Chapter 5: The Architect of Chaos – Or, "Why Is My Life a Never-Ending Prank War?"
[ SYSTEM MESSAGE: Plot Event: HYDRA exposure (partial). GP earned: 200. ]
[ SYSTEM MESSAGE: Congratulations! You've earned a Free Normal Draw for meeting Nick Fury. ]
Life in the Avengers Tower, even with Adam's burgeoning culinary skills, was a constant tightrope walk between genuine heroism and strategic absurdity. He had settled into a routine of sorts: attending briefings (mostly to eavesdrop and offer sarcastic commentary), training (mostly to avoid training), and, of course, pranking. He considered it his civic duty to keep the world's mightiest heroes on their toes, and mildly irritated.
His primary target, much to Tony's begrudging delight, was Happy Hogan. After the "Baby Shark" incident, Adam had escalated. He'd somehow managed to hack into Happy's smart car, setting the GPS voice to a surprisingly accurate (and annoying) imitation of JARVIS, complete with overly dramatic instructions and frequent reminders to "please stop tailgating, Mr. Hogan, your blood pressure is alarming." Happy had nearly driven off a bridge in frustration.
"Stiels! What did you do to my car?!" Happy had roared, storming into the common room, his face a furious shade of red.
Adam had merely shrugged, stirring a perfectly brewed cup of coffee (thanks, Basic Cooking Mastery). "Me? Happy, I think your car is just developing a personality. It happens. You spend enough time with Tony, you start talking back. It's a natural progression."
Tony, witnessing the exchange, had merely leaned back in his chair, a mischievous glint in his eye. "He's got a point, Happy. My creations tend to develop… opinions. Blame me."
But Adam's pièce de résistance, the one that truly cemented his reputation as a chaotic element, was his foray into S.H.I.E.L.D. territory. After a few weeks of being "consulted" on various low-level threats, Adam found himself increasingly at the Triskelion, the massive S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters. He'd observed Nick Fury with keen interest, noting the man's perpetually serious demeanor and his almost pathological need for control.
' Fury needs to lighten up. He's got too many secrets, not enough joy. Maybe I can fix that. Or at least make him temporarily deaf to anything but Rick Astley. '
He'd scoped out the Triskelion's internal PA system, a marvel of secure, highly encrypted technology. For anyone else, it would have been an insurmountable challenge. For Adam, armed with his meta-knowledge of future events (hello, Project Insight!), and a healthy dose of digital audacity, it was a playground. He spent two nights meticulously working, bypassing firewalls, and injecting a very specific piece of audio into the system's core programming.
The result was glorious.
It happened during a tense, interdepartmental briefing. Agents, including Natasha Romanoff and a perpetually bewildered Sam Wilson (who Adam was quickly bonding with over their shared status as "the normal ones"), were gathered, listening to a rather dry presentation on enhanced threat assessments. Suddenly, the speakers crackled. And then, from every speaker in the Triskelion, across every floor, every office, every bathroom, blasted the unmistakable opening chords of… Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up."
The initial confusion gave way to bewilderment, then to scattered chuckles, and finally, to widespread, uncontrollable laughter. Fury, standing at the head of the conference room table, his single eye wide with incredulity, slowly turned crimson.
Adam, who was "coincidentally" walking past the main conference room, simply whistled innocently, a tiny, almost invisible smirk playing on his lips.
The fallout was immediate. Fury's roar could probably be heard from space. A full-scale investigation was launched. Adam, of course, was never found out, his digital fingerprints so thoroughly erased that even JARVIS would have had trouble tracing them. But his legend grew. He was the Ghost of Groovy Tunes. The Phantom of the PA System.
[ SYSTEM MESSAGE: Congratulations! You've earned a Free Normal Draw for meeting Nick Fury. ]
The notification popped up as Adam was still basking in the glow of his successful musical terrorism. "Well, that was certainly worth it. Fury's face was priceless. Maybe I should send him a playlist of 80s one-hit wonders. He needs more culture." He tapped the draw button.
[ SYSTEM MESSAGE: [Normal Item] Smoke Pellets (Naruto) acquired. Recipient: Adam. ]
"Smoke pellets? As in, ninja smoke bombs? Naruto smoke pellets? Oh, this is just too perfect! I can make dramatic exits! Disappear in a puff of smoke after delivering a particularly scathing critique! The possibilities for theatrical flair are endless!"
Adam envisioned himself, mid-conversation, suddenly dropping a smoke pellet and vanishing, leaving behind only the faint scent of sulfur and bewildered expressions. It was a prankster's dream.
He tucked the small, discreet pellet into his inventory. He was building quite the arsenal of comedic chaos. He had the "King's Haki" for unconsciousness, the Newt's Suitcase for magical distractions, the Go-Away-Green for instant environmental transformations, the cooking skills for delicious deception, and now, ninja smoke bombs for dramatic flair.
He was ready for anything. Or at least, ready to annoy anyone.
' Operation: Make Fury Question His Life Choices is going smoothly. Next, I replace all of HYDRA's coffee with decaf for a week. That'll teach them to be evil. Nothing saps the will to conquer the world like a good caffeine withdrawal. '