"I know your past."
The four words slipped into my ear like ice, freezing the air around me. My stomach churned, and my breath caught in my throat. It felt as if the entire world had tilted, throwing everything out of balance. I stood there, paralysed. My grip tightened on the tray, but it felt heavier than it should have—like it was holding me down, anchoring me in place.
Those words had pierced straight to the bone, sending a jolt through my body that I couldn't shake.
My eyes were locked on Osaka as she walked away. She moved without a glance back, her expression indifferent, as if nothing had happened. I stood motionless, my body frozen in time as the seconds dragged by, each one stretching longer than the last. I couldn't move, couldn't think—my mind was too busy racing to process what had just happened. I couldn't tell how long I stood there, lost in a whirlpool of confusion and panic. The weight of what she said pressed on me, and everything else felt like it was suspended in the air, out of reach.
I don't know how long I spaced out, but the next thing I knew, I was sitting at the table, eating my lunch. But It felt distant, disconnected. Monaka's voice broke through the haze
"Hey, is something wrong? You've been spacing out for a while now."
I don't know how I got to the table or what was I eating at that time. I felt like I was acting like a mindless puppet. The ticking of a clock that seems unnervingly loud
I didn't even realise I'd gotten back to the table.I didn't even remember, but here I was—my hands frozen on my lunch tray, my body moving on autopilot, a puppet with no strings. The tick of the clock on the wall was so loud, so unnervingly steady, that it only made the silence in my head seem even more oppressive.
"Hey, Earth to Kensi."
My mind was too far gone, drifting somewhere between confusion and panic. What was I even eating? I couldn't remember. The ticking of the clock felt deafening, each second dragging on like an eternity. The noise around me, the chatter, the laughter—it felt so far away, like I was trapped in a bubble.
" Kensi? Are you in there"
Saana's voice cut through the fog. That's when it hit me—I was lost. I blinked, forcing my mind to snap back into the present. I plastered a smile on my face, one that didn't quite reach my eyes, but it would have to do.
"Yeah, I'm heree," I lied, my voice coming out smoother than I felt.
Saana raised an eyebrow, clearly not convinced, but I kept my gaze steady, like I'm being airheaded & clamsy
"You sure? You've been out of it for a while now." She reached out, gently tapping my hand on the tray, her touch warm and grounding.
"I was just shocked," my tongue slipped out before I could stop it.
"what?"
I could feel the weight of their stares, but I couldn't break. If they knew what was really going on, everything would unravel. I needed to keep it together, act normal.
"I didn't think STNME would be this good. No, it's amazing!"
I lied, smiling a little too brightly... but I couldn't taste any of it. A sickening wave of nausea rose in my stomach, threatening to choke me. I forced it down, but the discomfort lingered, settling like a heavy stone in my gut.
"That's what I told ya… my sis is the best"
Monaka grinned, clearly buying it. She shot me a playful wink, and I forced another smile, one that felt more like a grimace than anything genuine. Saana, though, wasn't so easily convinced. She narrowed her eyes for a moment, studying me like she could see right through the lie. But after a few long seconds, she sighed, leaning back in her seat.
The usual chatter and gossip resumed around me, and I tried to engage in their conversations, joining in when I could. I had to, even though the words felt heavy in my mouth. I couldn't back down now.
I kept the smile on my face and pushed down the storm swirling inside me. For now, that was enough I picked at my lunch, barely eating, the food sitting in front of me like an empty task I couldn't bring myself to finish. The rest of lunch passed in a haze of noise and forced normalcy, until the bell finally rang and the break ended.
***
We reached the history presentation room after the break. A few other students were already trickling in, their laughter and voices fading as we entered.
I took my usual seat toward the back, hoping to be invisible. The others followed suit, Monaka plopping down next to me and Saana sitting on the other side. The chairs creaked as we settled in, the murmur of conversations around us like static in the background.
Today we had a lecture about something . but I can't even remember the topic.
The lights were truned off & the presentation started, but I didn't hear the first few words. My mind was still replaying Osaka's chilling sentence over and over again. The words felt like a brand, burning into me. The sensation of the cold metal chair against my back grounding me just enough to keep me from spiraling.
A darkened space where only the projector's glow slices through the dimness. I should feel relief at the quiet, but I don't. The voices are still there, the weight in my chest still suffocating.
I used to be able to shut everything out, bury my thoughts, and focus on what mattered. But now I was drowning in it, the weight of everything pressing down on me, suffocating me from the inside. I couldn't escape it.
