IRENE'S POV
Ever wondered why some people just feel like it's time to jump off a highrise or straight into oncoming traffic? That's exactly how I feel now.
I kept thinking what goes in their tiny little brain cells when they make a go for it, when they decide yes, this is where they want it to end.
My eyes twitched and I bit down the side of my lower lips as I looked left and right before walking into the road and just as I got to the middle I paused, sweat beads formed on my slightly pronounced forehead that fit perfectly to my features as I clutched my purse tightly.
What was I waiting for? my fate I guess but yet my heart pounded in my chest like it would jump off my chest and leave me behind.
Was this how they all feel before their entire life flashes before their eyes as they say?
My breath began to steady as I slightly closed my eyes, my sense of smell heightened and I could feel it near. What was it? Death?
A hand shoved me to the sidewalk and I could hear jeers turn to noises but I was too immersed in my thoughts that I didn't realize my friend was right in front of me.
"Are you in your right senses?" I opened my eyes to Serene in her usual gym fits
Her body, a gym-built frame packed into an average height, strong, sleek, and proud.
There's a cool, tomboyish energy about her, something bold that hints she owns exactly who she is.
"Serene!" I gasped out of discomfort rather than surprise, she just ruined my one moment of knowing what it feels like to be an inch closer to death.
"Yes Sylvia, it's Serene of course." She tugged at her bag while giving me a dangerous look that says explain yourself before I have to ask.
"Look, I was just lost in thoughts. Okay?" I tried to smile but I wasn't really in the mood and I guess it came out really bad that she scoffed and walked away into the gym.
My friendship with Serene is what one would call a one-sided friendship at least that's how I see it.
She's beautiful, easy going and always likes to reach but I on the other hand just want to be alone, no calls, no texts.
My phone pinged and I sighed, I was bored so I reached out for my phone and it was a text from my therapist.
Oh yes, I do therapy. My parents think I should, after I lost my sister two months back . She drugged herself to death.
I pushed the phone back into my bag and opened the door to a dark mint coloured office with a desk and seats adjacent to the door.
The usual flower vase stood just beside the window and the water dispenser just right after it.
It's a weird combination seeing the flower vase then a water dispenser but Mrs Gray is who she is and her entire office was nothing but a rage bait.
I sank onto the chair. Weren't therapists supposed to make you feel some calm type of way?
"Miss Frederick." Her calm voice stung my ears.
"It's Sylvia." I replied, looking away.
I could feel her eyes wander all over my body and her gaze intensified. I turned back looking at her.
"You know I almost knew what my sister felt just before her death." I waited for her reply but just like I had predicted, there was none.
A smile etched in the corners of my lips.
"I always wondered what she felt just before dying, was she annoyed, sad, happy, angry. Did she think of me?"
Her eyes remained focused as if wanting more but there was none, there's nothing left to tell her.
"Then what happened that made you feel this way?" She finally spoke.
"Why now of all time?" She paused.
"Remember you can take your time to answer these questions." She said, her back relaxed on the chair.
"I will tell her what she wants to hear." I thought as my fingers tugged at the band on my wrist, until a tint of red ring formed around my wrist.
"Well I….." Her phone buzzed so loudly that it felt like the sound crawled up my spine and lifted every strand of hair on my head.
"Sorry, a few minutes?" She whispered with her index finger, slightly raised and I arched my brows, smiling.
I walked over to the water dispenser, and then turned to look at her, she gave me a nod of permission and I walked out of her office.
Of course I knew there was no water in that dispenser, I just needed time to cool off and breathe a fresher air. Her office smells of lies and deception.
Her notification popped up and I walked back into the office.
"Sorry, I had to answer the phone." She sniffed.
There was a bit of change in her tone and the entire scenery seemed different from the one I was in minutes ago. Was she nervous?
"So, you were telling me why you had such thoughts." She was back to her mood at the snap of a finger, she only had to say a few words.
She acted as though she wasn't nervous a few seconds ago or was it just my hallucination.
"Yes, right… uhm…"
"Take your time" She said, I watched her fingers move nervously but subtle enough for my eyes to see.
"Yes, uhm…. I started to feel this way only recently because.." I paused, watching her expressions, a mask of patience, polished and unreadable.
"Well because I've been seeing this stuff.. like, I see her around sometimes in my room, in our little secret room that's not so secret…" I chuckled lightly more of a habit than humor.
"She looks sad, nervous and sometimes angry."
"It's understandable…" She said, again her finger doing those little subtle movements.
Was she tired of me? I bet not, she's a therapist.
The ticking clock sounded louder than it should. Or maybe it was her fingers again, scraping lightly against her armrest.
"Sylvia.." she called, drawing back my attention to her face. I must have been staring at her fingers for too long.
"I feel it's just your way of coping with the situation, like seeing your sister around. It's you recalling all the moments you've shared together but more realistic rather than just a thought."
Is she saying I'm going crazy but in a more subtle way?
"I just feel so bad for not being there when Beth needed me." I sniffed.
"I know Sylvia, but it was out of anyone's control and especially not in your control either."
She arched forward and I looked at the clock right above her head. It was past 2pm.
Her phone buzzed, a notification I guess, she took a quick glance and looked back at me.
"We will stop here for today and continue in our next session…. You're doing great Miss Fredrick."
Again?!
"It's Sylvia, just Sylvia." She nodded and I walked out of the office.
I passed the cafeteria, everyone buzzing here and there, some rushing over their meals while others stood for what looked like hours, making a phone call.
"Sylvia?" I heard my name, which sounded like a question.
I let out a breath, This better not be some nosey stranger shouting my name like we're friends just because they've seen my face on a billboard a few times.
I turned around and I was taken by surprise.
"Jonathan?"
I exclaimed, reaching for a hug.
"I mean you look great." I stammered and he nodded with a smile.
A smile that had warmed calloused and cold hearts and swept across pained and calculated minds. A smile that swept across mine as well.
"You don't look bad yourself, I mean look at you." He breathed a laugh and I giggled in a childish manner.
How obnoxious!
"Uhm, you work here?" he asked quickly, as though skipping past the compliment like it had never happened.
"Oh no.. I uhm…"
Hell no! I'm not about to tell my lost longtime crush that I'm a lunatic that attends therapy sessions now.
"Oh I was checking on a friend who works here." I smiled nervously.
Funny how I only lose myself when I'm around him.
"Ahhh, I see. Well nice seeing you Sylvia." He smiled, this time a bit awkward.
"Uhm yeah, I need to head to the office now. We will catch up sometime." He said and hurriedly walked off before I could even bat an eyelid.
I stood in an awkward position, my phone still held out like a question I never asked.
I gulped down chunks of saliva, retracting my hand and looking around as if nothing had happened. I walked down the stairs and out to the parking lot.
The air felt heavy as I reached for my car door catching a glimpse of someone from earlier, Mrs Gray.
Her face wore a worried calm, the kind of confidence that came with experience as she argued vehemently but gently with the man in front of her, just hidden enough for me to only see the watch on his wrist.
Mrs Gray's eyes met with mine in a sudden flash and I waved her goodbye.