Chapter 2: How to Train Your Useless Disciple Without Killing Him (Yet)
Slice-of-life. Slightly deranged. Surprisingly educational.
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The sun rose like a sleepy teenager—reluctantly and with bad posture.
Wu Ming sat cross-legged on a rock that may have been a former mountain. His robes fluttered softly in the morning breeze, his face calm, serious…
And slightly disappointed.
In front of him stood his first disciple: a boy with a bowl haircut, three missing teeth, and the confidence level of a wet sock.
His name?
Mu Yao.
Nicknamed by local bullies as "Weak Mu" or "That One Who Cried When He Fell Off a Log."
Wu Ming stared at him.
Mu Yao stared at a caterpillar on the ground.
"Stop that," Wu Ming said.
"Huh?"
"You're losing a staring contest with an insect."
"But it's fuzzy."
"It's also winning."
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Lesson 1: Standing Without Falling Over
Day one of disciple training had begun.
Wu Ming took it slow. After all, it would be unfair to start with something complicated like Qi manipulation or dragon-slaying philosophy.
So, he started with standing.
Mu Yao wobbled like a leaf in a breeze.
"Straighten your back," Wu Ming said.
"My back is straight!"
"Then why do you look like a question mark with legs?"
Mu Yao tried again. Failed again.
Tried a third time.
This time, he successfully remained upright for seven full seconds.
Wu Ming clapped once, softly.
"Very impressive. That's exactly seven seconds longer than I expected."
Mu Yao grinned. "I did it, Master!"
"You did. Now do it for the rest of your life."
Mu Yao fainted.
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Lesson 2: Cultivation Without Spiritual Roots (or Hope)
Most cultivators started with spiritual roots, elemental affinities, or mysterious jade pendants.
Mu Yao had none of those.
He didn't even have a pendant. He had a button.
A button that fell off his pants during training.
Wu Ming examined the boy's meridians with divine perception. What he saw could only be described as…
...a garbage fire inside a collapsing house.
Broken, blocked, misaligned. His Qi channels looked like someone had scribbled on a human anatomy scroll using a crayon and rage.
But Wu Ming merely smiled.
Perfect.
Where's the fun in cultivating someone who already has potential?
No, this was a challenge. And Wu Ming loved challenges.
Especially when the consequences weren't his problem.
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Scene: The First Cultivation Attempt
They sat cross-legged under a tree. The same tree Wu Ming accidentally brought back to life by sneezing on it.
"Feel the energy around you," Wu Ming said.
"I feel hungry."
"Ignore that."
"I feel itchy."
"Also ignore that."
"I feel something crawling on my leg."
"...Okay, don't ignore that. That's a snake."
Mu Yao screamed. The snake screamed. Wu Ming sighed and politely shooed it into another dimension.
After calming down, they began again.
Wu Ming demonstrated the breathing technique. Soft inhale. Steady exhale. Stillness of mind.
Mu Yao copied him.
Sort of.
His exhale sounded like a drowning goat.
But to Wu Ming's surprise, a tiny thread of Qi did enter Mu Yao's body.
It immediately slammed into his blocked meridians and knocked him unconscious.
Success.
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Interlude: Local Gossip
In the village tavern, two old men discussed the mysterious stranger.
"I heard he killed a tiger by scolding it," said the first.
"I heard he cooks rice using starlight," said the second.
"I heard he took in Little Mu as a disciple."
"...Lad, let's not spread horror stories."
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Lesson 3: Patience, or How to Not Set Your Student on Fire
"Master," Mu Yao said, rubbing his head after waking up. "Am I... cultivating?"
Wu Ming nodded. "Yes. You absorbed Qi for the first time. And then passed out like a fainting goat."
Mu Yao's face lit up with joy. "So I'm not useless?"
"Oh, you're very useless," Wu Ming said. "But you're my useless now."
He paused.
"...That sounded more encouraging in my head."
From then on, training became a routine. Every morning, Wu Ming taught him breathing, posture, basic movements, and how to survive being kicked by a donkey (an incident that required spiritual first aid and a long apology to the donkey).
Mu Yao tried. He failed. Then tried again.
He failed louder.
But he kept trying.
And that, Wu Ming noted, made all the difference.
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Flashback: Wu Ming's Reason
In a quiet moment, Wu Ming sat alone watching the clouds.
Why was he doing this?
Why take in a weak mortal when he could've just created a god from stardust and poetry?
Because this was fun.
Watching a hopeless case slowly, painfully claw his way forward?
That was entertaining.
Also, Mu Yao once offered him a boiled root with such enthusiasm it nearly made Wu Ming tear up.
"Thank you, Master! I found it near a goat's toilet!"
Truly... heartwarming.
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Lesson 4: The Chicken Incident
They had one spiritual chicken in the village.
It laid eggs infused with trace Qi and had a foul temper.
Mu Yao was told to collect an egg without getting pecked.
He returned three hours later with the egg... and a beak-shaped bite on his forehead.
"What did we learn?" Wu Ming asked.
"Chickens are demons."
"Correct."
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Small Progress, Big Impact
After two weeks, something amazing happened.
Mu Yao successfully circulated Qi for ten seconds without collapsing.
His breathing calmed. His limbs stopped shaking. A faint glow shimmered around his skin.
He looked up at Wu Ming with wonder.
"Did you see that?!"
Wu Ming nodded. "You've officially surpassed two-thirds of sect outer disciples."
Mu Yao gasped. "Really?!"
"No. But they'd cry if they saw you, so close enough."
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Mysterious Observers
High above the realm, a cloud spirit blinked.
"...My mirror just cracked."
"Again?" asked a wind elemental.
"Yeah. That weird energy signature showed up. Same place as before."
"You mean the forgotten village with the smelly cow field?"
"Yep. Something's happening down there. Someone's doing the impossible."
They paused.
"...Should we tell the heavens?"
"...Nah."
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The Sect Recruiters Return
On the 30th day, a different group from the local sect arrived. Recruiters with shiny robes, haughty eyes, and bad haircuts.
They tested the local children.
When Mu Yao's turn came, they snorted.
"This one again? Still talentless, I see."
Mu Yao lowered his head.
Wu Ming stepped beside him.
"No need to test him," he said calmly. "He's already cultivating."
The sect elder laughed. "Nonsense. He couldn't gather Qi in a typhoon."
Mu Yao raised his hand.
A faint shimmer danced around his fingers.
The elder choked on his tea.
"How...?!"
Wu Ming whispered, "Hard work. Also, spiritual chicken trauma."
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Final Note – From Wu Ming
You've made it through Chapter 2!
Either you:
1. Have excellent taste.
2. Are in too deep to stop now.
Either way, good choice.
Now, I could ask you to tap 'Collection' and drop a Power Stone…
But that'd be too direct.
So I'll let fate decide.
Just know—if you don't…
I may or may not replace you with a spiritual chicken.
Your move.
— Wu Ming, unbothered, moisturized, in his lane, training weirdos