TW: Drinking, Dubious Consent
EASTON'S POV
Ten Years Prior
It was nine p.m. when I polished off another Busch, my head buzzing, and my blood pressure through the roof. It was a mixture of alcohol and anger, as I watched Kyle try and fail yet again to get Rina to go somewhere alone with him. I'd been lurking in their general vicinity the entire night, close enough to hear their conversations but too far away for them to notice that I was listening. I noticed that the more Kyle drank, the bolder he was becoming, and I was getting increasingly agitated as the night went on.
Though Kyle was sipping from a flask, Rina had a beer in her hand that she held in a clenched fist. Much like her signature color, she'd been using the lukewarm bottle like a security blanket, never drinking out of it but holding it to her chest like she was trying to pretend like she was. Like she wanted to fit in with the rest of the party who were getting louder and looser by the minute.
"You really don't want to head out yet? We can hit up Dairy Queen for a Blizzard or something," Kyle asked for the second time through a shit-eating grin. I wasn't sure if he sounded insincere to her as well, or if I just knew him better. Regardless, it was evident to me that he didn't actually want to buy the girl ice cream. Getting her alone in his shiny black jeep was all he was after.
"Ah, no, my, uh," she was sputtering as she spoke, her face cracking into a nervous frown. She looked away from Kyle's face for a moment, like she was at a loss for words, before continuing. "My mom is supposed to be picking me up in a little bit. I don't want to her to get here and not know where I'm at."
"We can come right back," he argued, that dumb fucking grin still plastered on his face. "Or I could take you home afterwards."
Afterwards. It was like he wasn't even trying to hide his intentions. And this time, I knew I wasn't the only one who saw straight through him. I could see it written all over her face that she knew what he was after. And she wasn't protesting enough for my liking.
It shouldn't bother me. Maybe if I just let it happen, Kyle would get what he wanted, open his fat fucking mouth about it just like he always did, and I'd be able to live vicariously through the gossip. I tried to picture it, Kyle at another party much like this, another flask full of cheap whiskey in his hand, telling anyone who would listen about what the new girl's tits looked like. The more I thought about it, though, the more heated I became. I tried to convince myself that it was just because I couldn't stand Kyle. But as I pictured literally anyone else in Kyle's place, I realized my problem wasn't just with Kyle. It was with Rina. I didn't want her with anyone else, not because of the possibility that she could tell my secret, but because I didn't want her talking to another guy.
I glanced back up at her, staring at her pursed lips. She looked uncomfortable like she was trying to think of another way to turn him down.
"It's too late. She's supposed to be here soon," she said, looking a little flustered. Kyle made a face like he didn't believe her, and I didn't blame him. She was a godawful liar.
"Come on, Rina. It's Friday night. She won't let you stay out a little bit longer?" He smiled bigger and brighter, like he was trying to reassure her that his intentions were good. I knew better and I hoped she did too. She sighed deeply, exasperated, and looked at the ground without vocalizing a response. Kyle slipped an arm around her waist, and yanked her body up against his, whispering something in her ear that I couldn't hear over the roar of the rest of the party.
I swallowed hard, my free hand balling into a fist at my side, and the other gripping my empty beer bottle a little too tight. I hadn't been in a fight in a while-since freshman year, probably-but the way Kyle was looking at her like she was something to eat made me want to break his nose. It was obvious she didn't want to leave the party with him. He didn't have to be so persistent about it.
I wanted to call it righteousness, the way I was feeling. And maybe that was part of it. He wasn't taking no for an answer, and on moral principal, I felt like I had to lurk in the shadows playing bodyguard in case he got too aggressive. The other part of me, however, was angry for a whole different reason. It was irrational, considering that she seemed to be trying to turn him down. But my thoughts-which were becoming more and more cloudy the more I drank-kept telling me that maybe it wasn't just that she didn't want to sleep with him. Maybe she just didn't want it to happen so soon.
Maybe, she was interested in him, but this was just their first date, and she didn't want to seem too eager. After all, she'd agreed to come here with him. She must want to be around him on some level.