Monaka leaned over again, whispering something about the presentation being "so boring" in her usual dramatic way. I half-smiled, trying to fit into the conversation like I was just another student, just another face in the crowd. But inside, it felt like I was on the edge of a cliff, balancing on the tiniest sliver of ground.
"Yeah," I replied, my voice more distant than I intended. "Totally."
Saana shot me a quick look, her brow furrowing slightly, but she didn't say anything. She just turned back to the front as the teacher began explaining the historical context of the presentation.
"so the 2nd word war…"
I couldn't focus. The words felt like they were slipping right through me, leaving nothing behind but a growing sense of unease. I wanted to zone out, to disappear completely, but I couldn't.
Who was she? What did she mean? How—how did she know? I couldn't make sense of any of it. I felt every inch of my body tense, panic bubbling up from within.
Was I really just imagining it? No. I couldn't ignore the weight of her words, or the shiver running through me that wasn't from the cold. I tried to shake it off, to stay calm, but the gnawing feeling in my stomach wouldn't go away
I forced my eyes to the projector screen, the historical figures and dates blurring together. I was here. I was in the room. Physically, at least. But my mind was somewhere else, trapped in the weight of those four words that had shattered the surface of everything I thought I understood.
The possibility that she knew—that she knew—was terrifying.
I could almost hear the unspoken words, the weight of her silent judgment pressing on me, as though she could see every crack in the walls I've spent years constructing. My heart hammered in my chest, a sharp, panicked rhythm that only seemed to grow louder the more I thought about it.
The words echoed in my mind like a whisper in the dark, repeating themselves over and over, each time sharper than the last. I couldn't ignore it The rest of the room was a blur as I tried to swallow the knot in my throat, but it wouldn't go away My breath comes too fast. My pulse thrums in my ears. Everything is spinning out of control, and I can't stop it.
How does she know? What does she know?
The questions gnaw at the edges of my mind, fraying what little focus I have left. My fingers curl into fists beneath the desk, nails biting into my palms.
I tried to reason with myself—maybe she had read old school records, maybe she just overheard something. But no. No one should know. Not unless…
I fixated on the glow of the screen, on the shifting shadows across my classmates' faces. My vision blurred. The hum of the projector turned into a dull roar, distant and muffled.
'This is a picture of a city after a bomb attack,' the teacher's voice kept explaining, but the words barely registered. My mind was elsewhere.
"Why are we learning this? No one here cares about these stupid explosions..." Monaka whispered, her voice dragging me back, but I couldn't shake the word. Explosion. Explosion.
The word echoed, expanding, pressing against the edges of my mind like a wave about to crash.My mind went blank A crack split through my thoughts—sharp, jarring. My mind reeled back, tumbling through a memory I didn't summon.*
"You monster! Don't come near us."
I felt the familiar tightness in my chest. My ears rang, the sound buzzing in the back of my skull. The air seemed too thick, pressing down on me. I could taste the dryness in my mouth, a bitter, metallic tang. A cold sweat clung to the back of my neck as my chest tightened. The whisper wasn't real. It couldn't be. But the sensation of it slithered down my spine, cold and unshakable. I could feel the weight of old stares, their eyes pinning me down, voices whispering, accusing—
Images flooded my mind, faster than I could push them away. A picture of a note… no, a letter, hidden deep in the drawer of my middle school desk locker. It's just a letter. It doesn't mean anything.
But then the voices came back.
In the bathroom, I could hear whispers from outside the door. "She's finished today." The sound of their hushed, mocking tones echoed in my ears, sending a shiver down my spine. I could smell the sharp, antiseptic scent of the soap in the air, mingling with the faint odor of damp floor tiles.
'Focus… Focus... focus… ' I mumbled to myself, trying to stop the trembling that ran through my body.
No. No, I'm in the classroom. I'm here. I forced my eyes open, fixed them on the flickering screen in front of me. The image changed. A bombed city, smoke curling into the sky. The teacher's voice droned on, discussing war and destruction, but the words were far away.
"She is the one who stole it."
classroom, a boy's voice, trembling with accusation: I could see his face—twisted with fear and anger—his breath shallow and quick, eyes wide. His words stung, like a slap. I felt the burn of the classroom's fluorescent lights overhead, buzzing faintly, a constant irritation in the background. The floor beneath me was cold, and my hands, slick with sweat, dug into the edge of the desk.
A another séance A girl cringing in the corner. "No... don't tease her. She is my friend."
Then the words came again, each one hitting me like a slap: "Marks on your neck are weird. Your hair is weird."
