There were many things Kazuki Amano was good at.
Falling into ancient vaults? Yes.
Making magical creatures pledge eternal loyalty by accident? Weirdly, also yes.
Formal duels to the death in front of a screaming crowd of nobles? Definitely not.
But that's exactly what he walked into that morning.
"Wait. Why are there bleachers?" Kazuki asked as he entered the royal coliseum.
"Because it's a sacred duel," Tala said, handing him a polished training blade. "Also, the palace has excellent event marketing."
"Right," Kazuki muttered. "Just one more thing I wasn't trained for."
A banner unfurled from the rafters, reading:
AURELIS VS. KAZUKI – TRADITION VS. CHAOS!!
Kazuki blinked. "That's… not biased at all."
Across the arena, Aurelis stood in full regalia—his armor shining, sword blazing with fire, and jaw clenched so hard you could hear it grind from fifty feet away.
"I challenge you, Kazuki Amano!" Aurelis shouted, pointing his sword. "In the name of honor, respect, and logic!"
Kazuki squinted. "Was that third one necessary?"
The crowd roared. Nobles, guildmasters, and celestial emissaries filled the stands.
Even Getsuryu watched from above, lazily curled around a marble pillar. Smile had found a vendor stand and was being fed dried seaweed snacks by curious children.
Kazuki took a deep breath. "Alright. Let's do this."
Then he pulled out… a bento box.
"What are you doing?!" Tala hissed.
"Snacks," Kazuki said simply. "Fighting on an empty stomach is irresponsible."
"You brought lunch to a sacred duel?!"
"Breakfast, actually."
✦
[System Notification]
Aurelis has issued a Sacred Heroic Duel.
You are being broadcast to over 200 political factions.
Please refrain from throwing food at your opponent.
…Please.
Aurelis marched to the center of the arena, sword raised. "Prepare yourself, Kazuki!"
Kazuki, with rice ball in mouth, nodded. "M'kay."
He jogged in while chewing, sword loosely held in one hand, the other holding pickled plum.
The first strike came fast—Aurelis's blade carved a flaming arc toward Kazuki's side.
Kazuki dodged by tripping over his own foot.
He fell.
Aurelis overshot.
The crowd gasped.
Kazuki hit the sand—and rolled. Right beneath Aurelis's swing.
By complete accident.
He popped up behind Aurelis, mouth full.
"Nice sword," he said.
Aurelis spun. "Stop mocking me!"
"Not mocking! Just—hold on, need to finish this bite—"
Aurelis attacked again, faster, with a flurry of practiced movements. Flame and wind roared.
Kazuki parried on instinct. Sort of.
Mostly he swatted away with lazy arcs that were only half-intended, his sword awkwardly stuck between bent chopsticks.
Every time Aurelis aimed for a decisive strike, Kazuki stumbled, ducked to fix a sock, or moved to grab a falling rice cracker.
Every time, Aurelis missed by inches.
[System Message]
You have activated: Slippery Idiot Stance (Lv. 1)
Effect: +80% accidental evasion. +10% audience confusion.
Tala buried her face in her hands. "He's dodging on reflex. Like a drunk bard."
Getsuryu chuckled. "It is oddly… elegant."
✦
Mid-Duel – Emotional Damage
Aurelis's frustration reached boiling point.
"You don't deserve your companions!" he shouted, unleashing a fiery strike aimed to knock Kazuki clear off his feet.
Kazuki yelped and threw up his sword—still holding the last of his egg sandwich.
The blades clashed.
A shockwave pulsed through the air.
The arena trembled.
And Kazuki's sandwich flew through the air… and landed perfectly in Aurelis's open mouth.
Everyone froze.
Aurelis blinked. He chewed.
"…That's good," he mumbled. "Wait. NO—"
Kazuki grinned. "Right? Princess made it."
"I HATE HOW LIKABLE YOU ARE!"
[System Message]
Kazuki has inflicted: Emotional Disadvantage (x2).
Aurelis is confused by kindness.
Aurelis dropped to one knee, panting. His sword sizzled, then dimmed.
"I trained every day. I memorized every sacred rite. Why is he the one the world keeps handing miracles to?"
Kazuki lowered his blade.
"Maybe," he said, voice softer, "because I'm too dumb to doubt myself."
Aurelis looked up, blinking.
"I don't think before I help people. I just… do it. You plan everything, and that's great. But I trip into danger, and my weird luck drags me out."
The audience leaned in.
Kazuki scratched his head. "You deserve the spotlight, Aurelis. Honestly. I'd trade you all the accidental fame if I could."
He reached into his coat and offered Aurelis another sandwich.
The hero hesitated. Then, slowly… he took it.
The crowd erupted into applause.
✦
Aftermath – Duel Results
[System Notification]
Sacred Duel: Draw
Fame increased in Northern Factions
Aurelis's opinion of you: Conflicted + Slightly Impressed
Getsuryu: Approves of sandwich-based diplomacy
Smile: Has devoured seven hot dogs
That night, Kazuki sat under the stars again.
Smile curled on his head like a jelly cap.
Getsuryu loomed nearby, humming to the moon.
Tala handed him a scroll. "You're now officially ranked Silver in the guild system."
Kazuki blinked. "That's… actually serious progress!"
"And," she said, smiling faintly, "you have three official sponsor requests. Apparently noble houses want to 'invest in your chaos.'"
He laughed. "They really don't know what they're getting into."
She looked up. "You might be a mess, Kazuki. But you're our mess."
He grinned. "I think that's the nicest insult I've ever gotten."