(Joseph)
Two and a half weeks after Uzi's 11th Birthday (and the first full week of her grounding), we celebrated Trevor's 11th Birthday, and work on drilling a secondary tunnel to the surface for hoverbike ingress and egress began the next day. Surveying the city above us had shown the location of the nearest parking garage to the Scrapyard, and I was fortunate enough that this one had an underground section. Which meant we could drill into it, and have plenty of time to build and hide a secret door in the floor of the lowest sublevel (sublevel 4) without JNV catching wind of our activity. The only issue with that would be that we'd have to take a fairly sedate pace from there to the surface, because parking garage full of the husks of cars, but we could circumvent that with a bit more construction, and that would have far less risk of being caught despite how much closer to the surface it was.
And that was because I had access to a blender editing tool that worked on reality. Namely, Yeva using her Solver for tunnel-digging and stuff-moving purposes was faster than the efforts of 12 other combat drone frames (yes, we put Khan in one too, because fuck not turning Uzi's dad into a terminator) combined. Khan, after getting a rundown on everything from Yeva and processing the absolute fustercluck the timeline would have been without me here, just walked up and gave me a hug… and… that felt nice. Really nice. But he also designed the airlock at the bottom of the three mile long tunnel we dug from The Scrapyard to the surface as well as the secret door in the parking garage, and uh… they were really good fucking doors. Like… I took one look at the blueprints, and asked Khan to come up with a secret door to replace the wall that I'd replaced the door for the warehouse Vault 1 used to be with. He looked really happy to do it. And he was happy to help us with… basically anything in The Scrapyard in general. Uzi definitely got her smarts from him, because the dude picked up on our weapons programs, gave us a few ideas that lead to a minor breakthrough on power armor, and when he found out that the Solver could teleport, had us set up designated spots in Vaults 1 and 2 to keep clear so our resident Solver Drones could teleport in without worry about telefragging, and then took one look at the work I'd put in on his notes on quantum interdiction fields and started getting back into that too.
I seriously think I managed to get Khan Doorman to lock the fuck in six years ahead of schedule, because after the hug he'd given me, he'd looked me right in the eyemotes, and said in a tone that would have left me terrified if any of that ire was directed towards me, "If Robot Cthulhu Satan thinks it can kill my family, it has another thing coming. Yeva told me that you said I slammed a door into a god and made it bleed in the future?" At my nod to the question, he'd followed up with, "Then it's going to wish I settled for hitting it with doors by the time we're done with it."
And that wasn't even the only thing Khan Doorman locked into. He asked to be kept abreast of all my efforts on turning the local Murder Drones so far, very much approved of my war crimes on V, and then took one look at the memory storage drives I'd sent to J and asked for one to be made for Uzi and Doll as well. And while the two of us had been confused, and I'd said the show didn't give any indications the Solver could erase memories while possessing a drone, Khan pointed out that we were in some kind of variant for the timeline to begin with, and that could absolutely be a change. I will freely admit in the privacy of my thoughts that the Solver making Uzi or Doll forget any of us terrified me more than my earlier death, and so we had new memory storage drives to back up all their memories made for them in less than 30 minutes. Doll was as equally terrified at the prospect as Uzi was, and when we'd handed her her own drive, Yeva had come up to Khan and hugged him on the spot. That… Jesus fucking Christ… every single one of us was terrified at that possibility.
But with Khan Doorman on board and a Patched Solver Drone carrying the entire construction project singlehandedly, we dug a three mile tunnel for the hoverbikes to get in and out of The Scrapyard was dug, walled, floored, and ceiling'd it with Khan's finest alloys, a Khan-designed airlock thrown down at the bottom of it, and a Khan designed secret door thrown at the top. And this shit happened in less than two weeks. Again, most of that was solely down to having a Patched Solver Drone with an effectively limitless supply of oil just straight [EDIT]ing the the exterior of the tunnel into Khan-grade metal, such that we didn't have to actually fabricate and install any of the stuff ourselves… and Yeva also just using a [NULL] to delete the rock in the way of the tunnel. Like, in terms of what we did, we installed the lights and wiring in the tunnel, and that was basically it. Yeva was straight cheating on an entirely new level when it came to building shit, and Uzi and Doll watching her as she worked and realizing that some day they could do the same with literal digital sparkles around their eyemotes was now immortalized in my "Wholesome Murder Drones Isekai Adventure" album amidst dozens of screenshots and even a few recordings. Me from three years ago would have cried at the speed and ease of the construction we managed thanks to Yeva.
Now if only I still didn't have to go to school…
___
(Lizzy)
Isekai_Protagonist: Wait, if this is a sex-ed class, and your dad is the one teaching it, does this mean that your dad literally outsourced giving you The Talk to HIMSELF?
I sighed as I looked at dad lazily click through a couple folders to bring up the clearly labelled "Sex-Ed Presentation - Because if I don't tell these kids no one will."
Babeatron-Queenthousand: Joe? This is awkward enough for me, please.
Isekai_Protagonist: Sorry Liz. I'll shut up.
"Alright, students," dad droned-- no pun intended --on, "Since we've finished all of today's lessons ahead of schedule, now we're going to talk about Untrained Neural Networks, how they work, how you can have a child, and the various limitations around their use. An Untrained Neural Network, more colliqually known as a 'pill-baby,' is an infant drone. Two or more prospective parents who want a child pour their own coding into a blank UNN, which has a program within it to combine the code to create a unique individual with traits from all involved donors. If the code takes without a corruption error, the UNN alerts you that everything is set up and is just waiting for you to boot it up within about ten minutes. If a parent wants to, you can tamper with the coding to change things such as initial gender or eyemote color, but that's generally considered taboo. Turn it on after all that, though, and you're now a parent. No, requisitions will not just hand you a UNN, there are a few legal hoops you need to jump through to show that you're ready to be a parent."
Dad paused, for once showing actual anger, and then added, "I personally think some of those hoops should be a bit more difficult to pass through," and then he shifted back to his usual apathy, "But I'm not paid to talk about that… or paid at all, beyond getting priority queue with requisitions. With top queue as an end of year bonus if you all do well on your tests."
Having gone through ten different slides already, he now went to an eleventh, and started speaking again. "UNNs were illegal before the Core Collapse, so a good deal of their limitations were never really explored in a scientific setting. As previously stated, it's possible for more than two individuals to mix equal amounts of their code into one such that the child would have three or more parents, but the more donors you add, the higher the risk of a cascading codal merging error corrupting everything, resulting in the robotic equivalent to a miscarriage. And no, the chosen gender of a drone has no effect on anything. Two drones who are male or two drones who are female can have a child without any issues at all. More than two drones of the same gender bring back the same issues of multiple code donors."
He switched to another slide, which was a blank white save for bold red letters spelling "SEX" and "REPRODUTION" with a "does not equal" sign between them. "No, sex and reproduction via UNN are entirely different things for drones, any rumors that one of you can get pregnant from rubbing your genitalless crotches together are completely baseless. And no, you can't give birth either. Especially not from your waste ejection ports." Dad sighed. "That being said, there are certain… objects one can obtain and either use on yourself or strap you your pelvis if you wish to use it on a consenting partner or partners, should any of you wish to stimulate said waste ejection ports."
The TNPAPT pinged, and we all reflexively overlocked to check it.
Dress-to-Impress: Lizzy, did your dad just say that we can use strap-ons on our waste-ejection ports?
Babeatron-Queenthousand: Please shut up, Penny.
TotesBestGirl: Hey Dare?
