Scene: National Economic House, Abuja
Time: Budget Presentation Week — Dry Harmattan Noon.
Narrator's Voice (through haiku hiccup):
"White papers falling,
but never land on savings—
breeze of promises."
---
The chamber was filled with sweat and starch.
Honourables adjusted agbadas like folding tents in a storm.
Chairman Ladoja, now bald and bolder, cleared his throat.
"Gentlemen and woman," he began, miscounting the only female senator,
"we gather to dissect progress."
Senator Oyewo raised a hand, golden rings jangling like cowbells.
"Point of order! The growth is retarded. What happened to Owo Ise fund?"
Laughter. Some sharp, some swallowed.
Narrator hiccup:
Sachet dreams flying—
budget lines with belly cramps,
what feeds cannot count.
---
Minister of National Optimism, a new office formed last week, adjusted his designer glasses and replied:
"Distinguished, the growth was... hmm... intercepted by global headwinds, and unforeseen procurement… intricacies."
"Say it as it is jare," Oyewo snapped. "Alakare dey carry file since Shagari. Na only during election he sabi road!"
Haiku hiccup (sarcastic):
"Alakare smile,
with briefcase full of silence—
deadline long expired."_
---
A journalist from the back muttered:
"Alasure go come now. Emergency committee. Dem go fix am with white elephant."
The hall nodded. Everyone knew Alasure — the fixer who arrives after the house is already burnt, with expensive water from Dubai.
---
Narrator's sidebar in Yoruba-English blend:
A fi gbogbo gbese je aro.
Who retards the growth?
Ko le je orisun omi—
It's not the well that's dry,
Na bucket wey dem dey sell as contract.
---
Minister of Fiscal Disappearance rose like a ghost with clearance.
"In fairness, the Oyowo Project was executed in phases."
"Executed indeed," hissed Oyewo. "Even the ghost of Murtala no fit trace am!"
Final haiku hiccup of the scene:
Potholes and figures,
Excel sheets weep in column—
budget has malaria.
---
Scene Freeze. Curtains close.