Exam week—Monday morning.
Professor McGonagall had summoned all the professors to gather in the Great Hall at eight o'clock sharp.
After sharing breakfast in his office with Lupin, Douglas Holmes made his way to the hall alongside him.
Across the room, Snape was speaking with Professor Sprout. As he caught sight of Douglas and Lupin entering together, his brow furrowed in open disdain. He shot Lupin a scathing glare, then stalked over to Douglas, lowering his voice to a cold, mocking whisper.
"I've told you time and again to keep your distance from him, but you never listen. The Wolfsbane Potion may be effective, but surely you've heard by now that wretched Black is a werewolf. Any guesses how he became one?"
With a dramatic swirl of his robes, Snape swept away toward Dumbledore.
Douglas raised an eyebrow, glancing from the retreating Snape to the wryly smiling Lupin beside him.
"Is this rumor really so widely believed? The Ministry buys it, your old friends buy it, even your worst enemy buys it."
Lupin gave a weary sigh. "That's just how people see werewolves, Douglas. And honestly, it's not entirely unfair—werewolves have harmed plenty of their own loved ones. If my friends hadn't used Animagus transformations to approach me, perhaps they'd have ended up as werewolves themselves."
Just then, a sharp, simpering voice cut through the hall:
"Professor Holmes, how lovely to see you again. The esteemed Minister for Magic sends his regards."
That voice sent a shiver down Douglas's spine. He turned to see Dolores Umbridge emerging from behind a cluster of Wizarding Examinations Authority officials, her face stretched into a saccharine smile that made his skin crawl.
Douglas drew a deep breath, pasted on his best fake grin, and called out loudly, "Ah—Minister Umbridge! It's been far too long."
His words were just loud enough for everyone nearby to hear. Heads turned—particularly those of the Examinations Authority staff and the assembled reporters and photographers from the Daily Prophet, all of whom wore a variety of curious expressions.
Umbridge's smile twitched, a flicker of satisfaction in her eyes.
At that very moment, the Daily Prophet photographer snapped a photo—flash!
The light faded, and realization dawned on Umbridge's face. She quickly schooled her features into seriousness and declared, "Professor Holmes, I must remind you once again—I am merely the Deputy Minister. There is only one Minister for Magic."
Douglas waved her off with a grin. "It's only a word, Deputy. If you wish, Minister Umbridge, you can drop it any time. But I am curious—what brings you here today? Some important new directive?"
...
Several sharp-eared onlookers picked up on the barbs in Douglas's words. They slowed their own conversations, craning to catch every nuance between the two.
Closest to the professors, Percy and Penelope—the Head Boy and Girl—were all ears.
Percy leaned in to whisper, "The boss and this new Deputy Minister have history. Dad told me before term started, the Ministry banned one of his books—Umbridge herself did it. Dad said our names were even in the book. Such a shame."
Penelope looked intrigued. "What kind of roles did the Professor give us?"
Percy blushed. "Apparently, we were a wizarding couple. I'll have to borrow the book from Dad after graduation and write to tell you."
Penelope, inwardly: Write to me after graduation? What on earth?
...
Once again, Douglas's pointed address made Umbridge inhale sharply. She forced a smile. "Of course, I'm here on behalf of Minister Fudge, to inspect the preliminary results of Hogwarts' curriculum reform. The Minister is deeply concerned about wizarding education—"
Before she could finish, Douglas turned to Professor McGonagall. "Professor, the first class is about to begin. Was there something you needed from us all?"
Umbridge looked about ready to explode, her bulging eyes even wider than usual.
Caught off guard, McGonagall hesitated, then said, "Oh—yes, sorry. I've just received notification from Deputy Minister Umbridge. All students will be sitting an additional examination this week..."
Umbridge immediately stepped forward, cutting in, "Forgive me, Deputy Headmistress, but I believe 'diagnostic test' is a more accurate term. In fact, it was Professor Holmes who first proposed it—giggle...
To be precise, this new test is called the Wizards' Ordinary Magic and Basic Aptitude Test—W.O.M.B.A.T.
The W.O.M.B.A.T. is a written exam only, covering a wide array of Hogwarts subjects, divided into three sections. It's designed to assess whether a student can live safely and effectively in the magical world..."
As she spoke, three sheets of parchment floated from a Wizarding Examinations Authority official to each professor present.
Douglas scanned the papers. The test covered magical law, magical transportation, daily magic, natural science, magical creatures, wizarding current affairs, magical objects, Muggle Studies, History of Magic, international wizarding affairs, magical theory, and the Dark Arts.
