PSIA INTERNAL FIELD REPORT - EYES ONLY
TO: Director Yamamoto
FROM: Agent K. Takahashi (Field Designation: "Transfer Student")
DATE: [Redacted]
SUBJECT: Preliminary Field Report: Operation Teenage Dream
CURRENT STATUS: Operative has successfully infiltrated Sakura High School under the guise of a 17-year-old transfer student. I must again state for the record that I am a 40-year-old man who grunts when he stands up. The "Suspension of Disbelief Phenomenon" you theorized appears to be holding, primarily because the target demographic is too absorbed in "TikTok challenges" and hairstyle analysis to notice they are sharing a classroom with a man old enough to be their father.
OPERATIONAL DEVELOPMENTS: Initial intelligence gathering on the "International Pudding Cartel" is underway, though progress is hampered by the primary mission objective of surviving adolescence. Unforeseen complications have arisen:
-Operative has been repeatedly complimented on his "mature" and "distinguished" appearance.
-Operative has been invited to join a "gang" whose primary activities consist of complaining about homework and sharing snacks behind the gym. This is being evaluated as a potential intelligence source.
-Operative has been unwillingly recruited for the school's volleyball team after a single, reflexive spike of the ball during P.E. class. I am now the team "ace". I do not know the rules of competitive volleyball.
-Multiple female students have expressed romantic interest, citing my world-weary cynicism and middle-aged posture as attractive qualities. I am treating these interactions with the caution usually reserved for handling unmarked explosives.
PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSESSMENT: My sanity is degrading at a rate consistent with prolonged exposure to teenagers. Agent Sato (cover designation: "Teacher") appears to be adapting well to her role as a legitimate adult, a fact that does little to soothe my existential despair. The students address me as "senpai," which, given the age disparity, feels less like a term of respect and more like a symptom of a localized temporal anomaly.
CONCLUSION: The cover is holding, paradoxically, because of its own absurdity. While there is no concrete evidence of "weaponized custard" as of this report, the sheer weirdness of high school culture suggests that anything is possible. Proceeding with caution and a profound sense of impending doom.