I woke up to the unfamiliar sensation of feeling... good.
There was no dull ache in my bones, no tightness in my chest, no lingering taste of sickness and despair. The morning light filtering through the grimy window of my new chambers—a modest but clean room, a significant upgrade from my previous cell—seemed brighter. The air, which I now knew was a slow-acting poison, smelled crisp and clean. My body, reforged by a reality-bending glitch, hummed with a quiet, latent energy. It was the single greatest feeling I had ever experienced.
I sat up in bed, the silken sheets a stark contrast to the scratchy burlap I was used to, and called up my status screen with a thought.
[Kazuki "The Loophole King" Silverstein][Level: 1][Class: Glitch Sovereign (Novice)][HP: 30/30][MP: 8/10]
My mana had regenerated overnight, a slow but steady trickle of power. Eight points. Eight chances to bend the rules of this world.
My gaze drifted to the 'RELATIONSHIPS' tab. I opened it, a morbid curiosity compelling me.
[Elizabeth von Crimson (Wife/Ally)][Relationship Level: 1 (Tense Alliance)][Loyalty: 25/100]
[Luna (Maid/Follower)][Relationship Level: 3 (Hero Worship)][Loyalty: 85/100]
The numbers were a stark, logical representation of my new life. One ally of convenience who would likely betray me, and one devoted follower who saw me as a hero. The 'Harem System' was a ridiculous, embarrassing, and undeniably useful tool. It gamified the most complex system of all: human connection.
[The 'Harem System' is not designed to gamify human connection,] ARIA's voice corrected me, her tone prim and defensive. [It is a threat-assessment and loyalty-tracking subroutine. The name is a regrettable byproduct of the host's corrupted soul data. I have already filed a request to have it renamed to the 'Strategic Partnership Allegiance Monitor.']
Request denied, I thought with a grin.
A soft knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts. "Young Master? May I enter?"
It was Luna. Her voice was different. The timid, fearful tremor was gone, replaced by a soft, respectful confidence.
"Come in, Luna," I said.
She entered, carrying a tray with a silver pitcher of water and a plate of fresh bread, cheese, and fruit. It was a simple meal, but to me, it looked like a king's feast. She was no longer wearing the patched, drab servant's uniform. She was dressed in a clean, dark-green dress, the official attire for personal attendants of the nobility. Her mousy brown hair was neatly brushed, and for the first time, her pointed elven ears were not hidden, but displayed with a quiet pride.
She curtsied deeply, a gesture of profound respect. "Good morning, my lord. I have brought your breakfast. I made sure to inspect the kitchens myself while it was being prepared."
My eyes widened slightly. She had taken the initiative to protect me from being poisoned.
[Loyalty check passed,] ARIA noted. [Her actions are consistent with her 85/100 loyalty rating. She has moved from passive follower to proactive protector.]
"Thank you, Luna," I said, my voice filled with genuine gratitude. "That was very thoughtful of you."
She placed the tray on the table, her movements graceful and precise. The clumsy, timid girl from two weeks ago was gone. In her place was a young woman filled with purpose. My purpose.
"It is my duty, and my honor, to serve you, my lord," she said, her cheeks flushing with a happy pink. "After what you did... after seeing your power... I knew you were not like the other nobles. You are one of the heroes from the stories. It is the greatest honor of my life to be by your side."
Her sincerity was a physical force, a warmth that spread through my chest. In my old life, no one had ever looked at me with such unreserved admiration. It was... humbling. And a little terrifying.
"Luna," I said, my tone serious. "I am not a hero from a story. I am just a man trying to survive. And I need help. I need people I can trust."
I looked her directly in the eyes. "Can I trust you, Luna?"
Her own eyes went wide, and she immediately dropped to one knee, placing a hand over her heart. "My life is yours, my lord. I swear it on the memory of the ancient trees. I will be your sword, your shield, your eyes, and your ears. I will never betray you."
[Loyalty has increased to 90/100.][New Sub-Title Unlocked for Luna: 'Sworn Shield.'][Note: At this level of loyalty, the subject is highly susceptible to suggestion. Ethical subroutines advise against exploitation.]
