Suraj Bajaj had survived many things in life: university deadlines, heartbreak over maggi-flavored chips being discontinued, and once, an actual monkey stealing his phone. But nothing — absolutely nothing — had prepared him for waking up in a stone dormitory wearing a robe and surrounded by scrolls, swords, and shirtless men chanting about "Qi resonance."
He bolted upright, nearly headbutting the bunk above.
"What the... where am I? Is this... a cosplay convention gone too far?"
Ding!
A soft mechanical chime echoed in his mind, followed by a blinking blue icon hovering mid-air, like a hologram out of some futuristic movie.
📱 Divine App Installed... Welcome, User: Suraj Bajaj.Mode: Transmigrated Dimwit Detected. Booting Adaptive Guidance...
Suraj blinked. "Excuse me?"
Another ding.
Nickname Detected: 'Guru ji'. Name accepted. Now preparing passive roast mode...
"Guru ji?" Suraj repeated, frowning. "Why would I call you—"
"Because clearly, beta, you need supervision."
The voice was deep, slightly nasal, and had the unmistakable tone of an elderly Indian uncle — sarcastic, smug, and utterly unbothered by cosmic consequences.
"What the hell is going on?" Suraj muttered, standing up and looking around.
Stone walls. Martial robes. A large training field outside the window, where people were literally flying on swords.
Flying. On. Swords.
He rubbed his eyes. Nope. Still happening.
Location: Agnivardhan Academy, Eastern Wing Dormitory 108.World: Valorea.Status: Newly enrolled disciple. Cultivation level: Pathetic.
"Wait, wait—Valorea? Cultivation? Are you telling me I got isekai'd into an anime crossover of Ramayan and Dragon Ball?"
"Correction: You were pulled into a low-level trial world for divine entertainment. Your death in your original world was... unimportant."
"My what?! I died?!"
"More like tripped over a pothole while scrolling memes. Extremely tragic. Highly avoidable."
Suraj groaned, gripping his forehead. "Okay, okay, stay calm. Deep breaths. Maybe this is a prank. A prank with very committed cosplayers and terrifyingly realistic special effects."
Mission Initiated: Attend Morning Assembly. Objective: Survive without getting smacked.
Just then, the door to his dorm room slammed open.
"Oi! You the new disciple?" barked a muscular boy with flaming red hair and the kind of permanent scowl usually reserved for tax officers and angry gym trainers.
Suraj blinked. "Uh… I guess?"
"I'm Raghav Varma. Inner disciple. Fire path cultivator. You're in my sector, which means you follow my rules. Get in line, trash."
Target Locked: Raghav Varma.Scanning...[Cultivation Level: Spirit Flame Stage 3][Flaws: Overheats easily, overcompensates in fights, weak left knee, mother complex, thinks his hair is naturally red — it isn't.]
Suraj blinked again. "Wait. Your hair's dyed?"
Raghav's expression darkened like a solar eclipse.
"You little—"
"Suggestion: Dodge. Or unleash comeback: 'Your brain's on fire too, or just your ego?'"
Suraj chose both.
He dodged sideways as a fireball whooshed past, then grinned and said, "Is your brain flaming too, or just your ego? Because that smells burnt, bro."
The hallway went silent.
Other disciples peeked out of their rooms. A few chuckled. One whistled.
Raghav's face turned crimson. "YOU DARE MOCK ME?!"
Emergency Suggestion: Accept duel. Humiliate opponent. Win lunch tokens.
Suraj exhaled slowly. "Fine. Guru ji, let's show this hair-dye firecracker how a real face-slap feels."