They were thoughts I didn't want to have, but I couldn't get out of my head. I stood there staring at Rina's back, thinking about the hardened expression she wore whenever she looked at me. It was suspiciously absent tonight whenever I saw her looking at Kyle, even under the present circumstances. With him she looked meek and shy, her eyelashes fluttering whenever she spoke like she was self-conscious. It was a far cry from the scowls I got whenever she caught me staring. I wasn't sure if it was the alcohol talking, but the same bitter feeling I'd felt earlier in the day was coming back-a sick, irrational jealousy that felt like lead in the pit of my stomach. I felt hot all over, like my skin was on fire.
What the fuck was she doing to me? I never felt this erratic. But here I was, feeling jealous that the girl I was supposed to hate was out with a guy who wasn't me.
Maybe it was the stress of senior year, or a side effect of steroids. Or maybe it was Rina. Something about her that I couldn't get out of my head. Something poisonous. Something that made me feel like I couldn't breathe.
"I'm going to run to the bathroom," Rina said suddenly, prying Kyle's hand off her waist.
"Sure. I'll grab you another beer," he said, his words slurred. He seemed drunk. Apparently too drunk to notice that Rina's beer was still full, and certainly too drunk to get behind the wheel.
I needed to make sure she stayed here, at this party, and where I could see her. If she went somewhere alone with him, I didn't know what I would do, but I was certain I'd regret it in the morning.
I watched her walk towards the entrance to Vince's basement, her shoulders hunched, and the lukewarm bottle of Busch still held at her side. When she was halfway towards the door, I took off for the front of the house, determined to intercept her inside without making it obvious to Kyle. I didn't know what I was going to do, because I knew she didn't want to talk to me, but it was like my feet had a mind of their own. Before I knew it, I was down the stairs, brushing past my drunken classmates who were congregated in little huddles throughout the two bottom floors.
I saw her back as she shuffled into the downstairs bathroom, not flicking on the lights until the door was closed behind her. I stood still as stone, staring at the bathroom door while I contemplated my next move. Would I just stand here like a stalker, waiting for her to come out? And if I did, what then? Would I talk to her, or just watch her go? I didn't know, and my inability to make decisions was clue number one that I'd had a bit more to drink than I should have.
I stood there like creep in the dark shadow of the hallway, a bitter taste on my tongue and my head a mess of what ifs and whys. I hadn't made up my mind about what I was going to do by the time the bathroom door opened and Rina stumbled out, her expression soft and easy up until she saw me. Her eyes flickered from surprise to irritation, staring at me with a hostile expression, before she turned to walk away without saying a word. She was ignoring me just like I'd asked her to, but in my drunken haze, it irritated me more than it placated me.
"Rina, wait," I called, my voice unintentionally edging towards demanding.
She spun on her heel, her big, brown eyes cutting into me like a knife. "Oh, is that my name? I thought it was trailer trash."
I almost smiled. Not because I thought it was funny, but because it was evident that our run in the first week of school had gotten under her skin. I almost liked that she was so bothered by me. Maybe that meant she thought about me as often as I thought about her. "Why not both?"
"Piss off, Easton," she snarled, turning away from me in a huff. I saw my arm reaching out before I even registered what I was doing, snagging her wrist before she could walk out of the shadows of the hallway. "What are you doing?" She demanded, trying unsuccessfully to shake me off.
"I just want to talk to you," I said as calmly as I could manage.
"We had an agreement, which, unlike you, I have gone out of my way to uphold. There's nothing to talk about."
"Sure, there is. Why are you at this party?" I whispered, pulling her a few steps farther down the hallway as some blonde girl-a sophomore whose name escaped me-stumbled towards us. She gave us a curious look as she opened the bathroom door, but her drunken bladder won out. She shut the door behind her without comment.
"It's Friday night and I wanted to go. What's it matter to you?"
"I thought I made it clear to stay away from me and my friends."
"Which is why I'm here with someone who isn't your friend. And why I haven't said a word to you or any of your stupid teammates all night. Is that not good enough for you?"
It should have been good enough for me. Two weeks ago, it might have been. But now, my friend or not, I didn't want her here with anybody else.
"No, it's not. Go home."
She swallowed hard, her fist tightening around her beer bottle. I could tell she had something to say-something she'd been bottling up-and it was on the tip of her tongue. She glanced at me, her eyes slitted, and I swallowed hard. She hated me, I could tell. And it did something to me I didn't really understand.
"I was going to leave soon anyways," she snarled, evidently biting back a harsher comment in an attempt to exit the conversation. I didn't want her to go, though.