I could feel the heat of their stares, their eyes boring into me, pricking at the sensitive skin on my neck. The scratch of rough fabric from my collar brushing against my skin felt suffocating, too tight, like I couldn't breathe properly. The weight of their judgment hung over me like a physical presence, choking me.
A flash of more whispers: "She tried the letter without even reading it. She's a monster."
Rumors. "No, don't look at her... I heard that." Their voices were like echoes in a tunnel, coming from all directions, but I couldn't escape. The sound of footsteps echoing in the hall outside, getting closer, felt like they were approaching me with every second. The floor seemed to move under me, the walls narrowing in.
A chair scraped. Someone coughed. My knuckles whitened as I gripped the desk, nails digging into the surface. I blinked hard, trying to shake the dizziness, trying to pull myself back to now.
The projector's glow flickered over my hands, casting shifting shadows. I was here. Not there. But my body didn't believe it.
Adults, too: "Please tell us the truth. We won't hit you or scold you." I remembered their faces, their disappointment. "No, I didn't steal that."
A voice 'I found it in her locker' -The teacher's voice was sharp, unforgiving: ". Why did you do that? Hiding is fine, but this?"
""No... no... no..." My own voice, distant and broken, filled my ears. It felt like I was trapped in the noise of it all. My pulse thudded in my throat, beating like a drum that drowned out everything else.
I could feel the cold of the desk beneath my hands, my fingers turning white as I gripped the desk, feeling the weight of every accusation, every word, every moment. My breath came too fast. my stomach twisted. My head ached, like it was too full of noise, too full of images I couldn't escape. I could feel the heat rising in my body, the sweat dripping down my back, pooling under my arms. The temperature in the room felt like it was rising, suffocating.
I couldn't breathe. The air around me felt too thick, too heavy.
"No, I didn't," I whispered, my voice cracking. The words slipped out before I could stop them
"Kensi?"
The voice came from beside me—Monaka. Present. Real. The faint concern in her tone broke through the fog, anchoring me but The sound barely reached me.
A sharp, crushing pressure wrapped around my ribs, squeezing tighter and tighter. My chest burned like my lungs were being crushed from the inside, each breath jagged and shallow. I tried inhaling deeper, but it only made the stabbing sensation worse—like knives slicing between my ribs.
"You look really pale."
Monaka's voice. But it was distant, distorted—like sound filtering through water.. I blinked, trying to focus on her face, trying to return to the present, I forced myself to look at her, but my vision warped at the edges, black spots flickering in and out. everything felt wrong. My pulse hammered in my ears, drowning out her voice, drowning out everything. My body felt unbearably hot and cold at the same time My hands, clammy and cold, gripped the edge of my desk so tightly that my fingers ached they felt numb, almost frozen
I pushed the thought aside, forcing a smile that felt hollow. "I'm fine," I muttered, but the words barely left my lips before I knew they weren't true.
"You feeling okay?" someone asked, and I realized it was Saana—her face creased with concern. The warmth of her gaze felt miles away, too far to reach me.
"I'm fine," I muttered again, forcing another smile, but the lie tasted bitter in my mouth. A sharp throbbing started at the base of my skull, then spread—pounding, relentless, like a hammer slamming inside my head. My stomach churned violently, a nauseating swirl that made the whole room tilt beneath me.
I clenched my jaw, swallowing hard. The bile rising in my throat tasted acidic, burning.
"Kensi?"
Saana this time. Closer. Too close. A light touch on my arm sent a shockwave through my nerves, too much, too sharp. I jerked away without meaning to.
The classroom suddenly felt too small. The air too thick, pressing against my skin like wet fabric suffocating me. I tried to steady my breathing, but each inhale felt like I was being strangled from the inside out. Even if I could fake it, I couldn't escape the feeling that something inside me was unraveling. The pressure in my chest was relentless, and no amount of fake smiles could stop the storm inside.
"You okay?"
Monaka's voice was sharper now, laced with genuine concern. I gripped the edge of the desk harder, fingernails digging into the wood so hard it should have splintered. But I needed to hold onto something, anything, to stop the overwhelming sensation that I was about to fall—even though I was sitting down.
"I'm fine," I lied, but the words came out weak, strained, barely a whisper.
Monaka didn't even hesitate. "No, you're not."
Saana's sharp gaze locked onto mine, her brows furrowed in concern. "Kensi, you're shaking."
I forced my hands to stay still, but it was useless—the tremors in my fingers betrayed me, still gripping the desk like a lifeline. My whole body felt too heavy, weighed down by an invisible force pressing into my chest, my stomach, my skull.
"It's just a headache," I tried again, pushing myself halfway up from my seat—only for my vision to lurch violently, the room tilting sideways. A sudden rush of nausea slammed into me, and I staggered, gripping the desk harder.