I had to be careful. This level of devotion was a heavy responsibility.
"Stand up, Luna," I said gently. "I will not have my friends kneeling to me."
She rose, her eyes shining with unshed tears of happiness. "Friend... my lord?"
"Yes. Friend," I confirmed. "And as my friend, I have a task for you, if you are willing. It is more important than bringing me meals or cleaning my chambers."
"Anything, my lord!"
"This manor... it has secrets," I said, my voice low. "My family has fallen, but there may be hidden assets, forgotten rooms, old documents in the library that no one has read in centuries. I need you to be my eyes and ears. I need you to explore. To listen to the other servants. To find anything that might be useful. Information is a weapon, Luna. And right now, it's the only weapon we have."
I was giving her a quest. A purpose beyond servitude. I was making her a part of my inner circle.
Her entire being seemed to light up from within. "I will not fail you, my lord! I will be the best spy in the entire kingdom!"
She curtsied again, her movements filled with a newfound, energetic grace, and practically bounced out of the room, eager to begin her mission.
I watched her go, a strange feeling settling in my chest. It was the feeling of responsibility. I had to protect that girl. I had to make sure her faith in me was not misplaced.
[Strategic analysis,] ARIA chimed in. [By elevating her status from 'servant' to 'intelligence agent,' you have solidified her loyalty and given her a purpose that aligns with your own survival goals. It was an efficient and effective maneuver. Your manipulation of social dynamics is... improving.]
It wasn't manipulation, I countered. I was being sincere. I do need her help.
[Sincerity can be a form of manipulation. The most effective kind, in fact.]
I sighed. Arguing with her was pointless.
An hour later, I met Elizabeth in the cold, damp air of the dungeons. She was already there, a single torch in a wall sconce casting long, dancing shadows around her. She was dressed not in a gown, but in practical, dark leather trousers and a tunic, her golden hair tied back in a simple, severe braid. She looked less like a noble lady and more like a battle-mage preparing for war.
"You're late," she said, her voice clipping the air.
"My apologies," I replied smoothly. "I was busy recruiting my first intelligence agent."
Her eyebrow arched in question, but she didn't press the matter. Her focus was on the two cells. "They are awake. The one from the Shadow Viper guild has been screaming threats for the past hour. The other has been completely silent. He is the more dangerous of the two."
"Let's start with the loud one," I said. "He'll be easier to break."
We entered the cell of the Shadow Viper mercenary. He was a brute of a man, with a scarred face and a broken nose. He was bound tightly to a wooden chair. The moment he saw us, he began to spit a string of creative, vile curses.
Elizabeth stood before him, her face a mask of cold contempt. "You are a member of the Shadow Viper guild. You were hired to assassinate Kazuki von Silverstein. Tell me who hired you."
"Go suck a frost troll's left toe, you icy bitch!" he snarled.
Elizabeth's eyes narrowed. She raised a hand, and the air in the cell dropped by twenty degrees. A thin layer of frost began to form on the man's eyebrows and beard. "I can make your death very, very slow," she said, her voice as cold as the air around her. "I can freeze the water in your veins, one drop at a time."
The man paled, but he held firm, his professional pride warring with his fear. "Go ahead. Kill me. The Vipers will hunt you to the ends of the earth. My contract fee includes a life insurance policy that pays out a bounty on my killer."
He was bluffing, but it was a good bluff. Elizabeth hesitated. Killing him would create more problems.
This was my cue. I stepped forward, motioning for Elizabeth to lower her hand. The temperature in the cell returned to normal.
I pulled up a small, rickety stool and sat down in front of the assassin, my posture relaxed.
"That's a clever policy," I said, my voice calm and conversational. "It ensures your clients can't just kill you to tie up loose ends. Very smart. The Shadow Vipers have a good reputation for a reason."
The assassin eyed me with suspicion. This was not the reaction he expected.
"But let's think about this logically," I continued. "Your client hired you to kill me. You failed. Spectacularly, I might add. You and your team were taken down by a single, 'sickly' boy. That's embarrassing. When word of this gets back to your guild, your reputation is going to be ruined. No one wants to hire the team that got beaten by a teenager in his pajamas."
