Professor Snape found Gilderoy Lockhart's chatter quite insufferable, those slick words just poured out of him! He simply couldn't bear to hear it! He chased after the traces of the doe Patronus like a madman, so desperately seeking any sign of Lily. Rushing from the present into the past, he darted through shimmering lights, searching for a figure that had left clear imprints on the ground yet was nowhere to be seen.
But Lockhart's words pursued him still.
"Hey, hey, Severus, hold on a moment, didn't you notice? Lily appeared in that shimmer just now!"
"Oh, wow, another one! You two seemed rather close when you first started at Hogwarts, she cared for you quite a bit."
"Eh? Was Potter in the same compartment as you two on your way to start school? Severus, quick, stop! This might be a chance, this could be their first meeting, you've got to..."
"Enough!" Snape abruptly halted his rapid flight, turning angrily to Lockhart behind him. "Don't you understand yet? Lily was never mine. What does Potter have to do with it?"
"..."
"..."
"..."
A heavy silence fell in the dark passage. Lockhart opened his mouth, then fell silent himself. Only Snape's agony seemed to deepen, threatening to swallow him whole into the darkness. "I know, of course, I know, Potter didn't steal Lily. Lily chose him. And I know even more clearly that Lily never chose him over me; she simply never considered me at all..."
His voice was so low, filled with despair. "I have only this one Patronus left. It's all I have. What could I do? I shouldn't have been so greedy as to try and brew such a potion, so greedy as to try and reclaim something. I was wrong. Because of this, I've completely lost the very last bit I had."
Such a painful realization, you were once my everything, but every step I look back on was so lonely. Young love is an intense passion; in the cold, damp rain of youth, some fell ill, some had their enthusiasm extinguished, but Snape drowned completely in that downpour.
Perhaps this is what it means to be a wizard – drawing immense power from emotions, feelings, and spiritual strength, yet also becoming trapped in them, unable to break free. Lockhart wanted to pull him out, to drag him from the torrential downpour, but he found it wasn't a flood at all; it was just a small puddle, and someone was choosing to drown in it.
Snape's anguished cries echoed like a lone wolf, making Lockhart's own werewolf companion look on with concern.
"That was a war, Gilderoy!"
"Those who haven't experienced war can hardly imagine how terrifying it is. Everyone was striving for even the slightest chance of victory; any warrior without unwavering resolve would have perished in that war long ago."
"So many people died, not just Potter, not just Lily. Many of my comrades died too. And when they killed my comrades, they didn't think about kindness."
"Don't imagine that only Death Eaters would use the Unforgivable Curses; anyone in the heat of battle, seeing their comrades, their loved ones, their family killed by the enemy, would be filled with malice and use them."
"Why didn't I die in that war? Why didn't I die at their hands? Now I'm like a sinner who has to atone for something?"
"Am I wrong? I don't know. Voldemort failed, our war failed, it's that simple! So all Death Eaters were wrong, everything they did was wrong, even acquiring intelligence. I already betrayed my beliefs, I already begged Voldemort so humbly to spare Lily!"
Snape's eyes were bloodshot, his entire being in such agony it seemed he might tear apart.
"I ultimately caused Lily's death, the one I loved most."
"I ultimately caused Voldemort's downfall, our leader in war."
"I messed everything up, I ultimately led to our war's complete failure!"
"Can you feel that terrible helplessness? Everyone was caught in the vortex of war; harm, torment, death – it happened every single day, each time so dreadful."
"Gilderoy, even now I still believe, even though it makes me suffer even more."
"Every side in war is righteous, and every side in war is evil."
"Ha, righteous? Evil? In the end, the victors are righteous, and the vanquished are evil, it's that simple!"
"Of course, the victors can declare the vanquished's methods were cruel, but in times of war, weren't everyone's methods cruel?"
"And I am a loser. And a traitor, the most disgusting person in this war!"
"Dumbledore is simply a victor, not a righteous man. From dealing with Grindelwald to later facing Voldemort, it was always the same; he was always the victor."
"But this victor always prevents the wizarding world from moving forward. It's always like this, for over a century, the wizarding world has struggled for over a hundred years, and each time, all its struggles were suppressed by his formidable power."
"And then? Ha, Gilderoy, you know about the Muggle world, don't you? They're developing industry and technology: satellites, missiles, the internet, biotechnology... Muggles have entered an unprecedented phase of rapid development in this past century, while wizards? Nothing, no progress at all."
"They've even regressed, sealing themselves off in a small circle, still holding the most ridiculous notions about Muggles. Go look at the Muggle Studies course at Hogwarts, and you'll see how ludicrous wizards' understanding of Muggles is."
