Death By A Thousand Cuts.
"Cause I can't pretend it's okay when it's not."
Sweat beaded on my forehead as anxiety gnawed at me. I had never done anything like this before. I was always home on time, rarely went out, and when I did, I made sure my mom knew exactly where I was. I didn't know what to expect when I finally mustered the courage to step through the front door.
I quietly closed it behind me, and the sound seemed deafening in the stillness of the house. I could hear her in the living room, flipping through the same magazine she'd been looking at when I left. The deliberate clearing of her throat sent a shiver down my spine, it wasn't casual. It was a warning.
I walked to the living room, each step heavier than the last. She sat there, her face unreadable at first, but as soon as she looked up, the anger in her eyes was unmistakable.
"Where do you get off thinking you can be out this late?" she shouted, rising from her seat with such force that I froze.
"Mom, I'm so sorry, I—"
She cut me off, her voice sharp and unrelenting. "And with a complete stranger? What were you thinking? What were you even doing?"
She stepped closer, and I could see the fury blazing in her eyes.
"I've told you time and time again, August, that you can't treat this house like a hotel! I raised you better than this, and you know it. Francisco and Dolores Marino might be okay with their daughter being out doing God knows what, but I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT, AUGUST ROSE EVANS! I will not sit here rotting away while my daughter is out there being a…being a FUCKING WHORE." She yelled and in an instant I felt a sharp stinging on my cheek. She slapped me with every last piece of energy she had, and she instantly collapsed.
"MOM!" tears were streaming down my face. I ran to grab her as she attempted to get up. "Mom, I'm calling 911," I said frantically, fumbling for my phone. I can still feel the stinging on my face but seeing her on the ground made me forget what she just did to me.
"NO! I'm okay, just help me up."
I dropped my phone and took her trembling hand, helping her back into the chair. My own tears were blinding me now, my chest tight with guilt and fear. "Mom I am so sorry I shouldn't have stayed out this late." I stayed on the ground with my hands in hers pleading for her to forgive me. I can't believe I did this to her. I can't believe I caused this.
"I just.." she said, grasping her chest and trying to breathe in some air. "You can't do that to me, I was worried sick about you. I thought something happened to you driving home or…or worse. I just need you to understand that as a parent, we worry no matter the age. And I don't like not knowing where you are. I may be sick but I still worry about you. And look what happened. You know I never want to hurt you. " She grabbed my hands in hers. I nodded, still crying, her words cutting through me like a knife.
"I'm so sorry, Mom," I repeated, my voice barely audible.
The sting on my cheek was nothing compared to the ache in my heart. I had caused this. I had hurt her. And that realization was unbearable.
We stayed on the couch for a while in silence until she suggested brushing my hair like she used to when I was little. I feel so broken having stressed her out this much. But that's the thing about my mom, no matter what I've done in the past she always forgives me. I knew I should've let her know or not have been out late altogether and I am genuinely remorseful.
"So are you going to tell me who you were with?" she asked. I could feel a smile forming so I tried my hardest to not let it show.
"Uhm yeah, his name is Erik, he works with Mals and I, actually he is Joaquin Montenegro's son. I didn't know that at first, that's actually kinda why I lost track of time, we were just talking and…I really am sorry mom."
"I know you are dear, so he's a Montenegro? But how did you not know?" She asked. We spent the next hour talking about my night and in that moment I felt so connected with my mom. She listened, asked questions and I even told her about my date with him. She was a little hesitant at first but eventually came around as long as I followed her stipulations. My heart feels whole again. I'm grateful to have this unbreakable bond with my mom. She finished brushing my hair and suggested I sleep the few hours I have left before work. I walked upstairs to my room and started getting dressed into my pj's. I heard my phone go off as I was laying down and instantly smiled at the name that popped up.
Erik: "Did you make it home? I haven't heard from you."
August: "Yeah I did, sorry my mom was upset and she was letting me have it lol"
Erik: "Sorry for keeping you out so late, I feel awful."
August: "Don't even worry about it, it was worth it ;)"
Erik: "I won't be at work later today, but we'll keep in touch. Have a goodnight August"
August: "Goodnight Erik."