DarrenToDream: I get to use it on you FIRST.
Thad_the_Chad: For the love of robo-god, PLEASE take it to DMs.
KayKay: Please.
TheLastCrusade: Please stop sinning in the group chat.
Horror_Movie_Survivor: I'm happy you two are together and comfortable with each other like that, but PLEASE do any sexting in DMs.
Isekai_Protagonist: LMFAO
Babeatron-Queenthousand: Robo-god please kill me now
Кукла: Please don't Liz, I'll be sad.
Darkxwolf16: Please don't, Liz, cuz will be sad.
Darkxwolf16: I'll be sad too.
I groaned and settled for planting my face onto my desk instead of trying to fry my processors… and I just realized that since I had a black-box now, even that wouldn't actually kill me.
I heard my dad keep talking and started wishing I'd melt into the floor already.
"And yes, data from the… Alabama Incident," and for once a hint of being slightly unnerved crept into his tone, "because of course it was humans there who decided to test it, shows that drones that are directly related are notably more likely to cause errors that will either result in a corruption error when the UNN is coding itself, or that will result in cognitive, emotional, or psychological issues in the UNN should the coding take. However, should a human or drone be well enough versed in coding, if the code takes, they can scrub the code of the UNN before they boot it up to clear up any and all issues that could have resulted from incest." Dad paused, and I glanced up to see him looking over the classroom. "Given her leaps and bounds in anything involving coding or math, Miss Doorman could likely perform the feat without issue. And probably… Mister Doorman as well," he added, looking at Joe. "But yes, if someone was on hand who had the technical know-how to safely scrub the code for developmental errors before the initial boot-up, even direct family members could boot up a UNN and the child would have no developmental issues." He sighed. "No that is not an endorsement of incest, I am merely informing you that it could happen safely for the child if the right steps are taken. Please delete the draft of the email you were going to send to the school board, Riley."
Every eyemote in the room turned to the boy in question, who just gave a silent thumbs up before slamming his own forehead into his desk. "Any questions?" dad asked. There was a few seconds of silence, before dad sighed. "Yes, Joseph?"
"Out of morbid curiosity, how does poly-parenting factor into the whole incest thing?"
Babeatron-Queenthousand: WHY?!?
Isekai_Protagonist: I wanna KNOW!!!
There were laughs around the room as Joe replied to my DM.
Dad cycled air past his fans, in, and then out in a much longer sigh than the first one. "Believe it or not, Joseph, the average human was less unhinged than you, and that wasn't tested. Though based on what we do know, I'd hypothesize that more related parents increase the risks and issues involved for the UNN, while more parents that are not related would also carry the same risks as standard poly-parenting, but would likely dilute the risks of developmental issues in the coding for when the code does take."
Another hand went up, though not from any of us. I glanced over and sighed at the dark blue haired drone with red optics, a black hoodie with a white "47" on it, blue jeans, and red sneakers with white laces, soles, and black highlights. I was pretty sure Aki was a closet pervert, who I'd caught staring at Dolly's ass a couple times. Only Joe and I got to stare at her ass! Not that I'd actually ever seen Joe stare at it before… or mine… come to think of it, he might be more used to humans, who… you know, actually had something to stare at there. And also the whole age thing, so he was probably making a pointed effort to avoid it outright until we were older. It was really sweet of him for being that diligent, actually. But I was getting off-topic. Aki Miller was a total simp for humans. He knew a lot about old human films and media and stuff, but just… ugh, I couldn't stand the human simping. I was ambivalent about humans myself, but the level to which Aki gushed about them was just pathetic. And the sad part was that he was a nice guy, and he seemed to be able to reign in his perviness almost completely, but he just really couldn't reign it in for humans. Also, he apparently looked exactly like an OC from a fanfic Joe read where he was Dolly's actual cousin, and he somehow got together with Uzi of all people, which really threw Joe for a loop the first time he saw the guy when he transferred into our class. Like, threw him into enough of a loop that he messaged Dolly on the spot to ask if he was related to her at all.
"No, Mister Miller, requisitions will not approve of you designing and installing a robot penis onto yourself so you can try to get yourself a human girlfriend who has," and dad actually made air quotes for this one, which was really telling for how many times it came up, "'the entire Copper 9 baking industry behind her.' Nor are there any human women on Copper 9 who you would attract with that."
The hand went down and Aki slumped. "Damnit," he muttered.
The end of period bell finally rang. Dad slowly blinked, and then said, "Well, I'm no longer contractually obligated to teach any of you until the next class, so I suppose we're done now."
The only way I could have gotten out of the room faster than I sprinted for the door was if Dolly had teleported me. Joe's laughter trailing behind me left me feeling a really confused mix of embarrassment from the humiliating situation and embarrassment that I liked the sound of his laughter a lot. Robo-god-damnit, my 12th Birthday couldn't come fast enough!
___
(Thad)
"Alright folks, thanks to Uzi being a better weapons designer than Ruby Rose, we've now got all your weapons ready. Come hither, for I have guns to give to you such that you may commit war crimes upon the minions of Robot Cthulhu Satan!" Joe shouted as we all filed after him into Vault 2's personal armory.
I sighed and reminded myself yet again that Joe was dealing with monumental stress on the daily and that this was his way of coping with it, and found a begrudging grin creeping up to my lips regardless, because in a way, it was kinda inspiring that he could manage to keep himself together in spite of everything in a way that let him smile and joke through it all.
"You got my arc emitter done?" Penny asked with a grin.
"Uzi passed me along those blueprints for that electric railgun that Khan gave her, and we worked on it together, though we kinda had to dial down the lethality on it… by a lot, so that it wouldn't you know, instantly fry the internals of any DD it hits," Joe explained. "Granted, it also occurred to me that there may be points in the future where we do want whatever is being shot at dead, so there's a toggle to turn up the voltage to, but it's very much not the default setting."
Well. That was concerning, but they did say they dialed down the weapon, and the extra lethality was a toggle-able measure that was not the default, so I was okay with it. I wondered where the heck Khan got plans for something like that, though.
"So!" Uzi said as she thumped down a box onto the table. "First off, we got a bootloop flasher for everyone just in case!" She flipped the lid open to reveal a dozen MIB style penlights. Go on and grab your toys, but just remember that you can only use it on Chad if he's being an asshole and there's no other witnesses."
I shook my head, but got into line with everyone else. For the four of us who were already up and fighting MDs on the surface, they were all equipped with their preferred "combat loadouts," mostly to show off. Joe had Friendship (and even now I had to repress a srnk at him actually naming his bolt pistol that), "Doll's gift," his Solver [EDIT]ed CNT-Reinforced CrCoNi entrenching tool, "Emily's gift" a Spiked CrCoNi cross with UV light in it, two bootloop flashers hidden in his pockets, that fucking Dysentery Dart gun, his CNT-Reinforced CrCoNi/MD wing metal wrist-blade/pile-bunker hybrid thing, and a war crime shotgun (yes, he actually called it that) with a bunch of "standard" TC/WP hybrid shells as well as Depleted Uranium slugs to use when needed.
Uzi was packing the upgraded shurikens that Trevor made for her, the chainsword with Khan-grade teeth Joe made for her, though she was increasingly favoring the EDIT]ed CNT-Reinforced CrCoNi combat pickaxe she got from Yeva, a DU assault rifle, DU Deagle and that custom taser Joe gave her that she kept modifying for years after the fact.
