It felt strange to walk home on the last day of school, ever.
Juhi had her headphones on, like any other day, sucking on her hazelnut choki-choki, like any other day. She kicked a puddle as she turned right on the street. The only thing that had changed was that she wasn't returning home as the sun set, after she had finished losing her mind in the strenuous tuition classes that her convent required every student to join.
All the other kids in her school had their parents or elder siblings come and pick them up.
She had stood at the gates and watched as older brothers carried the bags of their younger siblings and slapped them on the back as they discussed which arcade they'd go to or how much money their parents had given for them to spend that day.
A few older sisters were there too, who had come to pick their siblings after work, and they asked how the last exam went. Was it easy? Hard? Will you pass? Doesn't matter, we're going to the amusement park today!
While parents of different kids had come together and planned a combined trip or a week long vacation to another country.
So yes, it definitely felt strange to be walking home on the same path she did everyday, because once she lifted her head to look around, none of the kids who used to walk this path were walking back home with her today. Rain had ended, but she could feel the water still hanging around her. The bushes and trees in neighbour's houses shone under the dewdrops in a different shade and the air smelt like fresh mud and sometimes, as she passed by a house or two, the delicious aroma of local food mixed with it, making her tummy rumble.
At the convent, she went to her room and took a shower. She had gotten her own room and toilet after being the school's topper the previous year. And they said it was hers to keep until she gets a job and decides to move out.
That was the sucky part.
She had to get a job now.
Which meant taking out a student loan, applying to places for part time, studying for college, all together. She had watched that kind of life on her phone screen, but the thought of it becoming real made her nerves contort bitterly.
She had failed to get the scholarship to the colleges she had wanted to go to. Though a few of them had put her on the waiting list, she doubted it would work out now. The final exams were over and the results would be announced a month later. In that one month, students would already start making plans and confirming their choices.
She laid on the bed, pulled up her blanket and stared at the plaster on the ceiling. It had started to peel.
Her door burst open and she flipped and sat up in surprise.
"Girl YOU JUST FINISHED EXAMS WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THE BED?!" It's only 3 o clock!"
"Ziqing, hi," she waved as she bounced up a little as Ziqing plopped down on the bed by her side.
"If you're sleeping, I am too!"
This was Jiang Ziqing, maybe you can call her Juhi's older sister. She was ethnically Chinese, born to Chinese parents who had come to India as tourists. They met each other and fell in love with each other too quickly… or too passionately, and had Ziqing, something neither of them wanted while they were on a tourist visa in a foreign country.
So they left her behind at a local tea shop.
It was one of the nuns who had named her, while her surname was naturally borrowed from one of the tourist parents, as someone in that tea shop knew some of their information.
Ziqing was 19 now, two years older than Juhi.
"Come on Juhi, let's go out! Sister Mariyah gave me some money."
"What?" Juhi turned around to face her. "You were not supposed to accept it! We already get our monthly allowance!"
"Come on… your last day doesn't come everyday. We have to celebrate. We already know you're going to ace it. That too at such a young age, truly impressive," Ziqing teased her and hugged her tighter. "Ah I'm going to miss hugging you like this when you leave for college."
"Speaking of which," Juhi pulled back a bit to look at Ziqing's face. "When are you going to college?"
Ziqing's gaze flitted down as she pulled on the hem of Juhi's t-shirt. "College is not for me Juhi. I'm going to our convent's southern branch. Sister Ani is going to be my mentor."
"You're going to become a nun?" Juhi's mouth fell open slightly. It always surprised her. If you look from afar, you couldn't practically tell the difference between Ziqing and Juhi, even though there was a 2 year age gap.
Both of them were a bit taller than their age, lanky frame, looked almost malnutritioned (even though the convent feeds them very well, mind you), long black-brown hair, and almost the same deep golden skin tone from running around together in the sun.
But they couldn't be more different. While Juhi liked to sit in one place and absorb as much information as possible, Ziqing just wanted to dance. She was truly the only source of mirth in Juhi's life. But since Ziqing was there with her, Juhi had thought it was fine. She can just watch the fun happening without her putting in the effort to do it herself. So that she can convince herself that life is fun without putting in the effort of being a fun person herself.
She wondered how life would be if they both didn't live together anymore.
She knew Ziqing would move on, but Juhi?
But now Juhi realised that even if she didn't go to college to stay next to Ziqing, she would leave her anyway.
Ziqing as a nun… she couldn't imagine it. Or maybe she could. It would take time to come to terms with it.
"I always imagined I'd be the bridesmaid at your grand Tuscany wedding. It was my lifelong dream."
"Awww," Ziqing cupped Juhi's small face in both her hands. "And I've always wanted to be yours! Promise me you'll not fall for some idiot while I'm gone, like you did in grade 9? Okay? Promise to tell me when you decide to fall for someone. OKAY?"
Ziqing was scary like this.
"I can just get married to you," Juhi grinned. "And we don't have to worry about any of that."
Ziqing slapped her, "Idiot! God will punish you for tempting a nun!"
"You're not one yet," Juhi stuck her tongue out.
"I will be soon!"
"Yeah and I'll be a world famous rockstar," she retorted sarcastically.
Ziqing wiggled out of the embrace and stood up on the bed, towering over Juhi. "You don't think I'll make a good nun?"
Juhi sat up cross legged and looked up at her. Her shoulders drooped in thought. "I don't know man, nuns are so… calm, and quiet, and pensive. You're so… bubbly and happy and… it will all go to waste if you become a nun."
Ziqing sighed as she knelt down and sat on Juhi's lap, her legs wrapped around Juhi's torso. "Sis," her voice had softened, "I won't be wasting it, I'll be giving it to God."
"What if it's just the convent life that's influencing you? What if you don't actually want to be a nun?" Juhi asked slowly. She felt like she was slowly losing Ziqing forever.
"What's so bad about being a nun, Juhi? I get to help more people, it will help me dedicate everything to making the world a better place."
Tears started forming at the ends of Juhi's eyes and she wrapped her arms around Ziqing's neck. "I don't know… I'll miss you way more than I should. I think," Juhi sighed heavily, "Somewhere along the way, I came to depend on you too much. But it hurts to know that you don't depend on me too."
"Who said that?" Ziqing started sobbing too, "I depend on you too, Juhi! Remember how you helped me clean up the mess I made in the kitchen when Sister Tisha allowed me to cook for the first time? How you had my back, and covered for me while I skipped math tuition to hang out with my classmates? How you-"
"Exactly, I'm always behind you," Juhi smiled, "Never with you. And now, it's the same."
"Juhi…but you have to respect what I want too…"
"Yeah I know," Juhi wiped her tears. "No, I respect that. Doesn't change the fact that it hurts."
"Yeah true."
They both played with each other's hands as a soft, final silence stretched between them.
'You were the best sister ever,' Juhi wanted to say.
'Thank you for saving me during my dark times.'
'Without you I wouldn't be alive today.'
But none of those words came out of her mouth, because she knew Ziqing would never realise its true meaning, no matter how much she tried to explain.
"Girls," Sister Mariyah's deep voice entered through the room door.
Both of them jumped in surprise and wiped the wetness in their eyes.
"Sister!" Both of them greeted her in unison.
"Were you listening?" Ziqing asked, slightly cringing. She wondered if Sister Mariyah would judge her for showing emotions like this, especially when she was going to be a Sister herself.
"A little, just go out, get some ice cream, have fun. Be back before 9 pm," she said kindly and left.
Juhi looked at Ziqing in surprise, before they both broke out laughing.
"Okay, let's go," Juhi giggled and got out of the bed to get ready.