Monaka caught my arm before I could fall. "Okay, that's it. You're going to the nurse."
"No—" I started, but Saana was already grabbing my bag, slinging it over her shoulder with a finality that left no room for argument. Like I had no say in the matter.
"Yes," she shot back, firm and unyielding. "You can barely stand. Don't be stubborn."
"Professor "Saana called toward the front of the room, her voice sharp and to the point. "We're taking Kensi to the nurse."
Our teacher, who had been watching with a furrowed brow, gave a curt nod. "Go ahead. Do you need someone to call ahead?"
"We got it," Monaka answered, already leading me toward the door.
Monaka adjusted her grip, her hold steady but careful, as if she expected me to slip right through her fingers. Half-guiding, half-dragging me toward the door My legs felt weak, unsteady, like they weren't my own.
The hallway outside was mercifully empty—no lingering students, no extra eyes on me in this state. But even without an audience, my skin burned with the familiar sting of humiliation.
"I can walk," I muttered, but my body disagreed. Every step sent another wave of dizziness crashing into me, nausea rising like bile in my throat.
"Yeah? Then do it without looking like you're about to pass out," Monaka challenged, adjusting her hold so I wouldn't collapse.
I didn't have an answer to that.
***
The school nurse—a middle-aged woman with sharp eyes but a soft voice—didn't ask many questions. She took one look at me, pale, unsteady, and clearly on the verge of collapse, and simply motioned to the bed in the back of the room.
"Lie down," she said, no room for argument.
I obeyed, sinking onto the cool sheets as the world continued to spin around me.
Then—The past crashed over me like a wave.
I had been here before. Not here, not this bed, not this room—but a place just like it.
The harsh smell of antiseptic. The too-bright fluorescent lights. The stiff sheets against my arms. All of it was the same. But back then, I had walked in alone. My legs had felt just as unsteady, my stomach just as twisted in knots, but no one had been there to catch me. No one grabbing my arm. No one scolding me to stop being stubborn.
No one had noticed at all.
I remembered stumbling through the empty hallway, one hand gripping the wall for balance, my breath coming too fast, too sharp. My chest burned. Not just from exhaustion—from holding it in. The tears. The panic. The way everything inside me was breaking, but I refused to let it show.
By the time I reached the nurse's office, my hands were shaking so badly that I almost couldn't slide open the door. The nurse barely looked up.
"What's wrong?"
I hesitated. How was I supposed to explain something like this? I could say "I'm dizzy." I could say "I don't feel well."
But I couldn't say the truth. That I hadn't eaten because the thought of sitting in the cafeteria made me physically sick or I can't stand the others stairing. That I had woken up with bruises on my ribs I didn't remember getting, because I had spent half the night curled in a ball, trying to escape the reality, unable to sleep. That the whispers had gotten so loud, I felt them crawling under my skin even when the room was silent. That my body was shutting down, piece by piece, and I didn't know how to stop it.
So I just said, "I don't know."
The nurse sighed, pushing a thermometer into my hand. "Check your temperature. If there's no fever, you should go back to class."
I checked.
No fever. Of course, there wasn't.
So I went back. And no one ever knew.
I gasped, my fingers clutching the sheets as the memory ripped me back to the present. My stomach clenched. I felt just as sick now as I had back then. Only this time, someone had forced me to come here. Someone had noticed.
The pounding in my skull was relentless now, every beat of my pulse hammering behind my eyes.
"No Fever but it might become one" the nurse muttered after pressing the back of her hand to my forehead. "And your pulse is racing. Did you eat properly today?"
I tried to nod—then thought better of it. Even the small movement sent sharp pain lancing through my skull.
"Yeah," I murmured instead, though the food from earlier felt like a distant memory.
Monaka and Saana hovered nearby like overprotective bodyguards, arms crossed.
"Can she stay here?" Saana asked.
The nurse shook her head. "Not necessary. She just needs rest. No signs of infection, just exhaustion. But she won't recover sitting in class.
She turned to me."You're done for the day," the nurse said, scribbling something on a slip of paper "I'll write you a pass to return to the dormitory. ."
I stiffened. The dorm?
The words twisted something deep inside me. I should argue. I should insist I could stay in class. I hated this—the way they were all looking at me, waiting for me to just accept that I wasn't okay.
"I can keep going," I tried, but even I didn't sound convinced.
Saana rolled her eyes. "You just nearly collapsed. Don't be stupid."
Monaka took the pass before I could even reach for it.
"We'll walk her back."
***