Rebecca was set up with a standard UV lasgun, had picked up a las pistol as a ranged secondary, and was carrying a CNT-Reinforced CrCoNi/MD wing metal estoc, that Joe of course modified to be electrified. Meanwhile, her boyfriend Darren was carrying a Gatling war crime shotgun, because of course Uzi and Joe had made a belt fed full auto version of that thing, twin electrified CNT-Reinforced CrCoNi/MD wing metal messer shortswords, and had a DU Deagle as a secondary as well.
"By the way, keep in mind that all the melee weapons we made you are alloyed with a lot of MD wing metal to make them more durable and capable of bouncing a 50-Cal," Uzi threw out. "Yes, you can deflect most small arms fire with your weapons."
"Okay," I remarked, "That's actually pretty cool."
Joe held a hand out and Uzi high-fived him. "First up for kitting out is the Machiavellian Queen Bee herself," he said with a grin.
"Jooooooe!" Lizzy protested, and I smiled at the dynamic between them. I… they were gonna make each other happy, and that made me happy for them.
"While it was an absolute pain in my shiny metal ass, I figured out fucking RWBY-style mechashift just for you, Liz," Joe started, going to a box at the back of the room and taking out a pair of sorta oddly curved swords. "These are electrified CNT-Reinforced CrCoNi/MD wing metal curved blades, but!" and he put them hilt-to-hilt in opposing directions, and there was a click, and then he pulled them apart but a shaft telescoped out between them. "You do this, and now you have a two-handed whirler-slash-twinblade!"
Lizzy blinked at the extended weapon twice, just like the rest of us, before she squeed with joy as she sprinted forwards, Joe barely dropping the weapon in time to catch her as she tried to hug tackle him and he managed to keep on his feet by spinning her around to bleed off her momentum. "I love it! I love it! I freaking love it!" Lizzy shouted out, and I wasn't the only one to stare in shock at her sheer enthusiasm. "Thank you so much!"
"You know, I still got more shit for ya, Liz," Joe said, slightly bemused. Lizzy froze, blushing up a storm as she realized her position, and stepped back, trying and failing to completely compose herself.
"You do?" she asked.
"Yep!" Joe beamed back, popping the p. He went to the back of the room and reached in to pull out a pair of boots that looked identical to Lizzy's… save the pair of barrels and power-packed attached to them. "I figured that while I was on the RWBY binge, I'd go and rip off Mercury Black. Since you like acrobatics and want to do cheerleading, here's a pair of boots with built in las-pistols. And yes, that means you can stab your weapon into the ground and then pole-dance while shooting people with your feet."
Even I snickered at that mental image. "Joe?" Lizzy asked.
"Yeah?"
"I am really mad I'm still not legal."
Joe visibly swallowed. "Duly noted."
"Guys," I said, getting kinda uncomfortable at the connotations of that.
"Sorry, Thad," they both said in sync.
Joe made the sound of clearing his throat from his vocalizer. "Anyways, I also got you a pair of normal las-pistols to use as well. All the shit about how recoil and the difficulty of aiming both weapons at any meaningful distance that makes dual wielding a terrible idea IRL goes out the window when you can get targeting reticles synced to your HUD and the laspistols themselves literally don't have any recoil." Joe paused for exactly two seconds, and then added, "Also, I got you a rocket launcher."
"You're the best," Lizzy told him.
"Thanks, Liz," he said with a grin.
Lizzy smiled back, but then froze in an instant, likely overclocked, before turning to Doll. "Hey, Dolly?"
"Yeah, Liz?"
"Can you go [EDIT] that knife you got me a couple years back?" she asked her other crush. "I kinda wanna carry that around too."
"As soon as we're done here, Liz," Doll told her with a smile.
"Thanks, Dolly."
"You're welcome."
"Right!" Uzi called out, "For my adorable vampiric cousin--"
"Uzi!" Doll protested, embarrassed, but smiling.
"--she went and [EDIT]ed those dual NKVD-style CNT-Reinforced CrCoNi combat knives Joe gave her, has an absolutely-- er, no pun intended," and yet, Trevor, Joe, Darren, and myself all snickered, "a stupid amount of mass copy/pasted versions of those knives in her inventory to spam like she's the final boss of a Touhou Game," and now there was outright laughter among the group, including from Doll herself. "A bit more conventionally, she's got a bolt pistol of her own stored away in her inventory, with plenty of ammo, and she went and [EDIT]ed herself up a CNT-Reinforced CrCoNi military-style tomahawk axe with a spike on the back and at the bottom last night."
We all glanced at a flicker of red as Doll pulled the weapon in question from her inventory and gave it a quick toss in the air before catching it and storing it back away with a grin. "I'm gonna have fun with these," she said with a grin that left me a little concerned for the sadism in it.
"Next up, for our resident Adeptus Sororitas--" Emily giggled, "--and yes, I got power armor planned for you already once we figure it out," Joe continued going over to a different crate to go and get yet more weapons, "You already got that bootloop cross, but I also got you a straight up bolter," he pulled out the huge, blocky weapon in question and Emily started bouncing in place as she grinned at the sight of it. "You can toggle between single fire, two round bursts, and full auto, and it's got a 20 round magazine of mass reactives that'll fuck up basically everything they hit. Please try not to go for Core shots," he begged.
"Got it!" Emily replied with a determined nod.
Joe passed the weapon to Emily, who held it reverently, right up until she went slack jawed as Joe went back to pull out her melee weapon. "I told you I'd be getting you an eviscerator chainsword, Emily. CNT-Reinforced with Khan-grade teeth, and the casing made from MD wing metal."
She handed her gun to Trevor just so she could squeal with joy as she started jumping up and down. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
Joe laughed. "You're welcome, Emily. Also, I got you a bolt pistol as a ranged secondary."
"THANK YOU!" she shouted, running up to carefully take the huge melee weapon and look it over in her hands. Trevor carefully set the bolter down after making sure the safety was off and the barrel was pointed away from everyone. He then turned back towards Joe just in time for Joe to reach into another crate and pull out a huge slab of a riot shield.
"You may not be PrantikRoyy from Spacebattles, but you're definitely the shield guy in the group. Khan-grade riot shield, coated with an outer layer of MD wing metal, capable of tanking both lasers and nanite acid, with a built in bootloop flasher on the front ala Blitz from Rainbow Six Siege," he said. "You're gonna be the fucking Adeptus Arbites to Emily's Adeptus Sororitas by the time we've got you kitted up, Trevor."
"Sick!" the guy went.
"But wait! There's more!" Joe shouted with a grin.
"Did you just quote Billy Mays?" Uzi snarked.
"Yes I did!" Joe shot back, completely shameless, before turning to Trevor, "I got you a war crime shotgun, war crime shot-pistol, and a CNT-Reinforced CrCoNi/MD wing metal shock maul to outdo the old one Uzi made for ya."
"Oh this is awesome," Trevor said.
"Let it never be said that we left any of you lacking," Darren said.
"Like, wait 'till you see what we got you, Kelsey," Rebecca added.
"I'll admit I'm excited," Kelsey replied.
"Thad, get up here!" Uzi called out, and I stepped forwards as she reached into yet another crate to start giving me my own weapons. The irony of Uzi pulling out one of Joe's railguns wasn't lost on me as she passed it to me. "Sniping capabilities while still being fully capable of erasing anything up close as well," Uzi started.
"Laspistol as a backup," Joe continued.
"And we collaborated on your request for something blunt and heavy hitting for when you're fed up of our bullshit and need to vent by inflicting blunt force trauma on things," they said in sync.