"With Kyle?" I asked, trying to keep my voice even. "Or alone?"
"What do you care?" She shook the wrist I still had my fist clenched around. "Let me go."
"I don't want you going anywhere alone with him," I said. I was too drunk, I could tell, because I wouldn't have let that slip if I were sober.
"And I don't think I asked," she quipped back. Though her attitude usually annoyed me, this time I was relieved. She didn't question why I didn't want her with Kyle. She just dismissed the idea. Her stubbornness made her exceptionally unobservant, and I was grateful for it.
"He's too drunk to drive you anyways. So just go home. Alone."
"Thanks for the thoughtful advice, but I already figured that out on my own. If you want me to leave, then let go of my wrist."
I thought about it for half a second, letting her go. I really considered it. But this verbal sparring with her did something to me that I couldn't explain. I'd felt comfortably numb for the longest time, but right then, like flipping on a long-forgotten switch, I suddenly felt like I was on fire. Maybe it was anger at her obvious dismissal, or maybe I was just thrilled with the chase. But I didn't want her to go. I wanted her all to myself. And I didn't know why.
She let out a gasp when I pulled her farther down the hall, into the crawl space under the stairs where Vince's parents hid their bounty of Christmas decorations. I shut the door to the tiny closet just as I heard the girl in the bathroom flush the toilet. Inside the tiny closet, it was pitch-dark and crowded with boxes. The buzz of voices and music from the party nearly masked the sound of Rina's harsh breathing, but not quite. She was breathing loud, and she sounded scared.
"What are you doing?" She rasped, her hand fumbling in the dark like she was searching for the door. She unintentionally grabbed at my side in her struggle, and I sucked in a breath. It was the first time she'd ever touched me, and it sent electric shockwaves through my bloodstream.
"Not sure," I said slowly, pushing towards her until her back hit the wall behind her. In this small space, we could hardly move without bumping into one another. I could feel her breath on my neck, hot and rapid like she couldn't get enough air. It dawned on me that she could probably smell the beer on my breath. I was drunker than I initially thought. My head felt like it weighed less than it should, and even though I could hardly see anything, the room felt like it was spinning. In my head, I tried to calculate how many drinks I'd had, and the short answer was too many too fast. I was wasted, and I knew I was going to regret it in the morning when I woke up with a pounding headache and a churning stomach. Right now, though, in my drunken haze, I was just grateful that Rina was with me instead of Kyle, and I wasn't going to think about why that was. At least not tonight.
Tonight, I was going to stop denying what had become apparent to me and every other guy in school: Rina was hot. She had long legs, a great rack, and those perfect, pouty lips. I hated to admit it because I was supposed to hate her, but I wanted her in the worst of ways. Just once. If I could just have her here, in this closet where nobody could see us, maybe she'd stop creeping into my thoughts. Maybe I could go back to ignoring her, focusing on football like I was supposed to. Maybe I'd go back to feeling like everything was under control. Because in that moment, in that darkened room with Rina's heaving chest just inches from mine, I felt more out of control than I ever knew was possible.
"Easton?" She whispered, her voice hoarse. "I need to leave."
"I'll drive you home," I said, bluffing. I couldn't drive. Not any time soon.
"You're piss-drunk," she snapped.
"Just give me a bit to sober up. Stay here."
"With you? Absolutely not."
"Why not?" I breathed, half dejected and half persistent. She'd flat out turned me down, which was more than she was willing to do for Kyle, but, just like him, I didn't want to give up. It was like a game, seeing how long it would take her to give in. To give me what I wanted.
"Because I don't like you, Easton."
"I don't like you either, Rina. But you look hot tonight," I said, my voice beginning to slur. I hoped I sounded sincere nonetheless, though even I wasn't sure if I was. She said nothing, and the silence sounded like ringing in my ears. Before I really registered what I was doing, my hand dipped down to rest on her hip, but she swatted at my arm.
"Don't touch me," she growled.
"You're not even going to compliment me back?"
"I have nothing nice to say about you."
"Come on, Rina. Can't you just pretend not to hate me for tonight? You look so good in that dress."
"Kyle thought so too. You know, my date? I need to get back to him," she said, and I snarled under my breath. I didn't need a reminder that she was here with somebody else, and I could tell she'd knowingly said it just to piss me off. An ugly, dark feeling took hold in my chest, like my lungs were filled with soot.
