Kazuki had just finished soaking in the best hot spring of his life.
The water was warm, the mountains quiet, and Smile floated peacefully like a jelly marshmallow. Yukimaru perched on a nearby rock, wings folded, while Senzou napped around Kazuki's shoulders like a heated scarf.
"Finally," he muttered, sinking deeper. "No explosions. No monsters. Just—"
"CAPTAIN KAZUKI!"
His eye twitched.
Tala stood at the spring's edge, arms crossed, her tone urgent.
"Wait—captain?"
She tossed a gold-embroidered cloak at him. It slapped over his face.
"Congrats on your promotion," she said flatly. "While you were snoring, the expedition team unanimously agreed you're now in charge."
Kazuki's voice echoed over the steam. "I'm sorry, WHAT?"
✦
The Command Tent – 30 Minutes Later
Kazuki stood in front of a giant strategy map pinned to a glowing crystal table.
It was covered in tiny soldier tokens, colored flags, glowing mana trails, and—ominously—red Xs moving toward their position.
The officer with the antler-helm, Commander Reina, gave him a proud nod.
"We've confirmed it. A legion of subterranean beasts is on the march—likely awakened by the relic's retrieval."
"Awakened? Like, angry?"
"Extremely."
Kazuki rubbed his temple. "This is because I tripped on a rune again, isn't it?"
Tala raised her hand. "To be fair, you also solved a dungeon trial, found a priceless relic, and earned the expedition the biggest royal bonus in a decade."
Reina added, "And you're the only one who's technically beaten one of these creatures. Your instincts are unmatched."
Kazuki stared blankly. "I'm good at falling."
"And we shall fall forward, sir," one knight declared.
He turned to Tala. "They think this is strategy."
"Let them," she said with a smirk.
✦
Back in the Field
The defenders were preparing to hold a narrow ravine near the edge of the pass.
Kazuki now wore his new "captain's cloak," which was a bit too heavy and sparkled whenever he moved. The embroidery read 'Divine Maneuverer of Disaster-Grade Dungeons'.
"I look like a walking curtain," he muttered.
Smile bounced at his feet, humming.
Meanwhile, scouts returned with alarming news.
"There are three beast types approaching," Reina explained, pointing at the map. "Stonehowlers, Flamejaws, and a Thunderback Alpha."
"Cool, cool," Kazuki said. "Which one's the friendly one?"
"They all want to eat us."
"Great."
The soldiers looked at him expectantly.
Kazuki panicked.
Then turned to Smile.
"Can you maybe… do that thing you do?"
Smile jiggled.
Then vanished.
Moments later, a ripple of mana pulsed across the valley. Thunder rumbled—only it wasn't thunder. It was a rewriting of the terrain.
The valley suddenly twisted. Hills shifted. Rocks sprouted like spines. And the approach path to the ravine… turned into a downward slide.
The entire army gawked.
Commander Reina dropped her helmet. "Did… did your slime just terraform the land?"
Tala grinned. "Smile is the system."
✦
The Battle of Sliding Doom
As the beasts crested the hill, the terrain cracked.
With their weight, the ground tilted beneath them—and the three monster types began sliding uncontrollably down a newly-created slope directly into a natural gorge that hadn't existed five minutes ago.
The soldiers didn't even lift a sword.
It was all screaming, sliding, and a lot of confused roaring from the enemy side.
One of the Flamejaws tried to climb up, only to trip over a puddle of slime Smile had left behind.
SPLAT.
Kazuki, dumbfounded, was immediately lifted onto a shield and hoisted in the air by cheering knights.
"CAPTAIN KAZUKI!"
"THE SLIDE STRATEGY WAS BRILLIANT!"
"THE SLIME PLACEMENT WAS GENIUS!"
He was too dazed to protest.
Senzou whispered on his shoulder. "I begin to believe your chaos is a cosmic weapon."
✦
System Update
[Kazuki Amano – Level Up!]
Level 16 → Level 18 New Title: "Tactical Genius (Totally On Purpose)" New Passive Unlocked: "Collateral Luck" ‣ Effects: When involved in high-stakes situations, 20% chance for a random companion to accidentally resolve the conflict in your favor ‣ Bonus: Increases troop morale when you're visibly confused
✦
Later That Night
Under starlight, Kazuki sat beside the now-calm valley, wrapped in his too-fancy cloak.
Smile sat beside him, humming a tune no one else could hear.
Tala approached with tea. "You're becoming a legend."
"I'm a clumsy mess," he replied. "A walking disaster with great friends."
"That might be exactly what this world needs."
Yukimaru let out a soft cry overhead.
Senzou curled protectively near his neck.
And somewhere in the shadows of the pass… a pair of glowing eyes narrowed.
✦
Meanwhile, Far Away…
Aurelis Granzel, Hero of Flame and textbook perfectionist, threw another mug of tea against the wall of his temporary quarters.
"He did WHAT?"
His attendant flinched. "Kazuki Amano… won a dungeon trial, caused a tactical landslide, and was promoted to captain of the royal expedition, sir."
"HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE AN IDIOT!"
He paced furiously.
"He's not even trying! And yet—!"
He grabbed his sword.
"If the world insists on praising him, I'll prove who the real hero is."
The flames behind him flared.