I gave them a deadpan. "You overclocked so you could sync that, didn't you."
"Shamelessly," they both admitted with Cheshire grins.
I rolled my eyemotes, but Joe went and pulled out, "One hand-and-a-half electrified CNT-Reinforced CrCoNi/MD wing metal studded kanabō, all for you, Thad," he said as he presented it to me. And to be completely fair, the Japanese style club kicked ass, was exactly what I asked for, and--
"--and we'll be figuring out gravity drives so we can make it like a Halo gravity hammer later," Uzi finished my thought.
"Okay, this was really cool of you guys," I admitted, taking my weapons and holstering the ranged ones while getting a feeling for the kanabō in my hands.
"Thanks Thad!" they both said in sync.
"Stop doing that, though, it's creepy," I said.
"Kinda uncanny, cuz," Doll admitted.
"I think it's funny!" Penny said.
"And for that, you get your stuff next, Penny," Joe said.
"Yes!" she said.
Kelsey shook her head, but she was smiling.
"Right," Uzi started, "Like we said, we turned down the lethality by a lot, but we got you that Helldivers 2 style arc thrower, a backup DU AR and a DU Deagle, and a pair of twin electrified CNT-Reinforced/MD wing metal CrCoNi Italian style stiletto daggers."
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Penny squealed as she took her weapons. "AWESOME!!!"
"Penny?" Joe asked.
The girl froze, and turned straight towards him. "Yeah?"
"Did you specifically ask for stiletto daggers because they're like a giant, stabbier version of sewing needles?" he asked her. I froze.
"Uh-huh," Penny confirmed.
"Based," Joe said.
"And you made them Italian as a nod to Joe?" Lizzy asked.
"Yeah," Penny confirmed again.
I facepalmed. There was a round of laughter from everyone.
"Last but certainly not least," Joe said, "Kelsey Day, I got you your own toys as well!"
"A recon pattern lasgun," Uzi started as she passed the weapon to the girl, "For all your laser-hose needs, in a battery that holds 1000 shots in it. A las pistol as well, and a guandao-styled electrified CNT-Reinforced CrCoNi/MD wing metal glaive."
"You're the best," Kelsey told them.
"Hell yeah," Uzi agreed.
"And now that I've given you all weapons, we can go commit war crimes!" Joe shouted.
"You need help, Joe," I told him, mostly joking.
"Do you wanna be my therapist?" he shot back instantly.
"Hell no!" I shouted, actually panicked.
Joe started laughing, and I had to begrudgingly give him that win.
"Anyways," Uzi said, "Joe and I basically slapped together a plan to take one last run topside with just us, Darren, and Rebecca."
"And we're totes gonna livestream that to you all so you can get a better idea of how we do stuff up topside," Rebecca said.
"Penny, you are not allowed to call any of us a pog-champ," Darren told her.
"Oh, take away all my fun, why don't you!" she pouted.
"Says the girl holding an arc emitter," Joe snarked.
Penny started giggling. "Okay, fine."
"We got that planned for about a week from now," Uzi said.
"I'm looking forwards to it, cuz," Doll said. "Just don't flirt on stream, please."
"Cuuuuuuuuuuz!" Uzi whined.
I laughed alongside the others, actually looking forwards to seeing exactly what I'd be dealing with myself soon enough. Though, surprisingly, we got some pretty surprising news from Khan first…
___
(Penny)
Two days before we were due to watch Joe go out to fight Murder Drones live (not that we didn't have plenty of footage to go through already, but I felt like this was just one of those things Joe wanted to do arbitrarily, which I completely respected), we were hanging out in Vault 2, and Joe was telling me about all the various clothing stores in Minerall that had some form of an in-tact inventory, pointing them out to me on a map. I was already grinning at all the stuff I'd get to explore, all the fashion ideas I could get my optics on, and all the clothes I could inevitably make. Most of the rest of the group was currently watching Uzi give Doll as few hints as possible as she did a blind playthrough of Metro 2033, Kelsey and Lizzy commenting on how the post-apocalyptic hellscape in the game was uncannily similar to Copper 9.
One of the doors to the gaming room opened up, and Yeva came in, followed by Khan. "--and I told you they'd all be here, Khan," she told them as they walked in, before she looked at the screen. "The Metro Series?"
"Yeah, I wanted to get cuz to play through it, Aunt Yeva," Uzi told her.
"I approve. A whole bunch of good games." She stepped to the side and settled for spectating, though Khan was looking directly at me.
"Mister Doorman?" I asked.
"Penny," Khan said, "I've been doing a lot more digging on stuff going on in the Bunker, because every time I think I've finally cleaned things up, there's another mess, and," he glanced over to the rest of us. "Can you pause that game for a moment, I think you should all hear this."
Doll paused the game, and everyone glanced over. "I'm assuming you found something out about Penny, since you walked up to her?" Joe asked.
"Yeah," Khan said. "I should have started looking into all the orphans who we took in during and after the Murder Drone's planetfall a long time ago, but I got started now, and I decided to look into Penny first." Khan winced. "I was on-duty when the man who brought your UNN in reached the Doors, and… I honestly don't have an excuse for missing that detail."
"Huh?" I said.
"UNNs transfer out to a toddler frame sometime between two and three, depending on mental development and motor control skills from the training limbs. I had to go digging into medical's records to find the examination they did on you when you were brought in, but your coding suggested you were two when they brought you in. But the now former head of records just marked you down as four instead, and you got transferred straight to a toddler frame before you were ready."
I blinked. "I'm two years younger?" I asked. The rest of the room went quiet as they processed that. That… that explained a lot. Like why I had so much trouble walking at first. Why school was so hard at first, how I was barely keeping up that first year, and I had to force myself to study so hard just to keep up, and I'd gotten into fashion initially because it helped with the stress. Clothes were nice, and looking at them and figuring out how to make them made the hours spent trying to figure things that seemed to be so much easier for all the other kids more bearable. And then there were moments where I'd have even less common sense than other kids my age. I'd been so scared to approach people, but then Uzi'd come barrelling past me on the day of that Interview, and I'd realized that prior to the Door Expo I hadn't even known her name, and I felt bad because she was crying so hard, so I'd just messaged Lizzy's Spacebook because I knew that she was popular and they were friends. I'd… making her a dress for her birthday was the only idea I really had to try and cheer her up and apologize, because I was scared to talk to her, and Joe had just taken one look at that offer and then made sure to let me know when and where to be to give it to her, and Uzi just adopted me as a friend on the spot…
And the rest was history. I was friends with everyone now. I'd gotten out of my shell. I tried to be a bit more like Uzi and Joe because they seemed so confident, and I found being unhinged kinda like them was pretty fun, and it gave me ideas for clothes, and it kinda just kept cascading as I grew into myself and became more confident. I… I was really thankful for things having turned out the way they did, so I wouldn't have wanted to have been put in a lower year than them, because I might never have been everyone's friend otherwise, or gotten to be part of a conspiracy to save the galaxy, but at the same time… an explanation did help.
I overclocked, and took a second to think. Practically, this didn't really change anything. The explanation was nice, but I didn't want to suddenly move two years back. I've caught up to things academically. I liked my friends. I was happy with my life as I was. Though maybe one day I'd get to meet a nice boy and make him the suit he'd wear to our wedding. So instead, I decided to pull a page from Joe's book, and asked the first thought to pop into my head. "Does this mean I'm now the designated younger sister of the group?"
Joe started laughing on the spot, and I grinned because I nailed it.