"Doesn't Dumbledore know? He even knows about nuclear bombs, but he just hasn't changed anything; he just watched."
"You have no idea how desperate I, a war loser, feel living in such an environment."
"The changes we yearned to bring about were utterly erased, every trace of them. The changes brought by the deaths of one comrade after another were slowly but surely wiped away."
"So, in the end, we changed nothing, only causing harm to others. It's just that cruel."
"I am so desperate~~~~"
"What more can I do?"
"I can do nothing. I can only close my eyes, stop paying attention to this world, stop thinking about the future of wizards, and just cling to my pathetic romantic troubles. "
"I started to drown in the pain of causing Lily's death; this is all the emotion I have left. Do you know how terrifying it is to lose your beliefs?"
"Dumbledore knows. I now wish I could kill Voldemort, not for some rubbish 'righteousness,' but purely for personal vengeance!"
"Of course, he trusts me, because this old and powerful wizard believes in the power of revenge."
"It's that simple!"
"I don't need salvation. I just want to gain greater power to kill Voldemort, to utterly end this war that has already been lost."
"Voldemort's return? Useless. He has already failed, the era no longer belongs to him. His return will only be the struggle of a loser; beyond bringing more slaughter and inflicting more suffering from war, he can't change anything anymore. He can only descend completely into evil."
"There's no future, do you understand?"
"I shouldn't even be alive. If I live, I can only close my eyes, ignore this world, and drown in my own emotions, which makes me suffer. If I open my eyes and stop drowning in emotions to look at this world, it will only make me suffer more."
"I can do nothing, not even kill Voldemort. I know that it's actually no different from cleaning up after the battle – utterly meaningless, utterly meaningless!"
He was so furious, furious at himself, and like a madman, he pulled out his wand and unleashed powerful spells into the dark passage, causing a thunderous roar. But it was useless. He could do nothing. Finally, he sank to his knees in despair, as still as a statue. This was the agony of a defeated warrior. He had lost his starry sky, trapped in a small puddle, yearning for what he could not have, in terrible pain.
Lockhart sighed, at a loss for words. He had never imagined that his good friend's pain went far beyond 'causing the death of the woman he loved most.' Was it truly good for him to pull him from Lily's emotional vortex? He didn't know. He himself had never experienced war.
And so, the dark passage was silent, save for the wind.
After a very long time, Lockhart finally decided to say something.
"You have a Felix Felicis, Severus," he said, letting out a long breath and walking over to pat Snape's shoulder. "I've figured out how this Felix Felicis truly works. You should actually understand it better than I do, but you just didn't pay attention."
Snape slowly raised his head, looking somewhat lost at the passage. In the distance, there was a faint shimmer, and the faint traces of the doe Patronus's path, but he didn't know where to find the doe anymore. And so, he looked at Lockhart with such urgency, full of hope.
"This potion will cause your mind to completely spiral, leading you to what you considered a spiralling life when you brewed it. If you fear this spiral, drink the potion, and it will return everything to the very first starting point."
Snape's eyes lit up. "Are you saying, if I go back now and drink this potion, the Patronus will appear by my side again?"
Lockhart looked at him with a touch of sadness, but nodded nonetheless. "Yes, your mental state will return to the moment just before we successfully brewed the potion, and your Patronus will naturally reappear in your mind."
Snape scrambled to his feet excitedly, muttering, "Felix Felicis, so this is the Felix Felicis!"
He anxiously wanted to turn back, but suddenly felt a strong hand firmly grasp his arm. It was Lockhart, his expression utterly serious. "Mate, it's never too late to drink it, is it?"
"What do you mean?" Snape forcefully pulled away from him, raising his wand. "Don't you dare try any more tricks! I can't let anything else go wrong!"
"What I mean is..."
Lockhart smiled, gesturing towards the way they came. "If you can never catch up to a past that cannot be returned to, why not look towards the future, right? You said it yourself, even if you lose everything in the end, you're willing to embark on this adventurous journey!"
"Give it a try. The potion is always there; you can drink it whenever you like."
"You haven't even bravely stepped onto the adventurous path yet; this is just the beginning. Are you truly afraid to try?"
Snape's mouth moved, but no words came out. He wanted to say, no, to hell with your rubbish adventure, I want to go back now, I want to drink the Felix Felicis now, I want to find the doe Patronus again, I'm not playing anymore! Just like his past weakness. But he couldn't bring himself to say it. He looked at his only good friend, whose face was full of anticipation, who had bravely come with him to such a strange place. He just couldn't speak.
