Fwoosh
"—youstupidchickwhyaren'tyouabletogetmethewholewayatonceandinsteadIhavetospenallnightpoppingshortdistancesandyouwon'tletmejustgorunlittlefuckerwhatfireplaceashshatyououtanywaydidyourmotherjustthinkthatnotevenherviolatedquimfulloflavacouldhavemadesomethingsouselessandsoyouendeduphere?"
"Ahem." Hari paused, looking at the figure of a petite blonde who was only a few inches taller than him and wearing a tight, red dress. He was standing in a well-appointed living room, although one the furniture of which gleamed with magic to his eyes. "Oh good, you're looking at me." And then Hari slammed into a wall.
"I really need to get the hang of this eye," he muttered. "Seeing the punch coming early doesn't help if I don't dodge because I'm expecting the swing too early." He rose to his feet. "I'm assuming that's some kind of greeting." There was a crash as his kick smashed into the underside of the blonde's jaw and she hit the ceiling.
The blonde landed a bit heavily, but Hari was impressed. There wasn't even a bruise. He hadn't tried to hold back. She glared at Hari as she cracked her knuckles.
Millicent came sprinting into the room. "Mum! What's going o—" She sighed. "Hari." The boy in question had closed his left eye and was swaying out of the path of each of her mother's swings. He didn't appear to be putting any effort into it.
"Hi, Millie." Hari calmly smacked aside an incoming punch. His returned palm-strike drew a screech of outrage as it struck something soft, sending the blonde flying. "Who is this, anyway?"
"That's my mother."
"Cool!" Hari dropped below a kick, noting that the woman had somehow managed the attack in a tight dress. It was a skill, even if it was one he rarely saw. And never used. "Hi, Missus Millie's Mom." He tripped the woman, taking an elbow thrust as he did and stumbling back.
"Wait, you know him?" hissed her mother from the floor.
"This is Hari, mum. Hari Potter." She was going to regret this. "The one who sent me the brass knuckles."
"Oooooh." The woman was standing and fliting around Hari, examining him from various angles. "So he knows the right gifts to be romantic and he can fight?"
Hari looked vaguely confused. "This seems to be a sort of trend," he muttered as the blonde leered at him with a massive grin on her face.
"I'm fairly certain I don't want to know." Mille sat heavily on one of the couches. "What are you doing here, Hari?"
"Visiting."
"Awwww . . ."
"Mum." Millicent turned her head to look at Hari again. "Did it occur to you to, I don't know, send some kind of note or something? Or even just tell me before leaving King's Cross that you might be stopping by? Not even a specific date, mind you—just, again it's a minor point, mention that it might happen at all?"
"Nope."
"What a sweet boy."
"Mum!"
"What? He even drops by unannounced."
"I'm a little lost here. How's summer treating you, Millie?"
"I'm five and fifty with my mother, so I'm improving!" It somehow felt totally normal that Hari didn't react to that. Not even the suggestion that her mother was stronger than her, despite being scrawny in comparison.
"Nice. I'm zero and ten against my father. But I don't think that really counts. No one beats my dad."
"Isn't your father dead?" asked Millicent's mother.
"Of course not."
There was a pause. "I'm fairly certain I remember reading something about them dying." She looked at Millie. "Just a tiny article in the back of the paper, no doubt." She raised an eyebrow.
"Anyway. Anything interesting happen this summer?"
"Eh." Millicent paused. "You know, I think those letters from Pansy and Tracy are making a lot more sense now. And the hysterical one from Hermione, too." Another pause. "Did you really just use a phoenix to appear on a muggle beach?"
"No idea."
"Run that by me again?"
"I guess it was. I was just looking for Hermione and so flamed there." Hari's face darkened. "Unlike the little hatchling that seems to show up every time I try to get Fawkes to come transport me somewhere."
"You . . . call on Dumbledore's familiar to get around?"
"I guess? Is it his familiar?"
"So everyone says."
