Warning! Not for everyone (racist joke)! Also pls dont take this chapter serious
*****
"What the hell are you doing?" I held my coffee, watching Harry type furiously.
"Writing a novel!"
"A novel?"
"Yup! A novel! Wanna read it?"
"Hold on, hold on, hold on… You're writing? But why?" I scratched my head, looking at Harry.
"Eh, I was bored with nothing to do, so I just started writing. Got a problem with that?"
"Umm, okay? So what kind of novel are you writing?"
"Reincarnation!"
"…Chinese stuff?"
"Kinda, but definitely not Chinese! Trust me!"
Harry leaned back, showing me the first chapter of the novel.
I looked at the lines of text and started reading the title:
Reincarnated as the Side Villain of a Harem Novel, I Will Steal Every Opportunity from the Protagonist!
…Huh?
I was once a man whom the world called the Great King of Bastards with Sagging Balls, wielding power that everyone envied. Just hearing my name made ordinary people wet their pants! Women would drop their eggs, begging to bear my children! Old ladies abandoned their religions just to worship me! Dogs stopped barking when they saw me, and cats stopped licking their fur!
With one hand, I could grab another man's balls and twist it 180 degrees! Even the greatest masters avoided fighting me as much as possible! That's how strong I was!
But then, someone dared to challenge me, trying to steal my wives. I was pissed! We fought 177013 times, with no clear winner! And yet, my wives, swayed by that guy's even saggier balls, stabbed me in the back! Those despicable women!
…
"Okay, this is your 'kinda Chinese' stuff?" I looked at Harry.
"Just keep reading! Trust me!!"
Ugh… My eyes closed, watching my wives cling to the guy who attacked me like maggots, making my anger boil!
This grudge! I will avenge it! I will tear apart your sagging balls!!!
And then I died! But… my soul was reincarnated into a novel I once read!
"This is?! Where am I?!!"
I realized I was in a classroom, with students happily chatting among themselves.
At that moment, I knew I had been reincarnated!
"So this is my new body, huh? Feels a bit awkward to move!"
As soon as I said that, all the students turned to look at me, their faces full of surprise!
I took a few steps, then returned to my spot, looking annoyed.
"This guy's balls aren't sagging! I need to absorb some energy!"
Then I screamed, rolling around wildly, freaking everyone out so much they backed away from my sheer idiocy!
Thanks to that, they started kissing up to me, propping up my balls, joining me on my path of revenge!
End of Chapter 1
"…"
"…"
I took a deep breath, exhaled, and slowly backed away.
"So? Pretty awesome, right?! I put a lot of effort into it!"
"…Harry. Please, stop writing novels."
"Huh? Why?"
"Just… just listen to me, please."
Suddenly, Gwen appeared out of nowhere.
"Peter! I wrote a novel! Read it!"
"Oh my god…"
Why is everyone suddenly obsessed with writing novels??
I walked over and looked at the title of her novel:
The Journey of Futalice and Her Boyfriend, Pee Pee!
"…What the hell is this?"
"A novel!"
"…Futalice and Pee Pee? What even are those?"
"Names! Based on me and you!"
"…Pee Pee I get, since my name has a P, but Futalice?"
"It's Alice! Combined with Fut!"
"…" I had a sinking feeling she was hiding something about that name!
So, I started reading…
"Yayyy! Pee Pee! We defeated the Great Demon King Harry Poter!" A long-haired blonde girl with a black ribbon, looking like a bunny, was stomping on the demon king's butt.
"Great job, Futalice!" A guy approached, wearing a wizard hat, a purple string bikini, and a cloak—a total femboy.
"Here's your reward… just for you, Futalice." Pee Pee turned around, stuck out his butt, and spread it.
"Oh… Hehehe, that's the Pee Pee I love!" Something bulged under her skirt, and she moved closer to Pee Pee, and then—
"AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" I screamed, punching straight through the computer screen.
"AHH! I HADN'T SAVED MY NOVEL YET!!" Gwen panicked, staring at the shattered PC.
"ERASE MY MEMORY!!!" I clutched my head, writhing in agony.
What the hell was that?! That was straight-up porn!!
And why am I the bottom?! I'm a guy!!!
I'M NOT A FEMBOY, FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!
"Please, Gwen! DON'T WRITE ANYTHING ABOUT ME AND YOU! I'M BEGGING YOU!"
"Okay, chill."
"…Why don't you try writing a novel, Peter?" Harry asked.
I looked up at them, then sighed.
Hmph! I'll show them how a novel should be written—not some fleeting entertainment! Especially not porn!
"Watch and learn!"
So I hammered away at the keyboard and churned out a masterpiece on the spot.
"T-This is… Peter's novel?!"
"No way!"
Harry and Gwen stared at my novel, making me smirk.
"It's… It's…"
"What? Awesome, right?"
"It's complete garbage!"
"??"
"You're no different from us! Look at this!"
Title: The Great Sigma Villain in an Erotic Yuri Novel
On a dark island, magical girls flew in to find the one causing chaos in the world.
"There he is!" A girl pointed at a guy sitting on a plastic chair (a plastic chair?).
They landed, facing the villain before them.
"Take this!" The orange-haired magical girl shot an orange energy ball at him.
Clang!
The energy ball was sliced in half, and he just sat there!
"No way!" The magical girls gasped in shock.
"Is that all you've got, weaklings?" He stood up from the plastic chair, holding his katana.
"You! Give us back the Yuri Yuri Ball! We need it!" one girl demanded.
"If you want it, you have to take it."
"Grr! Haiya!" The girl fired another energy ball.
He caught it like it was nothing.
"When you're too tired to fight, I don't like easy victories." He turned to sit back on his plastic chair.
"Then fight me!" A dark-skinned magical girl kicked the plastic chair away.
He stood there and roared.
"Enough! You! You dare kick my plastic chair?! That's my favorite plastic chair—it gives me motivation!" He flew into the air, the ground trembling violently, waves crashing endlessly.
"N****! You're nothing to me! I'm super handsome, and you lot are not! Yuri?! Why don't you admire my sagging balls instead?!" His eyes glowed like a god's, forcing the girls to back off.
"He said the N-word!" another girl shouted.
"So evil! Kill him!"
As they surrounded and rushed him, he said one thing:
"ALLAHU AKBAR!!"
The entire Earth exploded.
The End!
"…" Harry and Gwen stared at me.
"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"
"…I think we should just scrap this whole mess to save ourselves the trouble."
And so, all those novels were deleted.