"I was a flight risk with a fear of falling. Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts." -T.S.
These past couple of days I fell into a peaceful rhythm. During the day, I would spend my quiet mornings and afternoons with Erik. Fully getting to know him without distractions, learning things about his childhood, realizing how many times we probably crossed paths because of his family's connection to Mallory's. It's light and easy around him, he's always going above board to make things special for me. Even seeing where he and I move on from here after Hawai'i. Now that our days are getting closer to the end.
We both decided we wanted to continue getting to know each other back at home. And that's when I realized how much I truly liked him. How much I could actually see a future with him.
But it wasn't just about the future with Erik. It was about how I felt in the present, how calm it felt to be with him. We would talk for hours, about everything and nothing. The way he laughed when I told him stories from my childhood. The way he would listen so intently, as if every word mattered. I liked the way he made me feel. Not just special, but like I was a part of something bigger, something real.
When he would hold my hand, even when we were just walking along the beach, it felt natural. Like this was how it was meant to be. The gentle pressure of his fingers against mine, grounding me, reassuring me that whatever came next, we were in this together.
There were moments, like when we sat side by side on the patio, watching the sun dip beneath the horizon, where I couldn't help but picture a future with him. The quiet dinners at home, waking up to mornings together, long weekends away, the holiday traditions we would start. I could see it all. The way he would fit into my life back home. The way he would become more than just a passing moment in Hawaii.
Yet, despite the easy comfort I found in him, there was still a part of me that ached for the unfinished story with Justin. It was a kind of pull I couldn't ignore. Every time Justin smiled or brushed past me, there was something magnetic there, something that told me the space between us had become a little more complicated.
The nights with Justin had passed in such a blur, each one feeling like a fleeting moment of clarity amid the chaos of everything else. Those late hours, when everyone else was asleep, and it was just the two of us, had become an intricate dance. The unspoken words between us were heavy, filled with something raw and unfiltered. Our chemistry was undeniable, even when we tried to pull away. Exploring each other, trying different things and just being so…comfortable was an impossible fight.
But there was more than just the heat. Our conversations just as wild, just as spontaneous, had started to stretch long into the night. I had never realized how easy it was to talk to him. How, after everything, we had fallen into a rhythm of sharing secret moments and laughing and just… existing together.
We didn't need to be anything more than what we were in those moments. And the more we talked, the more I understood the strange connection we had. The way we could stay up all night, shifting from body movements to wandering through our thoughts and conversations as if the world didn't exist outside the small bubble we'd created. We'd laugh about nothing, about inside jokes that no one else would understand, or talk about things we hadn't shared with anyone else. It was comforting, soothing in a way I hadn't expected.
I would lay there, sometimes with my head on his chest, listening to his steady breath, just talking until the early hours of the morning. And it felt effortless. Like this had always been part of our story. But that was the thing, wasn't it? It was a story with no clear ending. And as much as I tried to push it to the back of my mind, it lingered.
But in those moments, none of that mattered. It was just us. The connection we shared. The quiet understanding that, for now, we were okay.
I glanced over at Erik, his eyes focused on the waves crashing against the shore, his expression soft. In this moment, he looked so at peace, like he was in the exact place he was meant to be. And for once, I didn't feel like I was balancing between two worlds. With Erik, I could just be.
"Have you ever thought about what comes next?" I asked softly, unsure of where the question would lead.
He turned his head, offering me a smile that lit up his eyes. "I'm more focused on the now. We have time for all of that later. I'm just enjoying being with you."
There it was again. His simple honesty, the way he lived in the moment. And for a brief second, I felt like maybe that was the kind of relationship I needed. Something easy. Something real. Not weighed down by complicated emotions or hidden tension.
But I couldn't ignore the underlying pull.
My thoughts lingered as he got up from the lounge chair, heading back inside. And as the sun dipped lower, casting the world in shades of orange and pink, I let myself relax into the present. No thinking about what might come after the trip. No overanalyzing every moment with Justin. I wanted to enjoy this time. To feel this connection with Erik without anything clouding it. Just for now.
"So you ready to go home?" Justin took the lounge chair next to me as we watched the sun completely disappear behind the horizon.
"Not even close," I turned to look at him as he kept his gaze fixed ahead. "I'm terrified of what comes next."
He finally shifted his gaze to me. "With Erik?"