"I mean, technically," Lizzy said, "But I'm not gonna see you any different, Penny."
"Thanks, Lizzy," I told her.
"Honestly, the fact that you keep up good grades despite that is really impressive, Penny," Uzi told me.
"Thanks," I replied, rubbing a hand on the back of my head. "It's not always easy, but that means a lot from you, considering how smart you are."
"Bite me!"
"You'd taste like angst," I deadpanned.
"You too?!?" Uzi said. Doll started laughing. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Uzi shouted. I giggled.
"Do you need tutoring?" Kelsey and Lizzy asked in tandem, before they blinked and looked at one another.
"I can help with more abstract math," Emily chimed in.
I blinked, really touched. "I… I mean, if you're offering, then yeah…"
Lizzy walked up to me and gave me a hug. "Penny, you could have told us. You're one of my friends, of course I'd help you if you needed it!"
I hugged her back. "Thanks… all three of you."
"I'm sorry for missing something that important, Penny," Khan said.
"Don't blame yourself for that one," Joe said. "Yeah, you're at fault for a decent amount of shit, but you're trying to fix it. The fuck-up with Penny's age is down to records, plain and simple. All that idiot had to do was call medical to get the check-up on Penny, and he couldn't even be bothered to do that. That's not your fault, Khan."
"Yeah," I agreed. "That one's not on you, Khan."
"Don't blame yourself, dad," Uzi said.
"What cuz said, Uncle Khan," Doll told him.
Khan sighed. "I really don't think I deserve all of you sometimes."
"Beh, siamo noi quelli che hai, quindi affrontalo," Joe said. Or, on the off-chance the 4th Wall is actually watching me of all people right now, "Well, we're the ones you got, so deal with it."
Khan snrked. "Guess I have to deal with it then."
Joe started laughing, and I wasn't the only one to join him.
___
(Uzi)
We spent a couple hours before sundown already up topside as we planned out an ambush. I knew that Joe had us come out so early just to have an excuse to come out during the day while I could still experience that without dying though, and the fact that he did it in a way that didn't explicitly draw attention to that was really touching. The jackass was always looking out for me. And it was a really nice sunset to watch. I should get him something really good for his birthday…
Joe also had me start carrying around an extra oil vial at all times after that first night my Solver went active. I installed the program Emily and Trevor coded to track my oil levels, and I was admittedly concerned when they were already at 95% when they should have still been at 100%. Then again, Joe did say that the show implied that there was a relatively short time between when I went active on my Solver and when I started using it, so I wasn't too surprised.
The ambush started textbook enough (as close as jumping Murder Drones to harvest their parts like it was frikin' Monster Hunter could get to textbook, anyways). Set up under camo cloaks, get on J's route for the night (Joe had an entire server bank in Vault 2 dedicated to monitoring their patrol routes via the thousands of cameras we set up, which used predictive algorithms to plot out where they'd be going on a given night with a 99.9999999995% accuracy rating), set up in a good spot with my SAHMPA, and line up a shot to take J's head off while letting her momentum drop her into the street so we could grab a bunch of parts. Joe was particularly interested in bagging more wings to alloy with some CrCoNi so that he could make more durable melee weapons… and while he'd never told me as much because of risk of possession, I was smart enough to guess that those weapons would probably be non-interactive to boot.
Things went off the rails when N and V came in. We were gonna let them come overhead and then shoot them down, but they both opened up with a freaking missile barrage as soon as they arrived, and we all had to deal with that. Joe opted to jump down to the street as the building he was in collapsed, N flying down to engage Joe and V firing a string of rockets at the nearby buildings a second time, Rebecca shooting a bunch of them mid-air with her lasgun, prompting V to go in for her. Darren's shotgun forced V to back off, but a spray of machinegun fire forced them both to move, and V used the opportunity to engage Darren in a melee with her claws.
His messers were up to the task, though, electricity crackling each time they clashed with V's claws. Rebecca holstered her lasgun and grabbed her estoc as she sprinted in, not trusting her chances of not accidentally shooting her boyfriend if V made any sudden movements. V kept her at bay with her tail, and then my attention was diverted as I heard a shout from Joe, my head whipping back just in time to see N lower his leg from where he'd kicked my brother into a building… huh, if I had a nickel for every time N launched Joe into a building, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.
Isekai_Protagonist: I'm okay!
Isekai_Protagonist: Again.
Isekai_Protagonist: Fuck, I hope this doesn't become a running gag.
Taking that as my queue, I jumped down to street level myself, swapping the SAHMPA for an AR (still can't believe Joe modeled them to look like they were from Halo), and started unloading at N), who yelped out an adorable "OH BISCUITS!" before he shifted his wings to block the oncoming fire as I charged him down. I tossed the gun aside as it emptied and drew my combat pick, and swung. I shattered part of a wing as he leapt back, ducked under a stab from the other wing, and hooked my pick around his leg and yanked. N went down with a yelp, but I jumped back as his flailing tail nearly caught me as he fell. Jeez, Joe wasn't kidding that he was clumsy with that, I thought.
Кукла: CUZ!
I overclocked. Doll wouldn't message me while watching this unless it was an emergency.
Кукла: Rebecca needs help!
I assessed things in relative time even as my head turned in slow motion. Speaking of motion, my motion tracker showed Joe having leapt out of the building and heading for me. J was just staring to sit up in my peripheral vision after her head regenerated, and as I turned the rest of the way, V had ducked past Darren to use the back of her wing to throw him back, and was bringing up a laser arm that was almost charged aimed right at Rebecca's midsection ready to bisect her.
I'd asked Joe, once, how I'd killed all my friends in a timeline that never happened. He really didn't want to tell me, and even now I regret insisting I wanted to know. I apparently tore Rebecca in half in my feral Solver rampage.
V was gonna kill her in the same way. And I had a horrifying feeling that she'd be liberal with nanite acid on the body after Joe came back from a clean decapitation.
There was an explosion of panicked messages on the group chat as I saw V's manic grin, hunter's cross flickering out to reveal eyemotes hollow with equal parts terror but framed by digital brows creased with triumph, and I minimized all the chat pings as I threw my hand out on instinct, knowing that my Solver was active, and begging that'd it'd fucking work--
A purple tri-pronged glyph, with a hexagon in the middle, snapped to life in front of my outstretched hand. An identical, larger glyph wrapped around Rebecca's midsection and threw her out of the way less than a second before the laser fired. The glyph around Rebecca winked out a moment after she was clear from the line of fire.
My oil was down to 83%.
"Was that magic?" I heard N ask.
"What in the surprise financial windfalls?" I heard J sputter.
TotesBestGirl: Holy shit you just saved my life Uzi.
DarrenToDream: THANK YOU UZI!!!
Isekai_Protagonist: Talk about a fucking Main Character moment. Thank FUCK, Uzi…
V's optics flicked to the glyph still in front of me, and then locked onto mine. Hers were pixel-thick rings. She shifted both hands to high caliber assault rifles like the one J had used, and aimed them both right at my core as she rocketed into the air and started shooting. SHIT! I thought. I just triggered V's Cyn trauma!
Rogal_DOOR: UZI!!!
I pushed my overclocking to its limits as dad panicked, and went back through some lessons Aunt Yeva was giving cuz on her Solver. Second order function… projectile deflection field like what cuz used in that one clip from Episode 3 Joe showed me… [Translate] and [Rotate]! Freaking hell, Solver, please don't fail me now!