He stared intently into the distance of the dark passage, where in the faint shimmer, a doe seemed to be standing there, watching him too. But he had to admit, he was swayed; perhaps he really should try to take this step. After all, he still had the Felix Felicis. Why not? Could he truly live like this forever?
"Alright!" He took a deep breath. "Let's go see the future!"
"That's the spirit!" Lockhart burst into laughter, swinging himself back onto the little horse, pulling the hand of the wronged fairy onto it, and calling out to the werewolf, "Let's go, let's see what this out-of-control future looks like, how terrifying it really is!" He had been dying of curiosity! He led the way, galloping like the wind, "Giddy up!"
"Your horse!" The werewolf seemed to realize something, its previously gossipy, spectating expression suddenly turning to horror, feeling a powerful force pulling it, once again swept into the whirlwind. But as it was flung about, it suddenly gave a mighty shake of its broad back, its thick muscles rippling, and a pair of enormous wings suddenly unfurled from its shoulder blades with a thump.
"Ha, I can fly too?" it cried out in surprise.
"You always could, this is all my understanding of the flying spell," Lockhart turned back to it, laughing heartily. "Thank Severus's potion! This channel of mind and time is full of tearing power, making it easier for us to change our own situation."
Behind them, Snape silently watched their departing figures. The magical werewolf of dark power, the cheerful horse of bright mind, the lively female ghost – Lockhart's mind was so vibrant, never lonely, making him incredibly envious.
I can too.
He thought, his figure spinning, his wide wizard's robes swirling, transforming into a dark shadow as he rapidly flew forward.
The future... it began to hold a glimmer of expectation.
The strong winds surged in the dark passage; a powerful force pushed them towards the past. By choosing to go towards the future, they once again felt the same difficulty they had faced earlier in the office, trying to approach the potion. But life, sometimes, is just like that, isn't it? Endure the hardship, keep moving forward. It doesn't require courage or tenacity, just the unquenchable yearning churning within your heart.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, time seemed to lose all meaning here. They at last completed the long journey and arrived in the future. The shimmering images of the future in the dark passage became erratic, constantly and rapidly shifting. But it didn't matter, they pressed on!
At last, they arrived five years later. The path ahead came to an abrupt halt, and the terrible winds, which had grown stronger and stronger, suddenly fell silent, leaving only a deathly stillness. At the very end, a faint silver veil hung in the air, swaying with the breeze.
"Five years later..." Snape stared blankly at the scene. "I died?"
He didn't know how to describe the feeling in his heart. Was it despair? Collapse? No, he only felt an indescribable sense of relief. That relief wasn't because of death's arrival, but because – he could finally let go of Lily's hand, finally no longer endure such torturous pain. He... was finally free.
He dared not think more deeply, to ponder what his innermost thoughts truly were; he was too cowardly to face that answer. So he abruptly turned to glare at Lockhart, "You shut up!"
Please, no more of your ridiculous ramblings. Please, leave me some final shred of dignity. Please...
Lockhart rolled his eyes. "Severus, don't be so dramatic! Can't you take a proper look? Is this a death veil?" He clicked his tongue, gazing up at the veil that seemed to descend from the sky. "It's truly absurd, I've never seen such an absurd Patronus."
"!!!" Snape was stunned for a moment, then abruptly turned back to stare intently at the veil before him. "This isn't the boundary of death?"
"Nonsense! No one understands the Patronus Charm and death better than I do," Lockhart's voice was full of smugness. "A Patronus is the power of the mind, brimming with life. The Veil of Death is the curtain call of life's stage, the power of the soul."
"Mind and soul, there's a big difference!"
Snape's heart stirred, and he twisted his body, transforming into a dark shadow as he flew upwards, through the mist, through the source of the wind, through the clouds. He felt rays of golden light pierce the gloom, fully revealing the enormous entity before him. It was a colossal Patronus, and it was... his own likeness!
"Every mind is magnificent, this is the meaning of life, Severus. You ponder it yourself. I too must go and seek my own future."
Lockhart's voice rapidly faded into the distance. In the sky, only Snape remained, facing the immense silver figure that resembled him yet was incomparably majestic.
"I..."
Snape's voice grew hoarse. "Can I also possess such a powerful mind?"
He looked back, as if he could see a small doe timidly watching him. And so, with great difficulty, he turned back again, looking at the god-like figure of himself before him.
"Hahahaha..."
Lockhart's voice carried from afar, the somewhat eccentric fellow shouting in a language Snape didn't understand, so joyfully. "Brilliant! Absolutely bloody brilliant!"
"I choose this one! I want this one! You cursed werewolf, don't try to snatch it from me! I know what I want!"
Snape pursed his lips, gazing blankly up at the gigantic Patronus before him. He, too, now had an answer.