I've always hated winter.
Everyone goes home to their families, to their warmth, to people waiting for them. Meanwhile, I always stayed behind watching from the windows as the world empties out. Every year it's the same.
The longing never goes away.
It just grows deeper. Sharper.
Sometimes it gnaws at my chest so hard I want to tear it out just to make it stop but if I did, I know I'd lose whatever is left of me.
Lux climbed into my lap and stared up at me. "Master… Can you take me outside?"
I sighed. "I just got back."
"Pretty please?" He widened his glowing eyes, all innocent shimmer and shameless manipulation. The bastard knew exactly how to win.
"Fine. Let's go." I grabbed my coat and stood up.
Who cares if Nox is gone again? I still have Lux. I still have the restricted section. I don't need anyone.
That thought tasted bitter even in my own head.
We stepped outside into the courtyard, snowflakes drifting down like white ashes. The entire campus was empty which meant I could let Lux run wild without having to hide anything.
He whirled around me like an excited firefly, darting through snowdrifts while I summoned flickers of ice and shadow for him to chase. We played like that for nearly an hour, just me and me in the quiet white world.
But eventually, the snowfall grew heavier, and the air turned so still it felt almost unnatural.
"Come on," I said softly. "Let's go to the garden."
The north garden where the snow always falls hardest, where the old trees stand like silent sentinels wrapped in frost. Something about it felt right for tonight.
A place no one else would go.
A place where loneliness co-exist with the coldness.
The garden was covered in untouched snow, blanketing the stone paths and frozen hedges. The trees stood silent and skeletal, branches crowned in frost like fragile glass. Lux floated quietly beside me.
I sat on a stone bench near the centre of the garden, watching the snow drift down in slow spirals.
It was beautiful.
And suffocating.
I hated how the silence echoed inside me. I hated that the cold reminded me of how empty things felt when no one was here to distract me.
Lux settled in my lap again. He didn't speak this time, just curled there like a warm lantern in the dark. I placed a hand over him, fingers cold even through my gloves.
"…Sometimes," I muttered under my breath, "I think winter was made just to remind me that I have nothing to return to."
I paused and then a quiet voice behind me.
"I never expected I'd see you here, Cecilia."
I stiffened and turned slightly.
Headmaster Damian stood a few paces away, hands in his coat pockets, breath misting in the air. He looked more tired than usual. Less smug. His eyes softened a little when they met mine.
"How long have you been standing there?" I asked, voice flat, already trying to rebuild that armour again.
"Long enough," he said calmly. "You know. I come here every year when the campus empties out."
I said nothing.
Damian glanced at Lux in my lap and then back to me. I know he can see him, but he never shows it, "Why didn't you go home like everyone else?"
"Because I have no need for it," I muttered though even I could hear how faint my own voice sounded.
Damian's gaze shifted toward the snow-covered trees. "The dorm maid told me that Vivian invited you to go home with her for the holidays. And you refused. Why?"
I kept my eyes on the snow. I didn't want him to see my face.
He waited. Then spoke more softly. "Won't you tell me?"
I hesitated. Then the words spilt out, smaller than I meant them to be.
"Because I'm used to being alone," I whispered. "And… it felt like she was pitying me."
He didn't look surprised. "Vivian isn't the type to pity people."
"I know," I admitted, voice nearly cracking. "But the voices in my head keep saying she is."
For a moment, he was silent only the snow moved between us.
Then he stepped closer.
"Come with me."
He stepped forward again, hand extended slightly not touching, not forcing, just there.
"Come with me," he repeated, softer this time. "You shouldn't spend the entire winter break out here freezing in the cold."
Lux looked up at me from my lap, as I stared down at the snow, hollow and tired, fighting the urge to snap back.
"I can handle it," I whispered.
"I know you can," he said quietly, "but that doesn't mean you have to."
Those words settled into the silence like a weight. I tried to pretend they didn't shake something loose inside my chest.
He waited. Calm. Patient.
Finally, I stood, brushing the snow from my coat. I didn't take his hand but I followed a few steps behind him as he walked.
Lux stayed curled against me like a small, warm lantern. I didn't look at Damian, but I didn't walk away either.
Maybe I deserved one night just one that didn't felt empty.
His office was lit by the fireplace, golden flames flickering across shelves and dark wood. Damian walked to a small side table and poured something into two cups. He didn't speak until I stepped all the way inside.
For once…Could I not pretend I was fine?
"Take a seat," he said softly. "I'll bring something to warm you up."
The fire crackled between us, filling the quiet room with gentle warmth. He placed two steaming cups on the low table in front of us. I wrapped my hands around one, and only then did I realise how cold my fingers were.
The heat seeped into my palms. I took one sip… and blinked.
"This is… really good." I could feel life returning to me. "What is it?"
"Hot chocolate," he said, a faint smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "If you want a second—"
I immediately pushed my cup forward.
He laughed, "Understood."
"You've been spending too much time in the restricted section," he said quietly, watching the fire. "There's only so much power one person can chase before it turns into self-destruction."
I didn't argue. Because I couldn't.
He was right. And it wasn't the first time I'd heard it. Nox has told me the same thing more than once but the warning was always there beneath it.