I dropped my pickaxe, and heard N yelp as he flew out of the way as V's movement put him in the line of fire. I held up both hands. [Translate] in the left, [Rotate] on the right, and I concentrated really hard about how I really wanted them to both work in tandem. There was a flickering of purple light bending in front of me a microsecond before the bullets would have been past it, and they started ricocheting off of that light wildly. I saw my oil levels dropping in real time. I felt my internal temperature rising in tandem. I had no practice, and despite managing the bullshit luck of getting another Main Character moment just after the last one by pulling a 2nd order function right off the bat, I was already down to half my oil reserves and still dropping and I was starting to really burn up--
I felt a prick on my collar as something stabbed into me, and then sweet sweet coolness spread from the site of the stab.
Isekai_Protagonist: Hope you don't mind I'm using you as cover, sis, but you're currently the safest thing to be behind right now. Have some oil as repayment.
Joe just called me sis. That didn't feel weird this time. I had to go into overclock to not get distracted with how touching that was.
Darkxwolf16: Thanks, bro.
Isekai_Protagonist: Huh, I guess we finally got past the part where that was awkward as FUCK.
Darkxwolf16: LOL
V was still shooting us, though, and even as Joe injected a second vial into me, my oil was starting to plummet again--
Darren started firing at V on full auto, and she just put her wings in the way, otherwise ignoring the impacts as the limbs started to melt as she stalked closer, manic terror in her optics as she just kept shooting at us.
There was a little pap as Joe fired from behind me, and I saw a virus dart whizz between V's bullet spray before it embedded itself into her left thigh. Darren let up on the trigger the same second V doubled over screaming as Joe hit her with a Dysentery Dart for the second time. I put my hands down the moment the gunfire stopped and took an oil vial from my own pocket and injected myself, sighing again at the sweet, cool relief.
"Actually sorry about that one, V, but you did just try to kill my adoptive sister!"
Given the simultaneous OH SHIT we both dropped into the TNPAPT, we both realized our blunder there as V's screams of pain became laced with screams of terror. I cringed. Right… N adopted Cyn as his sister. Fuck, we just doubly triggered V.
Rebecca shot out V's head and then the dart embedded into her a moment later. Darren followed up with a shot that mulched the rest of V's head. I glanced over to see J staring right at me with blatant shock. I glanced over to see N…
"You have magic powers?!?" he shouted.
"Surprise?" I said with a hesitant grin.
"Soooooooooo…" Joe trailed off. "I'm just gonna throw out here: we could totally just both leave right now."
J blinked. "You'll let us retrieve our squadmate uncontested?" she hesitantly asked.
"You do the same?" Darren shot back.
"Why?" J asked. I think that was aimed more at why we were willing to disengage right now despite the fact that we were clearly winning than in a response to Darren's question.
"Like, magic powers, duh!" Rebecca shot back.
J blinked. "That's… a valid workplace issue." She had guns trained on Rebecca and I, and we all had weapons pointed at them, but N glanced over to J, tilted his head, J flicked a glance back, and I realized they almost certainly had squad comms, before N hesitantly flew around me, grabbed V, and then took off. None of us did anything to stop him, and without a word, we watched and waited as J looked at all of us, nervous, before she twisted around and left too.
We waited a few seconds just in case, before I sighed, and then froze as I realized something. "That was the last sunset I'll ever get to see without a space-suit on," I mumbled.
"Uzi," Joe said, "I--"
I turned around and hugged him. "Thanks for making me appreciate it, Joe."
He hugged me back in an instant. "You're welcome, sis."
"Thanks… for like… just being here, bro," I tried a second time. Felt a little weird this time, but nowhere near as bad as that first attempt back before we brought Aunt Yeva back… Damn, that was less than six months ago.
"Hey…" I turned to see Rebecca walking over, and then she hugged me too. "Thanks… just… holy crap, thanks, Uzi."
"You're my friend, Rebecca," I told her. "Fuck whatever was supposed to happen, you're my friend here and now. I'll save you a million times, and I'll never regret that."
"You're amazing, Hot Topic," she told me.
"And you're awesome too, Valley Girl." She snrked in response.
Joe paused for a second. "Well, I just got messaged by Khan thanking me for saving your ass. He's… also making us both go over the laser detection program with him later."
I winced. "He's not happy, is he?"
"Nope," Joe replied, giving me a sympathetic look.
"Regardless of parental discipline, we should probably get going though," Darren said.
"Yeah," Joe said. "And we all need to put way more effort into dealing with those lasers. Fuck, man, that power armor needs to be done yesterday."
"I'll get cracking on it with you right after I go talk to Aunt Yeva and cuz," I told him, even as I pulled back from the hug. I went to go get my dropped stuff, but then paused, reached a hand out, and focused, and had a purple [TRANSLATE] glyph flicker to life in front of said hand as I pulled in my pick, grabbed and holstered it, and then grabbed my AR, reloaded it, and flipped the safety on before stowing it away as well. "Damn, that's cool," I muttered. I glanced at my oil levels again, and then went and grabbed an oil thermos from my coat.
"And the price is Robot Cthulhu Satan banging on your mind and being a robot vampire," Joe snarked.
"Yeah, but still cool," I countered, chugging the oil on the spot. Oh… I didn't like how good it tasted.
"Oh, no dispute there, I'm just saying to not treat it like it's a toy. A very convenient day to day tool, but not a toy," Joe replied to me.
I looked down at my hand. I concentrated, and a glyph flickered to life. I stared at it for a few moments. "You know…" I started. "I have this six years early."
I paused. I looked up at Joe. He met my gaze. We both spoke the next words in sync without coordinating it via overclock.
"The Solver's gonna be fucked."
"And not in a sexy way," Rebecca snarked.
Joe and I grinned and fist-bumped a second later.
___
(Serial Designation N)
With the Scrapper's whole band in one spot, I didn't hesitate to go above street level to get V back to the Spire faster, so I actually managed to touch down before her head put itself back together. Huh… that girl with the laser gun was really accurate, even if she was corrupted. Managed to not hit V's glasses with that headshot. I set her down and waited a few seconds, hearing J touch down behind me as I saw V's display go through a boot-sequence. Her eyes opened--
There was a gun pointed right at my chest as hollow optics seemed completely unfocused as she screamed and scrambled back without even getting up, looking like she was torn between lashing out and cowering at… something. "NO! I DID MY JOB! I PROMISE, PLEASE!"
J froze, and I slowly put my hands up. "V? You're safe, okay?"
V didn't so much flinch as much as respond to that with a full-body shudder instead, and I was left with the distinct impression that she didn't believe what I just said at all. "What--"
"The sniper girl apparently has magic powers, or maybe some kind of nanotech that I'm not aware of yet because magic still seems a frivolous investment idea," J said in an even tone. "You freaked out when you saw that, tried shooting her, she blocked it somehow, the Scrapper came up behind her and I think injected her with oil, which implies that whatever she's using has immense heat generation as a side-effect, shot you with some manner of virus dart that debilitated you, claimed that they were siblings, and then their other markswoman offlined you. The Scrapper offered a mutual disengagement despite having a clear advantage, and so we took it."
V started hyperventilating. "She got away," she muttered. "He has her as a sister and she got away."
I reached out towards V, but she deployed her wings and flew off without a word. I unfurled my own, only for a hand to come down on my shoulder. "J--"
She cut me off. "If she gets violent, you come back, okay?"
I blinked. "You're letting me go?"
"Yes, so go before you lose her!"