I closed my eyes for what felt like a split second until I heard a knock at my door. Sunlight poured through my sheer curtains, flooding the room with an unforgiving brightness. I grabbed my phone—7:10 a.m.
"Can I come in?" Mallory's voice was soft as she peeked her head through the door.
"Yeah," I mumbled, rubbing my eyes and yawning. She stepped inside and perched herself at the edge of my bed.
"How are you feeling?" I asked.
"Like shit. What even happened last night?" she groaned, scooting closer until she flopped down beside me.
"You had a night last night," I said with a laugh.
She turned to face me, and I did the same. Something about her expression was heavier than usual.
"What's going on, Mals? You've been drinking more than usual, and I'm not trying to overstep, but…I'm worried."
The silence stretched between us, and I feared I'd upset her. Finally, she spoke, her voice shaky.
"I'm fine, Auggie. I just like having fun. That's all…"
"I think it's more than that." I stared at her, hoping my gaze would chip away at the walls she was putting up.
She sighed, tears welling in her eyes. "I just have a lot of pressure on me right now. And I guess this is how I'm coping."
"Pressure? From your parents?"
She nodded. "Yeah. My dad wants me to take a bigger role in the company's marketing, but I really want to focus on their philanthropic projects. And my parents…they both hate Mark. But he's been better lately, and I—"
"Better?" I interrupted, stunned. "Mals, he let you drive drunk to a party and left you there. How is that better?"
"August…wait. My car…did I—?"
"It's in my driveway. You did ruin some of Justin's plants, but the car's fine. I hate that he left you."
She winced. "I promise he's better. He only left because we got into a fight. And it was my fault—I brought up the girl he cheated on me with. I shouldn't have. He feels awful about what he did."
I stared at her, my chest tightening. How could she still blame herself? After everything he'd done to her, she still saw herself as the problem.
"Mallory," I said firmly, "you can't keep doing this. I never want to see you hurt. But if you ever drive drunk again, I will personally kill you." I softened my tone. "As for Mark, you and I both know you deserve so much better. And your dad? You just have to prove yourself. You didn't know a thing about professional marketing when you started, but you had 1.3 million Instagram followers. That's ambition. Use it to push the projects you care about."
Tears brimmed in her eyes as she whispered, "I'm sorry, August. I really am. I promise I won't do that again."
Her eyes looked so sad that I pressed my forehead against hers and said, "We're sisters for life. I'm here for you until the end of time." That finally drew a smile out of her.
My alarm went off, signaling it was time to get ready for work. We both groaned and rolled onto our backs.
"I'm not going in today," she said.
"Why? Because of last night?"
"No, I have a meeting with my dad and his partners about the trip. Since it was my idea to go to Hawaii this year, I have to present the itinerary. More people are coming this year, so it's a big deal."
"How many are going?"
"I think around 11. We usually stay in one house, but we'll probably need two this time. Lots to finalize."
"Alright, let me know how it goes. I need to shower."
"Sure thing. Mind if I shower downstairs?"
"Go ahead. Is my mom downstairs, or did she leave already?"
"She left about 30 minutes ago. She didn't look too happy. What happened?"
"It's a long story. I'll fill you in later. I'll let you know when I'm ready so we can leave at the same time."
"Okay," she said, heading for the door.
"Wait! I'm mad at you!" I called after her.
She turned, looking concerned. "Mad at me? Because of the drinking?"
"Well, yeah, but no. I'm mad at you because you knew who Erik really was, and you didn't tell me!"
"Oooh…about that. I'm sorry. He asked me to keep it a secret. I mean…I understand where he's coming from. Honestly, sometimes I wish people didn't know who my parents are. The expectations are sky-high once people find out who my dad is." She smiled sadly, then closed the door behind her.
I laid out my clothes for work, jumped in the shower, and let the night before finally sink in. I felt for Mallory and her family problems, but I wished she'd leave Mark. He had such a hold on her that I couldn't understand.
When I finished dressing, I glanced in the mirror and noticed the faint red mark on my cheek. My mom usually just yelled when she was upset, but when I pushed her too far, she'd hit me—not hard, but enough to teach me a lesson. It was rare, but it happened.