"No. I mean, about what I'm gonna do when we get back. Like where I'm gonna live. I've been looking at apartments but everything is just so expensive. Obviously I would never go back home to my mom. I'd rather live in my car. " I let out a soft laugh but I wasn't joking. There was no way I was going back home. As far as I was concerned my mom doesn't exist. She lives in a different universe, suspended in time.
"Oh, right. Hopefully something turns up before we go back. There's some apartments in the Harbor Heights area that aren't too expensive." He offered me a tight lipped smile. I could sense his discomfort but I didn't press. Instead I faced forward and watched as the waves rolled in and out of the shore. Each one was more powerful than the last.
We sat quietly watching the sky grow darker with each passing moment. Until Erik walked up behind us, a warm smile on his face as he sat at the edge of my lounge chair.
"What's up you two?" He looked over at Justin then at me, an unsuspecting smile still spread across his face.
"Nothing, we were just talking about some apartments down by Harbor Bridge and—."
"Harbor Heights," Justin cut in, his neutral expression shifting into something more amused.
"Right. Harbor Heights. Anyways, just taking in these last couple of days before I have to face reality." I leaned forward and placed my forehead on Erik's shoulder. I shifted my head enough to look over at Justin who was watching intently.
Justin's eyes, once warm and open, were now distant. It was subtle, but the shift was undeniable. Every time I glanced at him, his gaze was colder, sharper, and I couldn't shake the feeling that something had changed.
"So, any luck with that apartment you submitted the application for?" Erik asked, his voice light, unaware of the tension that seemed to fill the space between Justin and me.
"Not yet," I replied, forcing a smile. "Just the usual 'we're reviewing your application' blah blah blah." I offered a lighthearted smile. But when I flicked a quick glance at Justin, his expression was unreadable, his lips pressed into a thin line. He didn't look at me, just stared out at the horizon, his posture stiff.
Erik gave my leg a playful shake, trying to pull me back into the moment. "Maybe it's a sign you should really take me up on my offer. I don't mind helping."
I smiled but the offer didn't feel like it used to. "I told you I'd think about it," I said, my voice quieter than I meant it to be. I reached my arm and grazed his shoulder lightly. Dropping it almost instantly.
Suddenly, Justin stood, his movement abrupt and sharp, like he couldn't get away fast enough. "I'll be inside," he muttered, his tone flat and curt.
"Justin, wait," I called, but he didn't stop, just walked away with his back to me, not looking back once.
Erik leaned in a little, watching Justin leave. "Everything okay with him?" he asked, voice low, his concern clear.
I hesitated, unsure. "I don't know," I admitted, my gaze following Justin for a moment. "Maybe he's tired, I know he and Hannah did another long hike today."
Erik's brow furrowed, and for a second, there was a flicker of doubt in his eyes. "Yeah maybe."
I nodded absently, but deep down, I knew it wasn't just that. It was more, but I had no idea what it was, and that thought gnawed at me.
Erik and I sat on the lounge chair quietly at first until he started talking.
"What are we doing for dinner? Do you know?" He leaned in closer to me.
"Well now that Dani, Hannah and Mallory are feeling better Marshall wanted to do some grilling. I told him I wanted grilled lobster but I guess that's what gave them food poisoning so I might have to settle for shrimp." I laughed, swallowing the last of my lingering tension.
"Yeah that's probably the last time they'll have it. The first night Hannah's puking could be heard all throughout the house," he chuckled to himself, almost like he was remembering it.
I scrunched my face into a smile and laughed. "That's actually horrendous. I might not eat lobster again and I didn't get sick from it." I leaned in closer to Erik. Shifting my body a little further down the chair. His eyes searched my face and then his gaze dipped to my lips. He shifted his body to face mine, and he scooted closer to me.
I hesitated for a second, my thoughts back to Justin but something in me pushed it aside enough to lean closer to him. And then in the same breath his hand met the back of my neck and pulled me in just enough for our lips to meet.
The kiss was slow at first, hesitant almost. But then as it deepened, I felt an intensity I hadn't felt with Erik before. Like an urge to pull him closer. Each kiss became hungrier, more passionate, his hands traveled down my back pulling me closer into him.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him on top of me while still sitting down on the lounge chair. Erik hovered over me now, his body warm and solid against mine, his hands trailing down my sides. My breath caught as his lips moved to my jaw, then lower, grazing the sensitive skin of my neck. A slow, burning ache built in my chest, a feeling I hadn't let myself indulge in with him before.
