I couldn't look away.
His voice turned rough as he slid his hand over mine, ignoring the tremor in my body. 'I've thought of everything. We can run. The Organisation will never find us. We can't keep living like this, Viuna. It only ends in death—and without ever touching a moment of happiness.'
I clenched my teeth. Why was my throat tight? Why was my heart slamming itself against my ribs?
Deep down I'd always known his feelings for me ran deeper than friendship—the way he watched me, those strange, lingering looks. And now the truth was right in front of me.
'Viuna,' he said, bright with hope, 'have you thought about freedom? Leaving this place? A new start?'
I scoffed. He was incurably optimistic. He always had been—like a cheerful kid who didn't fear the doom looming down the line.
With a tight throat, I forced myself to meet his eyes and growled, 'Freedom? A new start? Steven, you and I are killers. I still wake up some nights with nightmares.
'Nightmares about the dark days of my childhood… the cold corridors… that lab where I can barely remember why I was locked up. I'm drowning in trauma. I'm full of fear.'
I gestured at the world around us. 'We can't have a pretty life. Our past is wrecked, our present is tainted, and our future is already ruined.'
A tear rolled from his eye, and I hated myself even more.
He gripped both my hands, his voice tight with a held-back sob. His Adam's apple bobbed. His hair looked impossibly golden—really golden.
'Look at me, Viuna.'
I met his gaze. He swallowed and said, 'I know you have nightmares. I know what they did to you as a kid—how they tested you, hurt you. I know how stained our hands are. But, sweetheart…'
He tried to smile through the ache, eyes locked on mine. 'We can still be happy. Because we have each other.'
Against every instinct, I pulled my hands free.
'My future isn't with you,' I rasped, anger shaking my voice. 'We don't have a future at all. You and I are just colleagues. The only reason we've lasted this long is because they don't know we're even friends. If they sense the slightest feeling between us, they'll kill us both—or exile us.'
I shoved my hair out of my face and glared into his hopeless, hurting eyes. 'One of the Rose Organisation's most important pieces—one of its brightest minds and deadliest killers—was executed by the Organisation itself. Know why?'
My voice rose, rough with grief. 'Because he fell in love with a hacker and they ran. They even had children. They thought it would be easy, just like you do. The Organisation found them and killed them both in front of their little ones. No one even knows what happened to those children. Maybe they died. Or maybe they were turned into two bastard operatives like you and me—with no idea who they'd been before.'
I was panting now. 'That's the end of the road, Steven. We're in a swamp. There is no way out.'
The whites of his eyes were red; those sky-blue irises had gone stormy. In a strangled voice he whispered, 'I know you love me too. I have a way—'
I decided in a heartbeat. With a burn in my throat, I stared him down and said, hard and unyielding, 'I don't feel anything for you. We're just friends. You matter to me… but love?'
I let a cruel little smile curl. 'That's impossible.'
I watched the sunrise in his eyes go dark. Watched those clear, bright blues dull and fill with pain.
My fists clenched in my lap. This was for both of us.
First lesson they ever taught us in that hellhole: have no weaknesses. No love. No feelings. No attachments.
The only thing we're allowed to feel is loyalty—to the Organisation.
I couldn't let the only person I had be killed because of how he felt about me.
I reached for the door handle. 'I'm going to walk. Go back to camp,' I said, barely above a whisper.
He watched me in silence. I turned away, ready to climb out with that lump still burning, when his voice caught me.
'Viuna.'
I didn't look back. I couldn't face those eyes.
His voice was rough, thick with grief in the small, closed car. 'That man and woman you told me about—yeah, they died. But they tasted happiness. Even if it was brief.'
He paused, then, softer: 'I'm sure we never will. We'll die without it.'
I stepped out with a lump in my throat and slammed the door.
If only I'd known… it was our last chance at happiness.