I dabbed on some makeup to cover the redness, hoping it wouldn't welt. I didn't want the reminder of how badly I'd behaved. This wasn't like me. But Erik…maybe, just maybe, he's worth being a little bad for.
I went through so many emotions last night. I don't know which one to focus on first but I shook it off and headed down stairs. I walked into the kitchen and I could see Mallory was buttering up a bagel and that she had toast and a glass of orange juice for me. She smiled when she noticed me and pointed to the plate.
"Thank you" I smiled and took a sip of the orange juice.
"So we have 10 minutes before we have to leave. Please tell me what I did last night because I keep getting flashbacks of me climbing a table." She gave me a concerned smile. I grabbed the jelly from the fridge and began to add it to my toast.
"Yeeeeah it was actually a patio grill island not a table" I finally said.
"Oh god" she cringed. "And that was only what I saw, I don't know what you did before that." I took a bite of my toast.
"How did you even end up at Justin's house? What was the party for?" I asked.
"Every year before the trip, someone throws a get-together, and this year, it just so happened to be at his new place. I completely forgot about it until I butt-dialed Dani, and she asked me where I was. So Mark and I went, and, well, you know the rest," Mallory explained, shrugging.
"Wait," she interjected, an eyebrow shooting up. "So how did you find out about Erik? No one else knows, sooo?"
I hesitated, unsure how to phrase it, but then decided to just come out with it. "Uh, about that…he actually helped take you home. And after dropping you off here, we went to get a bite to eat." I could feel my cheeks heating up, and her jaw dropped.
"OMG!" she shrieked, her excitement spilling into the room.
"And we got to talking," I continued, "and…he told me."
Her eyes widened like saucers. "Oh my god. He asked me if you were coming to the party! I remember now—I walked over to the fridge to grab another drink, and he opened the bottle for me. He was all, 'Sooo, uh, is August coming?'" She mimicked his voice perfectly, even exaggerating his low smooth tone. "Oh my gosh," she squealed. "He sooo has a crush on you!"
Her earlier sadness was completely gone, replaced by the giddy energy I knew and loved. It felt like I had my best friend back, if only for this moment.
"So anyway," I continued, unable to hold it in any longer, "as we were about to leave, he… asked me out!" I practically screamed, unable to contain the thrill.
Mallory's bagel slipped right out of her hand and landed on her plate nearly falling off.
"AUGUST. NO. WAY!" she shouted, her eyes gleamed with excitement.
"I know!" I said, my voice nearly breaking from the excitement. "I was honestly shocked. He's just so…ugh." I rolled my eyes back dramatically, mimicking a daydream.
Mallory gasped and grinned, leaning forward. "He totally is so UGHHHH," she said, copying my dreamy tone.
We burst into laughter and for a few minutes, it felt like nothing else mattered. We were just two best friends, laughing, teasing, and enjoying each other's company.
Once the giggles subsided, we finished our breakfast, gathered our things, and headed out.
I made it to work a little bit before everyone else did, I wanted to avoid the inevitable questions about how Mallory was doing. I spent the majority of the day hauled away in my office. Doing mainly busy work and sending out emails. I really couldn't concentrate though, I kept thinking about Erik and our night together. My cheeks have a permanent flush to them because of him and I can't wait until our date. Thinking about him made me want to just see him already and I felt weird about it because we've been friendly for a while and we would occasionally talk but this just feels different. I can't describe it. I looked down at my watch and noticed that time was moving fairly slowly so I decided to head down to the food court for a quick snack. Praying I don't run into anyone from last night.
Unfortunately for me, my prayers weren't heard, Dani hopped on the elevator with me. We shared a polite smile as I pressed the button to the food court level.
"Looks like we're headed the same way," she said, still smiling. She is effortlessly beautiful, I thought to myself. "So is Mallory okay? I went to her office earlier and she wasn't there." She had a look of true concern so it didn't really bother me that she asked.
"Yeah she is okay, she's in a meeting with her dad…I mean Mr. Marino and a few of his partners." I responded.