His face darkened. I had struck a nerve.
"But that's not your biggest problem," I said, leaning forward. "Your biggest problem is your client. You know who he is. A very powerful, very ruthless man. What do you think he is going to do when he finds out you failed, and that you were captured? Do you think he's just going to let you go? Let you live to tell the tale of his failed assassination attempt?"
I let that sink in.
"He'll kill you," I stated simply. "He'll send better assassins. He'll put a bounty on your head so high that your own guild will sell you out to collect it. You are a loose end, my friend. And your client is a man who ties up his loose ends with a garrote."
The man's bravado was gone, replaced by a dawning, cold horror. He knew I was right.
"So, you have two options," I said, laying out the logic just as I had done for myself at the wedding. "Option A: You remain silent. We kill you. Or we let you go, and your client kills you. Either way, you're dead. Option B: You talk to us. You tell us everything you know. Names. Locations. Methods of contact. In exchange... we give you a third option."
"What third option?" he croaked, his voice hoarse.
"We let you live," I said. "We give you a horse, a bag of gold, and a map. You disappear. You start a new life in a faraway land where your client's reach can't find you. You get to live. You get to spend your gold. It seems like a much better deal than being dead, don't you think?"
He stared at me, his mind working furiously. I wasn't threatening him with pain. I was offering him a business deal. An escape hatch. I was speaking his language.
Behind me, I could feel Elizabeth's stunned silence. This was not how interrogations were supposed to work. There was no torture, no intimidation. Just... logic.
The assassin swallowed hard. "You'd do that? You'd let me go?"
"I am a man of my word," I said. "Besides, your life is worthless to me. The information you have, however... that is very valuable."
He was silent for a long moment. Then, he slumped in the chair, defeated. "The contact was a blind drop. In the capital city. A tavern called The Salty Siren. The payment was made through an intermediary, a man known only as 'The Weasel.' He works for the Duke."
He gave us everything. The drop location, the description of the intermediary, the coded phrases they used. It was a torrent of actionable intelligence.
When he was finished, I stood up. "Thank you for your cooperation. Elizabeth, if you would be so kind?"
Elizabeth, still looking slightly dazed, stepped forward. She placed a hand on the man's forehead and muttered a single word. A soft, white light enveloped him, and his eyes rolled back in his head as he fell into a deep, magical sleep.
"A sleeping spell," she explained. "He will be unconscious for at least a day. It will give us time to decide what to do with him."
We left the cell and walked to the next one, the silent one.
"That was..." Elizabeth began, struggling to find the words. "Unorthodox."
"But effective," I finished. "He was a businessman. I offered him a better business deal."
We stood before the second cell. The man inside was different. He was smaller, wiry, with cold, fanatical eyes. He sat perfectly still on the floor, watching us. He was not afraid.
"This one will not be so easy," Elizabeth warned. "His kind is loyal to a cause, not to coin."
We entered.
"I know who you are," I said, dispensing with the pleasantries. "You are an agent of the crown, working a private contract for Duke Crimson. Why?"
The man simply smiled, a chilling, empty expression. "For the good of the kingdom," he said, his voice raspy. "The Silverstein line is weak. A blight. It must be purged to allow a stronger house to rise. The Duke is a true patriot. He does what is necessary for the strength of Althea."
He was a zealot. A true believer. Logic would not work on him.
Elizabeth stepped forward. "Then you leave me no choice."
She began to chant, her hands weaving an intricate pattern in the air. The air grew heavy, and a dark, shadowy mist began to emanate from the floor.
[She is casting 'Mind Probe (Lesser),'] ARIA identified. [A forbidden school of magic. It forcibly extracts information from a subject's mind. It is highly effective but can shatter the subject's sanity. Her willingness to use this indicates her desperation.]
The shadowy tendrils snaked toward the agent. He didn't flinch. He just kept smiling that empty smile.
"For the glory of House Crimson," he whispered.
And then, his jaw clenched. A faint popping sound came from his mouth, and a trickle of black foam appeared at his lips. His eyes went wide, then glazed over. He slumped to the side, dead.