I didn't wait to reply as I flew off after her. I did almost lose her, more than once as she zipped through the city. I caught up to her before she could realize I was in pursuit, and tackled her mid-flight. I ran the aerodynamics calculations in my head-- I was the pilot, and the math for it just suddenly came back to me, and my feet dug a furrow in the street that actually really hurt but I came to a stop while holding onto a screaming and struggling V in my arms, and I just focused on hugging her.
"N! LET GO--"
"NO!" I shouted at her, cutting her off. "You're hurting, and I'm not gonna let you be alone right now!"
Her hands shifted to claws, and I threw my wings out to catch them before she could dig into my back. Her tail lifted up and I wrapped my own around it right before the syringe and then held it against the street. "N!" her voice was breaking as she sobbed.
"I'm not letting you go, V!" I told her again. "I won't!" (Not again. Never again.) I ignored the sudden twinge of pain in my processors.
The claws painfully scraped against my wings for a few seconds, before V suddenly retracted them and her own arms were wrapping around me and she started bawling. Her tail stopped trying to thrash against mine, and I carefully unwrapped mine from hers, only for her to then entwine her own with mine. I stiffened up a bit and fought down a blush, because that was kinda intimate but now really wasn't the time and I was giving her space anyways. "I'm here, V," I told her, quietly, gently, and she just sobbed harder as she hugged me, and I hugged her back.
I was there, just holding her as she sobbed, unsure on whether or not to even try to ask her what was really going on, before just deciding to be there for her instead. 23 minutes passed on my internal clock before I got a direct message ping from J.
C-9/SD-J: N, are you okay?
C-9/SD-N: I'm fine. I found V. She's just… crying… BAD. I'm hugging her.
There were a few long seconds of silence where I was just starting to think of asking if J was okay, before she replied.
C-9/SD-J: Nope. I still can't mentally put that image together. I believe you, but I just can't imagine it.
V was starting to quiet down, so I decided to change the subject, to something I'd been thinking on ever since it became evident that V wasn't going to try anything while she cried in my arms.
C-9/SD-N: Hey J?
C-9/SD-J: N?
C-9/SD-N: The worker with the magic powers…
C-9/SD-J: Some kind of advanced nanotech.
C-9/SD-N: Sure, let's go with that.
C-9/SD-J: Was that sarcasm?
C-9/SD-N: Do you have an actual explanation for what we saw?
C-9/SD-J: Touche.
C-9/SD-J: What about the purple worker?
C-9/SD-N: Do you think that whatever's going on with that worker specifically…
C-9/SD-N: Does the magic powers make her sapient?
C-9/SD-N: That's… none of the other workers have that. I CAN'T see how a corrupt AI would be able to use that to BLOCK BULLETS and save one of the other workers. That HAS to be intelligent thought, right?
I froze immediately, because I just realized what I asked J, and I remembered the last time I posted something along those lines--
C-9/SD-J: I don't know N. She… might be.
What?
C-9/SD-N: Wait, you agree with me?
C-9/SD-J: I think you're right about that worker.
There were a few seconds before she replied again.
C-9/SD-J: Don't ask V about it.
C-9/SD-J: Don't try to ask the Company somehow.
C-9/SD-J: And maybe try not to disassemble that worker specifically.
Well… I was already inclined to do that, and now I had a legit reason to do it, and magic powers is a point for the sapience tally.
C-9/SD-J: There are things I don't understand going on here.
C-9/SD-J: Whatever is happening on this planet isn't normal.
C-9/SD-J: We're stumbling onto things I don't think we should have.
C-9/SD-J: I don't know how much the Company can see.
I tried to keep my body language neutral as a now-quiet V just held onto me, but my facial optics were hollow.
C-9/SD-N: Where is this coming from, J?
C-9/SD-J: Who's your Admin, N?
I blinked. Well, I could just check that--
Oh.
I couldn't access that. That was… worrying.
C-9/SD-N: I… can't see.
C-9/SD-J: And I don't know what THEY can see, N.
C-9/SD-J: I don't know what they can DO to us if we say or THINK the wrong things.
Oooooooooooookay, I was scared.
C-9/SD-N: What do we do, J?
C-9/SD-J: Our jobs.
C-9/SD-J: I don't think we have another choice.
C-9/SD-J: Not one that lets me keep you two safe, at least.
C-9/SD-N: Thanks for caring, J.
C-9/SD-J: The Scrapper knows something. More than we do, at least.
C-9/SD-N: But he doesn't have magic powers. He's just corrupt, like that Dark Sword guy.
C-9/SD-J: Who?
I sent her the memory file.
There were a few seconds of silence from her end.
C-9/SD-J: Sweet mother of Company Leadership retreats.
C-9/SD-J: Okay, now I can see why it was so easy to believe it.
C-9/SD-N: Believe what?
C-9/SD-J: I've already said too much. Watch out for V, please.
C-9/SD-N: Of course I will.
C-9/SD-J: And do you remember that promise?
Promise? I thought. Oh! The one from that one night a couple months back.
C-9/SD-N: I do.
C-9/SD-J: Thanks N.
C-9/SD-N: Well, if you're looking out for us, I'm looking out for you!
C-9/SD-J: That… that really means a lot, N.
C-9/SD-N: You're part of this squad too, J.
C-9/SD-J: Try to get V back BEFORE sunrise.
C-9/SD-N: You got it.
And in the subzero air of a dead city on a dead world, holding the woman I was crushing on in my arms in a non-romantic manner, I continued to wonder if Darkxwolf16 was really sapient or not. Because magic powers seemed a really damning indicator in favor of it.
___
(Uzi)
About three weeks into the month of Somnium, and I was already chest deep into a crash course on how to manage my Solver from Aunt Yeva. She wanted me to be well versed with it before I went out and had to use it again, and considering just how eager Doll was to finally go after V herself, that date was probably gonna be sooner than any of us would have liked. So we were gathered down in Joe's "Solver Training Ring" in Vault 1, everyone who was interactive behind a dad-grade barrier and watching via cameras as Aunt Yeva supervised me and cuz for another Solver lesson. I had all four of the 1st order functions down, and had managed to figure out the 2nd order function of the projectile deflection field back on that very first attempt. Aunt Yeva had told me that I was making progress in figuring out my Solver at an absurd pace, and today I was glancing at cuz as I watched her experimenting with trying holograms to, as Aunt Yeva put it, "[ROTATE] the photons while conserving their momentum to make them move in a certain manner, creating the visual appearances of something you want, while [EDIT]ing the vibration of air particles to make sound without an active speaker."
Evidently, holograms were harder without projectors like the Solver used in most of canon, but not impossible, especially since when Yeva said that, Joe backed it up by pointing out that the scene with the Solver using mom in canon to try and dupe Mitchell didn't have any projectors visible. As I was watching, I saw cuz concentrating, right up until I suddenly saw a clearly fake yet visible duplicate of herself flicker into existence next to her. I clapped as I watched and Doll beamed, looking over to Aunt Yeva with a proud grin, and she smiled back at cuz as she walked over and pulled her into a hug that she returned instantly. "Very good, Kukolka," she told her. "You figured it out in just two weeks."
"Thanks, Mama," cuz replied.
Then red eyemotes flickered over to me and narrowed, and Aunt Yeva said, "Now if only your cousin would focus on her own lessons instead of watching you, like I've told her to four times today alone."