"Kyle can't have you," I growled. "We may not be friends, but he and I run in the same circles. You're going to stay away from him."
"No, no, no. You and I both agreed that I'd stay away from you and your friends. You did not mention friend adjacent, and you don't get to change the rules now. I can go out with whoever I want-Kyle or anyone else-so long as I stay away from you. That was our agreement, and I'm sticking to it. Let me go."
I swallowed hard. I know that was what we agreed, but things had changed. I didn't want her dating anyone at all. Not if this was how I reacted to it. "I know everyone at this school, alright? They all come to my parties, and I don't want to see you there with them."
"So, what, you just want me to stay home alone every Friday night?"
"No, I just don't want to see you at all," I snarled, even though that was only half true. Her smartass mouth pissed me off about as much as it enticed me. "Just don't show up at another one of these events and you and I will be fine. Deal?"
"No, deal. We were supposed to ignore each other, right? I haven't done shit to you, and you've been nothing but an asshole to me since the first day of school. If you want me to keep your dirty little secret, I'd suggest you spend less time making demands and more time pretending I don't exist."
"And what if I don't want to?" I breathed, lowering my face until it was inches from hers. I was slurring my words, and even in the dark I could tell that my vision was blurry. But in my drunken stupor, I kept thinking about just ripping off the band aid. If I just kissed her, would that solve the problem? Could I get her out of my head if I just had her once?
"I couldn't give any less of shit what you want," she snarled. "Back off."
"I don't want to. Can't you just relax?"
"You have me trapped in a closet and you won't let me leave. So no, I can't just relax," she snarled. Then she said, softer, pleading, "Easton, seriously, just stop with the intimidation tactics, alright? You made your point. I'm going home."
Intimidation tactics. She still thought I was trying to keep her quiet. I didn't want her quiet. Right now, I just wanted her to myself. And I had her, right where I wanted her.
"Can we just try something first?" I asked, slinking my arm around her waist. This time, she didn't try to swat me away. She just froze in place, her breath coming out in shallow gasps. "I'll let you go after, okay?"
"Try what?" She asked, her voice quivering. Was she really that scared of me? She'd never been before. She always acted like she was above me, like my insults meant nothing to her.
"I just..." I drifted off. Should I just come out and ask her? I want to kiss you, to get rid of this weird sexual tension between us. That sounded wrong.
"Spit it out, Roid Ranger," she snarled. There it is, I thought. The return of the smartass mouth. Maybe she wasn't as scared as I thought. It made me feel surer of what I was about to do.
I tightened my hold around her waist, pulling her forward until she was against my chest. With my other hand, I brushed her hair out of her face. Though I couldn't see her expression when I did it, I could feel how her breathing increased when I lowered my mouth to meet hers. When our lips touched, it felt like something inside my chest cracked. That angry, jealous feeling I'd had all night, watching her with somebody else, was suddenly replaced with something else I'd never felt before: insatiable lust. Without thinking about what I was doing, I groaned into her mouth, that cherry lip balm she always wore tasting like candy on my tongue, before both of my hands shot down to her butt. She stiffened when I did it, like I'd taken it too far, and it was at that moment I realized she wasn't kissing me back. She was standing there, stiff as a statue, while my tongue was exploring the inside of her mouth.
I pulled back, breathing hard, expecting her to say something. But she didn't say a word. Instead, she slapped me across the face. I heard the crack of her palm against my cheek before I really felt the sting, and even still, it took me several seconds to comprehend what had happened. By the time I had, she'd found the door to the closet and slammed it behind her on her way out. I stood there, my head spinning, the taste of her lip balm still on my tongue, and a sinking feeling in my stomach.
I'd kissed her, she'd hit me for it, and I should be done with her, done playing games since she clearly wasn't interested in me. But I wasn't. I couldn't be because that sinking feeling felt like it was consuming me. My heart was pounding in my chest, my stomach churning, and I could still feel her mouth against mine like a phantom touch.
I thought about running after her, but as I stumbled out of the closet, I hardly made it to the bathroom before I fell flat on my face. The alcohol had gotten to me, and the last thing I remembered before blacking out was violently throwing up into Vince's toilet, the bathroom door wide open.