Just as the atmosphere threatened to turn gloomy, there was a sudden—pop!—as a snot bubble burst on Hagrid's nose.
For a moment, the room fell silent.
Then, as if a spell had been broken, everyone burst out laughing. Even Professor McGonagall, trying to look stern but unable to hide her amusement, handed her handkerchief to Hagrid.
She turned to Douglas and asked, "So, have you made up your mind?"
Douglas nodded.
"I'll write to Mr. Slane when I get back and have him publish the announcement in tomorrow's Daily Prophet. He's my editor."
Professor Sprout topped off her glass, beaming.
"Slane—I remember him! This morning, along with those seven new broomsticks, there were seven brand-new Hufflepuff team uniforms. I was wondering how you two knew each other. If I recall, he'd already graduated by the time you started at Hogwarts."
Douglas shrugged.
"Professor, you might have forgotten, but I once asked you what some of the older students did after leaving school. You mentioned Slane, so I reached out to him. He's handled all my book publications over the years. He's always been jealous of Lockhart's editor, you know—he's tried to convince me to do a book signing more than once. I bet tonight's news will have him too excited to sleep."
At that, Madam Rosmerta gasped, covering her mouth in surprise.
"You mean you're the 'Banana-loving Honey Badger's' exclusive author? Don't tell me… it's really you?"
Professor Sinistra suddenly lit up with realization.
"I remember, when Douglas was a student, he always seemed to have a banana in his hand!"
Before anyone could respond, Rosmerta vanished in a blur. Moments later, she reappeared in the booth—trailing dozens of floating books behind her, drawing stares from the other patrons.
Thud!
She stacked the books in front of Douglas.
"Douglas, I'm one of your biggest fans! These are all first editions—especially Magic Chef, which is almost impossible to find now. I had Slane track these down for me. But not a single one is signed. He said the author never does autographs… Douglas, we're good friends, aren't we? You kept this from me for ten years…"
She fixed him with such a pitiful look that goosebumps prickled up Douglas's arms.
Hagrid stared in astonishment at the pile.
"Douglas, you wrote all these? That's almost as many books as I've ever read!"
He reached out to touch them—
Smack!
Rosmerta batted his hand away without mercy.
"Don't touch! If you want to read them, buy your own. There are sixty-three books here, including one published just last week!"
She gave Douglas another wounded look. He instinctively scooted away.
"Rosmerta, you're not expecting me to sign every single one, are you?"
She nodded enthusiastically.
"And no magic allowed!"
Professor McGonagall's lips curled in a sly smile. She glanced at Douglas, then remarked, "Rosmerta, what you have here are just the wizarding editions. In Headmaster Dumbledore's office, I saw the Muggle editions. Those are even more fascinating…"
Both Professor Flitwick and Professor Sprout, who had read the books, turned to Douglas in genuine surprise—they'd had no idea there were two versions.
Flitwick exclaimed,
"Minerva, you mean even more exciting? Honestly, I've never read anything like them. The speculation on ancient magic, the glimpses of future magical theory… absolutely brilliant!"
McGonagall continued,
"I haven't read much of the Muggle version myself, but Headmaster Dumbledore told me: if the wizarding edition only scratches the surface of ancient and future magical systems, the Muggle version explores them in depth. It details magic levels—Beginner, Intermediate, Advanced, Mage, Archmage—and classifies spells into fire, earth, lightning, summoning, spatial magic, and more. There are even rankings by spell power, and it talks about Magic Guilds, Potions, Magic Circles… That's the truly valuable material."
Flitwick was so excited he nearly climbed onto the table.
"Heavens! Right now, we only divide spells into practical, defensive, offensive, and curses. Compared to your system, ours is so crude. Douglas, I remember you got an 'O' in your Charms O.W.L.s. I've seen you use spells I've never encountered before. I always thought you'd surpass me in Charms one day."
Douglas accepted the quill from Rosmerta with a sigh—why had he ever decided to sell the books in separate volumes?
He signed as he spoke,
"Professor, it's really not as impressive as you say. I still have a long way to go in Charms…"
As Douglas signed, Rosmerta asked,
"Douglas, are you really going to reveal your identity in tomorrow's Daily Prophet?"
He nodded and glanced at McGonagall.
"I suppose, after tomorrow, no one will question my qualifications as Defence Against the Dark Arts professor anymore?"
McGonagall grinned.
"Of course! Just the battles you wrote—against Dark wizards, even Dark Gods… Even if you insist it's all fiction, fantasy is rooted in reality. Anyone doubting your credentials should read your books first! If anyone writes to the school next time, I'll tell them to buy your books before complaining."
Douglas laughed.
"If that really happens, Professor, I'll make sure you get a commission."
He handed the signed books to Rosmerta, winking.
"These are the only signed collector's editions before my identity goes public!"
Rosmerta beamed with delight.
The professors, for their part, weren't jealous. The excitement was one thing, but what they valued most was the magical thinking within the pages.
After hearing Douglas's words, Rosmerta turned and strode out of the booth. She announced, voice ringing through the tavern,
"Attention, everyone! Tonight's tab is on Professor Holmes. Why? Well, you'll just have to read tomorrow's Daily Prophet!"
The tavern was packed, mostly with Hogwarts students. When they heard the news, cheers erupted:
"Thank you, Professor!"
They began whispering among themselves, wondering what good fortune had befallen Professor Holmes.
When Rosmerta returned to the booth, Douglas didn't object to her generosity. He just offered a wry smile.
"Lucky you didn't spill the whole story, or I'd never make it out of the pub tonight! Be sure to tally up the bill later."
Rosmerta waved him off.
"No, no. I'll cover it myself. Don't refuse a fan's thanks to her favorite author!"
She thought to herself that once the Daily Prophet came out tomorrow, the clever ones would connect the dots about tonight's scene. It was far more satisfying to let them discover her rare set of signed books on their own, rather than boast about it herself.
Satisfied.
Utterly satisfied.
~~~❃❃~~~~~~~~❃❃~~~
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