"A poison capsule," Elizabeth hissed in frustration, the shadowy mist dissipating around her. "Hidden in a hollow tooth. Damn it!"
We had failed. The Duke's most loyal agent had taken his secrets to the grave.
We stood in the silence of the dungeon, the reality of our situation crashing down on us. We had confirmation of the Duke's involvement, but no hard proof. The word of a single, disgraced mercenary against one of the most powerful men in the kingdom. It was nothing.
"We are on our own," Elizabeth said, her voice grim. "My father will not stop. He will send more. Better assassins. He will find a way to eliminate you."
"Then we need to get stronger," I said, my mind already working, formulating a plan. "And we need resources. This manor is bankrupt. My family has nothing."
"We have my dowry," she offered. "It is a substantial sum..."
"No," I cut her off. "If we use your money, he will know. He will find a way to control it, to cut it off. We need our own source of income. Our own power base, independent of him."
"And how do you propose we do that?" she asked, her voice laced with skepticism. "Shall we take up farming?"
A grin touched my lips. "Something like that. We're going to grind."
"Grind?" she repeated, unfamiliar with the term.
"There is a place near here, isn't there?" I asked, pulling a memory from the original Kazuki's extensive reading. "About a day's ride from the manor. A place called the 'Whispering Caves'?"
Her eyes widened. "The Whispering Caves? That's a low-level dungeon. It's infested with goblins and giant bats. Adventurer guilds use it to train their novices. It's beneath the dignity of a noble house."
"Dignity doesn't pay the bills," I countered. "And it doesn't make you stronger. Think of it, Elizabeth. It's a controlled environment. A place filled with low-level hostile mobs. It's the perfect place for me to test my new abilities, to learn how to fight. And the monsters... they drop things, don't they?"
"Cores," she confirmed. "Mana cores. Goblins and bats drop low-grade ones. They can be sold to alchemists or mages for a small sum."
"It's a start," I said. "A source of income, no matter how small. And a training ground. It's the most logical first step."
She stared at me, her brilliant mind processing my insane, unconventional plan. A noble lord and a high-born lady, grinding a newbie dungeon for goblin cores. It was absurd. It was undignified.
And it was undeniably logical.
"The caves are on land that belongs to House Valerius," she said, raising the first complication. "We would be trespassing. If we are caught..."
"Then we won't get caught," I said simply. "We will be two anonymous adventurers. We'll wear cloaks, hide our faces. No one will ever know."
She was silent for a long time, her gaze fixed on me, a complex mixture of disbelief and grudging admiration in her eyes. I had, once again, presented her with an insane plan that was, on some fundamental level, the most sensible option we had.
Finally, she let out a long, slow breath. "Very well, monster," she said, a note of resignation in her voice. "It seems I am going goblin hunting."
The alliance was taking its first, strange step.
"There is one more thing," I said, a thought occurring to me. "I'll need a personal attendant. Someone to handle our supplies, to watch our backs. Someone I can trust implicitly."
Elizabeth knew exactly who I meant. "The little elf-maid? You would bring a servant into a dangerous dungeon?"
"She is more than a servant," I said, my voice firm. "She is my 'Sworn Shield.' And I have a feeling she is more capable than either of us realize."
Before Elizabeth could argue, a small voice came from the top of the dungeon stairs.
"My lord?"
It was Luna. She was standing there, holding a lantern, her face pale but her eyes shining with fierce determination. She had clearly been listening.
"I am ready, my lord," she said, her voice clear and strong. "When do we leave?"
Elizabeth stared from Luna to me, a look of utter exasperation on her face. Her carefully ordered world of politics and high magic had been completely upended. She was now allied with a resurrected, reality-hacking monster, and about to go on a quest with his adoring, elf-maid sidekick.
She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed, a sound of pure, aristocratic suffering.
"I am going to require a very large flask of wine for this endeavor," she muttered.
I couldn't help but smile.
Our party was formed. A glitched sovereign, an ice queen mage, and a loyal elf-maid.
It was a strange, dysfunctional, and utterly ridiculous team.
And we were going to go kill some goblins.