourself…" Ayumi continued the statement in her heart. She wasn't weak, she wasn't afraid, if there was something she could set right then she will, it is to be expected but she would not do it for this reason alone. Maybe she was not the best when building relationships or showing emotions were concerned, she wasn't a perfect human being. However, there has been so many small things she's been ignoring, believing they don't matter. But no, every little deed she does adds to her personality, to her empty life. Maybe her life was not that empty after all, but she has been avoiding dealing with many things including her own life and desires and she realized she was tired of that. She wanted to give meaning to her life, and if she could not help herself, then the least she could do was help others, as far as she was capable.
"You there, what do you think you are doing bullying this little kid?!"
Ayumi shouted at the teenage boy, who replied coarsely:
"What does it matter to you? Do you know him?"
"I don't need to know him to help him! What you're doing is unjustified!"
"Are you sure of this? You don't know me, you have no obligation toward me… you can go."
Ayumi looked in surprise at the little crying child who spoke. She felt her heart weaken by… the rejection of her help? His words were not entirely untrue, but they were just as wrong as the words of the teenager bullying him.
"Still, I will help you, since I can!"
"You can't… this is too dangerous for you."
Ayumi turned to confront the annoying teenager, but he was there no longer, nor the kid for the matter. She suddenly found herself in his place on the ground, clutching to something she could not see, and a shadow hovered over her, holding… a stick?
The first strike came down, and thankfully Ayumi's reflexes worked on their own as she rolled down on the ground avoiding the strike. She was no longer on a street, as if a fog had cleared, but only to reveal a more ominous darkness. And now she remembered.
It was all a dream? A vision? A magical trap?
Chisato was attacking her with some solid rod, that was powerful enough to leave a dent in the ground. Ayumi looked again at her hands, the crown has fallen from her as she was rolling down. She was back again at the school ground, shrouded by Laila's dark fog.
"Reiha, Chiyasu!"
She desperately called for them to help her, but got no response.
"They won't be always around you to protect you."
The woman's from the dream words echoed in her head, looking around; she found the two princesses tied by Laila's black threads, probably trapped in a similar dream to hers. Another strike came down, and this time, as Ayumi avoided it, she recognized the weapon.
It was Queen Amaterasu's scepter.