"She is a wild one that's for sure! So are you eating in your office or would you like to join me?" She asked as we stepped off the elevator. I couldn't believe she was asking me to sit with her. I normally eat alone if Mallory isn't here so I typically opt for eating in my office but I couldn't turn down her invitation. "I promise I won't bite," she said, smiling.
"Sure, I'll join you!" I finally responded.
"I'll meet you on the outside patio." She said as she walked to the right side of the court.
I wasn't particularly hungry but I decided to get a full meal so I wouldn't feel out of place. I decided on a salad from the green bar and a fruit juice before I finally headed outside. I walked past a few people and saw where Dani was. She waved at me as I continued walking until I noticed who she was sitting with. Justin. I know they're friends but I guess I just didn't expect to see him. I'm kind of embarrassed because of what happened with Mallory last night but I reluctantly walked to their table."
Over here, August!" She said, I made it to the table and placed my tray down on an open spot across from either of them.
"So Justin tells me you're going on the trip! Are you excited?" She asked as she took a bite of her falafel.
"Uhm yeah I'm excited." I responded, taking a bite out of my own food.
"Have you ever been?" She asked.
"I have actually. I went to the University of Hawaii in Maui. And travelled to most of the islands while I was there." I said.
"Okay jet setter! I didn't know you graduated from there!" She said, I looked at Justin then her, unsure if I should tell them I never graduated.
"I, uhm, didn't graduate. My mom has cancer so I had to come back to take care of her." I finally said. I looked down at my food because I felt uncomfortable, Justin hadn't said a thing since I got there but that made him talk.
"So you got the job without a degree?" He asked with an eyebrow raised and a stoic look.
"Justin shut up! She just told us her mom has cancer and that's your concern, dickhead. I'm sorry August, he really doesn't have a filter. Besides, you are doing an excellent job, sometimes better than some of them who do have degrees." she said glaring at him.
"It's okay Dani, yeah I consider myself really lucky that the company took a chance on me and I've been able to keep up." I said, still looking down. We all went silent for a bit until Dani said
"Well then I guess we will have our own personal Hawaii expert. You will have to show us all the local spots and keep us away from the touristy areas" Her perfect smile calms me a little bit, even if Justin reminded me I don't deserve to be here.
"It's going to be a great time." I said. I had received a text from Mallory and I took a quick second to read it.
Mals: "Meeting is done. I got us first class tickets hehehe they're going to pull ya'll in for a travel team meeting in an hour. I'll be there and so will errriiiiiikkkk ;)"
Auggie: "I'm excited! I'm having lunch with dani and justin and things just got really AWKWARD."
Mals: "yikes want me to call so you can step away?"
Auggie: "no it's okay i'm gonna head up to my office soon."
The rest of the lunch was spent talking about miscellaneous things between the three of us. I barely touched my salad the entire time so I ended up tossing it on my way out. And true to my luck, I had to share an elevator with Justin. Neither of us said anything but it was still really awkward. I opened and closed my calculator app three times to avoid any eye contact. We almost made the entire ride in silence until we got to the 19th floor.
"See you at the meeting, ducky." He said as he got off the elevator.
I just stayed quiet and watched as the door closed. The awkward lunch with Dani and Justin reminded me of when I first started working here. When I initially got hired, no one knew my association with Mallory and her family. No one knew that she and I grew up together side-by-side. No one knew that Mr. Marino took me to my father daughter dance in seventh grade because I didn't have a dad. No one knew the countless hours he and his wife spent helping me with AP Calculus. No one knew that I saw him as a father because mine was long gone. Mallory and I played it very cordially at first. it wasn't like we purposefully kept it a secret. We just didn't advertise our friendship. I didn't want to ruffle any feathers. Everyone assumed I was some prodigy because of how young I was.
When my mom first got her diagnosis I immediately dropped out of school and flew home. The first few months we were living off of her savings. After those were depleted I knew I had to step up and start earning an income. I had just freshly turned 20 and while I asked Mr Marino for a job, I expected something like secretarial work or some type of assistant job. I was shocked when they offered me a project management position. I initially turned it down because I felt like I didn't earn it but I was told by the hiring board that he wasn't going to take no for an answer.
