Chapter 9: The Jonin Test
[Adam Yukimura POV]
"Alright, Immortal System," I declared, standing before the imposing doors of the Hokage's office. "Time for Phase Three: Operation Official Ninja Nuisance. I'm going to be a Special Jonin. And then, Konoha will truly know chaos."
My new merged skills, "Predator's Stride," "Impact Rush," and "Precision Healing Touch," felt like a whole new level of power. I was no longer just a civilian who could die and come back; I was a civilian who could die and come back with style. And with the ability to silently put rubber chickens on ANBU heads.
I strode into Tsunade's office, where she was, as usual, buried under a mountain of paperwork, a half-empty sake bottle nearby. Shizune was frantically sorting scrolls.
"Tsunade, my love! Shizune, my dear!" I announced, striking a confident pose. "I'm here to offer my services to the village! As a ninja! A Special Jonin, to be precise!"
Tsunade slowly lifted her head, her eyes bloodshot. "A… what now?"
"A Special Jonin!" I repeated, beaming. "You know, one of those elite, highly specialized ninja who work directly under the Hokage! It's perfect! I'll be able to assist you directly, provide invaluable insights, and, of course, continue my daily marital declarations from a much closer proximity!"
Shizune gasped. Tsunade stared at me, then burst out laughing. It wasn't a cheerful laugh; it was a dry, cynical, utterly exhausted laugh.
"You? A ninja?" she scoffed. "Adam, you're a civilian who gets himself killed by everything from wild boars to my own fist! What could you possibly offer as a ninja?"
"My unique skill set, of course!" I declared. "I'm a master of strategic self-destruction! I have an uncanny ability to acquire new skills! And I'm incredibly annoying! Think of the psychological warfare possibilities! My enemies will be so confused, they'll surrender just to make me stop talking!"
I then launched into a passionate, albeit slightly unhinged, monologue about my abilities, my strategic genius, and my unwavering dedication to Konoha (and, more importantly, to her). I even demonstrated a quick burst of "Impact Rush" on a nearby wall, leaving a rather impressive crater.
Tsunade rubbed her temples. "Alright, fine! I'll humor you! But if you think you can just waltz in here and become a Jonin, you've got another thing coming! You'll need to pass a special qualification test. In front of the council."
"A test?! Excellent!" I beamed. "The more witnesses to my brilliance, the better! Who's my opponent? Kakashi? Guy? Perhaps you, my love? I'm ready for anything!"
The council meeting was… tense. I stood before the stern-faced elders, flanked by Tsunade and Jiraiya (who was trying, and failing, to suppress his laughter). I gave my pitch, explaining my desire to serve, my unique "talents," and my unwavering dedication to the Hokage. I conveniently left out the "dying repeatedly" part, focusing on the "acquiring skills" and "being annoying" aspects.
They eventually agreed to a closed-door test. My opponent was Genma Shiranui, the senbon-wielding Jonin. He looked unimpressed.
"Alright, civilian," Genma said, twirling a senbon between his fingers. "Let's see what you've got. Don't expect me to go easy just because you're… eccentric."
"Oh, I'm counting on it, Genma-san!" I chirped. "Hit me with your best shot! Literally!"
The test began. Genma was fast, precise, and highly skilled. He moved like a blur, throwing senbon with deadly accuracy. I, on the other hand, moved… unpredictably. I used "Predator's Stride" to vanish and reappear, confusing him. I used "Impact Rush" to launch myself at him, forcing him to dodge with surprising speed. I even used "Precision Healing Touch" to quickly mend a minor cut I "accidentally" sustained, much to his bewilderment.
" He's good. Really good. But he's never fought someone who actively tries to get hit. This is going to be fun. "
I wasn't trying to win in a conventional sense. I was trying to baffle him. To show that my methods, while unorthodox, were surprisingly effective. I'd feign clumsiness, then suddenly vanish. I'd charge head-on, then subtly shift my body at the last second to absorb the blow.
At one point, I deliberately positioned myself to take a direct hit from one of his senbon. It pierced my shoulder.
[ YOU HAVE BEEN KILLED BY: GENMA SHIRANUI (UNIQUE DEATH!) ][ SKILL ACQUIRED: BASIC PRECISION THROWING (Passive) - A minor improvement in the accuracy and control of thrown objects. ][ DEATHS REMAINING (GENMA SHIRANUI): 0 ]
I sat up, pulling the senbon out of my shoulder (which, of course, instantly healed). "Ooh, a senbon! Fancy! Thanks, Genma-san! Now I can throw things with even more accuracy! Prepare for a new era of perfectly aimed rubber chickens!"
Genma just stared at me, his jaw slightly agape. The council members looked equally bewildered. Tsunade, however, had a faint, almost imperceptible smirk on her face.
The fight continued, a chaotic dance of conventional skill versus utter absurdity. I never truly overpowered him, but I consistently outmaneuvered him, outlasted him, and frankly, just plain confused him.
Finally, Genma, panting, threw up his hands. "Alright! Alright! I don't know what you are, Adam, but you're… effective. And incredibly annoying."
The council deliberated. There was much whispering, much shaking of heads, and many exasperated glances at Tsunade. Finally, the head elder cleared his throat.
"Adam Yukimura," he announced, "your methods are… unconventional. Your abilities are… inexplicable. However, your dedication to the village, and your… unique effectiveness, cannot be denied. We hereby grant you the rank of Special Jonin, with the stipulation that you are to be directly under the Hokage's observation and command. And for the love of all that is holy, try not to cause too much property damage."
"YES! I knew it!" I cheered, pumping my fist in the air. "Thank you, elders! You won't regret this! Probably! And Tsunade, my love, prepare for even more direct assistance! And even more direct marriage proposals!"
Tsunade just sighed, a deep, weary sigh that seemed to carry the weight of the entire world. But I saw it. A tiny, almost imperceptible flicker of something in her eyes. Resignation? Amusement? Maybe even a hint of pride? Nah, probably just indigestion from all the sake.
My new status as Special Jonin was a game-changer. I now had official clearance to roam the village, to "assist" on missions, and to, most importantly, unleash my full prankster potential.
I started small. Replacing all the "Icha Icha Paradise" books in Kakashi's personal library with self-help guides on emotional vulnerability. Silently swapping all the dango in the dango shop with tiny, realistic plastic replicas. Leaving strategically placed rubber chickens in the most unexpected places, like inside the ANBU headquarters.
My "Predator's Stride" made me a ghost. My "Impact Rush" made me a wrecking ball. And my "Precision Healing Touch" meant I could fix most of the minor damage I caused (though not the emotional trauma).
The villagers, initially confused, quickly adapted. "Oh, that's just Adam-san," they'd say, seeing a rubber chicken inexplicably hanging from the Hokage's hat. "He's the Hokage's new Special Jonin. Don't ask."
Tsunade, of course, was my primary target. Her office became a war zone of escalating pranks. One day, her sake would be replaced with water. The next, her desk would be filled with glitter. The day after that, she'd find a giant, inflatable banana wearing a tiny wedding veil sitting in her chair.
"ADAM!" her roar would echo through the village.
" She loves me. She really, really loves me. It's just a very loud, very angry kind of love. "
Life as Konoha's Special Jonin was everything I'd dreamed of. Chaos. Annoyance. And a direct line to my future wife. The stage was set for even greater things.