"Huh." Hari shrugged. "Either way, now I've got this idiot that can't get me very far. It'd be faster to run, honestly." He glared at the bird sitting on the mantelpiece. It returned the look with one of innocent stupidity.
"So there's a phoenix that shows up when you call for one?"
"Sort of. It doesn't count if it can't do anything useful."
"I rather think it does."
"Meh."
"Just to check," interjected Millicent's mother. "You fight, you get nice gifts, you stop in to say hello just because, and you have a phoenix?"
"Yes?"
The giant grin that Hari was slowly becoming familiar with was turned on Millie.
"Mum."
"Yes, dear?"
"I'm going to hurt you."
"You wish." The blonde patted her daughter's cheek.
"Right. Well. I have another place to be."
"Where?"
Fwoosh
"Such a sweet boy and he's mysterious as well." There was a thunk as Millie's fist sank into her mother's stomach. And then another as Millie hit a wall.
X
X
"DAPHNEDAPHNEDAPHNEDAPHNE!"
Daphne cracked an eye. Just barely. "Astoria Greengrass," she snarled. "You know the rules about waking me up on vacation."
"Don't do it unless I want to die?"
"And what are you doing?"
"Waking you up?"
"I should kill you then."
"But you have a visitor!"
A muttered Tempus was followed by a smothered curse. "It's five in the morning. Who would visit at FIVE IN THE MORNING?"
"Hi, Daphne!"
Her eyes snapped open. Hari Potter was standing over her, looking bright and fresh. There was a spinning red eye on the left side of his face. At the moment, she was more concerned with the fact that he was in her bedroom. At five in the morning. Unannounced. And she was wearing her admittedly conservative night clothes.
"ASTORIA!"
"What?"
"Why is he in here?"
"He said he wanted to come with me to wake you up."
For some reason, Hari just had that faint smile of his on his face. He seemed to be mildly amused by something. "Get out. Both of you."
"But this bed is comfortable."
"I know, right?" Daphne was sorely tempted to murder her little sister for letting him in.
"Potter. How do you know my bed is comfortable?"
"I was sitting in it for a while, waiting for Girl-Tobi to decide how to wake you up."
"Decide . . ." Daphne was suddenly sodden as Astoria tossed a bucket of cold water on her. Then there was a deafening sound as she blew a horn in Daphne's ear.
"She couldn't choose." Hari watched Astoria for a moment. "Shame she can't levitate things yet. Her best idea was to dump you out the window into the rose bushes."
"Hey! You said my best idea was transfiguring her bed into a tub of icewater!"
"Ah yes." Hari's smile was suddenly broad. He leaned back as a soaked fist tried to hit him. "Come on, Girl-Tobi! Let's see if there's breakfast."
"Can I have pancakes with lots of syrup?"
"Does it make you hyper?"
"Yep!"
"Sounds like a plan then. We'll get Daphne up after we eat."
Daphne listened to the footsteps of her sister across her floor and then the door closing and heading downstairs. A cautiously opened eye told her Hari wasn't in the room, despite not hearing him leave. She wished she had a knife. She wanted so badly to gut someone.
X
X
"Good morning, Daphne!" Hari's bright, cheerful voice made her wince. And the sight of the mess that Astoria was making as she devoured her meal, along with pumpkin juice . . . this wasn't going to be a fun day. "Why didn't you tell me your little sister was awesome Girl-Tobi?"
"Come again?"
"Girl-Tobi! Why didn't you tell us she's awesome?"
"Because she's a pain in my bum." Daphne sat and there was a loud farting sound. Astoria fell out of her chair laughing as the black-haired girl extracted a pink circle from under her. "What is this?"
Hari slipped a few pancakes onto a plate and slid it in front of Daphne. "How has your summer been?"
"Peaceful." Daphne glared at the still snickering Astoria. "Compared to school."
Astoria's laughter stopped. "I guess I'm not trying hard enough."