Most questions, he noted, were tightly bound to the Ministry of Magic. For example:
Which department(s) or committee(s) should you contact to resolve the following predicament?
Your neighbor is hiding flying carpets at home, and letting some of them fly wild in his back garden.
a. Wizengamot b. Department for International Magical Cooperation c. Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office d. All of the above e. None of the above
Your sixteen-year-old nephew casts a Poison Curse at his seventeen-year-old sister. She fires back with a Stunner, misses, and hits a Muggle driving a car, causing him to crash into a lamppost.
a. Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes b. Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes and Obliviator Headquarters c. Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes, Obliviator Headquarters, and Improper Use of Magic Office d. Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes, Obliviator Headquarters, Improper Use of Magic Office, and Wizengamot
Which of the following unorthodox travel methods most seriously violates the International Statute of Secrecy?
a. Thestrals b. Giant winged horse-drawn carriages c. Hippogriffs d. Flying Muggle vehicles (e.g., cars, motorcycles) e. Submarines
(Douglas couldn't help but think this one was aimed squarely at Mr. Weasley.)
According to recent articles in the Daily Prophet, which Hogwarts subject has drawn the most parental complaints (for over a hundred years)?
a. Care of Magical Creatures b. Defence Against the Dark Arts c. History of Magic d. Muggle Studies
(Douglas figured this was a jab at poor Professor Binns.)
Which of the following should receive the lightest punishment from the Wizengamot?
a. Accidentally giving a bandit's mother horns with a broken wand b. Threatening a Muggle with the Jelly-Legs Jinx c. Keeping venomous Puffskeins d. An underage witch using a Cleaning Charm at home
Which two policies would most help the Ministry fight the Dark Arts?
a. Destroy all Dark Arts spellbooks b. Teach Unforgivable Curses at Hogwarts from first year c. Ban sale of all items that could be used for Dark Magic d. Automatic life sentence in Azkaban for confirmed Dark Magic crimes e. Improve the Ministry's Public Information Office
Match each Minister for Magic to the major events of their tenure. Dates provided.
Nobby Leach (1962–1968) ... Millicent Bagnold (1980–1990) ... Cornelius Fudge (1990–present) (multiple answers allowed)
a. Survived werewolf assassination attempt b. Pureblood riots during Squib rights demonstrations c. Senior Wizengamot wizards praise Minister Fudge as the greatest Minister in history d. Order of Merlin, First Class recipient e. Unprecedented peace and prosperity in British wizarding society
Douglas rolled his eyes at that one. He glanced at the Examinations Authority officials—clearly, they knew why, and looked helpless.
He wasn't alone; other professors who noticed the question wore matching expressions of contempt.
Still, the W.O.M.B.A.T. wasn't entirely pointless. Some questions tested practical magical knowledge, summarizing real-world problems wizards might face:
Which of the following is possible?
a. Curing a poisoned victim without the correct antidote b. Curing a cursed victim without the correct counter-curse c. Returning a transfigured person or object to their original form without knowing what it was d. Transfiguring animals into humans e. All of the above f. None of the above
Which of the following cannot be used in cooking?
a. Alihotsy leaves b. Bubotuber pus c. Daisy roots d. Dragon blood e. Mandrake leaves f. Mooncalf tentacles g. Shrivelfig
(Alihotsy leaves can cause hysteria and uncontrollable laughter; Bubotuber pus is a thick, pungent, yellow-green oil; daisy roots are used in Shrinking Solution; Dragon Blood Tofu; mandrake leaves are used in Animagus transformations; pickled mooncalf tentacles increase resistance to curses and misfortune; shrivelfig is a spiny-finned fish.)
...
Not every year group had to take the entire test: first and second years sat the first four sections; third through fifth years, the first eight; sixth and seventh years, likewise eight.
Reading through the exam, Douglas couldn't shake the sense of a hidden agenda—especially with Umbridge's repeated emphasis on "diagnostic testing."
He glanced again at Umbridge, who was still holding court. Most professors ignored her, but Dumbledore stood to the side, nodding with apparent interest.
Only Douglas looked truly baffled, as he overheard Dumbledore's enthusiastic responses:
"Oh, how fascinating!" "Mmm, yes, that's exactly it!" "Indeed, that's the point!" "My, how novel!"
Umbridge, clearly basking in the attention, looked as if she'd never felt more validated in her life.
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