While my dream was to be an Environmental Lawyer, Mr. Marino had advised me to take as many business classes as I could when I first got accepted and I did. He told the board that while I didn't have a degree he was personally responsible for my education and he knew I would succeed. From that day forward I knew I couldn't let him down so I've been working hard every day. Though a few people made it really hard for me when they found out how and why I was hired.
It happened when Mallory and I accidentally told someone a story from our childhood and our years of friendship had been exposed. I felt like a pariah for weeks. And even though no one was outwardly mean to me, no one was going out of their way for me either. Being reminded again almost exactly a year later that I don't even have my degree stings. I would do anything to have finished school and graduated because that would've meant my mom was okay. But she came first. And I would sacrifice it all over again.
However, I know I have been really fortunate because of Mallory's family so I make sure to back up what support they give even when it feels like I don't belong. I sat in my office quietly; I began to understand why Erik doesn't want anyone to know about his dad and why Mallory wishes she was under the radar. I made it to my office when I got a text from Erik and any tension I felt melted away in an instant.
Erik: "Are you heading up to the meeting soon?
Auggie: "yes I'm still in my office though, are you here yet? Mals said you guys would be there."
Erik: "Open your office door…"
I ran to open my door and Erik was standing there with coffee in each hand. I just know I had the biggest grin on my face.
"Mallory said you liked your iced coffee with 4 pumps of vanilla, extra ice and a splash of oat milk." He extended his arm so I could grab the drink. I nodded my head with a smile plastered on my face and reached over to grab it. I invited him into my office and he sat down in the chair in front of my desk.
"Thank you so much, it's just how I like it!" I said.
"So miss Evans I'd like to propose a project." He said.
"Well then you've come to the right place, Mr. Diaz," I said, smiling back at him.
"Are you free this Saturday, say around 6 o'clock." he asked. And this time I could tell he wasn't being facetious.
"Let me double check with my mom to see if she is feeling well enough but I should be available." My heart was beating faster by the minute as he stared at me, almost like he was studying my every movement.
"We should probably head up to the meeting" I said hoping that would make him look away. We walked over to the room that already had most of the seats taken. I looked around and found Mallory who had already saved us a seat "Over here" She waved at us. We sat down and continued waiting for the last seats to fill up.
"How was the meeting with your dad?" I asked Mallory.
"It was fine, we just finalized a few things. How was your coffee?" She asked, nudging me and lifting her eyebrows up and down. I gave her a playful push. Moments later, Tammy, the team coordinator, began to speak and we all quieted down.
"Well it's that time of year when we go on our big trip." She said looking around at all of us with a lot of enthusiasm in her voice.
The meeting went on a little longer than expected but we were able to get most of our information for the weeks to come. We also found out how they planned on splitting the groups up, and I was grateful to find out that Mallory fought to make sure we were at least in the same house. I was a little sad that Erik was going to be staying in the other house and would be joining us a few days later. But still excited he decided he was going after all. Mallory, Erik and I walked out of the room and spoke briefly in the hallway before ultimately splitting up. Erik mentioned he had to send some emails and Mallory had to prepare for our shopping trip we planned for after I get off of work. That girl is a very dedicated shopper, I don't have much money to spend but will join her regardless. I walked over to my office knowing I have quite a bit of work to get done. I was however able to convince someone to cover most of my work while I'm on the trip so I will truly be able to unwind.
I finished filing away some paperwork in my cabinets when I noticed Justin leaning at my door, just staring at me with his arms crossed.
"Hi…can I help you with something?" I asked hesitantly.
"No, I just came to see you before going home" He said with a smile that turned into a scowl. I felt a shift of energy when he dropped his smile. He's never come to just "see me" before leaving. Something is up.
"You know. I heard some very interesting things last night from two people sitting in my driveway after the party was over."
"What did you hear?" I asked slowly, hoping he wasn't talking about Erik and my conversation but deep down knowing he was talking about us.