"Don't you dare, you little monster. I already know I'm doomed to another ten months with this one," Daphne jabbed a finger at Hari, who was examining the counter, apparently engrossed in the woodwork. "If you make home less peaceful, I will not be held responsible for what I do." She sighed. "I had even been feeling pleasantly left out."
"Left out? Why?"
"Because while you visited everyone but me, I gather that the visits have been far from enjoyable."
"What are you talking about? I had a great time seeing people!"
"Which is exactly my point. I had been enjoying the relief of knowing that instead of coming here, you were off bothering the rest of my friends. It was nice that by doing so, you weren't here, bothering me." Her glare focused on the blonde girl who was rubbing her hands together and cackling. "And you've managed to infect her. I am truly horrified to imagine what chaos will be the result of this."
Astoria and Hari looked at each other and then gave identical, broad grins. "Chaos is fun!"
"And this is my life now." She shook her head and rubbed her eyes. "Somehow, you've grown on me. I suppose because it was like having my little sister at school . . . which isn't something I'm interested in, now that I think about it. Well, I'm out of ideas."
"I have a few, but they're for Girl-Tobi."
"Do you know her name?"
"Girl-Tobi?"
"Her name is Astoria. Please at least try to call close relations of your friends by actual names."
"But she's Girl-Tobi!"
"Why me."
"Because you talked to me in class?"
"I am ever-remorseful of that."
"But then I'd never have met Hari Potter!" whined Astoria. "And he's great! Hey!" The last part was because Daphne had finally gotten fed up and cast a tripping jinx at her sister, sending her tumbling to the floor from the chair she had barely managed to regain.
"Brat! Don't you dare wake me up like that again!"
"Loudly? Or with water? Or with Hari Potter in your bed? What?" Astoria's head cocked to the side as Daphne's face went bright red. "Ow, ow, ow!"
The stinging hexes were Daphne's response while she worked to get her humiliation off her face. She had no interest in that kind of thing at her age, but she knew what it meant and it was embarrassing. She was just glad Astoria didn't realize what she'd said. And that Hari hadn't made a comment. In fact, he was just looking at her with a vague confusion on his face.
"I have some shopping to do, Daph. Bye, Girl-Tobi!"
"Bye Hari!" Astoria waved happily as a baby phoenix landed on Hari's shoulder.
"Oh shit. Not you again! Really? I couldn't get a working Phoenix? I had to get—" Fwoosh
X
X
Fwoosh
"You . . ." Hari closed his eyes. "I'm out of curses." The trill from the bird only made him scowl. "This is new. Where's Fawkes!" Another chirp convinced him to just move on.
The alley was crowded, which didn't bother him much. No one looked twice at him, given that he didn't look like their conception of Harry Potter. He strolled idly into large clumps of Wizards and walked out with pilfered gold and other small items of value.
FWOOSH
Hari glanced at his shoulder. No, the chick was still there. Oh. He looked up at the adult form of Fawkes, floating happily in the air with a large roll of parchment.
"My school letter?"
Nod.
"Great."
Nod.
"Would you care to explain the defective hatchling that won't leave me alone?"
Nod.
"Well?"
Nod.
"You're fucking with me."
Shake.
"Did you give it to me?"
Nod.
"Why?"
Nod.
"Yes or no only?"
Nod.
"Oh. Joy. Is it mine?"
Nod.
"Did you know it can't go full distances?"
Nod.
"Did . . . did you just make him do it so you wouldn't have to?"
Nodnodnod.
"You're an utter bastard."
Shake.
"Bullshit your parents were married!"
Shake.
"I hate you."
Shake.
"Will it ever work properly?"
"I'm not reassured by your lack of response."
Nod.
"You know something?"
Nod.
"Fuck you." He grabbed the bird and slammed it into the nearest building. It struck with a weak squawk and exploded into flames, turning into a pile of ash. "And the rest of you can go to hell." That was addressed to the crowd of horrified onlookers who just watched him kill a phoenix. "This is suddenly going to be a long fucking day."