I meeped and winced, using overclock to suppress an embarrassed blush, and then turned around as I looked at the pickaxe in my hand. I tuned out cuz separating from Aunt Yeva as the latter went to watch me and the former went back to practice with holograms more. Right, let's just take another try at [TRANSLATE] and [SCALE], as I worked to levitate into the air and holy crap this was just so freaking cool--
There was a fizzle of purple static as my weapon disappeared. Aunt Yeva and cuz both paused. I blinked twice, and then dived into my folders, and sure enough, there was literally a new entry labelled "inventory."
"Did you just figure out pocket dimensional storage by accident, Uzi?" Aunt Yeva asked me.
"...Yeah…" I admitted.
"Your mother would be jealous of how fast you're advancing. A 2nd order function mere seconds after unlocking the Solver fully, figuring out all four 1st order functions in less than three weeks, and a second 2nd order function at the tail end of that time period is just absurd," Aunt Yeva told me as I went and sipped at some more oil to keep myself topped off. I still hated that it tasted good. That was just… I really didn't like that.
"Thanks, Aunt Yeva," I told her, and then I glanced over to see cuz… who was watching me, and had a slight frown on her face before she turned back to her own practice. Wait… I…
"Now, if you could pull your pick out of your st--" I held a hand up, and Aunt Yeva stopped, merely raising an eyebrow. I'd noticed that she was reserved more often now, and I guessed that the emotional upheaval of a sudden resurrection after three and a half years was finally dying (no pun intended, 4th Wall) down. But I also knew that as long as I had a good reason to ask her to stop talking, she wouldn't get mad.
"Cuz?" I called out, walking over to her.
"Cuz?" Doll turned around, looking at me, her face back to its usual expression, but I knew what I saw.
"Are you jealous?" I asked in a low tone.
She flinced. "I--" she cut herself off, and I heard a sharp inhale from Aunt Yeva just outside my field of view.
"I'm not trying to be better. I don't want to be better than you. You are objectively better with your Solver than me," I told her, reaching her as she finally let the hurt she had to have been feeling at my rapid progress with my own Solver compared to the years she spent training hers be visible. I hugged her without a second's hesitation. "And it's not fair to compare how fast I'm learning it. You didn't have your mom from the start, you weren't learning about it with all of Joe's metaknowledge right off the bat either."
"Uzi, I--" I cut cuz off.
"Don't feel guilty either," I told her, and then I took a page from Joe's book and swapped to Russian on the spot. "If anything, your progress is more impressive than mine is," I told her, and she went completely still when she heard that without it being translated. "You learned all the base functions, inventory, and teleportation by yourself, with Joe only nudging you along with suggestions at what you could do. You figured out the projectile deflection field in less than a week after Aunt Yeva started teaching you! You just figured out holograms too!" I insisted. "I got lucky over and over and over again, somehow having back to back Main Character moments where I saved Rebecca and then pulled a 2nd order function out of my ass and I would have melted or gotten riddled with bullets if Joe hadn't been using me as cover while also injecting me with oil and stopped V with another Dysentery Dart."
I pulled back a bit to look cuz in the eyemotes, and the guilt that was still there made me feel bad. "I remembered to even try the projectile deflection field while panicking in overclock because I remembered Joe telling me that you used it in Episode 3, and then I went and recalled Aunt Yeva telling you about what to combine to get it to work. That was you saving me there. That was your progress with your Solver at work," I insisted. "I don't want to compete with you with the Solver. I just wanna make sure that you don't die, cuz," I said with a grimace as I felt digital tears brewing in my eyemotes. "I… I don't wanna see you die. I don't want you to die at all. I…" I sniffled. "I don't want to lose you, cuz," I told her, and then I pulled her back in and hugged her tight. Her own arms moved up to hug me back without hesitation.
"I don't want to lose you either, cuz," Doll told me. "I… you're getting better so fast, and I feel like I'm not getting better fast enough, and someone's gonna die because I wasn't good enough to train my Solver enough to save them." She sniffled too. "I don't want anyone to die."
"Me neither," I said, slipping back into English.
"I'm sorry," cuz told me.
"I'm sorry if I made you feel inadequate," I told her.
"Neither of you should be sorry for anything," Aunt Yeva pipped in, and we both froze, but before either of us could glance over, she was hugging us both. "You're both dealing with so much more than any child should have to deal with and you're stressed beyond all belief. Neither of you have anything to be guilty about. You talked out this misunderstanding like responsible adults and didn't let it fester. I'm proud of you both."
"Thanks, Mama/Thanks, Aunt Yeva," cuz and I told her, respectively.
The intercom in the room turned on with a small crackle that Joe installed solely to let people know it was in use. "Doll also has the benefit of having learned everything she initially did without any of the full truth or metaknowledge, which means that unlike Uzi, she doesn't have to constantly make sure she doesn't get literal Main Character Syndrome."
"Bite me, Joe!" I shouted.
"That's ironic coming from the Solver Drone!" he fired back in an instant, and I couldn't tell if he overclocked for that one or just had the comeback waiting.
I grunted and frowned at the intercom as it shut, but as I heard cuz giggle, I decided that I didn't mind that much. Joe said it to further diffuse tension, even if it was a little bit at my expense.
"I love you, Doll," I told her in Russian.
"I love you too, Uzi," she told me in English.
I needed to get Joe a good birthday present for making it so that we had this kind of bond again. Doll was my family, and I'd literally kill a god to keep her safe.
___
(Serial Designation N)
I'd be the first guy to admit that I was distracted these past few weeks, between dealing with V being terrified by Darkxwolf16 having magic before going back to an apathy that even I could increasingly notice the cracks in the next night, J's insinuations that the Company maybe didn't like robots and we were robots, and of course Darkxwolf16 having magic, which did a lot for my hypothesis that the spunky goth girl apparently out to capture my and V's cores was actually sapient and I wasn't dealing with a case of reverse-bestiality. Man, breaking it to her that her apparently adoptive brother wasn't sapient was gonna suck to do. But I absolutely had a lot on my mind in the month since Darkxwolf16 developed magic.
So I'd like to say that it was understandable that I didn't see the railgun shot that took my head off coming. Not that I would have seen it coming, anyways. Those things apparently went at Mach 8, so unless I happened to be looking in the direction it was fired from and it was shot from over two and a half kilometers away, I wouldn't be able to react to it in time, because that was about the distance it'd cross in a second, and since it moved eight times faster than the sound of its own passage, I'd never hear the thing coming, either.
I got the customary insulting UI message about my death, sat up, and rubbed the back of my head, only to hear a voice I didn't recognize say, "Sorry man, you seem like a cool guy, but I gotta keep you down for now." I blinked, turning to see a worker I didn't recognize standing with two others and the one guy with the gatling shotgun. The worker who spoke also had green optics and looked really cool for some reason, and he was holding some kinda pen-looking thing that looked a lot like the one the Scrapper used that one time--
"Oh, biscu--"
There was a flash--
___
(Serial Designation J)
I got the notification that N went offline a second before multiple rockets fired from the street below me. I managed to shoot two of them down before purple laser bolts that burned shot out my hands and left me vulnerable to the third and fourth that followed them up. They detonated in a cloud of electricity that rendered my wings useless, and I fell to the streets below in a painful impact. I managed to pull my regenerating body back up, groaning as I looked up and saw the girl with the laser gun and the streak in her hair leading three more, one with pink optics and a punk-ish outfit holding the rocket launcher, which had two barrels, a second with a huge chainsaw-sword, and the third packing a shield that he had braced towards me, just before it flashed--
My internal clock registered ten minutes having passed and a distress ping from both N and V. I blinked my disorientation away just in time to see the shield, which had some kind of protected flash bulbs in the front, flash a second time--
___