"Oh nothing too crazy, just that Erik's dad is the cofounder of the company." He continued, "I'm starting to think you two are a match made in nepotism heaven. I mean that is if he is willing to wait for marriage. You know I could tell that you were innocent. I just didn't realize how innocent. The ducky thong makes a lot more sense now." He smirked. I felt a knot in my stomach and suddenly I wanted to puke.
"How did you-"
"Cameras. Ducky. Cameras everywhere around my house. With sound. You know I paid extra for a really good system. You'd be impressed at how clear the sound is. So, uh, where's he taking you on your first date?" I felt my palms getting sweaty and the walls of the room felt like they were closing in on me. I thought Erik and I were alone. I would've never imagined he was listening to everything we had said to each other.
"That was a private conversation Justin. with or without the cameras, that wasn't yours to listen to!"
"It wasn't on purpose, I promise, I just happened to get a notification on my phone that there was movement and I couldn't resist the show." He laughed.
"Please don't say anything, I don't care about my secret, just don't say anything about Erik's. Please, Justin." I pleaded.
"Relax, I just thought you should know that you gotta be careful about telling people stuff or at least where you're telling them." He retorted.
"Seriously Justin! I'm begging, can you please keep it between us?" I said pleading more desperately than before.
"Don't worry Ducky, your secret's safe with me," he winked at me and left my office. I could feel a panic attack coming. I tried catching my breath as I searched for my phone. I hate him.
August: "Can you come to my office? Asap!! PLS!"
Erik: "Everything okay? I'll be there shortly"
It felt like an eternity before Erik walked into my office.
"I'm sorry I would've been here sooner but I ran into Justin in the hallway. He was-"
"Close the door please!" I exclaimed. I'm still trying to calm my breathing.
"August, are you okay?" he asked, concern written all over his face.
"He knows. Justin knows. Everything." I cried out.
"I know," he said calmly.
"You…know?" I asked. I couldn't decipher his reaction, whether he was angry or upset or if he didn't care at all. I couldn't tell.
"Yeah, he just told me in the hallway that he watched the camera footage this morning and he knows he shouldn't have but he told me not to worry he wouldn't say anything about what he heard."
"That's not what he told me, I swear he was taunting me, I'm afraid he's gonna tell everyone who you are." I said, rapidly.
"Hey it's okay, it's gonna be okay." His voice is so soothing and it really did calm me down.
"But what if he does say something. I'm worried."
"He's not going to August. He can be a real fucking tool but I don't think he would stoop that low. I promise he won't say anything about you." he walked over to where I was sitting and crouched down as he held my hand.
"Erik, I don't care if he tells the whole world I'm a virgin. I'll be okay, I just don't want him to tell everyone about you, it's gonna change everything for you and your career here." My chest was still tightening.
"I might not trust him with my life but I trust him with this. Okay? And if you don't trust him then can you at least trust me?" He stared at me softly and I could see the sincerity in his eyes. I took a deep breath and nodded my head, I was finally calm. I do trust Erik, definitely more than Justin, I wish I could go back in time and stop us from talking outside. But the reality is I can't and I know I'll have to face it eventually. For now I'll stay in the comfort of Erik.
"He is unbelievable though. I know he hates me. He has done everything in his power to be anything but helpful to me, and I don't even know what I did to him."
"He doesn't hate you, he is just a self-absorbed prick, a lot of the guys here are. You have to have some sense of ego working in jobs like ours. Don't take it so personal, besides you've always had me in your corner." He reassured me. And he was right, when my friendship with Mallory was exposed, a lot of the people who would sit with me at lunch slowly stopped showing up, choosing to eat at their office rather than eating with us. But Erik didn't, he sat every day with me for a month until everything blew over. That's when my crush on him originally began. I just didn't think he would ever view me as anything but the silly little girl, sad at lunch because everyone was a big meanie to her. Regardless, I can't wait to see where this takes me. I really like him and I can't wait for Saturday.
He stayed with me until the end of the work day. We spent the majority of the time finishing up emails and talking about everything we wanted to do in Hawaii. I could feel my shoulders relaxed and now I know whatever Justin decides to do, I'll be okay. We'll be okay.