The next hour or so was spent fading into the background. Despite people remembering him, they also forgot as he put his training to use. It was easy to be memorable, but he'd learned to be forgotten. Always best that enemy ninja not have an accurate description of the person who murdered their lord, after all.
To spice things up, he shoplifted random objects that caught his eye. Magic might be good at detecting theft, but he was good at stealing things and the alarms tended to go off after he was far away. It was a knack. Uncle Tobi taught him how to do that. He stuck to small things, since he had no interest in trying to add more seals to his arms to store large objects.
When no one looked twice at him, he slipped into a shop and walked out with a trunk. It had plenty of things in it, but since they belonged to a seventh year girl, he left a trail of debris behind him as he emptied it while walking towards the bookstore. On his way, he made a stop in the apothecary to leave with a large amount of their stock. He wondered what it was like to be a civilian and pay for things.
There was a huge line, but that wasn't really something that bothered him. He simply pushed anyone in his way out of it.
"All hail Harry Potter, Lord Slytherin of Chaos!" Hari shrugged and then took an exaggerated bow. He was always amused by the antics of the twins. Once they decided he was a good person (or funny, anyway) they had left him alone. Except for things like this. Both of them were applauding while kneeling.
"Thank you, thank you."
"As I live and breathe!" There was a gold man coming at him. Odd. "Harry Potter. Well, my boy, we must have a picture together!" The man gave a huge smile. It didn't glint. He'd seen better.
"Who are you?" Hari's head cocked to the side. "I don't think we've . . . oh." He'd been consciously ignoring his eye for a while, but the captioned pictures were pretty much everywhere.
"Gilderoy Lockhart, my boy!" The smile was radiant and the hair was impressive on its own. "The roguish daredevil hero!" There was a sigh from the female part of the audience. "Banisher of the Ballywog Banshee, Warrior of Water-on-the-Nays, Destroyer of the Dancing Demon of Downton!"
"Have you ever met a man named Jiraiya?"
"Savior of Saint George's—what?"
"You really should meet him. You need his dance." Hari strolled through the crowd, absently skimming a few of the advanced books. "Why are you following me?"
"Why to fulfill every child's dream: having his picture taken with me!"
Hari didn't turn. "At the risk of sounding stupid: what?"
"Come now, you're a lively young lad. No doubt you've heard of me."
"Not really."
"And naturally, you'd like your picture taken with the famous Gilderoy Lockhart, five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile award."
"Meh. I've seen better. And it had a sunset in the background for some reason." Hari put down a book on Runes that he hadn't understood at all and moved on to 16 Ways to Butcher Your Own Cattle. Why authors never considered that a spell able to carve a steer from hoof to hock could more effectively be used on a less sturdy human . . .
"Bozo, bring the camera over here. Rita will be furious she missed a chance to report on this." Lockhart turned. "Where did he go?"
Hari strolled out of the shop without buying anything. There wasn't a point when he'd memorized the school books he'd need. A scuffle appeared to be breaking out between a foppish blonde man and someone who could only be the Weasley father. On the side was the multi-sided melee between several women who were trying to get a few scraps of hair that the famous man had left in his wake.
Why did that man want to accost him, anyway? That had been so odd. He'd been going on about famousness an awful lot. Hari knew famous people and they mostly didn't show off. Granted, it was hard to when everyone ran away shouting something about "please, gods, not me!" and so on, but still . . .
And why was that blonde man dropping a book into a cauldron of used school books? The thing glowed with magic. Hari was tempted to grab it, just to find out what it was, but he had enough books to decipher. Which reminded him, he had to go get some more language books.
(A/N John)
You know something? Not a lot to say here. I enjoyed writing parts of this more than others. Girl-Tobi is definitely going to become a regular. Also, Hari was referring to having seen the smile of Maito Gai. Compared to that, Lockhart just isn't cutting it.