And then, just as his hand skimmed the curve of my hip, he stilled. A small hesitation, like a thought had suddenly surfaced in his mind. His breath was heavy against my skin when he pulled back slightly, his eyes searching mine.
"Is this okay?" His voice was low, careful, with a tenderness that made my stomach twist.
I nodded, but something about the way he looked at me like he was making sure he wasn't pushing too far, made the lie sit heavy on my tongue. Because he still didn't know the truth. He didn't know that I wasn't standing at the same edge he thought I was.
So I kissed him again.
And this time, there was no hesitation. Erik responded instantly, his grip on my waist tightening, his fingers pressing into my skin like he was trying to anchor himself to this moment. The kiss deepened, his body shifting closer, and I let myself fall into it, into him, pushing aside the nagging thoughts clawing at the back of my mind.
Then—
A deliberate throat clear. Loud. Sharp. Cutting through the moment like a knife.
I jolted, my lips still parted against Erik's, my head snapping up.
Justin.
He stood a few feet away, one hand casually wrapped around the neck of a beer bottle, the other tucked loosely in his pocket. His posture was relaxed, almost lazy, but the look in his eyes told a different story.
"August." His voice was steady, almost bored, but there was a sharp edge underneath it. "Dani's been calling you. Says it's important."
My breath was still uneven, my mind struggling to catch up. Erik sat up straighter beside me, his hand dropping from my waist as he turned toward Justin.
"Oh—yeah, okay," I said quickly, reaching for my phone, even though I already knew there were no missed calls.
Justin didn't say anything else. He just took a slow sip of his beer, turned, and walked off, his steps unhurried, his shoulders loose.
But I wasn't fooled.
The silence left in his wake was deafening.
Erik exhaled a quiet laugh beside me, shaking his head. "I guess he's got good timing."
"Impeccable timing," I muttered.
But I wasn't so sure. Because something about the way Justin looked at me before he walked away made my stomach twist.
Like he'd seen something he didn't want to. I sat up slowly laughing with Erik at just getting caught making out.
"Uhm I'm gonna stay out here for a second I'll catch up with you." Erik kissed me one more time, this time it was soft and warm. I finally stood up and made my way back up to the house.
I stepped inside, the scent of garlic butter wrapped around me like a warm embrace. The kitchen was a flurry of movement—Mallory dicing something with expert precision, Marshall tending to whatever was sizzling in the pan, and Dani casually leaning against the counter, popping a cherry tomato into her mouth and then taking a sip from her wine glass.
She looked up as I walked in. "Oh hey. You good?"
I frowned. "Yeah. Just…uh what's up?"
Her brows pulled together. "What do you mean?"
"You called me?"
Dani blinked. "No, I didn't."
We stared at each other for a second. Then, like clockwork, our heads turned at the same time straight to Justin.
He was standing near the fridge, beer in hand, wearing the smuggest expression I had ever seen. He didn't even try to hide it. Just took a slow sip, eyes gleaming with amusement.
Unbelievable.
My stomach tightened, irritation bubbling under my skin, but before I could call him on it, Hannah brushed past on her way to the counter stool.
I clenched my jaw, forcing a light shrug. "Oh," I said, my voice had a hint of notable irritation. "Must've misheard."
Justin didn't say a word. Just took another slow sip of his beer, his smirk deepening. And that's when it hit me, he wasn't just smug. He was pleased with himself. I wanted to strangle him.
Dani gave me a questioning look. "You sure you're good?"
I plastered on a tight-lipped smile. "Totally."
From the corner of my eye, Justin shifted, the picture of ease as he leaned against the counter. "Oh yeah," he said, his voice full with false innocence. "She's good."
I snapped toward him, eyes narrowing. His smirk? Still there. Thriving. Like he knew exactly what he was doing.
He was so lucky Hannah was standing right there. Because if she wasn't? I'd wipe that smug look right off his face. But before I could push my frustration any further, Erik walked in, his face warm with an easy smile.
I let out a sharp, frustrated laugh, rolling my eyes as I slid onto one of the stools at the kitchen counter. Erik stepped behind me, his hands settling on my shoulders, his thumbs brushing lazy circles over my skin. The touch was light, easy—intimate in a way I hadn't expected, but I melted into it anyway, tilting my head slightly to acknowledge him.
