"Yes, it's me, Sister Guoguo, and I'm back to appreciate Wende with all of you! Now, some of you might be asking, 'Sister Guoguo, Sister Guoguo! Haven't you already appreciated him once? Are you just trying to milk our Yifu for video content?' (speaking in a squeaky voice)"
"No, no, no, you're thinking too vulgarly of me, Sister Guoguo, too plainly! Who am I? I am Sister Guoguo, a righteous connoisseur of beautiful girls!"
[Alright, alright, so that's how we're starting the intro now?]
[Damn it, she managed to milk a few more seconds!]
[You scoundrel (Fu Xuan).jpg]
[Bro! I'm begging you! Teach me how to post image macros in the bullet chat! Please! I'm willing to become your Star Slave!]
[For real! Serve it up already! (rubbing hands together eagerly)]
"In the new main story quest, we can clearly see our great Yifu, Wende, use his powerful five-star ability. With a mere lift of his hand, he can toss aside the Abundance's Mystic Deer, which weighs as much as several cars. As expected of Star Rail's HP-tank representative. Powerful and potent! So powerful and potent!"
[So why is the screen zoomed in on Wende's pecs?]
[Hiss… WTF! Did Wende's clothes just explode? It's only his collar that's open, but we can already get a peek! So… so powerful!!!]
[So… so fair… that skin tone… that silhouette! It's practically a work of art, like a sculpture!]
[Sister Guoguo has chosen the editing style that gets the most bullet comments.]
[prprprrprprprrr!!! I'm gonna lick it, I'm gonna lick it! I'm a Licker!]
[Ah! Such fair skin… his cherries must be pink, right?]
[Son of a bitch, I just changed into these pants this morning!]
[Strange, why am I suddenly smelling flowers from this video…]
[The scent of Pyrus flowers?]
[No, it's "Captain Semen-derful"!]
[I have great scholarly discussions with Wende. I furiously engage in great scholarly discussions with Wende! And Wende always engages in great scholarly discussions with me!]
[You guys should know what I'm about to say, right?]
"In the cutscene, we can clearly hear Wende's line, 'Yin-Yang Transformation.' This is likely the name of five-star Wende's skill, or the phrase he shouts when using it."
"So, what is Yin-Yang Transformation?"
A chibi version of Sister Guoguo, looking serious with her arms crossed, appeared on screen. Her round glasses were filled with wisdom and rigor.
[You there? Why did you put your chibi self on Wende's pecs?]
[I won't believe it if you say there's no ulterior motive here.]
[Sister Guoguo? Who's that? Never heard of her!]
[As expected of the grandmaster of the Wende-stan Association, always at the forefront of the frenzy.]
[The number one person in rational frenzy, for sure.]
"Yin-Yang Transformation can also be called the conversion of Yin and Yang. Within the Yin-Yang fish of the Taiji symbol, there is Yang within Yin and Yin within Yang. This represents a relationship where Yin and Yang mutually transform and depend on each other for their existence."
Sister Guoguo pushed up her glasses, then played a detailed slow-motion replay of Wende using his Yin-Yang power.
"We can see that miHoYo hid a lot of small details in this animation. First, Wende's character model looks more robust. I have to admire miHoYo's technique here, being able to slightly alter the feel of the model through special effects. Based on the white effects swirling around Wende, I speculate that he is likely using his 'Yang' form here."
"That's right, the five-star Wende is very likely to have both 'Yin' and 'Yang' forms, and he probably switches between them using his Skill or Ultimate!"
"Secondly, Tingyun's gaze toward Wende here is a bit off. When we zoom in, we can clearly see Tingyun smiling as she looks at him. I personally feel that there's something very wrong with Tingyun!"
"Finally,"
"Of course, these are all just my own speculations. After all, Wende is still just a character on the horizon, so this video is for entertainment purposes only. Please don't take it seriously."
"BUT!"
Sister Guoguo's tone completely shifted.
"BUT MY LOVE FOR WENDE! MY BLAZING PASSION! MY LOVE, AS HOT AS LAVA, IS IRREVERSIBLE! WENDE! WENDE! AHHHHHHHHHH (rolling around on the bed hugging a pillow)"
[Okay, this frenzy session lasted three minutes and twenty-one seconds. We look forward to this contestant's next performance.]
[Sister Guoguo's streams have more depth. She uses character speculation to cover up the fact that she's having a frenzy.]
[The crazy bitch next door had a frenzy on her stream and almost got her account banned. Now her channel is suspended for seven days, sigh…]
[Thanks for asking. Just came back from that stream. My roommate was just giving me a weird look.]
[Run! He wants to get you!]
"OH! OH OH OH!!! YAHOO!!! WAAAH!!!"
An indescribable, unidentifiable shriek, like that of a humanoid creature.
Dogzi watched the cutscene of Wende displaying his divine might.
[Mommy, I'm scared.]
[WOC! An ape!]
[It's hard to imagine this is a sound a dog can make.]
[What the hell is that noise!]
[I'm Wende's dog! Woo woo woo woo!]
"Hehehe, that's enough, that's enough! This is more than enough! Any more and this child won't be able to take it!"
Dogzi wiped the corner of her mouth, a foolish grin on her face as she stared at Wende's… generosity.
"Hiss… this is the exact nutrition I've been missing! Quick, stuff it in this child's mouth! Hehehe…"
"If you can't drink it all, I've got a baby bottle right here…"
[Star Rail finally has its own Midnight Drive-by.]
[Lmao, Wende Dairy Group Co., Ltd., is it?!]
"Ah♂, Mmm Mmm~~ Mmm~~~"
In stark contrast to the female streamers' channels, the streams of many male UP-ers delved into philosophy (♂).
Kakaya watched Wende's breathtaking performance, unable to stop himself from letting out sounds of appreciation♂.
"Gotta say, everyone, I'm really not blue-pilled, I'm really not blue-pilled! I just hold the utmost… reverence for our Yifu♂."
He then took a sip of tea, an expression on his face that said "if you know, you know," yet remained inscrutable.
[Gotta say, I'm not blue-pilled either, but I hold the same reverence for Yifu!]
[Ah♂ do you like van games?]
[That is our most respected Yifu! How can you have improper thoughts about him!]
[If Yifu is like this, then Bu will not be polite!]
[This story teaches us that moderate fitness attracts the opposite sex, while excessive fitness… turns you into an adapter!]
[You're gonna tempt a brother with this stuff? Well then, a brother can't hold back anymore!]
[Hehe, a blue-pilled livestream.]
[No! This isn't being blue-pilled! This is fighting for all that is beautiful in the world! (crotch shot)]