I stared into the fire, fingers tightening around the cup.
"Why are you being so kind to me?" I asked, my voice low. "No one does that unless they want something in return."
Damian didn't look offended. He just watched me calmly.
"You don't need to worry about that," he said. "I'm never going to take advantage of you."
I turned toward him, searching his face. "Why?"
His answer was quiet, simple, and painfully sincere.
"Because I care about you. That's why."
Those words hit harder than they should have. Something old and painful stirred in my chest something small and fragile that I thought I'd buried a long time ago.
A part of me silently, desperately hoped he meant it.
When I opened my eyes, it took me a moment to realise I wasn't in Damian's office anymore.
I was in my own bed. I don't remember how I got back to my room.
Sunlight filtered through the window, pale and cold. Lux was curled up beside me, snoring softly like a tiny cat.
I sat up slowly, still wrapped in a blanket that I definitely didn't remember putting on myselfFor a second… just a single second, I let myself believe that maybe it was okay to rest. That maybe someone looking out for me would be okay.
The thought embarrassed me so I shoved it aside and got out of bed.
But as I started getting dressed, I realised I'd slept the entire night without nightmares.
And I wasn't sure how to feel about that.
As I stepped out into the small sitting area connected to my room, rubbing my eyes and trying to shake off the strange heaviness in my chest.
"Finally awake."
I froze then slowly turned.
Nox stood there, arms crossed, looking completely unbothered.
Something inside me snapped.
I marched straight toward him and slammed my fist into his face, then into his stomach before he could react. He staggered back, more shocked than injured.
"The hell was that for?" he growled.
"Don't act clueless!" My voice cracked on the last word, and I hated how it sounded. "Where have you been?"
He blinked but didn't answer.
"You know how much I hate this season," I spat, shoving him again. "You know I hate it more than anything and you still disappeared and left me here alone!"
He opened his mouth but nothing came out.
I shoved him again, harder this time.
"Tell me where you've been. Now."
My hands were still balled into fists, but I couldn't hit him again. I just stood there, shaking.
"Nox," I said, breathless, "I thought—"
I had no idea what I thought. That he'd left me for good? That he got bored with staying?
Winter had felt empty always for me, and for days I kept telling myself it didn't matter. But seeing him stand there like nothing happened made everything I'd held in crack wide open.
My voice wavered without permission. "You left me."
His eyes widened slightly.
I took a step back, arms trembling. "I know I'm not supposed to care, I know I said I don't need anyone, but you—" My voice broke. "You were always there. And then you were just gone. No word. No reason. Nothing."
The frustration in my chest twisted into something rawer, uglier. My throat burned, but I kept talking anyway.
I waited. Even when I told myself I didn't care I still waited. And I hate that I waited.
Silence filled the room like something alive.
After a long, heavy moment, Nox's shoulders finally lowered and for once, his voice wasn't teasing or cold.
"I didn't leave because I wanted to," he said quietly.
He hesitated, then looked away with a scowl embarrassed by the words even as he said them.
"I didn't think you'd… miss me."
Something in me gave out. My fists unclenched as the weight in my chest finally spilt over. Tears I didn't permit slipped down my cheeks hot, furious, unwanted.
"I did," I whispered. "I did miss you."
Nox's expression softened in a way I'd never seen before reluctant, confused, but real.
He stepped closer and lifted a hand like he wanted to touch me, then dropped it awkwardly.
"I'm sorry," he said in almost a whisper. "I won't disappear like that again. Not without telling you."
I pressed my sleeve to my eyes, wiping the tears away with a shaky breath. "You'd better not."
Nox gave a slow nod and then added, very quietly, "It wasn't just you. I missed… this too."
I looked up at him, his face faintly red from the punch, and something uncomfortable but genuine in his eyes.
The silence that followed was messy, awkward, and human.
But for the first time in a long time, it didn't feel empty.
"Now tell me where the hell you've been," I demanded, wiping the last of the tears from my face.
Nox looked at me, finally serious. "I found a lead on my core. A real one. It took me some time to track the location… but I found it."
I folded my arms, unimpressed. "And?"
His eyes glinted. "So obviously, we need to go there. Together. To get it back."
"No." I turned away.
"What?"
"You heard me. I'm not going. I'll go when I feel like it," I said coldly, heading toward the kitchen. "Now if you excuse me, I'm going to have breakfast."
For the next few days
Nox did not let it go.
Every day he followed me around like a persistent shadow.
"Why are we still in this academy? My core isn't going to retrieve itself."
"We need to leave right now. It's a perfect time to travel."
I ignored him.
He kept going.
When I studied or Visited Damian office:
"Are you trying to memorize a new spell or just avoiding me?"
Even when I slept he pestered me, I threw my pillows at him.
After three days of relentless pestering, I gave in.
"Fine!" I slammed my book shut and stood up. "You want to go? We'll go."
Nox immediately grinned, pleased beyond words. "Excellent. I'll prepare everything."
"Tch. Annoying demon," I muttered.
But somewhere deep inside, I felt that same old bond tighten again.
Not because he forced me.
Because I chose to go with him.
To be continued.