And then, as if on instinct, I turned back to Justin with a smirk of my own.
His expression had shifted. The smugness? Gone. Replaced by something unreadable. Neutral. Too neutral.
I didn't know why that pleased me so much. But it did.
Moments later, Erik let go, stepping away to grab two beers. He handed one to me before reaching for a bottle opener in the drawer. But before he could grab it, Justin moved in.
Without a word, he plucked the bottle from my hand, grabbed a spoon off the counter, and popped the cap off in one effortless motion. He held it out to me, his fingers brushing mine as I took it back. The touch was so light I almost convinced myself I imagined it.
"Thanks," I murmured, lifting the bottle to my lips, my gaze locked on his. I took a slow sip, letting the moment stretch.
Dani cleared her throat, snapping me back to reality. I blinked and turned to her as she took a sip of her wine, one eyebrow slightly raised.
"Is there anything I can help with?" I asked, my voice a little too casual.
"Yes, actually." She set her glass down and handed me a tray. "Help me take these outside to the grill table. Marshall's almost done."
I set my beer down and took the tray, heading straight for the door. But even as I stepped outside, I felt it. Justin's gaze pressing against my back—heavy, lingering.
I shook it off, focusing on setting the trays down, willing the heat crawling up my spine to fade.
Dani followed me out, balancing a separate tray in her hands. As soon as she set it down, she leaned in, dropping her voice to a whisper. "What was that about? With Justin?"
"No clue." I shrugged, keeping my voice light. "I was with Erik down by the lounge chairs, and he kinda… caught us making out. Then he said you'd been calling me." I skipped over the making out part quickly, hoping she wouldn't latch onto it.
She latched onto it immediately. One brow arched. "What do you mean kinda?"
I hesitated, but her stare wore me down. "Okay, fine—we were making out. And he caught us right as it was getting pretty heated."
Her eyes widened. Then, a slow grin. "Ooooh, someone's jealous." Then, before I could cut her off, she added, "Wait—are y'all still hooking up, or did you finally realize what an awful idea that was?" Her pointed look was undercut by the laughter bubbling out of her.
I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms loosely. "Believe me, he's not jealous. Did you see his smug face? He just wanted to be an ass."
Dani wasn't buying it. "Answer the question, missy." Both eyebrows up, smile downright sly.
I hesitated. Opened my mouth.
And just as I was about to answer, everyone started spilling outside.
"Saved by the bell," I muttered, slipping away to help Mallory before Dani could corner me again.
I glanced over at Dani, and her eyes narrowed at me, but the smirk on her face gave her away. I shook my head, laughing under my breath before turning my attention back to the conversation around me. The night carried on, Marshall at the grill, flipping shrimp and steak like he was hosting a backyard cooking show. And to my surprise, they even bought me a lobster tail to grill—despite everything.
We gathered around the outdoor table, chatting about plans for our last week here. Our last week. Two weeks had flown by, slipping through my fingers faster than I could process. I let my gaze wander across the table, landing on Justin. He was deep in conversation with Hannah, his expression relaxed, easy.
A couple of weeks ago, I couldn't stand him. He was a walking headache. Just the sound of his voice used to make my blood pressure rise. But now? Now, I think about all the moments in between. The teasing that turned into something softer. The laughter, the late-night conversations, the way he listened without judgment. And, of course, the most obvious thing—the sex.
It was supposed to be meaningless, just two people indulging in something simple. But the thing about Justin is, even when he's pretending he doesn't care, he still finds a way to make you feel seen. And I don't think I'd take any of it back. Not the first time, not the second, not the ones that blurred together after. Because, for better or worse, he was there.
Then my gaze drifted to Erik.
His easy smile sent a familiar flutter through my stomach. He had this effortless way of holding a room, drawing people in, not just with his looks but with the way he spoke, the way he made everyone feel like they belonged in the conversation. He was the guy I'd had a quiet crush on for months, and now? Now he was here, spending time with me, making an effort, genuinely seeing me.
We had the same values, the same beliefs about life and hard work. He was kind, ambitious, the kind of man I could count on.
And maybe, for once, life was leading me toward something good. I wouldn't change the outcome of my life as it stood now.
My mom did what she did…she ruined me in ways I was still unpacking. But at the same time, she also left an opening. A space to rewrite what I thought my life was supposed to be.
And maybe…just maybe…I was ready to step through it.